amusements, current affairs, topographical

You Really Didn't Want to Do That!

I’ve been reminded recently that English law contains many curious, ancient and still extant statutes. The following examples are culled from the endlessly interesting The Strange Laws of Old England by Nigel Cawthorne (Piatkus, 2004).

First, there are many curious statutes surrounding Parliament and the monarchy:

  • Under a law of 1324 all whales belong to the monarch as do all swans unless they are on the River Thames and marked as belonging to either the Vintners’ Company and the Dyers’ Company.
  • Under the Treason Act of 1351 anyone who do violate the king’s companion, or the king’s eldest daughter unmarried, or the wife of the king’s eldest son is committing treason – as of course would be the violated party.
  • Parliament is still technically allowed to burn books but under Section 39 of the Malicious Damage act of 1861 others persons are not.
  • Under a law of 1313 MPs are forbidden to wear armour in Parliament. However they may play roulette in the lobbies.
  • If any Jew becomes Prime Minister, under the Jews Relief Act of 1858 he (or presumably she) is not allowed to advise on the appointment of any ecclesiastical post in the Churches of England, Ireland and Scotland, with the duty devolving on the Archbishop of Canterbury. Roman Catholics are similarly barred but not Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs or Buddhists.

Many cities and towns have peculiarities enshrined either in statute law of their bye-laws. For instance:

  • In Hertford a wife has the right to throw out her husband’s stash of girlie magazines, adult movies and any other material of a sexual nature.
  • In Bristol it is illegal to have sex while lying underneath a car. (But inside it is OK.)
  • If a man takes a woman out for a drive in Leeds on a Sunday he is prohibited from making any suggestion of an amorous nature while he is driving – but only if he’s driving a car; any other vehicle is OK.
  • Couples in Edinburgh may not have sex in cars parked in car parks or on public streets. But it is OK if the car is parked on their own property as long as the act is committed on the back seat.

As one would expect London has a peculiar set of laws all its own …

  • Freemen of the City of London have various privileges including the right to herd sheep over London Bridge (which they still exercise from time to time), being allowed to go about the City with a drawn sword and if convicted of a capital offence they have the right to be hanged with a silken cord.
  • According to an old City ordinance it is illegal to check into a London hotel under assumed names for the purpose of having sex. It is also illegal to have sex in trains, buses, parked cars, churchyards, churches and parks. (But apparently it is OK in a moving car as long as one continues to drive with due care and attention.)
  • Many house-proud Londoners unwittingly break the law every day. Under section 60 of the wide-ranging Metropolitan Police Act of 1839 it is an offence to beat or shake any carpet, rug or mat in any street in the Metropolitan Police District although it is permitted to shake out a doormat as long as you do it before eight o’clock in the morning.
  • The same Act imposes a similar fine on every person who shall empty or begin to empty a privy between the hours of six in the morning and twelve at night, or remove along any thoroughfare any night soil, soap lees, ammoniacal liquor or other such offensive matter, between the hours of six in the morning and eight in the evening, or who shall at any time use for any such purpose any cart or carriage not having a proper covering, or who shall carelessly slop or spill any such offensive matter. (And quite right too!)
  • The slaughtering or dressing of cattle in the streets remains illegal, except if the animal concerned has been run over by the person who is doing the slaughtering or dressing. Moreover Metropolitan Streets Act of 1867 forbids the driving of cattle down the roadway between 10 AM and 7 PM without prior approval from the Commissioner of Police.
  • In view of the foregoing it is hardly surprising the Londoners are not allowed to keep a pigsty in the front of their houses.
  • And now for something completely odd … It is unlawful for anyone who lives within a mile of any arsenal or store for explosives to possess a pack of playing cards.
  • What few Londoners know is that it is illegal to hail a cab while it is in motion – technically you must go to a cab rank or place appointed. All taxi ranks are still required to have a water trough so the horses could take a drink.
  • The cabby is should ask each of his passengers, and he should carry out an on-the-spot medical examination, to determine if they are suffering from any notifiable disease such as smallpox or the plague as conveying sufferers is illegal. And if a passenger were to pass away during the journey he would be committing another offence as it is illegal for a taxi driver to carry corpses or rabid dogs.
  • The cabby is also required to carry out a thorough search of his vehicle before allowing his fare to go on their way as it is the cabby’s responsibility, not the passenger’s, to see that nothing is left behind.

More generally …

  • In a judgement of 1881 Mr Justice Kessel, then Master of the Rolls, decreed that a creditor may accept anything in settlement of a debt except a lesser amount of money as this would constitute a nudum pactum or one-sided contract. (In English law a contract has to be of material benefit to both parties.)
  • An Act of 1405 instructed every parish that ran its own affairs to have a set of stocks and decreed that any village without stocks be downgraded to a mere hamlet. And yes, this is still in force!
  • When celebrating Guy Fawkes’s Night it remains permissible for children to go door to door collecting “a penny for the guy” only with the written permission of the local Chief Constable of Police.


And finally … It remains illegal to impersonate Chelsea Pensioner.

food+drink, memes, natural history, nudism, personal

Ten Things – May

Number 5 in my monthly series of “Ten Things” for 2011. Each month I list one thing from each of ten categories which will remain the same for each month of 2011. So at the end of the year you have ten lists of twelve things about me.

  1. Something I Like: Nudity
  2. Something I Won’t Do: Wear a DJ/Tuxedo
  3. Something I Want To Do: Have Acupuncture
  4. A Blog I Like: Whoopee
  5. A Book I Like: Brown, Ferguson, Lawrence & Lees; Tracks & Signs of the Birds of Britain & Europe
  6. Some Music I Like: Caravan, In the Land of Grey and Pink
  7. A Food I Like: Whitebait
  8. A Food or Drink I Dislike: Sheep’s Eyes
  9. A Word I Like: Amniomancy
  10. A Quote I Like: I like small furry animals – as long as they’re tasty. [Lisa Jardine]
amusements, links, sexuality

Weekly Links

This week a selection of links about that perennially fascinating subject: sex! And no, there’s nothing here your teenage daughter shouldn’t to read, and it is all essentially safe for work: no nasty pictures!

Emily at Emily Nagoski : Sex Nerd has an interesting perspective on the events of last weekend. Everything from the Royal Wedding to the death of Osama bin Laden, it’s all to do with sex.

Bish! is a UK-based information site about sex and relationships for young people (like teenagers). They recently posted a weblog item about Talking about Sex with Teens. Now I’m not a parent, but the article (and indeed the whole site) strikes me as extremely useful. They also publish information packs and there’s a section on the site specifically for parents and carers.

Earlier this week the Wall Street Journal so far forgot itself as to run an article on Researching the Health Benefits of Sex. Yes, it is about doing the research, but it also contains lots of information about how sexual response works etc. It’s worth a read.

Finally something to bring a smile to your face (and elsewhere!). Apparently May is Masturbation Month. No, I wouldn’t have known either but for Cory Silverberg pointing it out over at About.com.

amusements, books, current affairs, quotes, sexuality, thoughts

Quotes of the Week

A mixed bag of quotes this week …

When the British government set up the loss-making groundnut scheme in Africa in 1947, a law was passed which contained a paragraph that read: ‘In the Nuts (unground) (other than ground-nuts) Order, the expression nuts shall have reference to such nuts, other than ground-nuts, as would but for this amending Order not qualify as nuts (unground) (other than ground-nuts) by reason of their being nuts (unground).’
[Nigel Cawthorne; The Strange Laws of Old England]

We can reject everything else: religion, ideology, all received wisdom. But we cannot escape the necessity of love and compassion … This, then, is my true religion, my simple faith. In this sense, there is no need for temple or church, for mosque or synagogue, no need for complicated philosophy, doctrine or dogma. Our own heart, our own mind, is the temple. The doctrine is compassion. Love for others and respect for their rights and dignity, no matter who or what they are: ultimately these are all we need. So long as we practice these in our daily lives, then no matter if we are learned or unlearned, whether we believe in Buddha or God, or follow some other religion or none at all, as long as we have compassion for others and conduct ourselves with restraint out of a sense of responsibility, there is no doubt we will be happy.
[Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama]

If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities.
[Voltaire]

‘A long time ago.’
‘I didn’t have white hair in those days,’ said Granny. ‘Everything was a different colour in those days.’
‘That’s true.’
‘It didn’t rain so much in the summer time.’
‘The sunsets were redder.’
‘There were more old people. The world was full of them,’ said the wizard.
‘Yes, I know. And now it’s full of young people. Funny, really.’
[Terry Pratchett; Equal Rites]

[S]he was opposed to books on strict moral grounds, since she had heard that many of them were written by dead people and therefore it stood to reason reading them would be as bad as necromancy.
[Terry Pratchett; Equal Rites]

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
[WC Fields]

I screwed in the first one. I realised how hot it really was that day. I screwed in the second one. Now I was sweltering, and my wrist ached like I’d manually pleasured a rugby team.
[Antonia at http://yetanotherbloomingblog.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-darlings.html]

beliefs, current affairs, freedom of speech

Obscenity?

3 Comments

So, the US claim to have removed Osama bin Laden permanently from the game, something they have wanted to do since George W Bush came out of his log cabin looking for bears after 9/11. They got their man. The man supposedly** responsible for a large swathe of anti-western terrorism.

So now America, a devoutly Christian country, is whooping and hollering in celebration that they killed another human. Aren’t these supposed to be tolerant Christian people who love their enemies and abhor the taking of life, any life?

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of what al-Qaeda have done, and of the US murdering Osama bin Laden, does anyone else find the partying and celebration going on right now in America obscene?

** I say “supposedly” because the only evidence we have is what the US (and its allies) care to release to us. We do not (know that we) have enough information to be able to make a correctly informed judgement. I wonder if anyone actually does?

environment, history, links, music, personal, pleasures, sexuality, thoughts, topographical

Weekly Interesting Links

OK guys & gals, so here’s another weekly, but doubtless occasional, new series — links to interesting sites I’ve come across during the week but which haven’t made it into a full posting.

An article by my friend Potter-san on the Soul of Okinawan Music. The music of Okinawa (the southern-most tropical islands of Japan) is a fun eclectic mix of their native music and just about anything they can import. Try it! I was surprised how much of it I liked.

Also advance information on the London Okinawa Day 2011 on Saturday 25 June. I’ve never managed to get to this annual event but it sounds like it should be a fun day. Anyone want to get together a party of us?

On a totally different subject, a thought-provoking item Should Young Teens be Prescribed Hormonal Contraception? by Prof. Kate Clancy. All the more powerful because Clancy is American and her stance is totally contrary to the prevailing American ethic of total teenage abstinence.

If you are interested in your family history and have forebears who worked on the railway you might be interested in the Railway Ancestors FHS.

In view of the week’s biggest event (at least here in the UK) history buffs may be interested in Medieval Weddings.

One of the most misunderstood areas of the law as it affects anyone involved in literary or artistic ventures is copyright. Fortunately the British Library describe the duration of UK copyright in one easy flowchart. But I suspect I shall have to continue to explain intellectual property law even to our literary society trustees. 🙁

And finally, here’s a super eco-idea: use cardboard packaging impregnated with seeds to rejuvenate the environment. No sorry you can’t have the idea, it’s already been done by Life Box.

amusements, current affairs, nudism

OMG!

1 Comment


I’ve just been looking at some of the photographs from the royal wedding so here are a few thoughts. Links to the photos where possible — the first few are from BBC News (you’ll have to page through the BBC sets). There are duplicate/alternative pictures in some of the sets. So …

  • Why are we allowed an illegal number plate?
  • Kate does look rather good, although she could do with a little more flesh on her (not a lot, just a few of pounds) — bet the bloody royal machine has been making her diet like they did all the other recent brides.
  • As has been commented elsewhere, sister Pippa had the nicer frock. And apparently Prince Hal spent a lot of the time making eyes at her — sensible boy!
  • For a pair of trained military men neither of the princes can stand up straight. Both deserve a dressing down from their Drill Sergeants.
  • Whoever thought it a good idea to let the Princess Royal out looking like Widow Twanky’s char lady on a day out?
  • How does David Beckham come to look like the young Clint Eastwood? And WTF is Mistress Beckham wearing on her feet?

And now for a few (more) of the guests from BBC News …

  • What a frightful pink coat!
  • Another of Beckham looking like a Hollywood cowboy.
  • Oh dear, Elton! Which side of the bed did we get out of?
  • Rowan Atkinson as Greek shipping magnate.
  • Blimey what an unflattering picture of a bump.
  • Ah, Mistress Beckham’s twin sister lookalike (aka. Tara P_T) in electric blue.
  • Thought Sam Cameron looked rather stylish, unlike Mrs Clegg’s hat.
  • I like Prince Felipe of Spain’s naval frock coat.

And these few from The British Monarchy‘s official photostream on Flickr …

Mmmmm, cake!