beliefs, personal, sexuality, thoughts

Erotic Operandus

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For various reasons, I’ve recently been thinking a lot about my belief in how we should approach our erotic lives and our erotic selves. The following is how I think our erotic credo/philosophy should work.

  1. Ownership. No-one – yes, no-one: parent, friend, guru, god – has the right to tell you what your sexuality should be. It is yours and yours alone to share with others or not as you choose (although, of course, the law decrees there are things which must remain at best forever in the realms of fantasy).
  2. Fear. Don’t be afraid of your sexuality, what other people might think of it, or anything to do with sex. Your sexuality is yours and for you; no-one else. This is all part of liking yourself. If you can’t accept your own sexuality how can you meaningfully engage with someone else’s?
  3. Answers. There are no universal right or wrong answers. Your erotic is someone else’s pornographic and yet another person’s tedium. There is only what is better or worse for you.
  4. Communication. Be prepared to talk about your sexuality, anywhere and to anyone – make it a normal part of your life. That doesn’t mean you should flaunt or proselytise your sexuality; just be open and honest about it when appropriate.
  5. Appreciation. Learn to accept a compliment and appreciate the simplest erotic gesture.
  6. Nudity. Nudity is a normal part of life; there’s nothing dirty or unnatural about any part of our bodies and bodily functions. Indeed nudity is good for you; even Benjamin Franklin took regular “air baths”. Or to quote my wife’s god-father, “If you see anything God didn’t make, heave a brick at it”.
  7. Fantasies. We all have fantasies, we all have wet dreams, we all masturbate. Brilliant!
  8. Masturbation. Masturbation is normal, enjoyable and good for you! Almost everyone does it throughout their life. Where’s the problem?
  9. Orgasm. Each of us is responsible for our own orgasms.
  10. Sticky Bits. Don’t be afraid of genitals and bodily fluids. They are the stuff of life. Without them we’d none of us be here. Embrace them; make them yours.
  11. Sexual Excitement. By all means take another person’s sexual excitement as a compliment. There’s nothing wrong or threatening about an erection in and of itself, just as there’s nothing wrong or threatening about an aroused yoni (it just ain’t so obvious). The erection/arousal makes no demands and requires no attention, although the person attached to it may want some attention. Your erection/arousal is your own responsibility and no one else’s.
  12. Responsibility. Only you know what’s right for you and you must take responsibility for getting it. Ask for what you want of yourself or of your partner. Not to do so is denying part of your sexuality. Don’t be afraid; most partners love to be asked!
  13. Cherish. Your sexuality is what you make of it. Cherish it. Make it good and make it yours. Enjoy!
amusements, quotes, sexuality, thoughts

Quotes of the Week

This week’s selection of the amusing and inspiring:

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. It goes on.
[Robert Frost]

Take it as a compliment, absolutely! And there’s certainly nothing threatening about an erection in and of itself. It makes no demands, requires no attention – it’s the man attached to the erection who might do that, and any man worth his sodium chloride knows that his erection is his own responsibility and no one else’s.
[Emily Nagoski at ]

Generic anger, envy and despair, coated in a thick, luxurious layer of can’t be arsed.
[Emma Beddington at http://www.belgianwaffling.com/]

Good advice is something that old men give young men when they can no longer set them a bad example.
[Unknown]

books, food+drink, history, topographical

1599 Huguenots

More from Richard Tames’s, Shakespeare’s London on 5 Groats a Day which depicts the eccentricities London life in about 1599 in the words of the people of the time.

LONDON LIVING

Huguenot habits are catching on with other Londoners. Because weavers have to spend all day at their looms they brighten their workrooms by growing fragrant flowers in wooden boxes which they hang at the windows and keep caged canaries by them for the sweetness of their singing.

Thrifty Huguenot housewives have shown their neighbours that the tail of an ox should not be thrown away as useless but can be braised to make a hearty stew and the bones and leftovers rendered into a delicious soup.

They also gather scraps of meat to make a spicy, scarlet sausage called a saveloy. This can be eaten hot or cold and has become a great favourite with those whose work compels them to eat on the streets or on the move, such as porters and carriers. It is said that the main ingredient that gives the saveloy its distinctive flavour and texture is brains, but this may be only a rumour.

Love the bit on saveloy; clearly the MacDonald’s of its day.

books, food+drink, history, topographical

Capital Cautions

Indigenous food was ever a trap for the unwary. I came across this during this evening’s reading …

A ‘sallet’ is any vegetable dish, raw or cooked – including a salad, which might come with primroses, daisies or dandelions.

‘Good King Henry’ is not a loyal toast but a sort of spinach with a peppery punch to it.

‘Humbles’ (say ‘umbles’) are entrails, usually of a deer, baked with herbs, spices and suet to make a ‘humble pie’. The contents will include not only the heart, liver and kidneys but also the lungs, guts and spleen.

Brawn is a sort of stiff, meat paste made from the head and fore-parts of a pig. It is considered a great treat, usually reserved for Christmas.

‘Gravey’ is a thick sauce of ground almonds, broth, sugar and ginger and is used to dress rabbit, chicken, eels or oysters.

‘Blancmange’ is remarkable for the absence of any strong spices in its preparation. The ingredients are boiled rice, capon flesh finely shredded with a pin, almond milk and sugar. The surface is usually decorated with blanched almonds. On fish days it may be made into a main dish by the addition of dried haddock, perch or lobster.

Beware of English mustard. It is incredibly hot and, if you are not used to it, should be tried with caution. Londoners use it especially to override the flavour of dried, salted fish.

From: Richard Tames, Shakespeare’s London on 5 Groats a Day

photography, pleasures, topographical

Round Kent by Train

Bales
Bales by Brenzett

We spent yesterday on a train excursion round what seemed like the whole of Kent. Only it wasn’t the whole of Kent because there are large parts where there are no trains. This was really a train enthusiasts trip as it was one of the few occasions when a passenger-carrying train is allowed down the branch from Appledore to the nuclear power stations at Dungeness (well as close as the compound gates anyway, which are about a mile from the power stations). But we went along (a) because we like seeing Dungeness and the Romney Marsh and (b) to glimpse a few bits of Kent we don’t know. And it really was only glimpse places as even without much by way of stops it was a very long day, trains always go through the arse-end of everywhere and much of the line-side is overgrown with (mostly sycamore) trees. But we got to see the sea along the North Kent coast, the White Cliffs of Dover and Dungeness.

As I say it was a long day, leaving London Bridge station just before 0900hrs and arriving back at Marylebone about 2015hrs. Leaving London Bridge we went (via a coupl of pick ups) through Rochester to Sheerness on the Isle of Sheppey where we had our only real leg-stretch of the day. Sheerness looks a desolate place to live especially with it’s neighbour the Isle of Grain being little more than a glorified oil terminal.

From sheerness it was back to Sittingbourne and all the way along the north Kent coast through Faversham, Whitstable, Herne Bay to Margate. Then round to Ramsgate, Deal, Dover (for a very short break), Folkestone and inland to Ashford. We sat outside Ashford International while the train operators argued with Network Rail about whether we were allowed to take the loco down to Dungeness – despite this having been agreed in advance (as is required; you can’t just charter a train and crew!) and having been done before. Eventually sense prevailed and we were allowed from Ashford through Appledore down the single track to Dungeness; this last leg taking forever due to the 5mph speed restriction, in part due to innumerable unguarded and ungated level crossings across almost unmake-up trackways.

Having stopped at Dungeness for a few minutes and reversed (yet again) we returned to Ashford and thence via Headcorn, Sevenoaks, Tonbridge and Orpington, round South London to Marylebone.

It was certainly interesting as well as warm and very humid, so somewhat tiring — but a good day out despite the lack of photo opportunities. I’m glad we splashed out on the comfort of first class (a good well-upholstered, heritage coach) rather than scrumming in cattle class. There are more photos on my Flickr.

history, quotes, thoughts

Quotes of the Week

The usual selection of quote that have inspired or amused me this week.

Thirty spokes unite at the hub
but the ultimate use of the wheel depends on the part where nothing exists.
Clay is molded into a vessel
but the ultimate use of the vessel depends upon the part where nothing exists.
Doors and windows are cut out of the walls of a house
but the ultimate use of the house depends upon the parts where nothing exists.
So, there is advantage in using what can be seen, what exists.
And there is also advantage in using what cannot be seen, what is non-existent.
[Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 11]

There are intelligent people and thick people. There are energetic people and lazy people. By far the most dangerous is the energetic but thick person.
[Reported as overheard by Noreen]

The Roman Catholic Church is sometimes referred to as “the ghost of the deceased Roman Empire”.
[Razib Khan in “Gene Expression Weblog” at http://blogs.discovermagazine.com]

beliefs, science, thoughts

In which I become Immortal

Time, according to common belief, is unending and infinite.  The Universe, but not time, began with the Big Bang.  For if time had started only with the Big Bang there was no time before the Big Bang in which to create the components thereof.  So time apparently stretches back into the infinite past.  And time will go on for ever; it stretches off into the infinite future.  Or does it? 

Some current scientific theories are suggesting that at some point in the future time ceases to exist, or perhaps becomes frozen (which seems to amount to much the same thing).  Other theories suggest that time has no independent existence anyway; it is but an artificial construct of our existence; it exists only because we are measuring it.  (There’s a mind-bending article on the science of all this in the September 2010 issue of Scientific American, but you’ll need to subscribe or buy the magazine.)

It seems to me eminently reasonable that something as intangible as time is purely a human construct.  Do animals (cats or dogs, say) measure time?  Does one not need a level of self-awareness, an understanding of self, to be able to measure time?

Logically therefore, if time has no independent existence, I am immortal.  Consider …

Before I was born (or conceived, or attained pre-natal consciousness, depending how one wishes to measure these things) there was no time.  It was not part of my existence, because I didn’t exist and therefore couldn’t measure it.

Similarly when I die, time ceases.  Again I am no longer able to measure or observe it.

Ergo I have existed for all time, and am thus, by definition, immortal.

Strange mind-bending things these scientific theories of everything!  Bishop Berkeley eat your heart out!

books

Full of Money

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I’ve just finished reading Full of Money by Bill James. Crime fiction is not the sort of thing I would normally read but I started dipping into it out of a sense of duty. Duty because Bill James uses Anthony Powell’s A Dance to the Music of Time as a pivotal back-plot. But also because James is in real life AJ Tucker one of the earliest to write academically about the Dance sequence. I soon found “dipping in” wasn’t good enough and I had to start at the beginning.

I’m not really one for crime fiction. Why do I want to read about gangsters giving each other “acute lead poisoning” and being pursued by dumb cops? Is this different? Yes, it is. To start with there is no blazing gun battle or consequent “lead poisoning” (except off-stage at the end); not that we know that at the outset. It’s set in late 1990s London. And the only cop who plays a significant role is a senior female Detective Chief Superintendent, though by many measures she’d still rate as foolhardy if not dumb.

The main events of the story – murder and drug dealing on two inner London housing estates – all take place off-stage, the main one even before the book opens; they’re almost a backdrop rather than the raisons d’être of the story. So we have to piece everything together from set of cameos revolving around the DCS, a range of larger and smaller villains, and media types who play out these cameos through a variety of sub-stories. The twists and turns are interesting; the writing is good, and tight; the dialogue civilised and mischievous – all of which kept me turning the pages. Indeed the quotes on the jacket sum it all up rather well:

Engaging reading for mystery fans who like their crime stories gritty, realistic, and unsettling.

James knows how to pick the perfect turn of phrase and uses this gift to evoke dark hilarity, and bring a sense of menace and foreboding even in the midst of seemingly comic situations … [a] brilliant and thoroughly entertaining mix …

A gleeful send-up, by turns sinister and amusing, James is probably the most undervalued Brit writing crime fiction today.