Category Archives: personal

personal, ramblings

Five Questions, Series 6 #4

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! I had completely forgotten about the ast two questions in my Five Questions series. No excuses; just incompetence! So without further ado, here is the answer to Question 4.


Question 4: If all the nations in the world are in debt, who’s got the money?
Well for a start it isn’t me!
What are we talking about here? Governments being in debt? If so, well yes they are, almost by definition.
Remember that no government has any money. All they have is what they take from us as tax and what they can borrow either on the open market or in exchange for government bonds. So government will always, by definition, be in debt.
So who do governments borrow money from? Basically anyone who will lend it to them. That’s how the market works. And these people are? Businesses and the rich. They are the only people with money.
So however they manage to acquire it — basically selling things either legally or illegally — businesses and people are the only ones with any money.

medical, personal

On Depression — I

This is the first of a series of articles on depression — my depression. They are written from a very personal perspective; they are my views of how I see things working and what it feels like on the inside. Your views and experiences may be vastly different. My views and experiences are not necessarily backed by scientific evidence or current medical opinion. These articles are not medical advice or treatment pathways. If you think you have a problem then you should talk to your primary care physician.

My name is Keith. I have depression.
I have been in a serious bout of depression for most of the last 6 months — yes all summer and autumn — and I have no clue why.
I’ve decided to write a occasional things about depression; my depression. Just because.
Unless you are one of the half a handful of people closest to me you would probably not know I have depression, because most of the time when I’m out and about I can put on a mask to hide it and function more or less normally.
I want to get rid of the depression but I don’t have the first fucking clue how to.
No that isn’t an invitation to tell me how to do it – so please don’t! — because over the years I have tried almost everything and it hasn’t worked (as you’ll see by reading on).
I’ve been on antidepressants for many years; this time around I know it is well in excess of 12 years because I was on them when I changed doctors shortly after the millennium. I’ve been on the tablets for so many years I no longer have a clue whether they are doing any good, but currently it feels as if they’re useless.
Unfortunately the antidepressant I’m on is one of the worst for withdrawal symptoms when you try to get off them. I’ve had several attempts over the years but failed every time. After talking with my GP recently I’m currently having another attempt to switch to a different antidepressant. I’m hopeful this time I will succeed; but I’m fearful that I won’t.
What makes this worse is that I don’t really know why I have depression. I know that it is multifactorial and I know what some of those factors may be. For instance I know that I am worse during the winter and that I do technically have mild SAD (I was tested for that about 25 years ago). I know change and overload are also big factors. And there may be a genetic predisposition as my father and his father were also both depressives. Worrying about all the things I know I should do (exercise, lose weight, blah, blah, blah) makes the depression worse too. So it isn’t as if there is one cause which I can change to fix the problem. I wish there were.
Along with the depression, for me, go anxiety and panic attacks. Fortunately the panic attacks are now relatively rare; much rarer than they were back in the 1990s. But only because I have found strategies to avoid putting myself in the position where they are likely to happen; so I can to a large-ish extent control this.
For instance, I dislike the London Underground: the motion; the lack of fresh air; being packed in like sardines; the claustrophobia. So ask me to travel on a packed tube train and you’re asking me to have a panic attack. So I don’t travel on the underground if I can avoid it, although short distances and the over-ground parts are doable, sometimes. I feel similarly about buses, although there the problem is more to do with motion sickness — something I’ve always suffered from. Compensating for this gets expensive as it means using taxis. And luckily I am OK with normal trains; I’ve always loved proper trains.
Here’s a useful graphic which will tell you a lot more about depression. (Click the image for a larger, readable, version.)

To be continued …

history, personal, ramblings

Birthtime TV

There’s an interesting new resource from the BBC … the BBC Genome project.
It contains the listings information (TV and radio) which the BBC printed in Radio Times between 1923 and 2009 … and you can search the site for BBC programmes, people, dates and specific Radio Times editions.
That means you can find when a particular programme was broadcast, who appeared in a particular episode of your favourite comedy series and even what was being broadcast the minute you were born.
Now this latter I find sort of scary. Having been born in another century and on a different planet — ie. before we had 24 hour, wall-to-wall TV — I was totally unsure what I’d find being broadcast when I appeared.


I know I was born at lunchtime, about 12.50 according to my mother. And of course I now the date and place (University College Hospital in London’s Gower Street). But back in 1951 this was not just before the days of 24 hour TV but at a time when there were only three radio stations and one TV channel. TV (now BBC1) and the Third Programme (now BBC Radio 3) broadcast almost exclusively in the evenings with just the occasional TV programme during the day (see later).
That left me with entering the world to either Workers’ Playtime on the Home Service (now BBC Radio 4) or Hullo There! on the Light Programme (now BBC Radio 2) which featured comedian Arthur Askey.
OMG! I remember hearing Workers’ Playtime when I was a bit older. It was awful and condescending. But then so was everything in those days. As an example, the afternoon I was born TV screened a programme called Designed for Women which included “John Gloag reviews some recent books” and “Round the Shops, Margot Lovell reports on what she thinks will interest you in the shops this week”. Can’t you just hear those awful Fanny Craddock-style presenters?
Thank heavens we live in another age and in a greater light!
What about you? What was being broadcast when you appeared in the world?

personal, photography

Weekly Photograph

This week’s photograph is special. Because yesterday was my mother’s 99th birthday, which makes her the oldest person I know about in the family for some 300 years.
Of course we went to see her. She lives in a really excellent care home just south of Norwich, in a tiny village in the middle of the country. Amazingly she is all there mentally; just very frail and almost totally deaf. What is even better is that she is still doing things: reading, doing little watercolour paintings of flowers, knitting, making soft toys, and watching the occasional bit of television. She is always up to try new things: someone has given her several pieces of board for watercolour painting; and we bought her a needle-felting kit because it is something I think she’s never done — and there’s a good chance she’ll love it. OK her hand isn’t as steady and accurate as it used to be but she still enjoys painting all her own greetings cards!

Dora at 99
Dora on Her 99th Birthday
East Carleton; October 2014

All the girls in the home love her. They’re always bringing her little things to paint. And yesterday the cook made her a special birthday cake.
I think she’s having a wonderful holiday! And she certainly seems to be enjoying her age; it doesn’t seem to be a burden, although the frailty and deafness are annoying. She still has vivid memories of her childhood and things she’s done through the years.
I just really hope she makes 100 as I think as well as being a huge milestone, she will actually enjoy it, in her own quiet way.

books, personal

Ten Things #10

A month or so ago my friend Gabriella tagged me in the 10 Books Challenge: to list 10 books that stayed with you in some way. I had been thinking about this for a while, so I was enjoined not to think too hard about it, especially as they don’t have to be the “right” books or great works of literature, just ones that have affected you in some way and stayed with you.
Looking back I find I have done something very similar before. But this time my rather eclectic list is somewhat different …
10 Books that Mean Something to Me

  1. Like Gabriella I have to start with Anthony Powell’s A Dance to the Music of Time. All twelve volumes. I’ve written so many times before about Dance I’ll say no more here.
     
  2. Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland and Alice through the Looking Glass. I remember these from an early age and they started me thinking about language and logic. I especially love the Martin Gardner’s Annotated Alice, first encountered as a student.
     
  3. TS Elliot, Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats. As an 8-year-old I knew “Skimbleshanks” by heart.
     
  4. Evelyn Waugh, Black Mischief and Waugh in Abyssinia which might as well be the same book.
     
  5. Noreen Marshall, Dictionary of Children’s Clothes, 1700s to Present. How can I not have been influenced by this: I lived with (and still do live with) the author through the umpteen years it was being written.
     
  6. Gabriel Chevallier, Clochemerle. Brilliant farce. Read as a teenager.
     
  7. John Betjeman, High and Low. I bought this in my teens, when it first came out and for many years it was my go-to book if I had a sleepless night.
     
  8. Florence Greenberg, Jewish Cooking. No I’m not Jewish, but I found this when a student and it is such an excellent cookery book. OK there’s no pork or offal but there is just about everything else from the everyday to the special.
     
  9. Douglas Adams, Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy.
     
  10. Mervyn Peake, Gormenghast trilogy, especially the first book Titus Groan. I couldn’t finish volume three, Titus Alone; it was just too depressing.

As this is my “Ten Things” I’m not tagging anyone in particular, but you’re all challenged to do this if you haven’t already.

personal, ramblings

Who would you choose?

1 Comment

I saw this the other day and thought it such a great idea — if only to make one think — it seems worth sharing.

who

My answer?
My immediate answer when I saw the question was: Prof. Alice Roberts.
But there are just so many great people to choose from. Galileo. Leonardo. William Byrd. Anthony Powell. Richard Feynman. Samuel Pepys. Tony Benn. Dalai Lama. And of course one or two of my ancestors who could unlock some riddles in the family tree.
So who would you choose?
Answers in the comments, or on your blog with a link in the comments, please.

amusements, personal

Five Questions, Series 6 #3

Yet again I’ve been ignoring my Five Questions series. Well the last month or so has been quite busy. Anyway here we go with the answer to Question 3.


Question 3: If you had to wear a warning label, what would it say?
Well this has to be one of the easier questions I’ve ever had to answer …
Intelligent idiot
Contains nuts

history, personal, photography

Weekly Photograph

Following on the family history theme from the other day, this week’s photograph is another from our trip to Kent last week: a view of an English country churchyard. Specifically this is the churchyard of St Mildred’s, Tenterden and shows the headstone to my ggg-grandfather, Samuel Austen — that’s the large browner stone in the middle; it’s the back, so you can’t see the inscription.


Samuel Austen in Context
Tenterden; September 2014

food+drink, history, personal, pleasures, ramblings, topographical

Ancestors and Mussels

Yesterday we had a day out hunting my ancestors — my father’s direct line — in Kent. And what a splendid day, despite not making any new discoveries.
We trotted off from home about 7am and arrived in Goudhurst about 9.30; just in time for coffee and apple cake.
Having been refreshed we pottered on to Benenden from where, if the connections I think are there are right, my family lives for several generations in the early 18th century and probably earlier. Benenden is such a gorgeous village with houses and the church round a large village green which doubles as the cricket ground — just as it should be.


Benenden Church

Then onward the few miles to Rolvenden, where I had higher hopes of finding evidence. What we found first of all was a small farmers’ market in the church. Yes, in the church. Excellent. This is how churches should be used; the more they are used the less they will be vandalised and the less they need to be locked. We were needless to say beguiled and stocked up from a lady selling mostly smoked meats etc., including some Oak Smoked Mussels. We also succumbed to some bread, tomatoes and a tub of fresh Lemon & Coriander Pesto.

Rolvenden Farmers’ Market

Following this and a look at the interior of the church we adjourned to The Bull for an excellent pub lunch and a pint. Staggering out we looked around the churchyard without luck, as almost every headstone was unreadable. But as we were leaving I did identify the house where my great-grandfather (Stephen Marshall, born 1849) was born and brought up.

Great-Grandfather’s birthplace in Rolvenden

Next we diverted to Smallhythe where I suspected a connection; and indeed we found a Marshall grave but of a later generation. Smallhythe is delightfully non-existent: about six houses, a vineyard, an early 16th century brick church and Ellen Terry the actress’s amazing Tudor house (now in the care of the National Trust) which was sadly not open. This is a far cry from the days of Henry VIII when he River Rother here was a wide estuary and the local industry was shipbuilding. All that ceased when the river changed course following the great storms of the late 16th century.

Samuel Austen (GGG-Grandfather) grave at Tenterden

Next on to Tenterden where we managed to find the grave of one Samuel Austen who is one of my ggg-grandfathers who died in 1838. Tenterden is full of Austens, and Jane Austen’s family originate here. Luckily the monuments in Tenterden churchyard have all been recorded as we would have been hard pressed to read the entirety of the headstone.
After a look in the church we were all running out of steam, so a quick drive on to Biddenden in the hope of easier parking and afternoon tea — both achieved. Following tea and cake we were disappointed to find the church locked; the only locked church of the six we tried during the day.
Leaving Biddenden we drove through Sissinghurst and retraced our steps to Goudhurst for a look at the church there and another pint. At this point there was a sudden realisation it was 6pm and we had a 2+ hour drive home round the M25.
OK, I was disappointed not to find obvious evidence to connect my ggg-grandfather Marshall further back, but that was really quite a long shot. It was also disappointing to find a locked church and nowhere selling Kentish apples or plums. But overall an excellent, and very tiring, day.
So now, today, we have a problem. What to do with those Oak Smoked Mussels and the pesto? Thoughtfully I procured a small pack of large prawns at the supermarket this morning (do not ask how we achieved the supermarket before 10.30 this morning!). So this evening I did one of my quick pasta dishes. 150g each of mussels and prawns makes a good feast for two, thus:
1. Cook some pasta; when cooked drain it and keep it warm.
2. Sweat some finely chopped onion and garlic in a little oil until translucent.
3. Add the mussels and prawns and cook for 2-3 minutes.
4. Add the pesto, stir together and cook for another minute or two.
5. Then add the pasta, stir to mix and coat the pasta and cook for a couple of minutes to ensure everything is hot through.
6. Serve and enjoy with a bottle of white wine.
And boy, was it good! The smoked mussels were to die for. As Noreen observed “I’ve eaten much worse in restaurants”.
Cheers, to the ancestors! We’ve come a long way since their days as farm labourers before 1850.

personal

Ten Things #8

Ten things for August? Well the list was started because it’s holiday season, as you’ll see from number 1 on the list …
10 Smells I Love:

  1. The sea — which actually isn’t caused by ozone!
  2. Coffee — despite the fact that I hardly ever drink the stuff
  3. Elderflower
  4. Fresh bread
  5. Petrichor
  6. Roses
  7. Church incense
  8. Cinnamon — and Christmas
  9. Pine wood — that wonderful resiny smell
  10. Wood smoke — which takes me right back to my teenage years round the camp fire in the scouts

Small is so evocative, but different for all of us, with the power to instantly transport you somewhere else. I’m sure I could add another ten to that list quiet easily.