Category Archives: ramblings

Strange Conversations

About 30 years ago, the guy I shared an office with commented about “the strange conversations you people have over the dinner table”. This was, as I recall, occasioned by my mentioning that the previous evening Noreen and I had been ruminating upon the origins, and reasons for, the names animals were given in medieval times. You know: Reynard the Fox, Tib the Cat, Broc the Badger, and so forth.

Reynard the Fox

[Although it has to be said that Jim and I also had some curious conversations in the office; as you do when you are working in IT, you have a doctorate in Chemistry and your office-mate has a doctorate in medieval French, from a French university.]
And indeed Noreen and I do discuss some odd things over dinner. Last evening we wondered about the origin of the word kiosk.
Noreen suspected initially that it might be Arabic. I suggested possibly Hindi; and later wondered about Inuit.
And of course Noreen turns out to be right. Kiosk is indeed derived ultimately from the Persian. According to the OED:

From the French kiosque and Italian chiosco; after the Turkish kiūshk a pavilion; which is from the Persian kūskh, a palace or portico.

Secondarily to this the OED quotes as one of its sources (not the earliest, that’s 1625):

1 April 1717, Lady MW Montagu letter to Mrs Thistlethwayte: “In the public gardens there are public chiosks, where people go and drink their coffee, sherbet, etc.”

I remark on this because the only other time I have come across Thistlethwaite as a name was Prof. Frank Thistlethwaite, Vice-Chancellor of UEA when I was a graduate student there in the early 70s.
But it isn’t just us. A few weeks ago when we met up with our friend Katy (plus under-age hangers on) for lunch the conversation fell to wondering about the origin of hunkey-dorey, meaning OK, good or even excellent. None of us knew, or even wanted to hazard a guess.
But trawling the intertubes it turns out that there is no agreed origin of the expression. The earliest reference seems to be in the US Civil War period collection of songs George Christy’s Essence of Old Kentucky of 1862. Not that this tells us the origin or reason; just when it is first recorded.
Looking further Word Detective turns up another, but suspiciously spurious, possible origin:

Probably the most oft-heard story about “hunky-dory” holds that there was, in the 19th century, a street in Yokohama, Japan, called “Honcho-dori.” It is said that Honcho-dori was the Times Square of Yokohama, and thus a favourite hangout of US sailors on shore leave. So popular did this street become among sailors, it is said, that “Honcho-dori” entered naval slang as “hunky-dory,” a synonym for “Easy Street” or a state of well-being and comfort.
Now, there actually is a “Honcho-dori” in Yokohama. (In fact, there’s one in many Japanese cities, because “Honcho-dori” translates roughly as “Main Street”.) But there are two problems with this story. One is that there is no direct evidence of any connection between the first appearance of “hunky-dory” around 1866 and US sailors in Japan or naval slang in general.
Problem number two is that a connection with “Honcho-dori” is somewhat unnecessary. English already had the archaic American slang word “hunk,” meaning “safe”, from the Dutch word “honk”, meaning goal or home in a game. To achieve “hunk” or “hunky” in a child’s game was to make it “home” and win the game. So “hunky” already meant OK.

But where the dory or dorey came from is, it seems, anyone’s guess. But then maybe it’s just a rhyming duplication like okey-dokey.
Yeah, the strange conversations you people have over dinner!

Manspreading

Bear with me because this is in large part me thinking aloud. And no, I’m not being a male chauvinist dickhead; I’m genuinely trying to understand a (modern?) phenomenon.
Manspreading — when a man sits with his legs wide apart on public transport encroaching on other seats — has recently been added to the Oxford English Dictionary. So this seems a suitable point for some thoughts on the subject, which actually goes wider than public transport.
Men are always being castigated for sitting with their knees apart, taking up too much room and (supposedly) showing off their jewels — or they would be showing them off if they weren’t clad in OMG jeans. I agree this posture is ungainly and unattractive; nevertheless I’m as guilty as the next bloke.
I have a four-pronged theory as to why this is, and why men don’t — indeed can’t, comfortably — sit with their knees together as women (mostly) do. This is at least in part based on personal experience and observation.

  1. Yes, the dangly bits get in the way. This doesn’t help.
     
  2. And the dangly bits get in the way even more with our modern tight underwear and trousers, where there isn’t the jiggle room to adjust their position, whether manually or automatically.
     
  3. We’re all fatter than we were, and the fatter the thighs (and remember men are also generally larger than women) the harder to get the knees together. Our forebears may have been fitter and had better muscles, but they were not generally as fat as we are, hence they were more able to sit decorously — not that they always did, as evidenced below!
     
  4. All this is exacerbated by men’s pelvic anatomy. Women’s hips are placed further apart than men’s (for good child producing reasons), which means men are already having their thighs squash their dangly bits. But having the hips closer together also means it is harder to comfortably get those knees together — the thighs are angled outwards more (presumably to provide better stability) so getting the knees together puts significant additional strain on the muscles of the hips and across the lower back. Try it guys, and see how it stresses your lower back.
     
    You can see how this works in this photo …
     
    compare-thigh-angles

     
    Look at the angles of this couple’s thighs and the closeness of the knees. See how it is anatomically harder for the man to get his knees together. Just think about the tension in the muscles.

So now let the sensible debate begin, and hopefully we’ll have some scientists prove me wrong (or even right).

Oddity of the Week: Monorail

According to the Monorail Society website, the first ever passenger carrying monorail was in my home town, at Cheshunt:

1825 — Cheshunt Railway
The first passenger carrying monorail celebrated a grand opening June 25th, 1825. It had a one-horse power engine … literally. Based on a 1821 patent by Henry Robinson Palmer, the Cheshunt Railway was actually built to carry bricks, but made monorail history by carrying passengers at its opening.


And I’m pleased to have been on the world’s oldest monorail which is still in operation: the Wuppertal Schwebebahn (above) which is also the only public passenger carrying dangling railway. It is certainly an interesting ride.

My ABCs

I haven’t done an ABC meme for a long time, so when Andrew Baker posted one on Facebook last week, well how could I resist. So here goes …
A — Age: 64
B — Biggest Fear: Poverty
C — Current Time: 11.11
D — Drink You Last Had: Tea
E — Easiest Person To Talk To: Noreen
F — Favourite Song: Pink Floyd, Learning to Fly
G — Grossest Memory: Finding a stillborn foetus on the front garden path a few years ago. About 3 inches long it looked dog-like; definitely not human (thank heaven).
H — Hometown: Waltham Cross
I — In Love With: Noreen
J — Jealous Of: (Assuming you mean jealous and not envious) my money
K — Killed Someone: Not that I know of
L — Longest Relationship: 37 years
M — Middle Name: Cullingworth (my mother’s maiden name — it’s from the village in Yorkshire)
N — Number Of Siblings: Zero
O — One Wish: Three more wishes
P — Person Who You Last Called: Tom
Q — Question You’re Always Asked: When is the next meeting?
R — Reason To Smile: Pretty girls, especially in summer
S — Song You Last Sang: Hymn “All People that on Earth do Dwell” (at my mother’s funeral)
T — Time You Woke Up: 0700 hrs
U — Underwear Colour: Nude
V — Vacation Destination: What’s a vacation?
W — Worst Habit: Procrastination
X — X-rays You’ve Had: Left hand, right foot, sinuses (at least twice), full dental and lots of run of the mill dental, large intestine (twice, and a scan), stomach, both knees (scan), kidneys
Y — Your Favourite Food: Curry
Z — Zodiac Sign: Capricorn
And no, I’m really not going to nominate anyone for this; but play along if you want to — just leave a link to yours in the comments so we can all laugh along!

4 Daily Poems #4

And so to the last of my poem a day for four days challenge.


The Rolling English Road
(GK Chesterton)
Before the Roman came to Rye or out to Severn strode,
The rolling English drunkard made the rolling English road.
A reeling road, a rolling road, that rambles round the shire,
And after him the parson ran, the sexton and the squire;
A merry road, a mazy road, and such as we did tread
The night we went to Birmingham by way of Beachy Head.
I knew no harm of Bonaparte and plenty of the Squire,
And for to fight the Frenchman I did not much desire;
But I did bash their baggonets because they came arrayed
To straighten out the crooked road an English drunkard made,
Where you and I went down the lane with ale-mugs in our hands,
The night we went to Glastonbury by way of Goodwin Sands.
His sins they were forgiven him; or why do flowers run
Behind him; and the hedges all strengthening in the sun?
The wild thing went from left to right and knew not which was which,
But the wild rose was above him when they found him in the ditch.
God pardon us, nor harden us; we did not see so clear
The night we went to Bannockburn by way of Brighton Pier.
My friends, we will not go again or ape an ancient rage,
Or stretch the folly of our youth to be the shame of age,
But walk with clearer eyes and ears this path that wandereth,
And see undrugged in evening light the decent inn of death;
For there is good news yet to hear and fine things to be seen,
Before we go to Paradise by way of Kensal Green.


My final three nominees to perpetuate the meme are: Keeley Schell, Sue Lubkowska and Peter Kislinger.

4 Daily Poems #3

And so we come to the third of my four daily poems challenge. Today I thought we’d have a couple of Limericks.


The Limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
There was a young queer of Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued all night
As to who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
To his bride, said the lynx-eyed detective,
“Can it be that my eyesight’s defective?
Or is your east tit the least
Bit the best of the west?
Or is it a trick of perspective?”


And today’s three lucky nominees are: John Potter, Jill Weekes and Kevin Bourne.

4 Daily Poems #2

So for the second of the four daily poems I’ve been challenged to post.


Kubla Khan
(by Samuel Taylor Coleridge)
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round;
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e’er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced:
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher’s flail:
And mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean;
And ’mid this tumult Kubla heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war!
The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves;
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!
A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was an Abyssinian maid
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight ’twould win me,
That with music loud and long,
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! those caves of ice!
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.


I love the opening of this poem and the “damsel with a dulcimer”.
And today I’ll nominate: John Monaghan, Steve Olle and Laura Jane Stamps.

4 Daily Poems #1

I’ve been tagged by my friend Julia over on Facebook to post a poem for four consecutive days and each day to nominate three others to do likewise. OK, the poems I will do, but I’m not going to promise to nominate people every time. So here is the first poem, which I knew by heart as a kid long before it appeared in a musical.


Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat
(from TS Eliot’s, Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats)
There’s a whisper down the line at 11.39
When the Night Mail’s ready to depart,
Saying ‘Skimble, where is Skimble, has he gone to hunt the thimble?
We must find him or the train can’t start.’
All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster’s daughters
They are searching high and low,
Saying ‘Skimble, where is Skimble, for unless he’s very nimble
Then the Night Mail just can’t go.’
At 11.42 then the signal’s nearly due
And the passengers are frantic to a man —
Then Skimble will appear and he’ll saunter to the rear:
He’s been busy in the luggage van!
He gives one flash of his glass-green eyes
And the signal goes ‘All Clear!’
And we’re off at last for the northern part
Of the Northern Hemisphere!
You may say that by and large it is Skimble who’s in charge
Of the Sleeping Car Express.
From the driver and the guards to the bagmen playing cards
He will supervise them all, more or less.
Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces
Of the travellers in the First and in the Third;
He establishes control by a regular patrol
And he’d know at once if anything occurred.
He will watch you without winking and he sees what you are thinking
And it’s certain that he doesn’t approve
Of hilarity and riot, so the folk are very quiet
When Skimble is about and on them move.
You can play no pranks with Skimbleshanks!
He’s a Cat that cannot be ignored;
So nothing goes wrong on the Northern Mail
When Skimbleshanks is aboard.
Oh it’s very pleasant when you have found your little den
With your name written up on the door.
And the berth is very neat with a newly folded sheet
And there’s not a speck of dust on the floor.
There is every sort of light — you can make it dark or bright;
There’s a button that you turn to make a breeze.
There’s a funny little basin you’re supposed to wash your face in
And a crank to shut the window if you sneeze.
Then the guard looks in politely and will ask you very brightly
‘Do you like your morning tea weak or strong?’
But Skimble’s just behind him and was ready to remind him,
For Skimble won’t let anything go wrong.
And when you creep into your cosy berth
And pull up the counterpane,
You are bound to admit that it’s very nice
To know that your won’t be bothered by mice —
You can leave all that to the Railway Cat,
The Cat of the Railway Train!
In the middle of the night he is always fresh and bright;
Every now and then he has a cup of tea
With perhaps a drop of Scotch while he’s keeping on the watch,
Only stopping here and there to catch a flea.
You were fast asleep at Crewe and so you never knew
That he was walking up and down the station;
You were sleeping all the while he was busy at Carlisle,
Where he greets the stationmaster with elation.
But you saw him at Dumfries, where he summons the police
If there’s anything they ought to know about:
When you get to Gallowgate there you do not have to wait —
For Skimbleshanks will help you to get out!
He gives you a wave of his long brown tail
Which says: ‘I’ll see you again!
You’ll meet without fail on the Midnight Mail
The Cat of the Railway Train.’


OK, yes, so I’ll nominate: Katy Wheatley, Robin Bynoe and Gabriella Waldridson

Orchid Instructions

Yesterday I posted a photo of a Denbrobium orchid, and in the past I’ve posted images of Phalaenopsis orchids. Yesterday I also made the comment that orchids are very easy to get back into flower, but realised afterwards that most people aren’t going to have a clue how to do this. So instead of throwing out that beautiful orchid once it has finished flowering, this is what you do …
Phalaenopsis orchids, which is most of what are in the shops, are actually surprisingly easy if you do a few simple things. You will also sometimes find Dendrobiums and in my experience they can be treated in much the same way. (There are many other species of orchid but these are the ones you will normally find on general sale, eg. in supermarkets, in the UK.)

Purple Orchid
Phalaenopsis orchid

Orchids are epiphytes which grow in trees using their roots only to hold them lightly in place and to pick up water. They will also grow extra aerial roots to absorb any moisture in the air; these roots should not be buried in the compost. Good roots are essential for flowering.
Make sure your orchid is potted in bark chippings and NOT in soil or moss. Orchids must not stand in water or be waterlogged; their roots have to be free-draining. If your orchid is planted in anything other than bark chippings, get some orchid compost (which is basically bark chips) and repot it. Being waterlogged is the quickest way to kill an orchid.
Dendrobium
Dendrobium orchid

You’ll notice that most orchids are planted in transparent or translucent plastic pots. This is because their roots like light just as the leaves do. If possible keep the orchid in a light place and in a clear container.
Do not put your orchid in bright sunlight as this is likely to scorch the leaves. They are plants which grow in amongst the branches of trees so although they need good light they would only naturally get dappled sun.
Orchids also need to be warm (20-25°C) most of the time. Avoid putting them somewhere where the temperature fluctuates a lot and keep them out of draughts. However a few weeks of slightly cooler temperatures (maybe down to 15°C at night) and reduced watering forces them to rest and is almost essential to get them to come back into flower.
bboIt is a good idea to get some orchid feed. There is a “Baby Bio” orchid feed in a pink bottle; it is easily available — many supermarkets sell it — and is probably as good as anything specialist. A bottle will last a long time.
Now about watering. Your orchid needs watering once a week but it must NOT stand in water all the time. Each week put your orchid (in its plastic pot) in a bowl and fill it with water almost up to the level of the compost. If you have orchid feed add a small squirt of this to the water (read the directions on the bottle) although this should not be done every time they are watered. Let the orchid soak for an hour or two (but no more). Then take it out, put it back in its outer container and return it to its normal place.
Watering time is also a good opportunity to give the plant the once over. Remove any dead/dying leaves, dead flower spikes and dry shrivelled roots with a pair of sharp scissors. Try to make sure the leaves are clean and dust free. Keep an eye out for pests like scale insects — if you spot them I’ve found that unfortunately the only reliable way to get rid of them is with a houseplant insecticide spray.
When your orchid has finished flowering — hopefully after many weeks as the flowers can last 6 weeks or more — remove the dead flowers and cut off the flower stem of Phalaenopsis (with Dendrobiums you should only remove the flowering stem when it dies and withers). Keep the cane which was supporting the flower and any clips or ties. If it needs it this is a good time to repot your orchid.
Phalaenopsis Orchid
Another of my Phalaenopsis orchids

Don’t worry if your orchid isn’t growing lots of new leaves. Phalaenopsis grow very slowly, usually only one or two new leaves a year. Dendrobiums will throw up new stems quite easily; these may need staking and they should eventually flower.
Your orchid will flower again but normally it needs those few cool nights to trigger this. As the spike grows you should stake it (that’s why you kept the old stake and clips). Although the stems themselves are quite robust, they do tend to fall over with the final weight of the flowers and it is easier to keep stems upright if they are staked early and trained upwards.
Then just sit back and enjoy the wonderful flowers!

Five Questions, Series 7 #5

And so to the last of my Five Questions — at least for this series.
In some ways this is going to be the trickiest question to answer, as you’ll see. Which is why it has been left until last. So …

★★★★★

Question 5: What character (fictional if you wish) you would like to kiss?
Now I feel like I’m on a hiding to nothing here. For if I name an obvious friend I’ll doubtless get a smack round the chops, either from the person concerned, their partner or “her indoors”.
And were I to name someone well-known, doubtless everyone would say “What?! Them!”, and immediately downgrade their opinion of me. Oh wait, that’s not possible; it is rock-bottom anyway!
And if I name someone fictional there’s at least a sporting chance no-one will have the first clue who I’m talking about. So that is rather pointless.
Of course there are lots of people “out there” (mostly female) who I think are sexy, hot or whatever other synonym you like to choose. But I cannot visualise myself ever being in the position to even consider a kiss might be on the cards. And if I can’t visualise it as a possibility then it is hard — at least for me — to imagine it. Besides, this sort of intimacy is not something I’ve grown up with; as a family (and hence it has rubbed off on me) we are very undemonstrative; the net result is that I don’t do emotion and intimacy well, however much I might wish otherwise. (And, yes, I know all of that says much about me.)
However I could just say … perhaps … Ella, or … Janet, or … Laura, or …
Then everyone can try to work out which of the 47 girls called Ella, Janet or Laura who I might know (or know about) I mean.
But whoever you decide it is, you’re wrong; it isn’t.
Unless you want it to be!
★★★★★

OK, so that’s the end of this series of Five Questions. There may be another series later in the year, especially if you all send me some good questions!
Meanwhile, be good!