Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.” The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. “You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells”. Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.” The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. Saint Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?” The man replied, “They’re Carols”.
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp! Rottweiler: Make me. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb! Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or “We don’t need no stinking light bulb.” Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares? Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle… Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
