Each month during 2025 we’re offering two tiny changes which may help improve your life. This month …
This is the second of four articles addressing nudity and society. Although a series, the first three will stand alone; the fourth article will be a selection of useful supporting links. Consequently there will be overlap of material between the articles. The articles are not fully referenced (hence Article IV), although a Google search on “nudity society body acceptance” (or similar) will find many articles (academic and otherwise) relevant to the whole series, starting perhaps with British Naturism’s 2020 Submission to Parliament.
Read Article I.
At the risk of stirring up a hornet’s nest, I want to consider something that gives people pause: nudity and sex.
Almost all societies and cultures have taboos about sex and nudity. These appear largely based around the idea that if someone is nude then sex must be involved – and vice versa. Nudity and sex become inseparable; one cannot exist without the other.
But the liberating truth is:
Nudity does not require sex;
and sex does not require nudity.
Neither needs to be a taboo.
Think about that for a minute …
When we separate nudity and sexuality, we make room for more genuine comfort and body confidence – with ourselves and with others.
Nudity doesn’t have to be sexual. Being nude doesn’t automatically mean being sexual. Sometimes (most times) it just means being comfortable – in your own skin, with no pretence or performance. Think of when nudity is about freedom or expression: sunbathing, painting a self-portrait, breastfeeding, or stepping out of the shower to feel the air on your skin. None of those moments require sexual intent to be meaningful or beautiful.
Unfortunately though we’ve built a whole culture of taboos around nudity. Most of us have been taught to associate nudity with shame, temptation, or worse – an equation which is at best flawed. Such conditioning makes it hard to see the body as neutral let alone something to be appreciated, rather than judged. When we uncouple nudity from sexuality, we start to see bodies (ours and others) with more compassion and less anxiety.
Sex doesn’t have to be naked. Sexuality is about connection: emotional, physical, spiritual. While we often picture it involving total nakedness, that’s certainly not always the case. People can share deep intimacy while partly or completely clothed. Words, eye contact, emotional vulnerability, can be just as intimate as anything physical – whether clothed or not.
When we realize sex is about energy, communication, and consent – as opposed to what the body looks like – it takes the pressure off; it helps us redefine intimacy in ways that feel authentic rather than performative.
We live in a culture obsessed with, but terrified of, the human body. It seems to me a large part of the problem, and the reason for the taboos, is fear: we’re frightened of nudity because we don’t understand it; we think it (might be) an invitation, a sign of doubtful morals; and we’re petrified of losing control and being unguarded.
Because we see nudity as an invitation the media and marketing droids play on it; constantly trying to sell us a new Utopia in a bottle or a bra. Meanwhile society insists we cover up, hide, or feel guilty about our bodies, our physicality. We must not be seen to give the “wrong” messages.
This kind of mixed messaging makes it hard to know what’s “appropriate” or “normal”. So no wonder we cling to the taboos; they’re the only thing we know which appears safe.
We’re brought up with these mixed messages. But it needn’t be this way. We know kids are oblivious to nudity until we teach them otherwise. Research has also shown that being around nudity does kids no harm; it actually does them good because they develop better body image, and a better ability to see through society’s bullshit. We can do this through teaching kids about consent, boundaries and context so they can see the beauty and vulnerability of the body – and of course intimacy when/where appropriate. Sexuality can, and should, be approached in the same way.
How can we hope to have balanced and open minds when there are important elements of being human we keep closed off?
If we can’t talk about sex, we end up with shame and a lack of education.
If we can’t talk about (or see) nudity, then mental health suffers and we’re constantly fearful and prudish.
Healing this starts with awareness. It’s OK to admire the human body – yours or someone else’s – without turning it into something sexual. Let’s be honest: which of us doesn’t appreciate a pretty girl or a handsome guy (depending on one’s proclivities) whether nude or not. It’s OK to feel comfortable in, appreciate, and admire your skin, your body, without shame; and it’s OK to appreciate others. The body itself isn’t the problem; it’s the meanings – so often creepy or (latently) abusive – we’ve learned to attach to it.
Everyone has different levels of comfort around nudity and sexuality. Some, like me, are completely open and unfazed regardless of circumstance (it’s how I was brought up, enabling me to develop my own beliefs); others the complete opposite; most somewhere in between. What matters is choice and consent. You get to decide what feels right for you; when, where, and with whom. In return, others deserve the same respect.
Not assuming nudity always means sex, and sex always means nudity, gives us permission to create clearer boundaries, deeper trust, and an open mind; and it’s easier to honour what’s truly comfortable, rather than what’s culturally expected.
At the end of the day, your body’s not just something you “have”; it’s an integral part of who you are. It’s not inherently sexual, shameful, or wrong. It’s your home. Learning to inhabit that home with kindness and acceptance can be incredibly healing.
Let’s accept nudity as normal; and let’s see sex the same way. But they’re not ipso facto joined. Why should we not accept nudity as normal, just as we would Fred’s new suit or Suzy’s cocktail dress? We can admire and appreciate them, without seeing them as inherently sexual.
So whether you’re fully clothed, completely nude, or somewhere in between, remember you get to define what intimacy means for you; not anyone else and certainly not society. Which means: nudity doesn’t require sex (unless all those involved consent for it to do so); and sex doesn’t require nudity. But both, when approached with awareness, consent and respect can be deeply human (even transcendental) experiences.
Each month during 2025 we’re offering two tiny changes which may help improve your life. This month …
Being some things noted in this last month which I’ve not otherwise written about.
Monday 1
Blimey, what a day! It started on dodgy ground, with too much to squeeze in, and went down hill all the way from there.
Follow-up call from GP first thing: Can I come in today? No. Forced an arrangement which much better suits me as I don’t think this is urgent. Downside is I have to go get some blood tests on Wednesday morning.
Then to the optician. We both got away without needing new glasses – result! However the optician spots something in N’s eye(s) that she doesn’t like and insists on her going today to the eye hospital in central London. It takes N ages to get a cab, by which time I’ve had my eye test so I cadge a lift home. Home at 14:00 having gone out at 11:00!
Along the way I forgot to stop and consign the post to a postbox, and drop into the doctors for some sample tubes.
I would have gone with N except we’re due a supermarket delivery between 16:00-17:00. This turns up, unannounced, at 14:35! Gah!
I then forgot all about this evening’s reading group Zoom call.
N finally got home at something well past 21:00 having been buggered around by the cab company!
Tuesday 2
A very unexciting day, which was good after yesterday, and was spent regrouping. A quick dash out first thing to the post and doctors – before the rain arrived. Then, apart from falling asleep for an hour mid-afternoon, spent the rest of the day catching up on admin and paperwork, which should have been done yesterday. Most of the day from mid-morning was punctuated by heavy rain showers – which is good because we really need it.
Wednesday 3
Cometh today the gardener, which was just as well as overnight the metal arch over the path outside the back door has fallen apart (in the wind), and of course taken the honeysuckle and rambler rose with it. We shouldn’t complain as it came from my parents 20 or more years ago, and was not new then, so it’s done well. The rose (which hitherto has not been prolific but which we don’t want to lose) has been propped up, but I suspect we’ll lose one good stem. The honeysuckle has been cut off at about 3 feet for now, and will doubtless come again from the bottom. The upshot was to order a new metal arch. Well it’s only money! And all of a piece with the rest of the week.
Friday 5
Result (I hope)! I discovered I can get this autumn’s Covid booster. The rules say it’s available only to those over 75, but when you read the small print it is anyone who is 75 or over on 31 January 2026. So I creep in by about 2 weeks. I’ve been able to book my Covid and flu jabs for early October, so we’ll see what happens.
Monday 8
8 September 1979 was a gloriously warm and sunny Saturday, so N and I walked the 400m to church to get married.
Tuesday 9
What is happening today? There’s been a lot of helicopter traffic around. We always see a few choppers as we’re close to Northolt airfield, which stables a few including London’s Air Ambulance. But today there’s been much more traffic than usual, including, at about 17:00, three Chinooks in line heading towards Northolt. We normally only see them (and then normally only singly) if there’s some big military event, or a visiting someone who needs extra security. And blimey, they’re huge noisy beasts.
Saturday 13
We seem to have made a habit of of having king prawn salad on a Friday or Saturday evening. And so it came to pass this evening. But who knew cats like prawns? We always keep them two or three prawns, which are divided out between whichever helpers appear when we’re eating. This evening we had all three cats, within two feet of each other, sitting there saying “I do like prawns. Please Mum, are there more?” It’s a good job we always buy plenty of prawns as they probably got through the best part of two large prawns each; and that was after cleaning their bowls of their weekly treat of fresh cooked cod.
Tuesday 16
Make up your bloody minds! Tooth op tomorrow and I was originally given an 11:30 arrival time. Then a few days ago they decided to change it and get all the surgeon’s list in for 07:00, so no food after 02:00! This afternoon it was changed back to 11:30; much more civilised. Apparently the surgeon’s secretary told the hospital they weren’t having patients sitting around all day to no purpose; so some of us were moved back to a sensible time. I must say I was rather relieved, and welcomed the elbow room. And this is private healthcare too!
Wednesday 17
After a few days of panic, the surgery to remove the remains of my molar was easy – apart from still spending too many hours sitting around the hospital and feeling apprehensive (as below).
Everyone eventually found their correct hymn sheets and agreed I was having sedation and local anaesthetic, which was brilliant. The sedation turned out to be only like having downed a full bottle of wine!
I was in and out of theatre in 45 minutes – arrive at theatre at 14:20; in Recovery by 15:05; home before 18:15. Yes it’s a bit painful, but I have strong painkillers if I need them.
Along the way the senior theatre nurse spotted my infected elbow (which I’ve had for years). I was robustly told off and ordered to go to my GP.
Thursday 18
I slept well and tooth much better than anticipated. Yes, some pain, but controllable with ibuprofen. Gradually getting back to food: soup and softer things; will likely be almost back to normal tomorrow. Spent the afternoon with friends as, somewhat ridiculously, I was supposed to have a babysitter for 24 hours (and N was at hospital herself) – probably wise as I do still feel somewhat disconnected.
Friday 19
Definitely improving. Eating pretty much normally, although being careful. Almost don’t need painkillers. But still dozy in the head, so nothing accomplished except a request to GPs to look at the elbow.
I was sent home from hospital with antibiotics (because elbow), opioid painkillers (which contain paracetamol and thus conflict with the antibiotics), and some laxative (because opioid painkillers). What a complete waste; I’m taking the antibiotics but not the opioid painkillers and hence not the laxative – so these last two will just end up being taken to the pharmacy and destroyed.
Saturday 20
Blimey; it’s blowing a gale out there this evening. Mind there is a yellow weather warning out, so we can’t say we’re surprised.
Sunday 21
This evening I rescued a small fruit fly from N’s wine. Obviously it was wet and doused in alcohol. Will it survive? Of course it will. It sat on my paper napkin for quite a few minutes. Firstly running around, possibly to clean the feet and get the body working. Then, which I’ve noticed before, it used its front feet to clean its face; and back feet to clean its wings; rinse and repeat many times. After maybe 5 minutes, poof, it was gone. Clearly all systems restored. I continue to be amazed at the delicateness of these creatures; fine thread-like red-brown legs; tiny black heads; black & yellow striped abdomens; delicate transparent wings. At first sight you think they’re just black; but they aren’t. And how you can make something that small, which works, defeats my brain. They’re amazing little creatures.
Monday 22
Today we picked the apples from our two small (planted in large containers) trees. Although they’re not yet fully ripe, many were getting eaten (snails, ants, etc.) so we needed to cut our losses. A huge number from one of the trees (Falstaff), although many are small and will have to be used for chutney or the like. Not so many from the other tree (Pinova), but they are large.
I’m still feeling pretty washed out after the tooth op, which I guess is the body needing to recover from the stress and shock. So taking things gently.
Tuesday 23
It is wonderful to be able to eat fresh, tasty, organic apples – even if they are still slightly tart, which I don’t mind (I have been known to eat Bramleys as a dessert apple!).
Thursday 25
This morning my annual diabetes check-up with the nurse at the doctors. I spent almost 40 minutes with her; we covered a lot of ground, and not just diabetes. Overall she is very happy with me and trusts my numbers on blood pressure, weight etc. No blood tests as key ones were done a few months ago; but she suggested we do them again in December (before Christmas). Moreover she likes the way I track some things and took a couple of my charts away to use with other patients!
Friday 26
Tooth now pretty much back to normal. Just a slight niggle remaining so I’ve not needed any painkillers for at least 48 hours. Still having to be careful with the toothbrush, and not chewing on that side.
Sunday 28
After all this time it does feel slightly odd to be going out socialising. We had a very pleasant lunch today with friends who looked after me 10 days ago – so the treat was on me. They took us to their local tapas restaurant. Surprisingly for Sunday lunchtime it was not packed, with just two other tables occupied, one of four people (as we were too) and the other with a party of, I think, seven. Plenty of plates of tapas shared: salads, whitebait, sardines, sausage, chicken, patatas bravas …; followed by the obligatory churros with chocolate sauce. And it was good; nothing much more needed today; and the healthy eating option satisfied for the week – maybe!
Tuesday 30
I’ll leave you this month with a fairly rubbish photo of Tilly Cat in repose this afternoon amongst the miscellaneous garbage in the study.
Each month during 2025 we’re offering two tiny changes which may help improve your life. This month …
Each month during 2025 we’re offering two tiny changes which may help improve your life. This month …
