Category Archives: amusements

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 7

Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge.

Monday 12 August
State registered
geriatric, so I am.
Have granny bus pass.

Tuesday 13 August
Sixteen sixty-six
fire destroyed London town.
Sadly rebuilt by Wren.

Wednesday 14 August
Friends talking travel
to mysterious places
I’ll never visit.

Thursday 15 August
Four women and me
drink together in the pub.
The lone male survives?

Friday 16 August
Touch is medicine.
Deep tissue massage is good,
if uncomfortable.

Saturday 17 August
Little Jacky Horner,
just so quiet in his corner,
enjoys pinching bums.

Sunday 18 August
Outside the window
bright coloured fluttering:
Jersey Tiger moth.

And here’s the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26
6 27
7 28

More next week.

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 6

Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. (BTW this is the SFW version.)

Monday 5 August
Sunday, oh Sunday,
why always so full of work?
Please adjust God’s week!

Tuesday 6 August
Evening shower,
fresh laundered bed linen.
So sensual again.

Wednesday 7 August
Teenage skin complaint:
acne is not the acme
nearing seventy.

Thursday 8 August
Outside the town hall
a street tree, dusty and green.
Rain soon refreshes.

Friday 9 August
Reclines on the bed
bemoaning lack of TV.
Old stuffed tiger.

Saturday 10 August
Windy day, so strange;
driving rain and sunshine too.
August unravels.

Sunday 11 August
Bounding along twigs
putting circus acts to shame.
Daredevil squirrel.

And here’s the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26
6 27

More next week.

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 5

Another weekly update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. Inspiration and creativity continue to to be in short supply – I’m not good at either, and that’s the point: to try to improve. Anyway, here’s this week’s daily selection.

Monday 29 July
The rain it raineth
every day – not always here,
it just feels that way.

Tuesday 30 July
Disappearances:
Mysterious? Oh really?
Bermuda Triangle.

Wednesday 31 July
Wild boar. Friend or foe?
Millions of disease vectors
but lots of paté.

Thursday 1 August
Willow tree, so green,
is the paint upon the wall.
Dining room is done.

Friday 2 August
Recently mown grass.
Crows hunting amongst the hay.
Lone cedar stands guard.

Saturday 3 August
Housefly, nuisance fly
buzzing around our bedroom.
Magazine scored.

Sunday 4 August
Mary’s lamb is little.
Mary’s lamb is snowy white.
But there’s no dwarves here.

And the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26

More next week.

Auction Goodies

Having moaned a bit a month or two back about the recently poor amusement value of our local auction house, this month they’ve come up with some stunning lots. And I’ve included some of their images (below the descriptions).

An antique Chinese seed pod necklace with string tassel, centred by a wooden personal family seal carved as a seated figure and inscribed in Chinese ‘Bao Men Huang Shi Xiang Xin’, together with an ebony bead muff chain and a gilt-metal wristwatch

A mid-19th century Continental silver posy-holder with metamorphic tripod base, on chain, another posy-holder in gilt-metal and mother-of-pearl, a silver wirework zarf, and a cut-steel chatelaine
No I didn’t know what a zarf was either and had to look it up!

A shelf of china comprising a Hadleigh part tea service, Hornsea Fauna ware jugs and planters with applied deer, a glass clown and fish bottle, two pairs of decorative china shoes, a quantity of cottage ware including a teapot, a 1950’s Wade dish, end of glass vases and fish ornaments, a musical novelty decanter ‘The Last Shot’, a Nao figurine of a clown and a quantity of Disney comics

A mixed lot including tools, garden equipment such as loppers and a hose, two wicker wall hanging shelves, three small garden planters, a radiator, tent, watering can etc.
We turned out the shed.

A mixed lot including a shredder, a boxed electric menorah, a boxed set of six silver plated cake knives, a box of vintage patterns, two wall clocks, a boxed Junior ‘Guider’ hydrometer, an Oriental vase and cover, a Royal Albert cake plate, a set of scales, a quantity of cutlery, a Phillips toaster, an oval silver plated tray, an all wave signal generator plus two smaller similar, a small Samsung television and a Heat Kit oscilloscope
We turned out the attic too!

Approximately 17 motorbike helmets and a quantity of canvas bags

A large wooden model of a Mississippi steamer on four levels on stand

A large wooden model of the 17th century Swedish Vasa galleon. A fine model with ten masts and cannons.

An impressive wooden model of the 17th century French ship Soleil Royal, with twelve masts and cannons on stand with painted decoration and brass mounts

A cast lead ram’s head fountain mouth

A pair of designer novelty Christmas trees made from scouring pads on silver plated bases and a pottery hand ornament
Do what! That just has to be a candidate for “lot of the year”!

A framed and glazed wooden model of a galleon with three masts and a bow sprit and canons plus a smaller similar

A magnificent short sword in 16th century style, late 19th century Continental, with parcel-gilt blade, the bronze hilt cast as a Saracen threatening a maiden, and with finely cast bronze scabbard, 55 cm
There’s something sinister about this, to the extent that I would let it in the house.

A mixed lot over two shelves comprising wooden cat and bird ornaments, place mats, photograph frames, a boxed Explorer Dynamo Condensor, a Grecian copper and brass jug, a barometer, two pairs of sunglasses, a mickey Mouse Disney watch etc.
An interestingly compact collection of old toot.

A large bronze sculpture of a stylised svelte female with bare torso, probably circa 1950s/1960s, signed A Moreau, 170 cm
Well I’m glad you tell me that’s what it is.

A very decorative modern sculpture of a bird with outspread wings, in silvered and bronzed carved wood, on tall marbled square pedestal, 170 cm overall

Eight Military folding chairs and four locking Military storage boxes one of them very large, and a Samsung light apparatus possibly for a lecture theatre.

So yes, a few stunning pieces and some real oddities.

More as and when.

Counters

Each month this year we’re bringing you a post under the general title “Things that Count in [Number]” where [Number] will be the month. And naturally each month’s post will contain the [Number] of items (so just one for January, up to 12 for December).

For our purposes the definition of counting includes things which either come in groups of [Number] (eg. four suits in a pack of playing cards) or things which count in [Number] (eg. decimal coinage counting in tens).

Things which Count in Eight …

  1. Oarsmen
  2. Archangels
  3. Maids a-milking
  4. Pints in a gallon
  5. Legs on a spider
  6. Planets
  7. Corners on a cube
  8. Records on Desert Island Discs

Monthly Links

So here goes on this month’s selection of items you may have missed, but which I think you may not have wanted to.

Science, Technology & Natural World

Good news for cats: scientists have found a way to study the parasite Toxoplasma gondii (cause of toxoplasmosis) without needing to infect cats.

Health & Medicine

The nasty, tick-borne, Lyme disease seems to be on the increase, but researchers are on the trail of a new vaccine. [LONG READ]

According to some the problem is not that we are fat per se but that the problem is “fat stigma” and the mental effects of the ubiquitous bullying.

Health researchers are predicting that giving the HPV vaccine to boys will prevent a large number of cancer cases.

More of us, and especially women, are breaking the taboos about discussing femaile bodily functions.

And the new openness has lead to discussion of why women need to have periods, and many are deciding to forego them. [LONG READ]

Which leads us on to … research has shown that menstrual cups are as reliable as tampons.

Sexuality

In more unlikely research, it seems that women like porn as much as men (at least as shown by brain imaging) but we’re all brainwashed into believing they don’t.

Language

The British are well known for not learning foreign languages, and it is now suggested there are five reasons why English speakers struggle with them.

Art & Literature

So just what is the history of the Bible?

Rowland Emett’s fantastical railway sculpture will be on display at Bonhams New Bond Street from 12 August to 3 September, before being sold at auction.

History, Archaeology & Anthropology

Palaeontologists have found a massive dinosaur femur in south-west France.

It is being suggested that European Stone Age art could contain a code and possibly be the root of human writing. [£££]

In another story of the Stone Age, researchers have used modern forensic methods to solve a 33,000 year old murder mystery. [£££]

Excavations at the battlefield at Waterloo have uncovered the remains of a field hospital, including amputated limbs, and musket balls.

London

Wenceslaus Hollar created a 5 meter long aerial panorama of London shortly before the Great Fire of 1666. Here’s the story. [LONG READ]

In another piece of history, here’s the story of the Thames watermen and ferrymen.

There’s a fantastic new book about London Bridge and its houses.

Lifestyle & Personal Development

Mid-year burnout. Is it a thing, or are we all just terminally tired?

Medieval monks had some advice for us on avoiding digital distractions.

Regret can be all-consuming and destructive of mental health, so here’s a look at how to leave it behind.

Shock, Horror, Humour

To end with several items which have amused me unreasonably much this month …

First, there was Edward Lear’s Nonsense Botany

In a surprise revelation, opium-addicted parrots are terrorising poppy farms in India.

Concerned members of the public rescued a bright orange seagull, covered in curry or turmeric. Actually I think it’s a very fetching look!

And finally … a dancing parrot.

Enjoy the silly season!

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 4

Weekly update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. I’ve struggled for inspiration again this week – well the hot weather has helped nothing – but here’s this week’s selection (one a day).

Monday 22 July
Bright green minibeast,
door lintel is its park bench:
small oak bush cricket.

Tuesday 23 July
Little brown fluttery-by
busily seeking nectar
in overgrown hedge.

Wednesday 24 July
Clear azure blue sky,
zip-wired swifts circling high
pick off flying ants.

Thursday 25 July
Wispy mare’s tail
cirrus clouds so high above.
Swifts circling below.

Friday 26 July
Harley or Honda?
Who cares the make when all rev
so noisily.

Saturday 27 July
Sleeping all day long:
pussy cat where have you been?
Night down the rat mines.

Sunday 28 July
Rain, glorious rain,
making gardens green again.
Daybreak brings wet cats.

And the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26

More next week.

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 3

Weekly update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. Not such a good week, this wek, as I’ve struggled much more for inspiration, but here’s this week’s selection (one a day).

Monday 15 July
Small roach, I feared!
Closer look in shower shows
just a tiny moth.

Tuesday 16 July
Grey shape, movement in
silver birch. Camouflaged
squirrel eating shoots.

Wednesday 17 July
Red golden glows the
moon eclipse through lacy trees.
Such speechless beauty.

Thursday 18 July
A lady’s pretty
cunt glimpsed beneath a skirt.
Such rare delight.

Friday 19 July
Bold Samuel Pepys
much drinking and wenching did;
but bad boy done good.

Saturday 20 July
Soft rain, heavy rain:
wring out the returning cats
many times today.

Sunday 21 July
Flashing red and white:
a Red Admiral supping
Buddleia’s nectar.

And the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33

More next week.

Monthly Quotes

In between everything else this month, I’ve still managed to spot quite a few interesting or amusing quotes …


A stupid person is more dangerous than a bandit … Stupid people cause losses to other people with no counterpart of gains on their own account. Thus society as a whole is impoverished.
[Carlo Cipolla, essay “The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity”]


Treat yourself the way you would treat a small child.
Feed yourself healthy food.
Make sure you spend time outside.
Put yourself to bed early.
Let yourself take naps.
Don’t say mean things to yourself.
Don’t put yourself in danger.

[unknown]


Jim Hacker: “I know exactly who reads the papers. The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country. The Times is read by people who actually run the country. The Guardian is read by people who know they don’t run the country but think they ought to. The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country. The Financial Times is read by people who own the country. The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country and the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.”
Sir Humphrey: “What about the people who read the Sun?”
Bernard: “They don’t care who runs the country as long as she’s got big tits.”

[Yes Prime Minister]


A cover up? Certainly not! It is responsible discretion exercised in the national interest to prevent unnecessary disclosure of eminently justifiable procedures in which untimely revelation could severely impair public confidence.
[Yes Prime Minister]


Bernard, a good speech isn’t one where we can prove the minister’s telling the truth. It’s one in which nobody else can prove he’s lying.
[Yes Prime Minister]


“We don’t think our study is practically useful for society, but we hope that it will contribute to our understanding of the symmetric beauty in nature.”
[Munetaka Sugiyama quoted in Smithsonian Magazine]


By upholding international human rights principles, the rule of law is key to closing the gap between human rights aspirations and human rights realities, and to promoting and protecting human rights. We see how the rule of law operationalises human rights through constitutional and legal protections of human rights, an independent and impartial judicial system, effective legal remedies, and competent, accountable and inclusive institutions.
The rule of law has a role in preventing violence … as well as protecting human rights. We are mindful that societies in which human rights are valued, and people are empowered and listened to, are more likely to be just, fair, stable and free from violence. In this session … we take the opportunity to stress the importance of the rule of law in enshrining equality before the law, access to justice, and participation in decision making on the basis of equality, thereby empowering the whole of society.

[UK government statement (19 June 2017) to the 35th Session of the UN Human Rights Council. I just wish they behaved as if they believed it.]


Unexpected guests
receive unexpected views.
(Who wears pants at home?)

[Courtney Symonds]


Or just be a decent person first because that’s like literally the first requirement for anything at all. Be it just friendship, a nice conversation with a stranger, a night of fun, a serious relationship, a not serious relationship. They all start with being a decent human.
[@Suhaila]


In the later stages of its natural career, the academic will sometimes leave their pack without warning, find a obscure hill, and choose to die on it in defiance of all reason. Scientists are uncertain if this tragic death ritual serves any adaptive purpose.
[Danielle Navarro]


When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.
[Jimi Hendrix]


CLERKENWELL.
FISHING WITHOUT A ROD OR NET. Edward White, 15, a blindmaker’s apprentice, of Victor-road, Holloway, was charged, before Mr. Hosack, with fishing with a hook and line in the lake at Finsbury Park, contrary to the bye-laws of the Metropolitan Board of Works. It was stated on behalf of the Board of Works that the boy was charged under the 7th bye-law, which forbids fishing in the lake. A Park Constable proved having seen the lad fishing with a line which had a hook at the end of it. In answer to the Magistrate, the Witness admitted that the Defendant had neither a rod nor a net. Mr. Hosack said the bye-laws said nothing about fishing with a line, but only with a “rod or net”. The contrivance used by the Defendant did not therefore, come within the bye-law. The boy was then discharged, amid considerable laughter.

[Press report; source & date unknown. H/T @IanVisits]


It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.
[Upton Sinclair, 1934]


Norman saw on English oak.
On English neck a Norman yoke;
Norman spoon to English dish,
And England ruled as Normans wish;
Blithe world in England never will be more,
Till England’s rid of all the four.

[Sir Walter Scott]


You can lead a horse to water but you can’t climb a ladder with a rabbit in each hand.
[Bob Mortimer]


100 Days of Haiku, Episode 2

As promised, a weekly update on my progress through my 100 Days of Haiku challenge.

My target is to write at least one haiku each day. In week one I churned out 16, although not all were good. This week, week two, I’ve written 28 – again not all good – and I have a few ideas on the stocks. Here is a selection, one a day, from this week.

Monday 8 July
Always branded bad:
erotic, pornography,
essential for life.

Tuesday 9 July
Sunny windowsill;
solar-charging cat dozing.
Night out spent mousing.

Wednesday 10 July
Dryad of wormwood,
halucinogenical.
Fay green absinthe.

Thursday 11 July
Awakening to
pigeon’s morning serenade.
Warm snugly lover.

Friday 12 July
Foot pain go away
though treatment more painful.
Attractive masseuse.

Saturday 13 July
Cool evening breeze
wafts away humid summer
sunshine and warmth.

Sunday 14 July
Catnip stuffed fish.
Hallucinogen causes
spaced out pussy.

So let’s keep a tally of how many we write each week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28

We’ll have another instalment next week.