Category Archives: amusements

Marriage Quotes

Yesterday I came across these Marriage Quotes from Kids. As always there’s more than a grain of truth in them!

Question: How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
[Derrick, age 8]

Question: What do most people do on a date?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
[Lynnette, age 8]

Question: Is it better to be single or married?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
[Anita, age 9 ]

Quotes of the Week

This week’s selection of the good, the bad and the ugly …

Relationships are like a card game where you start with two hearts and a diamond, but end up needing a club and spade.
[Tony Green on Facebook]

Every concept the mind can create includes its opposite. No thought is ultimate because each idea depends on every other idea it might possibly contrast with for its apparent self existence. Our own existence as individuals is dependent upon all of creation. This does not negate our individual existence. It is an attempt to see our individual existence in a different light.
[Brad Warner at http://hardcorezen.blogspot.com]

When I play with my cat, how do I know that she is not passing time with me rather than I with her?
[Montaigne]

Urethane treatment is standard on all products (with exceptions)
[Amtico Flooring Brochure]

Comedians really aren’t that different from scientists. They look at the world and question why things are as they are and try to find an answer. It’s just that scientists do it with far more rigour and the possibility that humanity will be much improved by their discoveries. Perhaps comedians are just lazy scientists. Very, very lazy, stupid scientists.
[Robin Ince, The Times Eureka Supplement; March 2011]

And finally, dreadful joke of the week …

Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
Because he was out standing in his field.

[The Times Eureka Supplement; March 2011]

Bring back Basil Brush, all is forgiven!

Mapping the Cat Brain

Oh, yes. Cat’s certainly do have brains. They have very well developed, subtle and devious brains. In fact it has been shown recently that Cats Adore and Manipulate Women. They do it to men as well, but either they don’t like men as much or we’re more immune to it.

The bond between cats and their owners turns out to be far more intense than imagined, especially for cat aficionado women and their affection reciprocating felines, suggests a new study.
[…]
The researchers determined that cats and their owners strongly influenced each other, such that they were each often controlling the other’s behaviors. Extroverted women with young, active cats enjoyed the greatest synchronicity, with cats in these relationships only having to use subtle cues, such as a single upright tail move, to signal desire for friendly contact.

And then today I came across this mapping of the cat’s brain at CatStuff.

In the light of this latest research the diagram clearly ought to contain a tiny gland for sniffing out male humans and a much larger gland for detecting females.

Oh come on lads, you already knew we stood no chance!

Quotes of the Week

OK, here’s this week’s selection of oddities encounter in the last few days …

‘Look at the bird.’ It was perched on a branch by a fork in the tree, next to what looked like a birdhouse, and nibbling at a piece of roughly round wood it held in one claw.
‘Must be an old nest they’re repairing,’ said Lu-Tze. ‘Can’t have got that advanced this early in the season.’
‘Looks like some kind of old box to me,’ said Lobsang. He squinted to see better. ‘Is it an old … clock?’ he added.
‘Look at what the bird is nibbling,’ suggested Lu-Tze.
‘Well, it looks like … a crude gearwheel? But why —’
‘Well spotted. That, lad, is a clock cuckoo.’

[Terry Pratchett; Thief of Time]

Hindsight, the historians’ parlour-game, can lead from false premise to false conclusion. Because we see the fateful consequences of our forebears’ actions, we can wrongly suppose that, had they done differently, things would have been better.
[AN Wilson, After the Victorians]

The clergy were seldom rich, but they were treated as if they were gentlemen: very often they were. Nearly all of them had degrees. High Church, Low Church, Broad Church, they were disseminated throughout the land. If they were even half good at their jobs, they and their wives and families mixed with everyone in their parish. They were extraordinary agents of social communication. It meant that almost everyone in England was within five miles of a man who could read ancient Greek.
[AN Wilson, After the Victorians]

Snow fell, east winds blew, pipes froze, the water main (located next door in a house bombed out and long deserted) passed beyond insulation or control. The public supply of electricity broke down. Baths became a fabled luxury of the past. Humps and cavities of frozen snow, superimposed on the pavement, formed an almost impassable barrier of sooty heaps at the gutters of every crossing, in the network of arctic rails.
[Anthony Powell, Books Do Furnish a Room]

In the highbrow world you “get on”, if you “get on” at all, not so much by your literary ability as by being the life and soul of cocktail parties and kissing the bums of verminous little lions.
[George Orwell]

In a mad world only the mad are sane.
[Akira Kurosawa]

More Auction Oddities

Another small collection of oddities from the recent catalogue of another of our local auction houses …

A collection of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs ceramic figures including the “Lenox Treasure box collection” (that has gold plated charms within), also “Brooks & Bentley” salt and pepper collection.

A full size zebra skin rug, and an antelope rug.

A continental porcelain figure of a Grecian maiden holding aloft a twin-handled urn, together with a Coalport porcelain shouldered ovoid urn and cover, the cover having a pineapple finial raised on a socle supported plinth, the cream and midnight blue ground having gilt enrichments and gilt goat head masks, the cartouche painted with a ruined castle, signed: JH Plant
[I just cannot picture what sort of mess this is]

A Chinese porcelain garden seat formed as an elephant.

A miscellaneous selection of items, to include a pair of French First World War bayonets, a pair of African antelope horns and bison horns.

A large and interesting miscellaneous collection of tribal items to include various swords, an Eskimo arrow holder, a Burmese bird cage, a North African gunpowder flask, a Russian gilded sword and many more.

Two Zulu shields, an old African tribal paddle and various spears (bearing ‘Spink & Son Ltd’ labels).
[Why would Spinks be selling spears?]

A North West Persian tribal runner with a line of medallions alternating between hooked diamond and cruciform designs and contained within three borders.
[As well as having rather ornate body art I trust the runner comes with cleft stick.]

A boxed cherub table lamp.
[You mean there is a type of cherub I never knew about – the boxed cherub?]

In amongst this collection there is though the usual selection of really nice schmutter.

Auction Oddities

Another in our occasional series highlighting the oddities which turn up at our local auction house. In reading this remember we are talking suburban London, not seaside.

A square of South African grass weaving in yellow, brown, black and orange, size 25″x25″ approximately.

A canteen of plated cutlery for not quite six.

A stuffed gull in a glass case.

A mixed lot including Wallace & Gromit teapot, a pair of large oriental vases, bejewelled scent bottles, wind-up tin-plate Mickey Mouse, a pair of china horses, mottled glass basket, figurine in Highland dress, etc.

A Black Forest gateau carved cuckoo clock, embellished with stag head, hare, game bird.

A fishing creel with leather straps and handle.

A vintage ear trumpet, with telescopic stem, of tortoiseshell appearance.

A vintage model of a goat, in goat fur and simulated horns.

An old wooden box containing old packaging, Fairy toilet soap, old matches, old tins, and a box of old bulbs and Aladdin 2″ wicks, Delsey toilet tissue, soap, etc.

A pair of moulded concrete garden flower pots and a pottery elephant stand.

A baby bath full of old saws, secateurs and similar, an old Ransomes hand push lawn mower and four boxes of old tools, mainly chisels, hammers and spanners.

I’ll just leave your minds to boggle quietly. Although having said that they are also selling a lot of rather nice sounding 18th & 19th century silver and a few valuable Chinese vases. I guess that’s the joy of a “provincial” auction house.

Tasmanian Liberation

Just today (where have I been?) I came across this song from Amanda Palmer & The Young Punx. It’s catchy. But more than that, the lyrics (at the bottom of this page on Amanda Palmer’s website if they’re not clear) are a hoot. (And they mostly accord with my view of the way the world should be. Hehe!)

There’s the background to the song (if you need an explanation) and a video of her original rendition on Amanda Palmer’s blog. And comment on SPIN amongst other sites.

Enjoy … but it’s probably NSFW!

[youtube

OMG! I’m turning into a punk rapper! At my age!?!? OMG!!!!!

Quotes of the Week

This week’s selection …

There is no moral precept that does not have something inconvenient about it.
[Denis Diderot]

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
[Dalai Lama]

[…] meeting at the College of Arms [with] Clarenceux King of Arms to discuss what might be appropriate [on a] coat of arms […] He suggests that though some people like to incorporate a play on their name in their Arms he was not sure a champagne bottle was on their approved list.
[Sir Stephen Bubb; http://bloggerbubb.blogspot.com/2011/01/arms-and-church.html]

In the movie Stardust Memories, Woody Allen meets some aliens and starts asking them all the Big Questions About Life. They tell him, “You’re asking the wrong questions. If you want to make the world a better place, tell funnier jokes!”
[Brad Warner; Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies and the Truth about Reality]

The next two are quite deep philosophically, but absolutely right logically …

I don’t know what’s waiting at the end of our lives. No one does. But it’s not the future that matters. Right now is what counts. If you want to believe in reincarnation, you have to believe that this life, what you’re living through right now, is the afterlife.
[Brad Warner; Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies and the Truth about Reality]

The present moment is eternal. It’s always there. It is unborn and it cannot die. And it does not reincarnate.
[Brad Warner; Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies and the Truth about Reality]

A guy walks up to a Zen master and asks, “Is there life after death?
The Zen Master says, “How should I know?”
The guy replies indignantly, “Because you’re a Zen master!”
“Yes,” says the Zen master, “but not a dead one.”

[Brad Warner; Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies and the Truth about Reality]

You cannot find reality inside a computer!
[Nishijima Roshi]

A Difficult Question

OK, so here’s a really hard question for everyone which I saw being discussed on the internet a few days ago.

Which would you rather give up forever … cheese or oral sex?

And no, you aren’t allowed to negotiate restrictions and loopholes. It means all oral sex, both given and received. And it means all cheese: from cheddar to Camembert and Gorgonzola to cream cheese.

Although it is interesting to speculate why one might ever have to make such a decision, it is a hard question, isn’t it?

I think I have to agree with the apparent majority and elect to forego oral sex. As one person has remarked: there are lots of ways to have an orgasm but only one way to eat pizza, macaroni cheese or deep-fried brie.

What would you choose – and why? (And no you don’t have to make your decision public if it embarrasses you!)