Category Archives: personal

19 random facts about me that may surprise people.

Someone amongst my friends posted this on Facebook the other day, so here’s my take …

  1. Do you make your bed everyday? No.
  2. What’s your favourite​ number? The one that wins me the lottery.
  3. What is your dream job? In my dreams I have many jobs, most of them stupid.
  4. If you could, would you go back to school? No, but I’d love to go back to being a post-graduate and do it properly.
  5. Can you parallel park? No – never could, never will.
  6. A job you had which people would be shocked that you had? Boning sides of bacon.
  7. Do you think aliens are real? Yes, if they exist.
  8. Can you drive a stick shift? No, the only thing I can drive is other people mad.
  9. Guilty pleasure? Yes, please.
  10. Tattoos? Not yet.
  11. Things people do that drive you insane? Not thinking.
  12. Fears? Illness, death and financial insecurity.
  13. Favourite childhood game? Were there any?
  14. Do you talk to yourself? No, only my stupid PC, everyone else answers back.
  15. Do you like doing puzzles? Except for the occasional crossword, no.
  16. Favourite music? Pretty much anything before Bach or late-60s/early-70s. But silence is golden.
  17. Tea or Coffee? Tea. I drink coffee about once a month and always wonder why I bothered.
  18. First thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? Scientist.

No I’m not tagging anyone, but join in if you want to.

Final Knees Up

Hopefully this will be a final update on my left knee replacement …
On Wednesday of this week – exactly 6 weeks since surgery – I saw the surgeon of a check-up. It was, as I had hoped, a non-event. He is delighted with my recovery, healing (see photo), and the flex on the knee, and has cleared me for all normal activity. He doesn’t want to see me again unless I have problems and has discharged back into the care of my GP.
As I reported earlier my physio appointment 10 days ago was equally positive. I have another physio appointment next week as we agreed it would be sensible that we meet once we had the surgeon’s update. All being well I suspect will be the last appointment.
Both knees are fine except that they are very stiff and achy – but that’s just the muscles having to rebuild and get accustomed to normal activity again. So now I just need to get the knees walking more and build up the muscles.
I know I’ve had this work done privately (we’re lucky to be able to afford health insurance) but I have to say the care I’ve received has, overall, been absolutely outstanding. The whole hospital is cheerful, friendly and helpful from the consultants right down to the porters and cleaners – everyone has time and a friendly word.
It all looks very much like “job done” and very well done too!

Thoughts on #metoo

I’ve been thinking about all the recent posts. While in one way I’m not surprised, in another it is frighteningly disturbing to realise the level of abuse that we men inflict and remain totally unaware of. But from what I’ve seen (and I may be misinterpreting) I don’t think most women are saying that every man harasses them or is a sex offender.
(On the other hand, in some senses maybe we all are offenders, if only in our heads. Be honest, which of us doesn’t look at a pretty girl and think some variant of “I wonder what she’d fuck like?”. But then there is a line between thinking it and grabbing it.)
However if even 50% of women have experienced men being inappropriate (and 50% seems to be a very low estimate) then it isn’t just a tiny minority of men doing it.
We are all thoughtless and stupid towards others at times, whatever our gender and whatever the gender of the other person. (This isn’t just men on women, although that is almost certainly the vast majority or the “action”.) That’s not an excuse – there are no excuses – but a fact of life. We will never totally eradicate it, just as we can never be completely certain that our actions can ensure “X never happens again”. There will always be outliers. But we can all work hard to ensure our thoughtlessness and stupidity is reduced to an absolutely minimal level and those few outliers are all that remain.
I’m not conscious of ever having done anything wrong physically – though I will concede I probably have unknowingly. But I know that at times I have said, either verbally or in writing, and mostly without meaning to, something stupid, thoughtless or just plain badly worded. At times I’ve been called for it; at times I’ve realised myself I’ve overstepped the mark. I hope that on all such occasions I’ve apologised, learnt something, improved; and hopefully we have all been able to move on with some level of dignity restored. Even so there are a few of these occasions which still haunt me.
And for those occasions where I still don’t realise I’ve overstepped the mark, I apologise now!
Obviously as, I hope, a considerate being I would never deliberately set out to harass or abuse anyone; something I outlined in my post earlier in the year on my personal ethics and morals.
I feel sure that very often men don’t realise they’re behaving inappropriately; but I don’t buy the “that’s just because it’s the way men are” non-excuse. I suggest it’s because we’ve never been taught to be aware of such things – how can we have been when previous generations of men haven’t been aware of the problem and women have been too frightened to speak up, so no-one could teach us – and we’ve been too lazy to think about it for ourselves?
Hopefully the new, heightened, awareness can help change this, but realistically it isn’t going to happen overnight. Hopefully men can start to trust and believe what women say; they can start thinking about how they behave; and they can learn about being generally more sensitive, considerate and thoughtful human beings. Many – the more thoughtful men – will. But I do worry that the majority, who go through life relying only on their animal cave-man instincts, are just going to say “fuck off” and carry on regardless. They are going to need a lot of work by the rest of us – men and women. We all have to be brave and stand up to them, and that in itself isn’t always going to be easy – but if we’re being considerate human beings we have to try, pro bono pubico.

More Knees Up

[Medical trigger warning]
As today is four weeks since surgery, I thought we should have a progress report on the rehab of my left knee.
Things are now definitely getting better physically; but I’m still feeling very low mentally. Most of the bruising has gone as has almost all the swelling – ice-packs several times a day have helped (the hospital provided a specially designed cuff cooler when I had the right knee done). For some days now I’ve been walking around the house without the aid of crutches or sticks – the exception being the stairs where I still don’t feel entirely safe. I’m still taking crutches if I go out, if only for safety.
When I saw my physiotherapist this time last week I had 110° of flex on the knee, and I know it will be even more by the time of my appointment next Monday. Needless to say the physio was very happy; the flex and function of the knee are good although still painful; he even had me on an exercise bike doing gentle to and fro motion (a full cycle is not yet possible, although I did try). I was given an extra set of exercises to do, which are all about strengthening the muscles as well as improving the range of movement; and the exercises are gradually getting easier and less painful. I’m still being subjected to the torture of the green anti-DVT stockings though.
As you can see from yesterday’s photo, the scar itself is healing well and looks as if it might eventually be even less obvious than the one on my right knee. (Incidentally I don’t know if the visible flaking is dead skin, surplus glue from closing the wound or some form of plastic skin which was applied to cover the wound. But the right knee was the same and it seems to be OK.)
The pain is very definitely subsiding. Yesterday was the first day since surgery that I’ve awoken at 6 or 7 AM and not immediately thought “Bloody hell I must have some painkillers”. In fact yesterday I didn’t need to take any painkillers from midnight to lunchtime – although by then the knee was very achy. So with luck I in the next week I can start thinking about tailing off the codeine, if not the paracetamol as well.
Meanwhile I managed to screw up my lower back last week; and yes, on the left side! This entailed two trips to the osteopath. The first on the Monday helped immediately but then the muscles were going into spasm every time I tried to move. This settled down overnight with a couple of small doses of Valium as a muscle relaxant. But by Friday the lower back was giving trouble again, so Saturday saw me back at the osteopath seeing a different guy who comes to osteopathy via a sports training background. I have to say he was brilliant – not just at releasing the back but also at explaining how this was all down to the muscles and joints readjusting to different ways of moving following the operation. His prescription was to walk (do what you can and build up slowly) to get the muscles etc. used to working properly again. I came away walking well and feeling much more at peace mentally. So far I’ve concentrated on walking around the house, but our long back garden is beckoning.
I’m still feeling anxious, depressed and panicky at times but that mostly isn’t the knee but everything else I have piled up getting me down. But with the pain receding, and a more positive outlook for the knee, I am at last managing to catch up on some of the stuff I’ve ignored over the last few weeks.
So the bottom line is: keep going; keep doing what you’re doing; it does get better (even if it doesn’t always feel that way hour-to-hour or day-to-day). Onwards and upwards.

Ten Things

Having just had my second knee transplant (sorry, total prosthetic knee replacement) I thought that for this month’s Ten Things I should maybe write a few of the important things I’ve learnt about knee replacement operations.
Ten Things I’ve Learnt about Knee Replacement
I’m taking as read all the usual stuff about operations, general anaesthetics, etc. (like anti-DVT stockings, morphine causing constipation). This is knee replacement specific things. First of all it is important to realise that no two knee operations are the same, so what follows is based on my experiences; yours may be different.

  1. There are three key people in a good outcome: a good surgeon, a good physiotherapist and you! Yes, you! A good surgeon and good physio are critical, but it is equally critical that you put in the work at rehab!
  2. If you can find out who your surgeon will be, check him (or her) out. If you have a choice, ensure you get someone who specialises in knee replacements rather than a generalist. What’s their track record? How many have they done? The more experienced they are the better.
  3. Anything you can do before your operation to strengthen your legs muscles, specifically the quads at the front of the thigh, is going to be helpful in rehab.
  4. Before you go into hospital ensure everything is ready at home, especially think about trip hazards: gangways are clear, rugs are stuck down or removed.
  5. Get a urinal (maybe two) with a lid – something to pee into in the middle of the night. (They’re cheap and many come with a “female funnel attachment”.) Even with a light on, you do not want to be staggering to the bathroom, on crutches, maybe in pain, barely half-awake, in the wee small hours and while trying to avoid the lurking cats and dogs.
  6. Unless you have a “slave” (aka. a partner) to fetch and carry for you, get a good bag (shopping bag size) which you can put over your shoulder or round your neck to carry things around when you’re using crutches.

  7. A typical before and after x-ray; note the realignment of the femur and tibia

  8. Post-op your enemy is infection. Ensure no-one (and I mean no-one) touches your operated leg without having visibly washed their hands and are preferably wearing disposable gloves.
  9. Do as much as possible to ensure you get a good physiotherapist. Poor, or no, physio is the fastest way to ensure you don’t recover your mobility. Rehab physio will start in hospital; they’ll likely have you standing with a frame and walking a few gentle paces just 12 or so hours after your operation. You will be given exercises to do. Do them – as much as you can through the pain (but stop when it gets too painful). And keep doing them. Make sure you get as much post-op out-patient physio as you can and that your first session is within 7-10 days of leaving hospital; these sessions will help monitor your progress and adjust the exercises to your needs. The physios are not there to be sadistic (though sometimes it feels like it!) but to get you doing the right exercises, the right way, and at the right time, to ensure the best possible outcome.
  10. Recovery is painful! Think about what has been done – someone has done around 90 minutes serious carpentry to remove the degraded bone and replace it, very accurately, with some highly engineered metalwork; and that’s all on one of the most complex joints in the body. Discuss pain control with your clinicians; they will prescribe the right analgesics. Although the pain will recede over time, do not expect to be pain-free for several weeks. But a good outcome is well worth the pain.
  11. You should be provided with elbow crutches and taught to use them in the day or so after your operation. You will need them for several weeks. Go carefully and don’t get over-confident as this will lead to accidents. On the other hand you should be encouraged to dispense with the crutches as soon as you safely can.

There is a lot more I can say, and I do intend to try to write all this up for the benefit of others. But that will do for now!

Knees Up Again

[If you don’t like things medical, skip this.]
So it’s now a week and the day since I was let out of hospital after a complete left knee replacement to match the right one that was done at the beginning of the year. On the left, here’s the knee before (notice the impressively neat scar on my right knee that was prepared earlier) and on the right dressed post-op:


I suppose the knee is getting better although it doesn’t feel like that much of the time. Initially when I was in hospital it was a lot less painful than the right one had been but since I’ve been home the pain has been more like the same and at times obviously quite bad – which is very frustrating, depressing and demoralizing; but I guess that all part of healing process.
Admittedly all this is being done privately – we’re very lucky in that we can afford medical insurance – and generally I cannot fault hospital. [For anyone contemplating having knee surgery privately, don’t expect any change out of £15,000 per knee.] I had the same surgeon, the same anaesthetist, most (if not all) the same theatre team, and even the same physio on the ward – and I’m even booked in with the same guy as before for outpatient physio – that’s just one of the benefits of going private!
I had a spinal anaesthetic (so I was conscious; recovery is much nicer than a general anaesthetic) and was in theatre on the Wednesday afternoon (13 September) for about two hours. This was followed by an hour in recovery and overnight in the HDU because of my sleep apnoea. Then back in my room for lunch on Thursday.
I still don’t understand how the medics do this! They can rip you open; do 90 minutes serious carpentry; glue you back together; and have you on your feet 12 hours later. In fact the physio had me out of bed and walking few steps with a frame at 10 o’clock the following morning. Rinse and repeat twice a day. On the Friday morning the physio took the Zimmer frame away and left me with crutches; they also made me do a very small, test, staircase in their gym – this was fine although I had struggled with it back in December.
On Saturday morning my surgeon ran in about 8:20, wearing jeans and a rugby shirt, had a quick look, said yes OK you can go home, I’m now off to Portugal for a week (playing golf, needless to say!). Later that morning a physio arrived and took me to do a complete flight of stairs (down and up) and walk a corridor, which was all OK. All the boxes ticked I was allowed my freedom at lunchtime.
What annoyed me was that everyone arranged follow-up appointments according to some notional idea of what they should be and not what the surgeon had told me to do, and as I had requested. They then left me to chase around on the Monday to rearrange everything. That I was not impressed with.
By the time left hospital I had about 80° of flex on the knee; I probably now have about 90° – which is more quite a few people manage after a year; so I guess I should not be too downhearted.
However since I’ve been home everything seems to have been more painful. My GP had a quick look at the knee on Thursday as she was slightly concerned I might have wound infection. However the nurses at hospital changed the dressing on Friday and were very happy everything was OK and no infection. In fact the wound was actually very good and healing well as you can see from the photograph below.

Yesterday, Saturday, I was worried because I seemed to be able to do nothing except sleep all day; totally unable to stay awake. I just could not get the knee comfortable: sitting at my desk was unbearable, lying down slightly better. It’s still not great, but a bit better today.
What more is there to say? Obviously I’m still on crutches and painkillers and will be for a while – although my surgeon says to get rid of the crutches as soon as possible. Obviously I’m also having to do exercises and I know once I see the physio in out-patients in a couple of days time they will get more and harder.
Noreen is being heroic in putting up with me – anxiety, misery, depression and all – and everyone has been sending me good wishes (thank you, one and all!). To top it all, to cheer me up, my lovely friend Katy has sent me a tasting box of various gins (below) which I shall enjoy exploring once I’m no longer on wall-to-wall codeine.

Ten Things

Here we are again with his month’s off-the-wall ten things …
Ten Concepts I Try to Live by:

  1. Treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself
  2. If it harm none, do as you will
  3. Nude when possible, clothed when necessary
  4. Gender, colour, race etc. are irrelevant to ability and worth
  5. Sex and nudity are normal
  6. Openness and honesty in all things
  7. Say what you mean and do what you say
  8. Don’t worry about things you can’t change
  9. Pro bono publico, nil bloody panico
  10. Zen Mischief

Stondon Massey

A week or so ago we had a little jaunt through SW Essex; I needed to go there on business and it seemed an opportunity not to be missed. Regrettably we didn’t do as much as we would have liked as I wasn’t feeling very brilliant – but we did visit a couple of churches.
The first church was at Stondon Massey, north of Brentwood. The church is a mile or so north of the current village, the suggestion being that the village centre moved due to the various plagues, especially the Black Death of 1349-50. The church dates back to around 1100, with several periods of extension and rebuild. The west window, shown below, appears to date from the early 15th century, and possibly earlier. The wall is of flint, which is the only local “stone” as Stondon Massey is on the southern edge of the ice from the last great glaciation. This flintwork is delightful and “rustic” – much more in keeping with the place than the dull, dark, finely worked, obviously Victorian flintwork on the north-east corner of the church. Note too the decorative use made of the lovely red (probably Roman) tiles.

Stondon_Massey_west end

Unfortunately the church was locked (fie to parishes who lock their churches!) so we could only appreciate it’s age and beauty from the outside. Not that we minded too much as the churchyard (below) was one of the most delightful I’ve seen, embroidered as it is by a multiplicity of oaks and yews with lots of dappled shade and well kept grass all paying homage to the carefully tended graves.
Stondon Massey, Essex, churchyard

Those of you who know your English music will recall that the Tudor composer William Byrd (c.1540-1623) retired from the Chapel Royal in his early 50s and lived his last 30 or so years at Stondon Massey. Byrd was a recusant Catholic who was regularly heavily fined for failure to attend Anglican Sunday worship and it’s possible he chose Stondon Massey due to its proximity to his patron, Lord Petre, who lived at Ingatestone. Byrd died at Stondon Massey and may be buried there, although there is no documentary evidence for his burial.
Byrd is one of my “heroes” hence snapping up the opportunity to visit on a lovely sunny August day. I think we shall be revisiting.
I’ll keep you in suspense about church number two; watch this space for a post in (I hope) a few days time.
Click on the images for larger views on Flickr.