Category Archives: thoughts

Unblogged August

A few things from the last month which I didn’t otherwise write about …


Saturday 1
Just how did we get to August?!


Sunday 2
After 10 years this is apparently the last year that the UCL group are doing the Big Wasp Survey. So of course today I had to set my two traps for this years first round, which means I think I’ve taken part in all 10 years! It’s been a wonderful, and very interesting piece of citizen science which has already enabled several academic publications.


Monday 3
We now have five ripe yellow chillies.Five hot lemon yellow chilliesI’m not sure it’s going to be a bumper year, but a few will be good, although we have loads in the freezer.


Tuesday 4
A miracle! 16:30 this afternoon. RAIN! Only a five minute shower but it’s the first we’ve seen in literally weeks. An odd distant rumble of thunder too. Followed by bright sunshine.


Thursday 6
Phew! Monthly finances day – again. And thankfully we’re solvent again this month. As I had hoped, I even managed to put away the small legacy I got from my aunt.


Sunday 9
Wasp traps taken in today. For once this year wasps in both traps. The trap by the pond was especially good with three common wasps (Vespula vulgaris), but also what look like four either parasitic wasps or sawflies – I can’t identify which. The latter are on the right of the image.Three common wasps and four unidentified parasitic wasps or sawfliesSadly nothing more exciting.


Monday 10
It’s dusk. And our local robin is still singing its heart out in the garden.


Tuesday 11
So having finished the new pavements in the whole road last week, the guys came along this morning and ripped up the area of dropped curb in front of my neighbour’s. Why? I suspect because he didn’t like what they’d done (it was actually OK) and moaned.


Wednesday 12
Solar eclipse day. Sadly not a total eclipse here, but about 95%. And for once I managed to see an astronomical event; there was a clear blue sky and nothing to intervene. Obviously I had got the correct viewing shades. Very nice to watch, especially around maximum. I remember the 1999 eclipse (also only partial) although that day was partly cloudy, so one got some view, without shades, through the cloud. In both cases it was very obvious from the surprising dimming of the light.


Thursday 13
So Heathrow has fallen from being the busiest airport in Europe. Good! Not only do we have to significantly curtail air travel (and filthy shipping, cars, etc.) but it belies the need for the third runway.


Friday 14
New TV installed in the bedroom. Blimey what a fight as we had to change the wall mount which meant even more holes in the wall; luckily concealed by the TV.


Monday 17
Monday gets the week off to a bad start. Stressed early on before hospital appointment, followed by lots of everything conspiring to bugger things up. It’s going to be one of those weeks.


Tuesday 18
Rendered totally incapable today by depression. No obvious reason, but is all of a piece with yesterday. Nothing attempted, so nothing achieved.


Thursday 20
A trip today to a new (to me) hospital. In the 45 years we’ve lived here I’ve never been to the Central Middlesex Hospital although it is only a handful of miles away. Although rebuilt about 10 years ago it is quite a small hospital which does a lot of the local elective surgery. You walk in and the main entrance hall is vast; it feels like you could fit a cathedral in there; and the coffee shop looks big enough to serve a complete army battalion! Outside the main entrance is no different, except that it is a bus station; I lost count of how many bus routes go through there – I counted six without trying. All the staff I came across were really friendly and helpful, which is a refreshing change!Outside the main entrance of Central Middlesex Hospital


Friday 21
I’ve been really struggling all week, and it’s been a relentless round of appointments etc. It’s not been helped by two consecutive late nights and early morning starts. I know N feels the same, so weekend recuperation is badly needed.


Saturday 22
The Boy Cat has disappeared. I noticed late last evening that he had a huge abscess on the left side of his face, but before we could scoop him up this morning he’d obviously shed drops of blood through the house and gone out in the middle of the night. Writing this evening, he hasn’t been seen since. Oh bugger! Sadly not a lot we can do, except hope he’s OK and will wander back.


Sunday 23
So Boy Cat came in late last evening looking a real mess. He had some attention, a long drink and some food; and buggered off again. He reappeared at lunchtime today looking somewhat less sorry for himself; had a few bits of the ham we were eating, and disappeared again. But he returned at teatime to demolish a bowl of food; and when we were eating he had a lick round the end of the cream tub. If we can, he’d better be kept in tonight until he can go to the V-E-T tomorrow.


Monday 24
So instead of coming with me to the optician, N took Boy Cat to the V-E-T. Boy is OK but has lost quite a bit of weight since Easter, so blood tests done as well as having his face sorted out and sent home with antibiotics and painkillers. And I need new glasses: expensive lenses and expensive frames. The combined cost made a huge dent in the credit card! Ouch!


Friday 28
Today a culinary adventure, which I really should write up. For evening meal I did Chicken Kiev, something I’ve never done before, with a side of pasta with onion, yellow pepper and a little tomato paste. It worked surprisingly well, although the chicken wasn’t exactly beautifully presented – well you try cutting a pocket in a chicken breast without putting the knife through the edges! I followed this with a nectarine and raspberry rustic tart (below), which went down well with cream; and will provide some breakfasts over the coming days.Nectarine and raspberry rustic tart


Sunday 30
Well yesterday it rained steadily, on and off, all day, just as promised. Today we were promised more rain – but where was it? It threatened all day but did nothing. Annoying especially as we hassled around to set the wasp traps for round two of sampling. But while doing the wasp traps I spotted this rather splendid hoverfly.a href=”https://zenmischief.com/wp-content/uploads/hoverfly2.jpg” target=”_blank”>Yellow and black striped hoverfly on a green leafI think it’s probably a Batman Hoverfly (Myathropa florea) so called from the mask on the back of the thorax.


Monday 31
August Bank Holiday. Yet again a promise of rain which didn’t materialise. Yesterday’s hoverfly confirmed by iNaturalist as a Batman Hoverfly (Myathropa florea); not uncommon and I’ve doubtless seen many before and not realised it.


Unblogged July

A little later than usual … A few things which happened, accosted me, or are noteworthy and which I didn’t otherwise write about this month. And it has been quite a month!


Wednesday 1
Blimey, what a day! At the doctors for blood test and to see our (new) young GP. She decides she doesn’t like the look of my swollen leg, which hasn’t responded to the antibiotics and insists I go to the Infectious Diseases unit at the hospital. That afternoon! Thus totally screwing up the whole day. Hospital nurses and young female consultant very helpful. Doctor prescribes short course of stronger antibiotics, and I’m given them on the spot. We’ll see.


Thursday 2
Why is it that hospital departments cannot talk to each other? So today I get a text telling me to come and pick up my prescription from the hospital pharmacy. I ring them, and they are totally unaware that I was given the antibiotics yesterday, and don’t understand (neither do I) why they’ve been asked to dispense them. In fact the consultant yesterday prescribed a 5 day course of antibiotics, and they then gave me a pack sufficient for 14 days! Meanwhile I spent the whole day catching up on what I needed to do yesterday.


Friday 3
What day is it? As usual my brain thinks it’s Saturday, or Sunday. Help!!!


Sunday 5
What a weekend! I spent all Saturday afternoon and half of Sunday afternoon beating up my brain over sorting all our bank accounts and last year’s interest ready to complete our tax returns. It was partly my fault as my records for the last tax year were nowhere near as good as I thought they were (or as my records usually are). But do I have tax statements from all the banks? Of course not, so you have to dig back through the statements. It’s made even worse because with accounts which mature and which you “renew” some banks keep the existing account number, but others give you a new number. Very confusing. We’ll see how well I have it sorted when I get to complete the tax returns.


Tuesday 7
Phew! Another hot day and a trip to the osteopath. I was, for once, so grateful that the car had good aircon.


Wednesday 8
The gardener cometh, and he spent most of the afternoon working out how to get the drawers out of my filing cabinet/desk drawers (no, it wasn’t a simple pull out and lift!) to remove all the crap that had gone down the back.


Thursday 9
After a semi-successful audiology appointment at lunchtime I spend a “happy” afternoon sorting out the contents of my desk drawers and putting things back. I probably got about two-thirds of the way through; the rest will have to wait until tomorrow. And that’s without even thinking about weeding the paper files. Why is such an apparently easy, sitting down, job is so exhausting?


Sunday 12
Totally lost today. Got up very late and the day ran away from there. Had to make myself do some literary society work this afternoon, but found it very hard to concentrate. No brain power; no body power; everything taking extra effort.


Monday 13
Useful, if unofficial, chat with one of the nurses at the doctors’ when I was there for an ECG. A quiet suggestion that I take the rest of the antibiotics I was given by the hospital for my ankle.


Tuesday 14
I had to smile at lunchtime, on the way to the hospital with N for her appointment … there were quite a few teenage nubiles coming out of Cardinal Wiseman School, wearing crop tops and the skimpiest and tightest shorts possible. And why not; it was a hot sunny day. It gladdened the heart! 😉


Wednesday 15
The day started well, with an outing with friends for brunch. From there it went rapidly downhill with GP panicking because she doesn’t like the ECG I had on Monday and demanding that I go to A&E at once to get assessed. We set off about 18:30 and got back home at 02:00. Of course 90% of that time was spent sitting about waiting between more ECGs, blood tests, x-rays and a very thorough examination. Finally sent home with a referral for follow-up, which will decide if I need more investigations. Fortunately N had heroically volunteered to accompany me, which did make things rather more bearable for both of us; it also saved me from the dreaded football.


Thursday 16
Luckily halfway through last evening I managed to text my osteopath and cancel my appointment for this morning. Well at that point I could quite see them keeping me in hospital. Despite getting that time back I’ve spent the whole day chasing my tail trying to catch up – and I still haven’t; I’ve just about got back to where I should have been last evening. And now I’m fairly tired having had only 4-5 hours sleep last night.


Saturday 18
This evening N caught a Jersey Tiger moth in the kitchen. We released it, unharmed, without stopping to take a photo as it wasn’t going to sit still and food was ready. Tom had reported seeing one in the garden yesterday. They are brilliant moths, see my blog entry from 2020; also this from 2016. They’re such striking, gorgeous moths!


Monday 20
Trip to the osteopath this morning, and I had one of the cab drivers I’ve not seen for some weeks. He turned up in a Tesla, which turned out to be a hire car as some female had driven up the back of his usual car (an electric Kia), and the garage has had it for a month. He’s well fed up about it; but hopefully someone else’s insurance is paying for it. The Tesla was a nice smooth ride, but I’m not sure I like the design.


Tuesday 21
Another hospital trip following on from last Wednesday. Another ECG, more blood tests, and more sitting about for very little. End result a referral for an echo cardiogram and consultant referral – fortunately not urgent as wait is likely to be 8 weeks plus. Another complete day lost. Left home at 10:00; back at home about 15:30. I just had to console myself with an ice cream. 😄


Thursday 23
Well I don’t recall seeing that before, although I shouldn’t be surprised. Coming back today from yet another hospital visit (this time for my back), the van in front of us displayed signage “ABNORMAL LOAD ESCORT”. It diverted off towards our local HS2 construction site, where they’re starting and stopping some of the massive tunnelling machines. One wonders what they’re about to move.


Saturday 25
At last, after a hiatus, I completed the next board of Postcrossing cards: that’s numbers 601-650. Somehow I must find some time to get round to sending some more cards.cork board covered in postcards


Sunday 26
Sunday is a day of rest, is it? Not here. I spent the morning preparing for tomorrow’s literary society meeting in central London, and most of the afternoon completing our tax returns. HMRC are real buggers: they reckon we earn too much and are taking our Winter Fuel payments away, on top of which they not only want the outstanding tax for last year paid, but they want a huge chunk of next year’s tax paid in advance – a significant four-figure sum. As N always says “You can be taxed, fleeced, or robbed – and probably all three”. But both our tax returns completed in a couple of hours as I already had all the data ready and it was not a lot more than updating last year’s returns and carefully checking it. Result!


Monday 27
It was nice to get out today, even if it was into central London. A good, very useful meeting at the V&A (in the café) with literary society people. It over a year since I’ve been in central London (and several years before that); apart from an ever increasing number of huge tower blocks on the periphery, not a lot changes. But disappointingly, despite schools and universities being out for summer, and a hot sunny day, there was a remarkable lack of scantily clad nubile in evidence.


Tuesday 28
Yesterday, going into central London by car, I took my proper camera; I need to get back to taking photographs and get my eye back in. I find seeing and taking grab shots from the passenger seat is quite a good way of doing this. Overall yesterday’s car rides weren’t very exciting for this, but I still managed to take about 60 shots, which today I edited down to 14 possibly worth keeping. Enjoy these two, both taken through the car windscreen (hence some of the misty reflections).tower blocks in west London from the A40young man on a modern delivery bike


Friday 31
The first ripe yellow chilli of the year!


Unblogged June

Some things, and thoughts, from June which I didn’t otherwise write about.


Monday 1
Looking at the trail camera shots for the last week I noticed that one of our (at least three) foxes has a striped tail. It was very noticeable side on at a distance, but less so when I saw the fox walking away from the camera. Sadly no useful image as it was low light and a low-res camera.


Tuesday 2
This afternoon we had not one, but two big thunderstorms. The first (about 14:30) was the larger and longer with some really torrential rain. It then drizzled on and off all afternoon until the second storm arrived about 17:00. Then it cleared to leave a nice sunny evening.


Thursday 4
A couple of evenings ago, there was a wonderful fire-breathing dragon in the western sky.dragon shaped cloudNot a brilliant photo as it was a grab shot, through the window with my phone – and a few minutes earlier the cloud had been less linear and more dragon-like.


Sunday 7
What a dismal day. Grey, windy and should have been raining. Inside I felt completely drained, stressed and depressed. Everything enlivened slightly by an evening meal of steak and chips with a bottle of Champagne.


Monday 8
Phew! We’re solvent again this month.


Friday 12
Spent the last few days fighting off an attack of vertigo. Not the worst attack I’ve had, but enough to stop me doing much.


Monday 15
Still trying to get rid of the last vestiges of the vertigo; it’s left me really drained. Meanwhile Boy Cat had the right idea this morning lying in a sunbeam.white and tabby cat upside down, feet in the air


Thursday 18
So yesterday I felt fine; vertigo gone away. Awoke this morning with it back with a vengeance; much worse than last week and ended up horizontal for the majority of the day. So now have a call out with the doctors.


Friday 19
Head feeling a bit better. Weather feeling uncomfortably hot and sticky.


Sunday 21
I’m surprised we haven’t got local Ice Cream Van Wars. We have at least three which seem to tour the locality, each with a more irritating jingle than the last. But they never seem to coincide; maybe they have a rota worked out. (Unless, of course, it is one van with three different jingles.)


Monday 22
So Starmer has chickened out of being PM. Idiot. See my blog post for more thoughts.


Tuesday 23
Blimey, I was woken just after 3 this morning by an epic thunderstorm. Lots of very bright lightening, and massive rolls of thunder, although none right overhead. This went on for at least an hour as I dropped off to sleep again about 4. Heaven knows how much rain we had with it. And then today has been relentlessly hot and humid; so uncomfortable.


Wednesday 24
Record breaking temperatures: the UK’s hottest ever June day. Unbearable.


Thursday 25
It hasn’t felt quite so unbearably hot today, possibly because there’s been a nice breeze all day. It’s just as humid and sticky though. And again record breaking temperatures.


Friday 26
The supermarket have cancelled our weekly delivery today. They say they’ve had “system problems”, whatever that means. I’ve put the order in again for Sunday morning, but had to do an expensive “top up” delivery from the local store – which took them forever to organise. And it all wasted the whole morning. Still at least the supermarket have had the grace to give us £10 off our next order; 20% would have been better compensation.


Saturday 27
The buddleia is in full bloom for several days – so early! – and not a butterfly in sight.


Sunday 28
Phew! Well at least today has been significantly cooler – it’s still warm, but just comfortably summer hot, rather than desert hot. And there’s been a good “seaside” breeze for most of the day. Actually not a bad day to play cricket, although some bowlers wouldn’t have relished the breeze.

In other news, customer services at the supermarket got a fairly snotty email today (not that it will do any good). Our rebooked delivery was scheduled for 11:00-12:00 and finally arrived something after 13:00 with a driver who couldn’t have been less interested and engaged with his job. They’ve not had an impressive weekend.


Monday 29
Out yonder we have a small mulberry bush in a tub and today, for the first time after several years, we had a handful of small black mulberries. There really weren’t enough to do anything with, so I put them in a mixed fruit salad with some raspberries and blueberries (plus a little sugar and a tot of peach schnapps). They worked well and added a little something to the other fruit, although I’d be had pressed to describe the actual taste of the mulberries. Mind you, they don’t half stain; it’s taken several good washes to even start getting the purple dye off the fingers.


Tuesday 30
Yesterday I found myself wearing a pair of shorts almost all day. Yeah, so what? Well it was the first time for a week that I have worn any clothes at all because it has been so hot – except for a couple of hours on Saturday and Sunday when I knew I was likely to have to go to the door. At most times I had a pair of shorts to hand in case the doorbell rang. It’s summer, it’s hot, and I’m always warm (I have a good covering of blubber!), and our house is naturally warm. So why wear clothes? Why not be like this all the time? Oh wait, I do; even in the depths of winter I seldom wear more than a pair of legs and a t-shirt around the house and at this time of year it is at most a pair of shorts. As regular readers will know I can’t be doing with all this fuss about nudity and the like. We all know what’s under each other’s t-shirt and jeans, so really where is the problem. There is no legal prohibition on nudity, either in private or in public, unless one is deliberately causing someone else harassment, alarm or distress, or performing a sexual act – all of which is enshrined in Police and CPS guidance. So be comfortable. Go attired or not as you wish.


Thoughts on the Political System

I don’t generally comment on politics and current affairs, but I’m going to offer the following two (probably unpopular) thoughts.


Thought 1

The author of The Empty City Blog contends that:

Getting rid of six Prime Ministers in ten years is a sign of a working political system. It is that we keep appointing poor Prime Ministers that is the problem: an input issue not an output issue.

Wrong!

It is the product of relatively unthinking, sheep-like MPs not understanding enough of the system**, naïvely believing the grass is always greener on the other side, and being preyed on by self-serving commentators and billionaire media owners with their own divisive agendas (after all it sells copy and makes them money). The media have forgotten what their role is: to report what’s happening, not to wage personal vendettas.

[** Unless they’ve worked very closely inside Number 10 no-one has any idea of the complexity at that level. And no new Prime Minister has a flying clue what’s hit them.]

We’ve lost the understanding of peoples’ role and place in the system (and that doesn’t have to mean rigid, traditional roles); the ability to see beyond the brick wall; and the confidence to allow people to get on and do the job they’ve been entrusted with. Meanwhile the media have run off with the sausages.

But this isn’t new. Just in my lifetime we did it to, inter alia, Alec Douglas-Home, Ted Heath and Jim Callaghan.

And it is stupid that we have eight (soon to be nine) living former Prime Ministers. Two or three maybe, but nine shows just how dysfunctional the system is.

FFS grow some spine and learn to tell the media to f*** off.


Thought 2

If Andy Burnham becomes Prime Minister it will be a disaster and he’ll not last two years.

He’s out of touch with Parliament, and will effectively have to relearn the ropes. Most new MPs seem to have a tough time adjusting to the role and finding their place in the system. He should not, and should not expect to, walk straight in and carry on as if he’d never left.

This means that should he become Prime Minister in short order, he will have even less clue than most as to what has hit him when he walks into Number 10.

But worse …

He seems to be divisive (which is what’s got him here). He’ll overtly favour the North with no thought about the South – regardless of the fact that the South is well over 50% of the population and GDP. And it’ll be all about his ideas – aka. the only right ideas – with little or no regard for advice or experts.

So it’ll be another government along the same lines as Boris Johnson – somewhere between farce and fiasco.

Plus watch the vanity projects for the North.

All of which could just result in a backlash in favour of Farage and Reform, which will be an even bigger disaster.

A good Mayor, doesn’t ipso facto make a good Prime Minister!

On the Sexing of Toilets

Unisex toilets? I’m not sure that shouldn’t be uni-gender toilets!

The powers in this country are getting their collective knickers well tangled over the Equality & Human rights Commission (EHRC) guidance on the use of single sex toilets, changing areas, hospital wards etc. which is now before Parliament. This follows on from the April 2025 ruling by the UK Supreme Court that sex in the Equality Act means only biological sex (as defined at birth). This means ipso facto that single-sex toilets etc. end up excluding transgender people. (That in itself seems daft in the extreme, but that’s the law as presently laid down.)

I’m not going to spell out the details, partly because it looks a mess largely created by conflicting self-interest groups. If you want more background then there are countless media reports including from The Guardian and BBC News.

FFS guys, get a life! And grasp the nettle! There’s a very simple solution which I’ve been advocating for years, and which we know works. (See for example the last paragraph of my post from February 2013 and this longer post from May 2018.) What is this solution? …

Make every facility unisex. Yes, toilets, changing rooms, student accommodation etc. At the end of the day, as I’ve said before, where’s the problem: we all know what’s under each other’s t-shirt and jeans. But no, it doesn’t have to be quite that open – and yes, I do understand why some people feel the need for privacy.

My local swimming pool has had one single sex changing room for over 15 years to my knowledge. It is a single space used by men, women and children. For privacy there are lockable cubicles (of varying sizes to accommodate single people, parents with kids etc.) to change in, and lockers (in the open area) for your belongings. That way no-one should be blocking a cubicle for more than a few minutes while changing. So anyone can arrive dressed, choose any free cubicle, get changed and put their stuff in a locker; on return pick any free cubicle etc. etc. There are more lockers than cubicles, and cubicles can’t be locked from the outside, so you can’t block the cubicles.

It works. No-one in my experience even considers walking around the open area clad in anything less than a towel or swimsuit. There’s a choice of showers, either “open” or in cubicles – but all cubicles would be easy. And toilets can be easily arranged with just cubicles. Everything can have floor to ceiling partitioning if felt necessary.

Oh, and by the way, most accessible toilets are already unisex. So you can do it!

The one place it might be difficult is hospital wards; but then there’s a question of medical privacy to consider as well. A mix of alcoves with two to four beds and single rooms would seem doable – and if properly designed probably no less space efficient.

So, guys (of all sexes and genders), stop having conniptions and get a life. The solution is easy and it could/should have been universal decades ago.

HS2

I’m deeply sick of the vanity project called HS2. And today Simon Jenkins has a piece in The Guardian also decrying the project.

I’ve been saying this, or something like it, since the outset. This money could have been (and still could be) much better spent on upgrading the existing rail infrastructure across the whole country and likely at half the cost. Instead we have a Tory party (from recollection it was George Osborne) vanity project, which has conned every successive government, and for which IMO there was never a business case. It’s not too late to pull the plug and avoid an even greater waste of money and environmental destruction for something we don’t need.

Moreover we must be the laughing stock of the world when it takes us 30+ years to build a railway line.

I despair of this country!

On Oil and Ethics

“Europe will suffer jet fuel shortages in just three weeks if the Strait of Hormuz does not reopen”, Airports Council International (ACI) Europe has said, “particularly with the approach of the summer tourism season”.

Oh good!

We have to find a way to stop people, and freight, flying. We’ll never get close to Net Zero if we don’t.

Forget all the hype around Aviation Biofuel; opinion suggests that there will be too limited a supply and it will be too expensive (see here, for example).

Flying people and stuff around the world to the unnecessary extent we do is just not sustainable.

Moreover, although it is slowly being cleaned up, shipping is no better, given the bunker fuel most big ships still run on.

No, I’m not saying we have to stop flying (or shipping) entirely, but we need to be much more circumspect and use it only where really necessary. We need to go back to making and growing as much as we can as locally as we can – accepting that there are some (pseudo-)essentials of modern life that we can’t.

As I’ve asked before … Do you really need to fly to Australia, or USA, just for a 2 hour meeting with a client (which could just as easily be done over a video call), because the client says so? That’s a question of skewed business and management ethics.

Why do we ship, for example, wine, apples and lamb from the Antipodes – or airfreight runner beans from Kenya – to UK when we have lots of these commodities on our doorstep in Europe, if not at home. In reverse why do we fly long-haul for a few days break? These are questions of skewed marketing and consumer ethics.

We need to update our ethics – both personal and societal. Maybe an oil crisis will help the paradigm shift.

On Spiteful Sniping

I’m heartily sick of the media. The entire media. All they appear to do is to snipe spitefully (often without much apparent evidence) at those in power, with the aim only of getting them out of office. There is little or no regard for actual policies or what our leaders are genuinely and reasonably trying to do. Instead it is all about personal smears, and stirring up hatred, to undermine positions.

If the UK media manage to get Kier Starmer – or any member of the government – out of office it will be as a result of a spiteful, vitriolic smear campaign, and not because of the government’s policies and attempts at reform.

By all means criticise the government’s (or indeed anyone’s – it isn’t just government, but anyone with any power/influence) policies and attempts at reform. That’s how democracy should work. Then allow the electorate decide.

Yes, of course people make mistakes and errors of judgement. Find me someone who hasn’t. That is not something which warrants vitriolic, hateful, smear campaigns – nothing justifies such. We must allow people to acknowledge their errors, learn from them, and move on. Doing so will allow people to develop with compassion, and without trauma; we’ll stop wasting time and emotional energy; and we’ll make a lot more progress in a more peaceful, relaxed and thoughtful world.

So stop the spite and the vitriol.

Just shut the fuck up and let people get on with their jobs.

Friendship, Sex & (Maybe) Polyamory

I’ve seen a number of comments and posts recently linking friendship (and yes, I mean friendship and nothing more) with sex and even polyamory. For example:

We’ve been trained to believe that desire and care cannot coexist […] But that belief isn’t natural; it’s cultural. We inherited it from centuries of monogamy presented as moral law, not personal choice. It was built to protect order, not intimacy.

I’ve never been fully convinced by the myth of exclusivity. Not because I reject love, but because I believe it can take many shapes. Polyamory, to me, isn’t about sleeping with everyone – it’s about radical honesty. It’s saying, “I feel something for you, and it doesn’t have to threaten anything else in my life”. It’s acknowledging that attraction can exist without ownership …

[Kamila Murko; on Substack]

This young lady is curious in more ways than one, and I can’t work out whether she’s real or AI. But whichever, she comes up with some interesting takes on life and relationships.

Then I came across this comment:

Polyamory might actually be friendship operating within a patriarchal framework that continues to essentialize sex and romantic relationships.

[Nicolle Double L; on Substack]

I think that maybe does the sincerity and depth of polyamory an injustice. However it drew this interesting response …

As someone who uses sex to deepen my friendships, there’s some truth to this. I wish it were different, but in my experience sex is the best way to ensure a deep lifelong friendship with a man (even decades after the sex stops).

[Vortex Goddess; also on Substack]

Now all this started ringing bells with me. Why?

When I was a first year undergraduate (1969-70) my friend Geoff Allcock (yes, really) averred as his belief that there is no reason why one shouldn’t have sex purely as a token of friendship and outside a relationship (ie. attraction without ownership). This was not mere male student bravado, because Geoff was the kind of guy who even at 19 or so would have thought deeply about things and formed his own genuine beliefs.

This made an impression on me at the time (hence I’ve remembered it) and I’ve come to agree with Geoff.

I’ve tried to capture the overlap, as I see it, of various levels of sexual relationship in the following diagram.

Venn diagram
It is important to realise that this is not a hierarchy
and neither are any of the groupings mutually exclusive.

Why should Geoff not be right? I have no experience of polyamory (and anyway every set of relationships will work in their own unique way) but could it be that polyamory sits sexually somewhere “beyond” the apparently more common fuck buddy relationship – which is also distinct from sexual friendship – something deeply and sincerely rooted in the same way monogamy is.

As you might expect from my generally open and liberal views I have no problem with this – although I concede that I might find the actuality difficult, which is doubtless says more about me and social conditioning.

It seems to me that in a world where everyone is really treated equally, regardless of sex (ie. we’ve managed to evict the patriarchy and male chauvinism) we would see an increase in genuine M-F friendships and then we could see a rise in sex (hetero and same sex) as a token of nothing more than friendship. And why shouldn’t we? Indeed it could even be a driving force for the change – a circular feedback loop.

Bring on that change, I say!

Nudity & Society IV: Useful Links

This is the last of four posts addressing nudity and society. The first three in the series will stand alone. These three articles are not fully referenced, hence this fourth and last article contains a selection of useful links supporting aspects of the first three articles. In addition a Google search on “nudity society body acceptance” (or similar) will find many additional articles (academic and otherwise) relevant to the whole series.


Read Article I. Read Article II. Read Article III.


The links below are presented without commentary, in order for readers to make their own judgement of the arguments presented (as is indeed true for the previous three articles). Some of the linked items present academic research; while many are opinion pieces which appear to be grounded in verifiable fact. However, as with all such opinion pieces, caveat emptor applies.


British Naturism, https://www.bn.org.uk

International Naturist Federation (INF), https://inf-fni.org

British Naturism Written Evidence to Parliament, 2020, https://committees.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/16087/pdf/

Why is Nudity Such a Big Deal?, https://kamilamurko.substack.com/p/why-is-nudity-such-a-big-deal

Why has nudity been a strong taboo in most societies for so long?, https://naturistplace.substack.com/p/why-has-nudity-been-a-strong-taboo

Benefits of social nudity: stress reduction, general health, https://naturistphilosopher.wordpress.com/2015/03/12/benefits-of-social-nudity-stress-reduction-general-health/

Beyond Hypocrisy and Fear, https://kamilamurko.substack.com/p/beyond-hypocrisy-and-fear

We Left Shame Behind… and We’re Not Going Back!, https://ournaturistlife.substack.com/p/we-left-shame-behind-and-were-not

The naked truth – research finds nudism makes us happier, https://www.gold.ac.uk/news/naked-and-unashamed/

I Feel Better Naked: Communal Naked Activity Increases Body Appreciation by Reducing Social Physique Anxiety, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32500740/

On Nudity and Naturism, https://zenmischief.com/on-nudity-and-naturism/

Naked and Unashamed: Investigations and Applications of the Effects of Naturist Activities on Body Image, Self-Esteem, and Life Satisfaction, https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-017-9846-1

The Naked Truth About the Sauna, https://kamilamurko.substack.com/p/the-naked-truth-about-the-sauna

Hate Your Body? Public Nakedness Might Change That, https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/all-about-sex/202211/hate-your-body-public-nakedness-might-change

How to Normalize Naturism in Modern Society, https://justnaturism.com/how-to-normalize-naturism-in-modern-society/

The Naked Truth: How Desexualizing Nudity Builds a More Civilized Society, https://medium.com/@LazySith/the-naked-truth-how-desexualizing-nudity-builds-a-more-civilized-society-31ac0c574b64

Naturism, Sex, and All the Messy Bits We’re Not Supposed to Say Out Loud, ttps://ournaturistlife.substack.com/p/naturism-sex-and-all-the-messy-bits

When “Nudity Equals Sex” Stops Working: What Sparks Desire Instead, https://ournaturistlife.substack.com/p/when-nudity-equals-sex-stops-working

How a Lack of Healthy Nudity Exacerbates Body Dysmorphia and the Hypersexulisation of Society, https://www.beaconssaministry.org/musings-of-a-queer-saint/lack-of-healthy-nudity-effects

Desire Isn’t a Committee Decision, https://kamilamurko.substack.com/p/desire-isnt-a-committee-decision

The Difference Between Skin and Performance, https://kamilamurko.substack.com/p/the-difference-between-skin-and-performance

Beyond Hypocrisy and Fear, https://kamilamurko.substack.com/p/beyond-hypocrisy-and-fear

A History of the Nude in 10 Works, https://www.sothebys.com/en/articles/a-history-of-the-nude-in-10-works

BN Children Deserve Better Report 2016, https://www.bn.org.uk/files/file/740-bn-children-deserve-better-report-2016/

Does nudity harm children?, https://www.planetnude.co/p/does-nudity-harm-children

Think of the children!: Relationships between nudity-related experiences in childhood, body image, self-esteem and adjustment, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/chso.12743

Naturism and religion, https://naturistplace.substack.com/p/naturism-and-religion

Naturism needs YOU to fight groundless nudity taboos, https://naturistplace.substack.com/p/naturism-needs-you-to-fight-groundless

Nudity and Naturism Quotes, https://zenmischief.com/nudity-and-naturism-quotes/