Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then while travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls – and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call – from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place!
Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION…
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Christmas cracker pulling accidents.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
And finally …
In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
I’m still working through the photographs I took on holiday in German a few weeks ago. I’ve put the latest few online on Flickr. Some of the shots are pretty grainy (like this one) as they were taken in absolutely appalling light — in the case of this shot it was very grey and overcast and getting on towards dusk. Lots more to come which I intend to put up about 8-10 at a time over the next few weeks — and I’m keeping the best of the steam train shots ’til last (probably). I still have some 30% of the shots to look at in detail.
PZ Myers over at Pharyngula has highlighted a wonderfully hilarious piece of totally inappropriate Christian iconography and has solicited appropriate captions! It is so wonderful I nearly choked on my bedtime cocoa!
What on earth can the designers have been thinking of? No, maybe don’t answer that. 🙂
This wonderful picture appeared in today’s Times, in their “Image of the Day” series.
It is captioned “Members of India’s Border Security Force rehearse … for the Republic Day parade in Delhi on Saturday”. This is the sort of pomp and fancy dress which only the British, and the Raj, do so brilliantly.
One of the groups I belong to on Flickr is called “Thirteen Things”. The idea is to post a self-portrait with a list of thirteen things about oneself. This photo and list are my first contribution, posted a couple of days ago.
Amazing the things one thinks to do when getting bored in an hotel room!
As this is my foot I thought I’d use this for my first “Thirteen Things” list. So here are 13 Personal Things About Me …
I’m an only child
I’ve changed a lot over the years; even my boss says I’ve mellowed! I used to be very angry and lose my temper a lot, I’ve learnt to let things wash over me and go with the flow; tho’ I do still get irritated and frustrated and swear a lot.
I love the smell of grapefruit, coconut oil, bacon cooking, fresh bread, the sea, wood smoke, frying garlic & onions.
I hardly ever drink coffee.
I lost 20Kg between summer 2007 and New Year 2008, but i’m still obese.
I was born with a deformed right index finger-nail; I’ve now had it permanently removed.
I have a third nipple.
My parents didn’t have me circumcised, for which I am very grateful.
I wasn’t baptised as an infant. I took the plunge myself at 22 (eeek, that’s 35 years ago!) when I joined the Roman Catholic church. I’ve since converted to atheism.
I’ve worn glasses since I was 14; it doesn’t bother me and I can’t imagine switching to contact lenses.
I have never driven a car or a motorbike.
I’m actually boring, shy and introverted, although many people find this hard to believe.
In the latest issue (January 2008) of BBC Focus magazine (science for the intelligent 10-year-old) there’s a mini-interview with one of the few females on TV who really do make my heart beat faster: Dr Alice Roberts, “clinical anatomist, archaeologist, TV presenter and author”, also a very talented artist and a qualified medic. Those of you in the UK who’ve watched either Time Team (Channel 4), Coast (BBC2) or Don’t Die Young (BBC2) will know Alice Roberts as the slightly off-the-wall girlie with the dyed red hair. The interview includes:
What’s the greatest threat to humanity? Humanity.
Who would you clone? I wouldn’t. Sexual reproduction is much more exciting.
What would your epitaph say? Boadicea, Queen of the Iceni. And I’d be buried in a chariot just to fool future archaeologists.
