Almost all my phalaenopsis orchids are in flower at the moment. This is just one of the more stunning, taken a couple of days ago in natural daylight.

Orchid
Greenford; January 2016
Click the image for larger views on Flickr
Today is one of those things that happens just once in a lifetime; a veritable Red Letter Day.
Today is Old Farts Day.
Because today is the day I officially become a fully paid up state-registered geriatric, having reached the exalted age of 65 years.
No, I don’t know how it’s happened, especially when my head still tells me I’m no more than 30, but my body thinks it’s 197?
I guess reality must be some variant of “split the difference”.
Of course I’m still as imperfect and useless as I always was, but the older I get the less I actually care.
As this time last year, this month’s “ten things” list is suitably topical.
Regular readers will recall that I don’t do new year resolutions. In general, especially the way we do them, I think new year resolutions just set you up to fail: we always try to eat the elephant in one go. I’m going to go to the gym every day is unrealistic; but going once or twice a week (which would be a good start) is perhaps achievable. And so on.
I also don’t believe in mortification of the flesh and making myself do things which I don’t enjoy. We’re always told to do things like yoga, listen to music, or drink tea as great stress busters — they’re fine if they work for you and you enjoy them. But there is one much, much better way to manage your stress: If you don’t enjoy it, don’t do it. And that applies, in triplicate, to new year resolutions!
Nevertheless here is a list of 10 things I am going to try to do in 2016, in no special order:
The eagle-eyed will see that some of these are things I failed (or indeed succeeded) at last year. And, of course, some are going to be a lot harder than others, so it remains to be seen how successful I shall be, but we’ll give it a go and not be majorly disappointed if we fail.
As Simon Barnes (former Chief Sports Writer of the Times) pointed out long ago, alcohol is the West’s drug of choice. But we live in a puritan country, and one where the government is getting ever more puritan and attempting to curtail anything of which it doesn’t approve.
Hence this week we have seen new government guidelines on the consumption of alcohol which are hyperbolic and puritan [Telegraph, 08/01/2016]. Or in the words of Simon Jenkins in the Guardian [08/01/2016]: These absurd new guidelines on how much alcohol we should drink are patronising and will have negligible effect on people’s health … These limits are about a vague national self-image of puritanism, not health.
At a swoop the alcohol limit for men has been halved to 14 units a week. Yes, halved. They say the previous limit was 21 units, but it wasn’t; the guidelines said 3-4 units a day; that’s up to 28 units a week. Similarly the limit for women has been reduced from 21 units (2-3 units a day) to 14. That, my friends, is the first piece of statistical obfuscation in the announcements — and it is one none of the media seem to have noticed.
As the Telegraph points out, one simple rule in life is that if A tries to tell B not to do something, B will probably want to do it all the more. Especially if A works for the government and is therefore ipso facto not trusted and seen as hectoring.
According to the Chief Medical Officer there is no safe level of alcohol consumption. While technically this may be true, it is disingenuous. The report’s figures show that there is a small but significant increased risk of breast cancer for women who drink; and similarly an increase in some of the rarer cancers (eg. oesophageal cancer) in men.
So what is the data behind this? Well the figures being quoted in the media are:
| Cancer | 0 Units | 1-14 Units | >14 units |
| Breast, female | 11% | 12.5% | 15.5% |
| Bowel, male | 6.5% | 6.5% | 8.5% |
| Bowel, female | 5% | 5% | 6.5% |
| Oesophagal, male | 0.5% | 1.5% | 2.5% |
[Note: these numbers have been rounded to the nearest 0.5%; allowing for error bars the statistics cannot possibly be any more accurate than this.]
So if I drink more than 14 units a week I am 2% more likely to get bowel cancer (for which I am already being regularly monitored) or oesophageal cancer (which is pretty rare). And note this is over my lifetime (three-quarters or more of which has already passed), not per year.
Let’s give this some perspective … For comparison, in the UK we have a less than 0.5% lifetime chance of dying in some form of transportation accident (the vast majority of which is down to road travel). [In the USA this risk is over 1%.] Moreover in the UK the risk of dying from coronary heart disease alone is around 14% for men and 10% for women.
To quote the Telegraph again, the hyperbolic claim that there is no safe limit at all — that someone is taking their life into their own hands when they enjoy a glass of sherry — defies common sense. The report even admits the health risks of drinking within its recommended limits are comparable to those from “regular or routine activities, such as driving”. And that is something we all accept for both convenience and enjoyment.
As Christopher Snowdon, Head of Lifestyle Economics at the Institute of Economic Affairs observed [Telegraph, again]: Alcohol consumption has been falling for a decade. The change to the guidelines will turn hundreds of thousands of people into ‘hazardous drinkers’ overnight thereby reviving the moral panic about drinking in Britain and opening the door to yet more nanny state interventions. People deserve to get honest and accurate health advice from the Chief Medical Officer, not scaremongering.
And this from Prof Sir David Spiegelhalter, Winton Professor of the Public Understanding of Risk, University of Cambridge: These guidelines define ‘low-risk’ drinking as giving you less than a 1 per cent chance of dying from an alcohol-related condition … An hour of TV watching a day, or a bacon sandwich a couple of times a week, is more dangerous to your long-term health.
Or Simon Jenkins again: Everything we do in life is risky … We would be furious if Whitehall laid down risk and safety limits for riding horses, climbing mountains, eating foreign food and playing rugby. All involve far greater danger than marginal changes in consuming alcohol.
No wonder the government and the Chief Medical Officer have been accused of nanny state scaremongering.
But let’s be clear what the government are doing here. This is puritanism and prohibition by the back-door. Tobacco has already been made socially unacceptable. This is the campaign to do the same for alcohol. And note that they have already started on sugar.
And we all know that prohibition doesn’t work; it drives the problem underground and deprives the government of tax revenue.
As citizens it is our right — indeed our duty — to stand out against such ill-conceived nanny-state control. It is high time that people were empowered to take responsibility for their own lives, the risks they take and their quality of life (something which is all too often overlooked) without hectoring “advice” from on high. Unless we do so we are rapidly sliding down the slippery slope to Orwell’s 1984 and Huxley’s Brave New World.
I, for one, will be treating this new guidance with the contempt it deserves.
This week we enter the realms of pre-adolescent male humour — and the humour of wealthy and powerful medievals. We all know that every court had one or more jesters, and it seems that some of them included farting to order amongst their repertoire. Some were even able to fart tunes (indeed from memory there is a line somewhere in Chaucer about some character “playing upon the arse trumpet”).

I thought I’d get my crystal ball out again this year and see if I could come up with a few ideas as to what might happen over the course of this brand new 2016.
What follows is the best I can interpret the misty images in the aforesaid crystal ball. As last year they are just my ideas of what might happen based solely on hunches and gut feel; I have no inside knowledge and I haven’t been studying the form — so if you base any decision on any of this I will take no responsibility for your idiocy. However some of them do seem to be somewhat obvious.
Anyway, here we go …
UK
World
Personal
Six personal predictions have been documented but are redacted to protect both saints and sinners.
Let’s see if we can do any better this year than we did last. But do not put any money on this — I won’t be!
Do you have any good predictions for this year? If so please share them.
Another from the archives this week. This was taken in October 2013 when Noreen and I travelled on the paddle-steamer Waverley down the Thames from London (Tower Pier) to Southend and back. We left about 9am on a cold misty morning, but this cleared to a lovely warm sunny day. The final leg of the return journey was in a rather chilly twilight, but it did provide some good photo opportunities …

OK boys and girls, here’s the next instalment of links to items you may have missed the first time round.
And as from this issue, these link posts will be monthly, on around the last day of the month (or maybe a day later).
So here we go …
Science & Medicine
Let’s start with a look at some science myths that just refuse to die. Own up: how many of those did you believe?
You would expect, wouldn’t you, that medics would by now understand the menopause and how to alleviate its worst symptoms for those women worst affected? Seems that isn’t the case and the menopause isn’t well understood at all.
We hear a lot about “evidence-based medicine”. But is there any evidence that “evidence-based medicine” is any better than any other variety?
You need to be fit to go into hospital. Yes, really! Apart from the rise in hospital-acquire infections, it seems that the environment is physically and mentally debilitating.
So who has needed a hangover cure in the last few days? Here’s a bit about the possible underlying causes of hangovers, which again are still not well understood.
Sexuality
Possibly only the French would dare put on an exhibition called Splendours and Miseries: Images of Prostitution 1850-1910. Kim Willsher reviews for the Guardian.


Back at the beginning of 2015 I made some predictions as to what I thought would happen during the year. How well did I do? Well no, not very well. But then I didn’t really expect to. Here are the results:
UK
Overseas
Personal
For once being wrong most of the time was actually quite a good thing!
2016 predictions to follow in the next few days.