Weekly Photograph

Almost all my phalaenopsis orchids are in flower at the moment. This is just one of the more stunning, taken a couple of days ago in natural daylight.

Orchid
Orchid
Greenford; January 2016
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When I'm Sixty-Four + 1

65Today is one of those things that happens just once in a lifetime; a veritable Red Letter Day.
Today is Old Farts Day.
Because today is the day I officially become a fully paid up state-registered geriatric, having reached the exalted age of 65 years.
No, I don’t know how it’s happened, especially when my head still tells me I’m no more than 30, but my body thinks it’s 197?
I guess reality must be some variant of “split the difference”.
Of course I’m still as imperfect and useless as I always was, but the older I get the less I actually care.

Ten Things

As this time last year, this month’s “ten things” list is suitably topical.
Regular readers will recall that I don’t do new year resolutions. In general, especially the way we do them, I think new year resolutions just set you up to fail: we always try to eat the elephant in one go. I’m going to go to the gym every day is unrealistic; but going once or twice a week (which would be a good start) is perhaps achievable. And so on.
I also don’t believe in mortification of the flesh and making myself do things which I don’t enjoy. We’re always told to do things like yoga, listen to music, or drink tea as great stress busters — they’re fine if they work for you and you enjoy them. But there is one much, much better way to manage your stress: If you don’t enjoy it, don’t do it. And that applies, in triplicate, to new year resolutions!
Nevertheless here is a list of 10 things I am going to try to do in 2016, in no special order:

  1. Keep breathing
  2. Go somewhere/do something I’ve not done before
  3. Be drawn/painted/photographed nude by someone other than family
  4. Visit the Horniman Museum
  5. Try to visit these four exhibitions:
    Samuel Pepys: Plague, Fire, Revolution (National Maritime Museum)
    Alexander Calder: Performing Sculpture (Tate Modern)
    Scholar, Courtier, Magician: The Lost Library of John Dee (RCP)
    Bagpuss, Noggin the Nog & Clangers (V&A Museum of Childhood)
  6. Attend the Anthony Powell Conference in York
  7. Visit at least one steam railway
  8. Keep drinking more champagne
  9. Get paid my state pension
  10. Take more photographs than last year

The eagle-eyed will see that some of these are things I failed (or indeed succeeded) at last year. And, of course, some are going to be a lot harder than others, so it remains to be seen how successful I shall be, but we’ll give it a go and not be majorly disappointed if we fail.

Alcoholic Puritans

As Simon Barnes (former Chief Sports Writer of the Times) pointed out long ago, alcohol is the West’s drug of choice. But we live in a puritan country, and one where the government is getting ever more puritan and attempting to curtail anything of which it doesn’t approve.
Hence this week we have seen new government guidelines on the consumption of alcohol which are hyperbolic and puritan [Telegraph, 08/01/2016]. Or in the words of Simon Jenkins in the Guardian [08/01/2016]: These absurd new guidelines on how much alcohol we should drink are patronising and will have negligible effect on people’s health … These limits are about a vague national self-image of puritanism, not health.
At a swoop the alcohol limit for men has been halved to 14 units a week. Yes, halved. They say the previous limit was 21 units, but it wasn’t; the guidelines said 3-4 units a day; that’s up to 28 units a week. Similarly the limit for women has been reduced from 21 units (2-3 units a day) to 14. That, my friends, is the first piece of statistical obfuscation in the announcements — and it is one none of the media seem to have noticed.
As the Telegraph points out, one simple rule in life is that if A tries to tell B not to do something, B will probably want to do it all the more. Especially if A works for the government and is therefore ipso facto not trusted and seen as hectoring.
According to the Chief Medical Officer there is no safe level of alcohol consumption. While technically this may be true, it is disingenuous. The report’s figures show that there is a small but significant increased risk of breast cancer for women who drink; and similarly an increase in some of the rarer cancers (eg. oesophageal cancer) in men.
So what is the data behind this? Well the figures being quoted in the media are:

Cancer 0 Units 1-14 Units >14 units
Breast, female 11% 12.5% 15.5%
Bowel, male 6.5% 6.5% 8.5%
Bowel, female 5% 5% 6.5%
Oesophagal, male 0.5% 1.5% 2.5%

[Note: these numbers have been rounded to the nearest 0.5%; allowing for error bars the statistics cannot possibly be any more accurate than this.]
So if I drink more than 14 units a week I am 2% more likely to get bowel cancer (for which I am already being regularly monitored) or oesophageal cancer (which is pretty rare). And note this is over my lifetime (three-quarters or more of which has already passed), not per year.
Let’s give this some perspective … For comparison, in the UK we have a less than 0.5% lifetime chance of dying in some form of transportation accident (the vast majority of which is down to road travel). [In the USA this risk is over 1%.] Moreover in the UK the risk of dying from coronary heart disease alone is around 14% for men and 10% for women.
To quote the Telegraph again, the hyperbolic claim that there is no safe limit at all — that someone is taking their life into their own hands when they enjoy a glass of sherry — defies common sense. The report even admits the health risks of drinking within its recommended limits are comparable to those from “regular or routine activities, such as driving”. And that is something we all accept for both convenience and enjoyment.
As Christopher Snowdon, Head of Lifestyle Economics at the Institute of Economic Affairs observed [Telegraph, again]: Alcohol consumption has been falling for a decade. The change to the guidelines will turn hundreds of thousands of people into ‘hazardous drinkers’ overnight thereby reviving the moral panic about drinking in Britain and opening the door to yet more nanny state interventions. People deserve to get honest and accurate health advice from the Chief Medical Officer, not scaremongering.
And this from Prof Sir David Spiegelhalter, Winton Professor of the Public Understanding of Risk, University of Cambridge: These guidelines define ‘low-risk’ drinking as giving you less than a 1 per cent chance of dying from an alcohol-related condition … An hour of TV watching a day, or a bacon sandwich a couple of times a week, is more dangerous to your long-term health.
Or Simon Jenkins again: Everything we do in life is risky … We would be furious if Whitehall laid down risk and safety limits for riding horses, climbing mountains, eating foreign food and playing rugby. All involve far greater danger than marginal changes in consuming alcohol.
No wonder the government and the Chief Medical Officer have been accused of nanny state scaremongering.
But let’s be clear what the government are doing here. This is puritanism and prohibition by the back-door. Tobacco has already been made socially unacceptable. This is the campaign to do the same for alcohol. And note that they have already started on sugar.
And we all know that prohibition doesn’t work; it drives the problem underground and deprives the government of tax revenue.
As citizens it is our right — indeed our duty — to stand out against such ill-conceived nanny-state control. It is high time that people were empowered to take responsibility for their own lives, the risks they take and their quality of life (something which is all too often overlooked) without hectoring “advice” from on high. Unless we do so we are rapidly sliding down the slippery slope to Orwell’s 1984 and Huxley’s Brave New World.
I, for one, will be treating this new guidance with the contempt it deserves.

Oddity of the Week: Professional Farters

This week we enter the realms of pre-adolescent male humour — and the humour of wealthy and powerful medievals. We all know that every court had one or more jesters, and it seems that some of them included farting to order amongst their repertoire. Some were even able to fart tunes (indeed from memory there is a line somewhere in Chaucer about some character “playing upon the arse trumpet”).


Note the flatulists at right

The best known of the medieval professionals is Roland the Farter. As a minstrel to King Henry II, Roland probably had many talents besides being a flatulist. In fact so good was Roland that he was rewarded with a manor house and 100 acres of land.
And even to this day there is the occasional professional farter.
There’s more such amusement at www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-true-story-of-roland-the-farter-and-how-the-internet-killed-professional-flatulence.

2016 Predictions

I thought I’d get my crystal ball out again this year and see if I could come up with a few ideas as to what might happen over the course of this brand new 2016.
What follows is the best I can interpret the misty images in the aforesaid crystal ball. As last year they are just my ideas of what might happen based solely on hunches and gut feel; I have no inside knowledge and I haven’t been studying the form — so if you base any decision on any of this I will take no responsibility for your idiocy. However some of them do seem to be somewhat obvious.
Anyway, here we go …


UK

  1. David Cameron will not succeed in negotiating any meaningful changes to UK’s membership of the EU
  2. Nevertheless Cameron declares a triumph & campaigns for the UK to stay in the EU
  3. However the UK electorate will vote narrowly to leave the EU
  4. This could lead to the downfall of the current government and a General Election
  5. Labour’s Sadiq Khan wins the London mayoral election
  6. Boris Johnson is appointed to the cabinet in a summer reshuffle
  7. At least one very well-known UK company (or charity) goes into liquidation unexpectedly with 500+ job losses
  8. The government will go ahead with a third runway at Heathrow despite adverse environmental evaluations
  9. Consequently the value of property within 10 miles of the Heathrow flightpath falls by 20%
  10. Work starts on HS2 and Crossrail 2 despite the lack of available funding
  11. Construction work starts on London’s “garden bridge”, also despite a funding shortfall; the project will never be completed
  12. Inflation remains at about 1%
  13. Interest rates rise to 1% by YE
  14. The FTSE 100 closes 2016 down 10% on the 2015 close
  15. At least one major “accident” (transport? industrial? terrorist?) with 50+ fatalities — and there’s a good chance it will be in London
  16. Death of a senior member of the royal family
  17. Prince Harry comes out as gay (or at least bi)
  18. Artist Banksy is finally unmasked; he turns out to be someone already well known
  19. Bruce Forsythe and David Attenborough die
  20. Arsenal win Premier League
  21. Another warm, wet winter followed by a cold wet summer

World

  1. Donald Trump will not win the Republican nomination in the US Presidential election
  2. Hilary Clinton wins the US Presidential election by the tiniest of majorities
  3. Relations between Turkey and Russia deteriorate further
  4. Fighting in Ukraine flares up again
  5. North Korean leader Kim Jong-un dies unexpectedly, plunging the country into chaos and resulting in annexation by China
  6. Dalai Lama dies, precipitating a diplomatic crisis with China
  7. Major violence erupts in Egypt further damaging their tourist industry especially in the Nile Valley
  8. Assad remains in power in Syria, possibly in a strengthened position as the West comes to see him as the least worst option
  9. Greece will have further financial troubles and will again come close to leaving the EU — and they may even be forced to leave
  10. Cyprus reaches some form of vague reunification agreement
  11. The EU has to formally suspend Schengen Agreement
  12. A further downturn in Chinese economy causes worldwide downturn
  13. Oil prices remain low but fuel and domestic energy prices rise compared with the start of the year
  14. At least two major airline, train, cruise liner or ferry accidents with 200+ fatalities (in total)
  15. A naval vessel (Australian? Russian?) finds the wreckage of MH370, by luck as it is outside the search zone; it is too deep to be safely recovered

Personal
Six personal predictions have been documented but are redacted to protect both saints and sinners.


Let’s see if we can do any better this year than we did last. But do not put any money on this — I won’t be!
Do you have any good predictions for this year? If so please share them.

Weekly Photograph

Another from the archives this week. This was taken in October 2013 when Noreen and I travelled on the paddle-steamer Waverley down the Thames from London (Tower Pier) to Southend and back. We left about 9am on a cold misty morning, but this cleared to a lovely warm sunny day. The final leg of the return journey was in a rather chilly twilight, but it did provide some good photo opportunities …

Pylon
Pylon
Thames, East London; October 2013
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Your Interesting Links

OK boys and girls, here’s the next instalment of links to items you may have missed the first time round.
And as from this issue, these link posts will be monthly, on around the last day of the month (or maybe a day later).
So here we go …
Science & Medicine
Let’s start with a look at some science myths that just refuse to die. Own up: how many of those did you believe?
You would expect, wouldn’t you, that medics would by now understand the menopause and how to alleviate its worst symptoms for those women worst affected? Seems that isn’t the case and the menopause isn’t well understood at all.
We hear a lot about “evidence-based medicine”. But is there any evidence that “evidence-based medicine” is any better than any other variety?
You need to be fit to go into hospital. Yes, really! Apart from the rise in hospital-acquire infections, it seems that the environment is physically and mentally debilitating.
So who has needed a hangover cure in the last few days? Here’s a bit about the possible underlying causes of hangovers, which again are still not well understood.
Sexuality
Possibly only the French would dare put on an exhibition called Splendours and Miseries: Images of Prostitution 1850-1910. Kim Willsher reviews for the Guardian.


Now here’s a brave teacher who believes in what I have always said: we would be better off being open and honest and discussing sexuality etc. This really should be the norm.
Hair. Why do men grow it on their chins but (apparently) insist women remove it from their genitals? Could we be about to see a resurgence of pubic hair?
Environment
George Monbiot (yes, him again!) has a rant about the environmental damage caused by agriculture and the growing of our food.
Social Sciences & Business
Cheating (generally, not sexually). We all do it — some more than others. But we all do it to some extent if only in pursuance of our personal myth.
Talking of cheating, it’s estimated that 3% of £1 coins currently in circulation are fakes. To counteract such forgery the Royal Mint will be issuing a new 12-sided £1 coin in 2017.
Londonist proposed 15 ways in which London’s train network could be improved, and all without building a single foot of new track. Some of them do seem to be incredibly simple to do!
Art & Literature
Is there really any point in collecting books? Howard Jacobson has a view.
History
This really should be called London Curiosities, but they all have some historic basis …
Londonist, again, hunts out London’s top 10 moats. Oh yes, there really are that many moats in London, although not all are historic.
And one more from Londonist, this time London’s top 10 tunnels and catacombs.
Being English we do like our cup of tea (or a large mug in my case!). So why didn’t I previously know about Twining’s teashop and museum. Must add this to the 2016 bucket list.

And finally in this section, an old favourite. Caroline’s Miscellany gets a look round the long closed Down Street Station.
Food & Drink
Most of us probably drank some champagne over Christmas, or maybe to see in the New Year, so here’s a little of the chemistry that makes champagne work.
Alice Roberts writes about choosing to be a vegetarian, although she eats fish for health, and actually likes the taste of meat.
Shock, Horror, Humour
And in our final sections, Ipswich’s most famous cat burglar, Theo, relapses into his thieving ways.

And lastly, Londonist (yes, them again) investigates the 10 rudest museum exhibits in London.
More in a month’s time!

2015 Predictions, the Results

Back at the beginning of 2015 I made some predictions as to what I thought would happen during the year. How well did I do? Well no, not very well. But then I didn’t really expect to. Here are the results:


UK

  1. Labour win the General Election — although probably not with an overall majority; they form a government in coalition with the LibDems. WRONG
  2. As a result of the new government the unions start demanding, and getting, inflation busting wage rises. WRONG; due to election result; although the rail unions have certainly tried over all-night running on the London Underground.
  3. Theresa May beats off a challenge from Boris Johnson to become leader of the Conservative Party. WRONG; due to election result.
  4. There is no change in UK interest rates. CORRECT
  5. A major household name (possibly a high street store) calls in the receivers. MAYBE: if Kid’s Company counts.
  6. At least one UK holiday tour operator goes under stranding several hundred holiday-makers abroad. WRONG
  7. Against expectations UK inflation will be around 4% driven by higher wage settlements and spending by the new government. WRONG; annual inflation remained at under about 1%.
  8. On 31 December FTSE will close down 10% compared with 1 January. WRONG; at 6242 it is down just under 5%.
  9. UK will see at least one major plane crash and one major train crash. WRONG
  10. Duke of Edinburgh dies and is given a state funeral. WRONG
  11. Queen Elizabeth II becomes Britain’s longest reigning monarch. CORRECT
  12. The UK has a warm winter and a cold wet summer. CORRECT; winter was marginally warmer than average (about +0.5°C) with average rainfall but more sunshine; summer was as predicted colder and wetter than average.

Overseas

  1. Violence in South Africa between black tribes threatens to turn into civil war and causes a white exodus. WRONG; although in April Zulu King Goodwill Zwelithini asked for an end to violence after attacks against migrants.
  2. Death of President Mugabe of Zimbabwe is followed by further civil war. WRONG
  3. Major epidemic will affect the developed world — could be Ebola or flu or MERS or something entirely new. WRONG
  4. Australia will experience an earthquake of at least magnitude 7. WRONG
  5. The Pope will issue a revolutionary encyclical, possibly on birth control, divorce or the celibate priesthood. MAYBE; three things I spotted (1) the Pope telling people they don’t have to breed like rabbits, (2) reform of the marriage annulment process, (3) an encyclical in June on climate change.
  6. A number of international sporting bodies are proven to be driven by massive bribery and fraud. CORRECT; see FIFA and the IAAF.
  7. The Islamic world continues to descend into total meltdown with more factional fighting, civil war and coups d’état; the exceptions are Saudi Arabia and UAE which remain relatively stable due to their oil wealth. CORRECT
  8. Russia continues to be belligerent over Ukraine and only their economic woes will prevent World War 3. CORRECT; although Russia’s intervention in Syria seems to have relieved the pressure somewhat.
  9. Brussels finally gets fed up with the UK’s posturing and formally asks us to leave the EU. WRONG; but they got fairly close to this with Greece over the summer.
  10. A major airline goes into liquidation MAYBE; does Cyprus Air (who closed in January) count?

Personal

  1. I finally have to be put on insulin to control my diabetes. WRONG; but we must be getting perilously close.
  2. We lose the venerable Harry the Cat (well he is over 17) but he is replaced by two kittens. WRONG; but again we must be getting close to losing Harry; he’s now over 18.

For once being wrong most of the time was actually quite a good thing!
2016 predictions to follow in the next few days.