Category Archives: books

Depressed

I’m tired. Horribly tired. Not coping. Don’t know how I’m managing to do anything. Having anxiety dreams. Depressed. Very depressed. Despite the anti-depressants. And it isn’t even winter when I know I do struggle. I don’t know why. Noreen says I’m doing too much; I’m always doing things which are “duty” and that I haven’t had a break in weeks. I guess she’s right, what with work, the Anthony Powell Society, sorting my father’s estate, and the trust, and my mother’s tax, and …

… and this weekend a very close friend died; the other end of the country. Well Victor was 82; he had heart problems and Parkinson’s; was old enough to be my father; and was my best man all those years ago. Although we talked only infrequently, I shall miss Victor; he was the nearest person I knew, probably ever will know, to being a true polymath. So now I must give time not just to his funeral (and that may mean taking the funeral service) but to his estate, because I am one of his executors, and I promised. (Oh and just as I did for his wife when she died a couple of years ago.)

But all I am doing is things which I have committed to do; it’s not as if I’m taking on anything new; but I still can’t keep up. At 56 I’m working harder than ever before, at a time when the system is no longer full of it’s youthful vigour – we none of us can do at 56 what we could at 26, leave alone at 16; simple biology.

So it’s no wonder I never get a break and I’m tired and depressed. And as Noreen also tells me I don’t spend any time “playing” – by which she means doing what I want to do, when I want to. How can I; there’s no time!

What’s the answer? A big lottery win so I can afford to retire? Sounds good. If only!

Friday Five: My Life Wouldn't be the Same Without …

Apologies to everyone for the long silence: been very busy at work in the last few weeks; just now beginning to surface. So let’s catch up with this week’s Friday Five

My life would not be the same without this…

1. Song/movie/book:
Well as you’ll all expect by now I’m going to be very predictable and nominate a book: Anthony Powell’s A Dance to the Music of Time. Now there’s a surprise! But I could almost as well have chosen one of any number of albums or classical pieces.

2. Person:
Dare I nominate anyone except my wife? Yes I dare, but I won’t! Noreen has to be the nomination, although clearly my parents have to be a very close second.

3. Place:
Now this is really difficult. Much as I moan about it my first inclination is to say London — ‘cos it’s where I was dragged up and the place I know best. But there are other places where “I’ve left a bit of me”: Forde Abbey in Dorset would be one, and Lyme Regis another.

4. Event:
Another difficult one! I’m going to have to think about this for a minute or few. Strangely I don’t remember events well, perhaps because I don’t have a highly visual memory. There aren’t too many events which stand out and probably none for which I can replay the whole video in my head, only odd snapshots. Even things like our wedding and my doctoral graduation are fairly fuzzy memories. Clearly our wedding would have to be high on the list, as would the Anthony Powell Centenary Conference in December 2005; also the funeral for our friend Robbie at which I was the “celebrant” and my father’s funeral. Probably in that order.

5. Self-indulgence:
Don’t think I have too many doubts here. It has to be beer. I always enjoy good beer — by which I mean traditional English real ale, or quality Continental lager and white beer. My second choice would be food. No real wonder I’m the size I am!

[Brought to you courtesy of Friday Five.]

Getting to Know Me Better — A Meme

I’ve just come across this meme lurking on my machine — see they never die out! I’ve no idea where I got it from, but let’s see if we can start it off again.

Getting to Know Me Better

What time did you get up this morning?
As it’s Saturday I had a nice lie in, following a late-ish night. Didn’t get up until about 09.45. On work mornings it is anything between 6 and 8am depending on what my schedule is.

Diamonds or pearls?
If I must, pearls, but I’d much prefer tanzanite or amber.

What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
I keep telling you I don’t do films, so it’ll be no surprise when I tell you the last time I recall going to the cinema was to see Emerson, Lake & Palmer’s Pictures at an Exhibition in 1973! It was on with a film by The Strawbs which was really why we went.

What is your favourite TV show?
Channel 4 TV’s Time Team. Three days of serious archaeological investigation condensed into an hour of TV. Usually interesting even if they do dig too many Roman and pre-Roman sites for my interest.

What do you usually have for breakfast?
I used not to do breakfast, other than a large mug of tea. However since I’ve been told I’m diabetic I do try to have something, even if not the ideally balanced breakfast the medics would like. So now it’s that large mug of tea with some fruit, yoghurt or toast.

Favourite cuisine?
It’s probably a toss-up between Indian and Italian.

What food do you dislike?
Egg custard is my biggest hate. Not over keen on milk puddings. And I don’t like meat and sugar (meat and fruit is OK as long as it isn’t sweet as well).

What is your favourite CD at the moment?
Pink Floyd; Wish You were Here. But you could choose almost anything from late Beatles or 70s Pink Floyd, Yes, Caravan.

Morning or night person?
Neither. I don’t generally survive much past 11.30pm, though I can get a second wind after midnight. And I’m useless at getting up in the morning, as was my father before me.

Favourite sandwich?
Whatever I fancy at the time. Choose from: smoked salmon, chicken & avocado, bacon, prawns.

What characteristic do you despise?
Most of all management lies and politics. Being a cynic I see through it all. I also hate people who know it all, who have to be right, or think their God’s gift.

Favourite item of clothing?
Nothing. I wear as few clothes as I can as much of the time as I can. We both spend a lot of our time at home wearing nothing; or a t-shirt and jeans in the middle of winter. Fortunately our house is naturally warm so we don’t have to waste energy on heating it; the heating thermostat is set at about 20C. But then I’m not one to feel the cold and never have been; when I was young and playing cricket I was always the first to discard a sweater and the last to put one on. Now I have a good covering of blubber.

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be?
Difficult. For a “do nothing” holiday I fancy a naturist village by the sea in a nice sunny area of France (and I mean a real village; none of this Cap d’Agde rubbish). For a sightseeing holiday I rather fancy Japan. And travel has to be by magic carpet, door to door.

What colour is your bathroom?
Ivory.

Favourite brand of clothing?
I’ve already told you I don’t wear clothes if I don’t have to. In consequence I don’t couldn’t care less about brands. Vain I am not.

Where would you retire to?
Probably Dorset, South Devon or Norfolk, although I suspect we’ll stay where we are.

What was your most memorable birthday?
My 21st. It’s about the only one I do remember. I was given a coffee percolator and in road testing it got caffeine poisoning.

Favourite sport to watch?
Cricket, as long as it isn’t this one-day rubbish played in pyjamas. But then I’ve lost tough with cricket as I got disillusioned quite a few years ago with the way the game was being run and bastardised as a marketing exercise.

When is your birthday?
11 January

What is your shoe size?
10 or 11 depending on the cut; I have very broad and deep feet.

Pets?
Two cats and lots of fish (tropical and pond).

What did you want to be when you were little?
When I was really little I hadn’t got a clue; I was always worried that my friends all knew they wanted to be engine drivers or whatever when I didn’t even know how to start thinking about the problem. By the time I was 15 or 16 I knew I wanted to do scientific research, which I achieved if only briefly.

What is your favourite flower?
Hmmm, probably daffodils and lilies.

What date on the calendar are you looking forward to?
The one when I get that big lottery win and retire.

What music do you like?
Almost anything before Bach and 60s/70s pop/rock.

Your Favourite Book?
Anthony Powell’s A Dance to the Music of Time. But then you knew I’d say that.

That’s it. I’ll tag Kelly, Jilly, Sue, Noreen, Misty, Chris. Either post your answers on your weblog and add a pointer in the comments here, or post your answers as a comment.

Enjoy!

Sisyphus Rolls His Jelly

Earlier today I was on a conference call trying – in vain – to get a supplier to commit to completing a piece of work by the date I need it. I’ve worked with this supplier before: they bob and weave to avoid dates, and when they can’t they (or to be fair often their suppliers) ignore them. I often liken getting things done under such circumstances to rolling jelly uphill through treacle with a toothpick. Which explains the little ditty I jotted down after today’s call:

The mountains of treacle
Grow up to the skies;
The mouldings of jelly
Grow fat in pigsties;
But my toothpicks, my toothpicks,
Stay tiny and slight,
No wonder my job
It is stressful and shite.

I might improve it, but it’ll do for a start. 🙂

Books We Never Finish

There was a news item on Monday about the books which people start and never manage to finish. The actual survey itself covered both fiction and non-fiction, but the way it was presented on breakfast time TV anyone would think that there was only fiction. Anyway, why does it matter if one never finished a book? Why the fetish that starting a book means you have to plough on to the bitter end. I don’t read a lot of fiction these days (yes, I know I should) and many of the non-fiction books I do read I never do finish – many of them I never start properly either but dip into them, and again, and again, which works for me and is I think just as valuable.

Anyway what books have you started, never to finish? I’d be interested to know. Here are a few of mine:

  • JRR Tolkien, The Hobbit. Don’t think I ever got past page 2.
  • JRR Tolkien, Lord of the Rings. I once managed to get as far as page 50 in something like four attempts.
  • Mervyn Peake, Titus Alone. Final volume of the Gormenghast trilogy. I gave up half way through as it was just too depressing and I couldn’t face any more.
  • Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace. That old favourite of never finished books. Admittedly I was trying to read it at age 14.
  • James Joyce, Ulysses. Another favourite of the never finished. I read most of it but found the last part tedious in the extreme, but again I was reading it in my teens.
  • DH Lawrence, Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Another I tried reading in my teens and found so deadly boring.
  • Salman Rushdie, Satanic Verses. Another favourite of the never finished list which I bought because I object to being told what I can/can’t read. I don’t think I got as far as page 20.

Some of these appear on the “official” list. And they are the only ones from the list I’ve even tried reading, with the exception of Lynne Truss’s Eats, Shoots and Leaves which I only ever dipped into and found boring.

Here’s the BBC News report with the top 10 fiction and non-fiction lists.

So many books, so little time …

I found this book meme at In the Headlights and as it’s about books I couldn’t resist, being as I am an inveterate book hoarder.

Hardback or paperback: Depends. If I know I want to keep it as reference, or as part of “the collection” then usually hardback. If it is for general reading, bedtime reading, idle interest or for travel reading then paperback. It also depends what’s available, especially as I often buy secondhand books.

Amazon or brick and mortar: Amazon, eBay or Abebooks. Not because I don’t like real bookshops, I love them, and always seek them out when on holiday or visiting somewhere. But there are too new bookstores with too little range of stock of interest to me. And there also aren’t that many secondhand bookshops around. I know they’ve died partly because of Amazon et al. but getting to a bookstore is a major problem given one’s working hours etc.

Barnes and Noble or Border’s: Neither; I’m on the wrong side of the big pond. Book bookstores like Waterstones (or whatever they’re called this week) I find dull and boring. That’s largely because I don’t read much fiction and they just don’t stock a decent range of non-fiction. If I come across something I want I tend to go in for instant gratification and order from Amazon for quick delivery. But I also keep a list of (mostly out of print) books I want and search for these when I get to a secondhand bookshop — or even on eBay.

Bookmark or dog-ear: Always, always bookmark. I hate having books with dog-eared corners — I’m afraid it’s all part of the way I was brought up.

Alphabetize by author, alphabetize by subject, or random: None of those. Books are kept largely by subject, but not well sorted within subject — except the history is largely in chronological order. And there are interesting categories too, like “books by people we know”.

Keep, throw away or sell: Once read, or even if not completely read, books are kept. Books are a treasure trove. This is why we have a house full of books — in fact they’ve taken over. Eventually as they become less mainstream (for us) they get relegated to behind the other books; and every few years we have a purge and dispose of ones we really no longer want: we might give them to friends (if they want them) or to the charity shop, or to a friend who does a car boot sale for his writer’s circle, or sell them on eBay. Books don’t get thrown away unless they are really, really beyond any use.

Keep the dust jacket or toss it: I always keep dustjackets; again part of my upbringing. They are part of the book, make useful substitute bookmarks and (if one cares about such things) enhance its future value. OTOH they irritate me when reading the book, so I often remove them temporarily.

Short story or novel: If I have to choose, novel. But I mostly read non-fiction.

Collection (same author) or anthology (different authors): I don’t really know. I guess it depends. I can read either. It’s more a question of reading what I fancy reading than worrying about artificial distinctions.

Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket: I’ve not read either. But I guess if I have to choose it would be Harry Potter. Or Terry Pratchett. Or Douglas Adams.

Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks: Oh, stop at chapter (or at least section) breaks if I can manage to stay awake — not always possible!

“It was a dark and storm night” or “once upon a time?”: Don’t care. I don’t read a lot of fiction so it doesn’t matter. It’s more a case of whether the book interests me.

Buy or borrow: Buy; always. I never borrow books and I never lend books. If I want to read something I’ll buy it; after all I may well want to keep it and read it again or refer back to it.

New or used: Either. Not everything I want is available new; and some of the old books I want are cheaper in reprints than secondhand. Also factor in that there are books I would like to look at and can often pick up cheaply on eBay rather than having to pay full price.

Buying choice: How do I choose what to read? Usually either books I come across by chance, or I want a book on a particular subject, or they’re get recommended/mentioned to me by friends. I seldom read book reviews, and even less often use them as a source of information.

Tidy endings or cliffhangers: I’m organised, so I prefer tidy endings; except when I don’t.

Morning reading, afternoon reading, or nighttime reading: Whenever I can. Which usually means a few minutes in bed at night or when I’m ill. So I don’t actually get through a lot of reading, something which is made worse by being a slow reader.

Stand-alone or series: Not bothered. But see previous comments on fiction vs non-fiction.

Favorite series: Anthony Powell‘s A Dance to the Music of Time — now what did you really expect me to say? Do Lewis Carroll’s two Alice in Wonderland books count as a series? Then there’s Douglas Adams‘s Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy.

That’s all, except that, inevitably, TAG, you’re it. If you enjoyed this, please perpetuate the meme and comment here so we can all enjoy your answers. I’d like to see Jilly and Kelly take up the challenge. I’d add Noreen and JohnMon as well but I’ve yet not persuaded them to get weblogs (hah; chicken!).

British Library to Start Charging Researchers

Apparently the UK government is proposing to reduce the British Library’s funding and force it to start charging researchers for use of its resources. This will have a major impact on all researchers, both independent and academic. It is also illogical as the government has insisted that access to the national museums is free, and that they provide research facilities free of charge. How then can they insist that the BL — perhaps the country’s most prestigious museum resource (its objects just happen to be books and not “stuff”) — charge for its services. This is crazy!

A petition to the Prime Minister has been set up; you can sign it electronically here: . I urge you to do so! You have to be a UK citizen to sign.

Why Computers Sometimes Crash

Why Computers Sometimes Crash
by Dr Seuss

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn’t hash
then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol
that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang
‘cuz sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy’s getting sloppy in the disk
and the macro code instruction caused unnecessary risk
then you’ll have to flash the mem’y; you’ll want to RAM your ROM
so quickly turn it off and be sure to tell your Mom!