I’ve been reminded recently that English law contains many curious, ancient and still extant statutes. The following examples are culled from the endlessly interesting The Strange Laws of Old England by Nigel Cawthorne (Piatkus, 2004).

First, there are many curious statutes surrounding Parliament and the monarchy:

• Under a law of 1324 all whales belong to the monarch as do all swans unless they are on the River Thames and marked as belonging to either the Vintners’ Company and the Dyers’ Company.
• Under the Treason Act of 1351 anyone who do violate the king’s companion, or the king’s eldest daughter unmarried, or the wife of the king’s eldest son is committing treason – as of course would be the violated party.
• Parliament is still technically allowed to burn books but under Section 39 of the Malicious Damage act of 1861 others persons are not.
• Under a law of 1313 MPs are forbidden to wear armour in Parliament. However they may play roulette in the lobbies.
• If any Jew becomes Prime Minister, under the Jews Relief Act of 1858 he (or presumably she) is not allowed to advise on the appointment of any ecclesiastical post in the Churches of England, Ireland and Scotland, with the duty devolving on the Archbishop of Canterbury. Roman Catholics are similarly barred but not Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs or Buddhists.

Many cities and towns have peculiarities enshrined either in statute law of their bye-laws. For instance:

• In Hertford a wife has the right to throw out her husband’s stash of girlie magazines, adult movies and any other material of a sexual nature.
• In Bristol it is illegal to have sex while lying underneath a car. (But inside it is OK.)
• If a man takes a woman out for a drive in Leeds on a Sunday he is prohibited from making any suggestion of an amorous nature while he is driving – but only if he’s driving a car; any other vehicle is OK.
• Couples in Edinburgh may not have sex in cars parked in car parks or on public streets. But it is OK if the car is parked on their own property as long as the act is committed on the back seat.

As one would expect London has a peculiar set of laws all its own …

• Freemen of the City of London have various privileges including the right to herd sheep over London Bridge (which they still exercise from time to time), being allowed to go about the City with a drawn sword and if convicted of a capital offence they have the right to be hanged with a silken cord.
• According to an old City ordinance it is illegal to check into a London hotel under assumed names for the purpose of having sex. It is also illegal to have sex in trains, buses, parked cars, churchyards, churches and parks. (But apparently it is OK in a moving car as long as one continues to drive with due care and attention.)
• Many house-proud Londoners unwittingly break the law every day. Under section 60 of the wide-ranging Metropolitan Police Act of 1839 it is an offence to beat or shake any carpet, rug or mat in any street in the Metropolitan Police District although it is permitted to shake out a doormat as long as you do it before eight o’clock in the morning.
• The same Act imposes a similar fine on every person who shall empty or begin to empty a privy between the hours of six in the morning and twelve at night, or remove along any thoroughfare any night soil, soap lees, ammoniacal liquor or other such offensive matter, between the hours of six in the morning and eight in the evening, or who shall at any time use for any such purpose any cart or carriage not having a proper covering, or who shall carelessly slop or spill any such offensive matter. (And quite right too!)
• The slaughtering or dressing of cattle in the streets remains illegal, except if the animal concerned has been run over by the person who is doing the slaughtering or dressing. Moreover Metropolitan Streets Act of 1867 forbids the driving of cattle down the roadway between 10 AM and 7 PM without prior approval from the Commissioner of Police.
• In view of the foregoing it is hardly surprising the Londoners are not allowed to keep a pigsty in the front of their houses.
• And now for something completely odd … It is unlawful for anyone who lives within a mile of any arsenal or store for explosives to possess a pack of playing cards.
• What few Londoners know is that it is illegal to hail a cab while it is in motion – technically you must go to a cab rank or place appointed. All taxi ranks are still required to have a water trough so the horses could take a drink.
• The cabby is should ask each of his passengers, and he should carry out an on-the-spot medical examination, to determine if they are suffering from any notifiable disease such as smallpox or the plague as conveying sufferers is illegal. And if a passenger were to pass away during the journey he would be committing another offence as it is illegal for a taxi driver to carry corpses or rabid dogs.
• The cabby is also required to carry out a thorough search of his vehicle before allowing his fare to go on their way as it is the cabby’s responsibility, not the passenger’s, to see that nothing is left behind.

More generally …

• In a judgement of 1881 Mr Justice Kessel, then Master of the Rolls, decreed that a creditor may accept anything in settlement of a debt except a lesser amount of money as this would constitute a nudum pactum or one-sided contract. (In English law a contract has to be of material benefit to both parties.)
• An Act of 1405 instructed every parish that ran its own affairs to have a set of stocks and decreed that any village without stocks be downgraded to a mere hamlet. And yes, this is still in force!
• When celebrating Guy Fawkes’s Night it remains permissible for children to go door to door collecting “a penny for the guy” only with the written permission of the local Chief Constable of Police.

And finally … It remains illegal to impersonate Chelsea Pensioner.