All posts by Keith

I’m a controversialist and catalyst, quietly enabling others to develop by providing different ideas and views of the world. Born in London in the early 1950s and initially trained as a research chemist I retired as a senior project manager after 35 years in the IT industry. Retirement is about community give-back and finding some equilibrium. Founder and Honorary Secretary of the Anthony Powell Society. Chairman of my GP's patient group.
amusements

Your PC

Sorting through a box of old papers the other day, I happened upon the following from 1999. Not much changes!

Your PC
(PC = Personal Cat)

SPECIFICATIONS

Standard input:

  1. bilateral frontal whisker array
  2. bilateral adjustable audio dishes (range 20Hz-20kHz)
  3. stereoscopic scanning device, with night vision
  4. Velcro™ flavour sampling device/energy collector
  5. twin front-mounted odour sampling devices.

Standard output:

  1. internally mounted purr box
  2. single speaker with separate growl mode
  3. rear-mounted, fully-jointed semaphore device

Processor:

  1. parallel neuron array with Random Access Memory
  2. autonomic control of system software

Included Hardware:

  1. calcium-based skeletal structure
  2. byte-to-bit conversion array
  3. retractable document shredder/hole punch
  4. paw pad printer
  5. mouse (standard catnip)

Also included: natural fibre protective covering in various colours.

SYSTEM SOFTWARE
Your PC will come pre loaded with one of the following:
• DOS (domestic short hair)
• OS (other short hair)
• MS (mega-soft, installed in units with fuzzy covering)

  1. Conversion to Eunuchs can be done by a simple operation. This is recommended to prevent the proliferation of cheap PC clones.
  2. Bundled Software may include the following: Mortal Kombat, Acrobat, Explorer, and Stuff it Expander.
  3. Your PC will automatically convert from laptop to desktop as needed.
  4. There are no user-serviceable parts inside.

OPERATING YOUR PC

  1. To start up your PC, push the power button (on any electric can opener).
  2. Your PC has an energy-saving mode known as Sleep. Your PC will Sleep automatically if unused for a short period of time, or you may invoke the Sleep mode by placing your PC in a soft, warm area. To wake your PC from Sleep you may press the power button as in Start, shake the mouse, or tap any of the PC’s input devices (see specs).
  3. To perform a Warm Boot: Remove your shoe, then tap the PC gently with your toes.
  4. To perform a Cold Boot: Same technique as for Warm Boot, but leave your shoe on.
  5. To Reboot: Repeat the Warm Boot.
  6. Cleaning your PC: Use only mild soap and water, no solvents. Surface wash only. Total immersion is not recommended. If partial immersion is necessary, wear proper hand and face protection and make sure your PC is fully dry when finished.
  7. Compatibility and Networking: Your PC is designed to independently assess compatibility with other PCs.
  8. Running Eunuchs will generally give your PC greater compatibility with other PCs. It may be necessary to install a fire wall between incompatible PCs as each may attempt to breach the other’s security systems.
  9. Compatible PCs may share thermal energy and cleaning tasks and may network for gaming purposes.
  10. Please note that your PC will be incompatible with units of type BIRD, FISH and RODENT, unless appropriate security measures (such as a fire wall) are installed. Your PC may tolerate one or more DOG units provided they occupy a subordinate position within the hierarchical structure.
  11. Power Requirements: Alternating supply of canned cat food and dry cat food. Direct supply of water. Direct access to solar and thermal energy sources.

TROUBLESHOOTING

  1. PC has difficulty exiting: Perform a Warm Boot.
  2. PC shares files from dinner/table/plates without permission: Boot your PC prior to running food-related software.
  3. PC hangs up phone during call: Try invoking sleep mode prior to making call. Otherwise perform a Warm Boot.
  4. PC is frozen: PC is probably scanning for small life forms. Wait for task to complete or, if necessary Warm Reboot.
  5. Deleted material not going to trash or recycling bin: Reprogram preferences in PC sys/litter box/deposit/target.aim.
books, personal

Ten Books I Found Influential or Formative: 2

Following on from my series of 10 Books I’ve Loved and Books I’ve Hated or Cannot Read I now bring you the third instalment: 10 Books I Found Influential or Formative.

They are all books I’ve read, at different times, and which have had a profound influence on life, mind or belief. I have excluded anything from the previous two lists. Nor have I included anything directly related to either academic studies or work; not because I think they should be off-limits but because I can’t single out anything particular.

Again, rather than spread this across ten days, I’m posting the list in two posts, each of five books, a few days apart. There is a short commentary on why I found each book so influential. This is the second part.

In each part I’m nominating three people to produce their own list. The first three are: Christine Berberich, Ziggy Lubkowski, John Potter. Of course anyone else is welcome to sing along!

John Burton et al.; The Oxford Book of Insects

I’m not quite sure when I first came across this book, but I know my copy dates from at least the time I was a post-grad; it is still on the shelf over my desk. Although it is not academic it is a good first guide to the insect world, and as such has continued to stimulate my interest not just in insects but the natural world in general.

William Shakespeare; Julius Caesar

The first half of Julius Ceasar is the only bit of Shakespeare I ever really understood. Which is just as well as we did the whole play for O-level, and luckily I got an exam question on the first half. The second half (all the war etc.) remained a mystery to me.

Robert H Rimmer; The Harrad Experiment

My father provided this as reading material in the late 60s; GOK what his motive was! It is fiction but portrays an environment of free love and free sex in (as I recall) a student setting – something understandably attractive to the average teenager in the 60s. And it certainly helped develop my moral compass and relaxed attitudes towards sexuality.

James A Coleman; Relativity for the Layman

I don’t recall at what point I read this, whether as an undergraduate or a post-grad. Clearly I felt the need to have at least a passing knowledge of relativity, something which (with a basic understanding of quantum mechanics) has stood me in good stead for my ongoing interest in the physical sciences.

David Feinstein & Stanley Krippner; Personal Mythology

As one might suspect this is all about personal development, and discovering and understanding your inner story. I claim no success in doing this, but the section on finding and meeting your inner shaman is something I’ve found of recurrent interest.

Later in the year I hope to follow on with further, similarly themed, book posts. Watch this space!

books, personal

Ten Books I Found Influential or Formative: 1

Following on from my series of 10 Books I’ve Loved and Books I’ve Hated or Cannot Read I now bring you the third instalment: 10 Books I Found Influential or Formative.

They are all books I’ve read, at different times, and which have had a profound influence on life, mind or belief. I have excluded anything from the previous two lists. Nor have I included anything directly related to either academic studies or work; not because I think they should be off-limits but because I can’t single out anything particular.

Again, rather than spread this across ten days, I’m posting the list in two posts, each of five books, a few days apart. There is a short commentary on why I found each book so influential. This is part the first.

In each part I’m nominating three people to produce their own list. The first three are: Katy Wheatley, Noreen Marshall, Julia Say. Of course anyone else is welcome to sing along!

Peter Russell; The Brain Book

This book was the basis for a hugely formative course I went on when first teaching at work. Amongst other things it includes an introduction to Tony Buzan’s Mind Mapping techniques as well as much about how learning is thought to work. The course was also the one which energised me to learn Transcendental Meditation (which I’m trying to rejuvenate).

Havelock Ellis; The Psychology of Sex

When I was growing up, every book in the house was accessible, and this was on the shelves in the living room. So, of course, I read large chunks of this when I was doing A-levels. Needless to say I learnt a lot and it kept me one step ahead of my then girlfriend!

Lewis Carroll; Alice in Wonderland

Although Carroll originally conceived this as a children’s story, it has been incredibly influential for many people. It’s not just amusing, but filled with logical inconsistencies and alternative ways of looking at things. I didn’t know it at the time but I suspect this was one of those books which nurtured my inner scientist.

Anthony Powell; A Question of Upbringing

Anthony Powell was recommended to me by our friend Jilly. And it is true to say that this book changed my life! Powell became one of my heroes. A website developed and evolved, in 2000, into the Anthony Powell Society of which I was Hon. Secretary for 18 years until last October. The Anthony Powell Society has taken me places, and introduced me to people, I would never have dreamed possible.

Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable

I was introduced to this by my father and our local librarian, Jack Edwards, as the fount of much useful, interesting and often esoteric knowledge. A delight in “knowledge trifles” has remained with me ever since.

Part two in a few days time.

personal, ramblings

Ten Things, March

This year our Ten Things series is focusing on each month in turn. The Ten Things may include facts about the month, momentous events that happened, personal things, and any other idiocy I feel like – just because I can. So here are …

Ten Things about March

  1. March is named after Mars, the Roman god of war
  2. In Wales, St David’s day is celebrated on 1st …
  3. … and 1st is also the start of meteorological Spring
  4. Similarly the Irish celebrate St Patrick’s day on 17th
  5. My father’s birthday was also in March
  6. Roman Emperor, Julius Caesar was assassinated on the Ides of March, which is 15th
  7. Then there’s the Spring Equinox, celebrated by pagans as Ostara
  8. The Feast of the Annunciation is on 25th, exactly nine months before Christmas
  9. Birthstone: Aquamarine
  10. In the UK Summertime begins on last Sunday
amusements

Counters

2 Comments

Each month this year we’re bringing you a post under the general title “Things that Count in [Number]” where [Number] will be the month. And naturally each month’s post will contain the [Number] of items (so just one for January, up to 12 for December).

For our purposes the definition of counting includes things which either come in groups of [Number] (eg. four suits in a pack of playing cards) or things which count in [Number] (eg. decimal coinage counting in tens).

Things which Count in Three …

  1. Witches in Macbeth
  2. Bones in the middle ear
  3. Cerberus’ heads
history, links, medical, science, sexuality

Monthly Links

So here goes with this month’s selection of items you may have missed the first time round. And there is quite a lot in this month!

Science, Technology & Natural World

Death-Cap Mushrooms are spreading across North America. But why? [LONG READ]

If you don’t like stinging things, look away now … The world’s largest bee has been found in Indonesia, after having not been seen for almost 40 years. And as stinging things go, it is huge!

One from the “I didn’t know that” box … Apparently (and I’ve not yet tried this) grapes can ignite in the microwave. And now scientists have worked out why.

After a long period of relative stagnation, scientists are now trying to work out why the magnetic north pole is moving fast towards Russia.

Health & Medicine

There are male and female brains, right? Wrong; there aren’t; just brains which are moulded slightly differently by our sexist culture.

The hormone testosterone is the thing which makes boys, well boys. Well not entirely: there’s also androsterone which is not produced in the testes. Also it seems that boys also go through several periods of “puberty”.

It seems that there are molecules in ginger which can remodel our microbiome (the flora & fauna that live in our guts).

Sexuality

Book Review: 100 women reveal their vulvas in words and pictures.

The clitoris is a gift, and we need to get over this if we are to really tackle FGM.

The Crown Prosecution Service has decided that pornographic adult consensual sex is no longer taboo. “In principle, anything which is legal to consent to doing is now legal to consent to distribute images of, providing the likely audience is over the age of 18.”

Apparently the female human body blocks weak sperm. Well who would have guessed?

Social Sciences, Business, Law

Ocado, the grocery supplier, recently lost a huge warehouse to a major fire. BBC reporter Zoe Kleinman visited one of their warehouses to see how their leading edge automation in action.

Art & Literature

After far too many years, the British Library are finally making their collection of obscene writing more generally available online – through accredited institutions and in their reading rooms.

London’s National Portrait Gallery has an exhibition of Elizabethan miniatures by Hilliard and Oliver, including one of Sir Walter Ralegh (right).

History, Archaeology & Anthropology

There is a cave, in Siberia’s Altai Mountains, where Neandertals and Denisovans set up home – and it’s challenging our view of cultural evolution.

The first evidence of beer brewing in Britain has been found in Cambridgeshire.

At the other end, the remains of a three person, 12th-century, loo seat is going on display at the Museum of London Docklands.

A guy called John Harding has spent the last 20 years tracking down and cataloguing carvings of naked women showing off their genitals (aka. Sheela-na-gigs) on Britain’s churches.

After which we can only go to the gateway to Hell! A cave in Nottinghamshire has been found to contain a huge number of anti-witch graffiti.

HMS Victory – taht’s the one before the famous one – is an abandoned shipwreck in the English Channel. And now there’s an argument over whether it should be raped by archaeologists or left to decay in peace.

London

Ianvisits goes to London’s newest cathedral.

Lifestyle & Personal Development

In Sweden there’s a “stylish” shopping mall where everything is recycled, reused or upcycled.

There are people around who have decided to make not buying new closthes a lifestyle and a business.

Women across the world stopped depilating for Januhairy. Here four of them talk about what they learnt.

There’s a new emoji for menstruation. But it seems to me, and many others, to be a bit too weak.

Fed up with being positive all the time? Then don’t. Take note of what makes you annoyed and feel negative; and just see the benefits!

Food & Drink

So do you eat mouldy jam? The Prime Minister says she does, but should you? The experts consider.

Shock, Horror, Humour

And finally … There’s a woman in Glasgow who can taste your name. I feel for all the jacks and Johns out there.

Toodle Pip.

quotes

Monthly Quotes

OK, so here we are again with this month’s collection of recently encountered, interesting and/or amusing quotes.

The image of Time brought thoughts of mortality: of human beings, facing outward like the Seasons, moving hand in hand in intricate measure, stepping slowly, methodically, sometimes a trifle awkwardly, in evolutions that take recognizable shape: or breaking into seemingly meaningless gyrations, while partners disappear only to reappear again, once more giving pattern to the spectacle: unable to control the melody, unable, perhaps, to control the steps of the dance.
[Anthony Powell; A Question of Upbringing]

True freedom is being without anxiety about imperfection.
[Sengchen; 6th century Chinese Zen master]

When you work hard to make your relationship work and stay together for a long time, then you each become the person you were meant to be with.
[Haemin Sunim; Korean Buddhist monk]

You’re fine just as you are but you could use little improvement.
[Sunryu Suzuki]

Woodcutters and fishermen know just how to use things. What would they do with fancy chairs and meditation platforms? In straw sandals and with a bamboo staff, I roam three thousand worlds, dwelling by the water, feasting on the wind, year after year.
[Ikkyu]

Sometimes all we need is a hug to make us realise that everything will soon be alright.

If people bought no more books than they intended to read, and no more swords than they intended to use, the two worst trades in Europe would be a bookseller’s and a sword-cutler’s; but luckily for both they are reckoned genteel ornaments.
[Lord Chesterfield]

Many of us haven’t owned a nice box of coloured pencils since we were children. Yet no adult should be without one, because having a range of colours at our fingertips provides a route to a wide array of moods and inspirations. This box knows that colours are connected to the chords of our souls. It includes a booklet about the psychology behind twelve shades, explaining how each of these colours links us to specific memories and feelings.
[From Twitter, apparently from a box of coloured pencils]

There was an old woman from Slough
Who developed a terrible cough
So, she drank half a pint
Of warm honey and mint
But, sadly, she didn’t pull through.
[Seen on Facebook]

Light is known to be fuzzy at the quantum level. With the help of a team in Australia, researchers are sharpening the light by squeezing the fuzziness.
[From https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-47213202]

books, personal

10 Books I Hated / Can’t Read: Part 2

2 Comments

Following on from my series of 10 Books I’ve Loved I now bring you 10 Books I Hated or Can’t Read

Some of these I’ve read and didn’t like, some were destroyed for me by school, and some I’ve tried and just couldn’t get to grips with despite wanting to.

Rather than spread this across 10 days, one book per day, I’m posting this in two posts, each of five books, a few days apart. Also (because I want to) I’m going to provide a short commentary on why I found each book so difficult. This is part two.

In each part I’m nominating three people to produce their own list, in any way they like – just leave a comment here with a link to yours. The second three are: Sophie Clissold-Lesser, Nick Birns, Gabriella Walfridson. Of course anyone else is welcome to sing along!

Leo Tolstoy; War and Peace

I tried reading this, from choice, in my teens. I failed. I could not get into it and couldn’t identify with it as nothing seemed to happen in slow motion. Oh and there was too much of it.

Thomas Hardy; The Mayor of Casterbridge

This is another that was destroyed for me by being flogged through it at school. I detested it so much that I remember almost nothing about it.

Haruki Murakami; The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

I’ve tried to read this two or three times, but I’ve had to give up each time as for some reason I find it depressing, with the prospect that it gets worse as you go on. I’m told it isn’t like that, but that’s what it does to me. I’ve also found this with the other bits of Murakami I’ve tried, so it’s likely something about the way either his subject matter or his style work on me. It’s a shame as there’s something I still find intriguing here.

Charles Dickens; A Christmas Carol

Yet one more destroyed by school, and on every encounter since. I find it (as I find almost all Dickens) dark, disturbing, depressing … and tedious. The only Dickens I’ve ever tried and enjoyed is Pickwick Papers.

James Joyce; Ulysses

My parents had an early copy of Ulysses – it may even have been the original contraband Paris edition – so I read it in my mid-teens. To this day I don’t know why I bothered. WTF is it on about? Whatever it is made no sense at all. Even the Hardy and Dickens I so hate at least make some sense. I have a suspicion that Joyce is just taking the gullible for a ride.

Later in the year I hope to follow on with at least one further, similar, theme: I already have Books I Found Influential / Formative lined up. (Yes, that’s different to Books I’ve Loved.) There may be others.

books, personal

10 Books I Hated / Can’t Read: Part 1

2 Comments

Following on from my series of 10 Books I’ve Loved I now bring you 10 Books I Hated or Can’t Read

Some of these I’ve read and didn’t like, some were destroyed for me by school, and some I’ve tried and just couldn’t get to grips with despite wanting to.

Rather than spread this across 10 days, one book per day, I’m posting this in two parts, each of five books, a few days apart. Also (because I want to) I’m going to provide a short commentary on why I found each book so difficult. This is part the first.

In each part I’m nominating three people to produce their own list, in any way they like – just leave a comment here with a link to yours. The first three are: June Laurenson, Graham Page, Sue Lubkowska. Of course anyone else is welcome to sing along!

JRR Tolkien; Lord of the Rings

I would like to read this, if only to know what all the fuss is about. But over the years I’ve tried several times and never managed to get past page 50. I just don’t find it captivating.

Mervyn Peake; Titus Alone

Having read the first two books of the trilogy, I embarked on the third but had to give up about a quarter of the way through as I found it just too depressing.

Grace Metalious; Peyton Place

I read this in my early teens because everyone at school was talking about it, and it was supposed to be salacious. Frankly it was an extemely tedious soap opera.

Salman Rushdie; Satanic Verses

I will not be told by anyone what I may/may not read, so when some Ayatollah put an interdict on this I made sure I acquired a copy. In two or three attempts I’ve never got past page five; it’s worse than Finnegan’s Wake and that’s going some.

John Buchan; The Thirty-Nine Steps

Like all the (so-called) classics, this was destroyed for me by having to flog through it at school, at an age when I found engaging with books difficult. It doesn’t help that I read slowly, so I was always way behind with any reading assignment.

Part two in a few days time.