Category Archives: sexuality

beliefs, sexuality, thoughts

The Smart Dutch Take on Teen Sex

A while ago I came across this article in the 7 September 2010 issue of Salon.

The smart Dutch take on teen sex
Despite parents’ allowing romantic sleepovers, the Netherlands has one of the lowest youth pregnancy rates
by Tracy Clark-Flory

I’m not going to reproduce it here as it’s available online. The article also references this study by Amy Schalet. I commend you all to go read both for yourselves. Amazingly Clark-Flory (an American) actually recognises that the Dutch have their attitudes to teen sex right and the Americans don’t. Which is what I’ve been saying for years. Society, especially politicians and the religious please note!

beliefs, personal, sexuality

Opening up Sexuality

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A few weeks ago I speed read Susie Bright’s Full Exposure: Opening Up to Your Sexual Creativity and Erotic Expression. While I found much of the book mundane here are a few snippets which struck me and/or helped crystallise my thinking.

We have no tradition in our culture for showing respect to anything sexual. We don’t promote erotic education. Our health care establishment barely has a clue about our sexual bodies. Our political system finds sex to be a fine whipping boy. The gossips and preachers are our typical sex advisers, and their tone is usually damning, rarely daring.

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The puritans are suspicious of sex education because it leads to tolerance, and there’s a world of sexual learning in everything from anatomy books to Leaves of Grass [by Walt Whitman] to Hot Legs magazine.

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The right to free speech, when you get right down to it, is the right to make someone else uncomfortable, to outrage the respectable, and to question everything held dear. Who, after all, needs protection to say they like Mom and apple pie? It’s the same with our legal rights to privacy […] We have persecuted people (from socialists to separatists, gay liberationists to pot smokers) who made unpopular statements or did unusual things.

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If you are drawn to a non-traditional, non-Western ideology [any ideology? – K], ask yourself where sexual liberation lies in its philosophy. Are masculine and feminine roles fluid and accommodating, or are they drawn to fit a predetermined role? Does your faith tell you that masturbation is selfish, that it wastes one’s precious energy? Or that monogamy is the only mature relationship in the eyes of your God? Are you led to believe that your sexual satisfaction is something that only your faith can give you, or some¬thing that must be sacrificed to get closer to essential truths?

If any of these Rules of Living sound familiar, ask yourself why something that is supposed to be so very divine and far-reaching […] would hand you [a] load of body-loathing, double-standard, sexually shaming intolerance.

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What wouldn’t I give for even one politician to get up and say, “One thing I’ve learned from this awful mess is that we must decriminalize sex between consenting adults”! Now that would take some honesty, not to mention balls.

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There’s a difference between secrecy – hiding significant information – and privacy, which is our right to maintain an existence that isn’t constantly orbiting around our mate. Secrecy devastates relationships, but privacy enhances them, because it distinguishes us; it resists the urge to merge.

amusements, medical, science, sexuality

Trapped Hosepipes

I’ve today spotted the following on PubMed. The mind boggles!

Removal of a Long PVC Pipe Strangulated in the Penis by Hot-Melt Method.
Jiatao J, Bin X, Huamao Y, Jianguo H, Bing L, Yinghao S.
Department of Urology, Changhai Hospital, […] China.

Abstract
Introduction. Penile incarceration for erotic or autoerotic purposes has been reported in a wide range of age groups, and often presents a significant challenge to urologic surgeons. No ready method has been reported for removing a polyvinylchloride (PVC) pipe entrapped on the penis. Aim. To present our experience in using hot-melt method to remove a constricted PVC pipe on the penis. Methods. A long melting split was made on the PVC pipe entrapped on the penis by using the long narrow branch of forceps heated on a gas stove. Results. The heated forceps was able to make a melt split on the PVC pipe. Consequently, the PVC pipe was removed by pulling the edges of the pipe apart without much difficulty. The total operation time was 20 minutes. Conclusion. Penile incarceration is a urologic emergency, for which resourcefulness is required in some unexpected cases. Hot-melting has proved to be an easy and effective method for removing penile strangulation by a PVC pipe. To our knowledge, it is the first report about the removal of PVC pipe entrapped on a penis.

beliefs, current affairs, sexuality, thoughts

Contrasting Attitudes towards Sex

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I’ve just come across this interesting contrast between (mainland) European** and American attitudes toward sex – especially teenage sex. It says a lot about the relative incidence of teenage pregnancy and STIs between the US and Europe. Check out these adverts for a visual demonstration of the differences and decide for yourself which approach is the better and more healthy (for mind and body) – you might find an arousal of your interest.

** Sadly the UK is more in line with America than mainland Europe.

Hat-tip: MySexProfessor.com

science, sexuality, thoughts

Wanky Science

Those of you who share my convictions about the importance of openness in sexuality and body image my like to read this short article on the Science of Masturbation from Newsweek.

The basic tenet of the article is that there is a lot of scientific evidence that masturbation is good for the species and for passing on your genes – and that isn’t a counter-intuitive as it sounds. Unfortunately, and despite being written by a woman, the article deals almost exclusively with male masturbations; you girlies get only a paragraph at the end.

Even if you don’t share my convictions you maybe ought to read it – it may change your views. And if you have boy children it may help you (and them) come to appreciate and understand something which is an important part of male sexuality and not something to be hidden in the broom cupboard.

books, personal, pleasures, quotes, sexuality, thoughts, topographical

Here I Am

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Having last week quoted the opening couple of lines from Roger McGough’s poem Here I Am it seems opportune to post the whole poem as it isn’t very long.

Here I Am

Here I am
getting on for seventy
and never having gone to work in ladies’ underwear

Never run naked at night in the rain
Made love to a girl I’d just met on a plane

At that awkward age now between birth and death
I think of all the outrages unperpetrated
opportunities missed

The dragons unchased
The maidens unkissed
The wines still untasted
The oceans uncrossed
The fantasies wasted
The mad urges lost

Here I am
as old as Methuselah
was when he was my age
and never having stepped outside for a fight

Crossed on red, pissed on rosé (or white)
Pretty dull for a poet, I suppose, eh? Quite.

Now OK, one knows that here will likely be a degree of poetic licence and tongue in cheek, but it is interesting what one even might consider it important that one hasn’t done (or would have liked to have done) in a lifetime.

So what would be on my list of things I’ve never done, and feel I want to have done? Hmmm … well … OK …

  • Visit Japan, Iceland, Norway and Sweden
  • Discover that I’m entitled to a coat of arms
  • Had a lot more sexual partners (what a waste of the 60s & 70s not to have done!)
  • Had sex in a hot, sunny hayfield
  • Travelled on the Orient Express and the Trans-Siberian Express
  • Not been depressed
  • Known what it’s like to be female

Well there’s still time to tick off some of those; better get going!

You can also check out my list of 111 Bucket List Things To Do.

amusements, personal, sexuality, thoughts

Pearl Necklace

Artist Leah Piepgras has created that essential piece of jewellery to wear to your next job interview.

As Peipgras says on her website:

Pearl Necklace is a seemingly amorphous cast silver shape on a chain that is actually an accurate representation of semen. It is a visual marker of chaos turned perfection through an act of beauty and lust. Pearl Necklace is a physical reminder of a fleeting moment of pleasure.

Even assuming you would pay $420 for the privilege, how many would have the courage to wear this to work let alone to a job interview? (Not that it to my mind hugely obvious what it represents.) I certainly wouldn’t, but then I’m not into girlie jewellery – and I’ve never seen any equivalent to us chaps. What about it someone?

sexuality, thoughts

Talking about Sex

I recently happened across About.com:Sexuality and specifically an item written by their lead expert Cory Silverberg in which he encourages us all to talk more openly about sexuality. I’m going to reproduce here (for everyone’s convenience) the core of what he says:

One of the most difficult hurdles to get over when it comes to talking about sex (whether it’s talking with a partner, with a family member, with your therapist, etc.) is integrating it into your daily life. Sex talk is usually so loaded. Either it’s a scary thing about sexual difficulties, or you’re anxiously awaiting big time rejection, or there’s a blood test involved. Talking about sex is rarely casual fun. […]

This […] sex tip hopes to take you one step closer to this goal, by giving you the task of asking someone a question about sex this week.

These shouldn’t be skill testing questions, and they shouldn’t be asked in a mean spirit (designed to embarrass or coerce someone into talking about sex). They are questions designed to let people talk about sex, and also to get you more comfortable breaking the unspoken rule that you aren’t supposed to talk about sex.

Ask your best friend, or grandmother, or someone you just met. Be respectful, and consider the fact that for some people a question about sex could be traumatic, or trigger unexpected reactions related to bad sexual experiences. Choose wisely, but at the same time, try to take some risks in who you ask, and what you ask them.

If you’re stumped on what to ask, here are some of my favourite questions to ask random people:
Where did you first learn about sex?
When you grew up, what were the names you learned for your sexual body parts?
What was the worst sex you ever had? Did you ever have it again?
In theory, would you ever have sex with me? (Note: use this one with caution, and only if you want to know the answer.)

That last question is a bit of a joke, and goes against the spirit of this […] tip, but it can have fascinating results.

The point of this exercise is definitely not to create stressful conversations, the point is just the opposite. As long as you’re pretty sure this is a welcome question, try to ask the question in the same way you might ask about the last movie someone saw, or where they got that great shawl they are wearing.

Now talking more openly about sexuality is a sentiment with which I have to agree. As I have written before (eg. back in February) I believe that more openness about things sexual and medical would be good for all of us in terms of both mental and physical health.

However I am aware that in asking us to discuss sexuality “head on” in this way Silverberg is setting us a huge challenge (for me hardly less than anyone else) given that explicit discussion of sexuality is still a huge taboo for most people.

I wonder how many of my friends are equal to the challenge?  Who’s going to come out of the closet first? 🙂

books, quotes, science, sexuality, thoughts

Quotes of the Week

It’s been an odd week, apart from the fact I’ve been ill, with not many good quotes which are short enough for here, but lots of long ones. Maybe I’ll blog the long quotes in separate posts later, meanwhile here are a handful of short ones.

James Joyce fans in Dublin spend up to 36 hours reading Ulysses aloud every year on June 16.
[Times; 29 September 2010]

When people thought the earth was flat, they were wrong. When people thought the earth was spherical, they were wrong. But if you think that thinking the earth is spherical is just as wrong as thinking the earth is flat, then your view is wronger than both of them put together.
[Isaac Asimov]

The real purpose of the scientific method is to make sure nature hasn’t misled you into thinking you know something you actually don’t know.
[Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance]

Life is change that we don’t attend to.
[Cory Silverberg at http://sexuality.about.com ]

Our experience of sexuality is inseparable from our experience of life.
[Cory Silverberg at http://sexuality.about.com ]

beliefs, food+drink, quotes, sexuality, thoughts

Quotes of the Week

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I’ll spare everyone another picture of Rye or the Romney Marsh today and instead I offer this week’s crop of amusing and/or thought-provoking quotes.

Plan B and Arcade Fire get Q nods
[BBC News website headline]

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
[Lily Tomlin]

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.
[Antoine de Saint-Exupery]

Balnea, vina, Venus corrumpunt corpora nostra; sed vitam faciunt balnea, vina, Venus.
Baths, wine and sex spoil our bodies; but baths, wine and sex make up life.
[Epitaph of Tiberius Claudius Secundus]

Inside every old person is a younger person wondering what the fuck happened.
[unknown]

Come, bring hither quick a flagon of wine, that I may soak my brain and get an ingenious idea.
[Aristophanes, The Knights]

Leadership is a form of mental illness.
[Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert]

Oh and I thought I’d spare you more from the Dalai Lama on Compassion – that’s all he seems to talk about at the moment, although I do see why as that is largely, at rock bottom, what Buddhism is all about.