Category Archives: personal

medical, personal

Yes, I’m Fat

In an article on BBC News website over the weekend one woman talks about how she feels about being fat. I found it interesting because so much of what she says chimes with how I feel. Here are some of the things she says and which I share (plus a few tropes of my own).

Feeling good about your body isn’t always easy when you are overweight.
. . .
Quite literally, I am the elephant in the room.
. . .
I am fat, there’s no getting away from it.
. . .
I don’t think there’s a single part of me … that is small.
. . .
Society has its own sort of perception of people like me – we are disgusting, fat, slothful, lazy, incompetent, stupid.
. . .
[H]ow could you be that fat? The answer is simple – a lack of control, a lack of confidence …

Yes, I have a lack of self-control; it isn’t good enough now but it was much worse years ago when I first put on weight. It is partly down to the lack of confidence but it’s also, in part, the anxiety and depression.

It’s kind of sad that I’m comforted by food rather than other elements in the world.
. . .
The eating combined with my osteoarthritis and other disabilities doesn’t help – the additional weight on the joints isn’t a positive impact.
. . .
I did swim, but don’t any more.
. . .
“Just lose weight.” I hear that all the time from family, friends, colleagues, doctors …
It’s not rocket science – I know that … but that means effort, doesn’t it? It means having to motivate myself and persevere … I can’t …

I can’t because mostly the depression acts as a complete roadblock. I wish it didn’t, but despite trying just about everything available I’ve not yet found a way through the roadblock.

What is also for many oversized people, me included, is that the brain doesn’t internally know one’s real size. The brain still thinks of you being your normal size and doesn’t adjust for your new size. So you don’t (instinctively) realise how much space you take up. You have this internal picture of yourself the way you were (or should be).

People are constantly judging me … I am a reflection of something that they could become. They tell themselves that they’ve got control, they’re sensible, intelligent and no way would they ever get to my size. But let me tell you, I was you once and you could be me.
. . .
The only person I can hold responsible for my position is me. However, I refuse to accept the size I am. This is not who I was meant to be.
If I accept it then I’m telling myself that I’ve given up and I don’t want to give up.
I don’t want to be normal because normal is boring. I just want to be the best of myself.

I wish it wasn’t thus. I don’t like being the size I am. I understand the risks. I know all the things I should do to combat it, and if I could do it I would have done long ago. But having looked at, and thought about, the problem in depth, the first thing that has to happen is to fix the depression and other mental issues. That is a huge challenge, and I’ve not yet found the key to unlocking it – I wish I had!

amusements, personal

Ten Things

This month something slightly more topical in Ten Things …

Ten Things I did Over Bank Holiday Weekend:

  1. Hosted a literary society pub meet
  2. Prepared a meeting for next week
  3. Ate fish & chips
  4. Drank too much alcohol (not all at once!) and enjoyed it
  5. Did more work tidying up my rebuilt website & blog
  6. Completed two prize crosswords
  7. Won £2.50 on the lottery
  8. Read the latest New Scientist and a railway magazine
  9. Started on reorganising and rejuvenating the plants on our tiny patio
  10. Tried (and failed) to get a 10 year old laptop working satisfactorily
amusements, personal

Bank Holiday 20 Questions Meme

Just for a bit of time-wasting amusement here’s a twenty question meme for the end of a bank holiday weekend.

  1. Name a food that you can’t stand but which most people seem to love. Butternut squash.
  2. Name a food beginning with each of your initials. Kale. Custard. Marmite.
  3. Who is the most famous person you’ve met? Author Ian Rankin.
  4. What was the last thing you read? This screen.
  5. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Get rid of the depression because pretty much everything else would follow from that.
  6. What vegetable do you most hate? Sweet potato.
  7. What superpower would you most like to have? Omnipotence – with that you can do anything else.
  8. What would you love to be an expert in? Doing nothing.
  9. If you could make any discovery, what would it be? The secret of immortality. Let’s face it, none of us really wants to die.
  10. What would you like to have named after you? A dung beetle would probably be most appropriate. Or a wasp. Yes, I’ll settle for an annoying wasp.
  11. If you could meet any figure from the past or the future, who would you meet? Elizabethan composer William Byrd.
  12. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Earl Grey tea.
  13. Are you a good influence? I very much doubt it; indeed I might be worried if I were.
  14. Does pineapple belong on pizza? Definitely not; neither does peach, unless you’re making a specifically fruit pizza. (Must sometime write up my method for fruit pizza.)
  15. Something that’s worrying you at the moment. Diabetes.
  16. One skill you don’t have but wish you did. The ability to magically attract money. Well, who wouldn’t!?
  17. Tell me one unpopular, but entirely logical and far-sighted opinion you hold. The private car (van, etc.) should be banned. Yes, it would be tricky, but it could be done and it needen’t be as horrendous as you might imagine. (I must write an essay on this sometime.)
  18. Do you ever write in pencil any more? Yes, actually quite a bit of the time: old programmers always write in pencil.
  19. Do you wear rings? Yes. I’m currently wearing three: wedding ring, silver wedding anniversary ring, and a copper ring. Oh and my original (very worn) wedding ring on a chain round my neck.
  20. Tell us three things you did today? Tried (and failed) to get a very old laptop working. Started reorganising the patio. Made a chicken salad.

Nobody is tagged, but join in if you want – just leave a comment here with a link to your answers so we can all enjoy them.

links, personal, ramblings

Welcome!

Welcome to the new Zen Mischief site!

If you have landed here it appears that the migration from our old site has been a success. Thank you for your patience during the transition.

So what has changed?

  1. The driver for the change was to make the Zen Mischief Weblog part of this front page.
  2. That means the look and feel is slightly different, although the blog navigation is still in the right-hand column.
  3. The static pages still exist and are now linked from the left-hand column.
  4. The short site description and the current quote now appear at the top of the left-hand column.
  5. A few of the old static pages have been sunset; the rest have been revised; and there is some new content.
  6. If you trawl back through all the old blog posts then you’re likely to find some missing images; I’ll correct these as and when the opportunity arises.
  7. Oh, and you may need to update your bookmarks/favourites.

And that’s about it. Everything else should be much the same, and hopefully normal service can resume.

amusements, personal

40 Things About Me

OK, just to waste a few minutes, here’s a meme of 40 things about me. I changed one question from the original I saw as I thought it too American.

  1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes; certainly most of them.
  2. Coke or Pepsi? Coke, but it has to be Diet.
  3. Do you own a gun? No, guns are illegal in the UK without a licence. Anyway why would I want one?
  4. What flavour of fruit juice? Mango.
  5. What do you think of hot dogs? People should be convicted for leaving dogs in cars.
  6. What’s your favourite TV show? The off switch.
  7. What is your favourite movie? I don’t do film.
  8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Tea; always tea; and lots of it.
  9. Can you do a push-up? Very doubtful, but then why would I want to?
  10. What’s your favourite jewellery? My white gold signet ring (made on our 25th wedding anniversary).
  11. What is your favourite outdoor activity? Drinking beer, sitting in a deckchair, in the sun, watching good club cricket.
  12. Do you have ADD? No.
  13. Do you wear glasses? Yes, since I was 14. I’ve never liked the idea of even trying contact lenses.
  14. What was/is your favourite cartoon? Cartoon strip? Probably The Wizard of Id.
  15. Name three things you did yesterday/today? Paid some bills. Drank a few beers. Slept.
  16. Name 3 drinks you drink regularly? Beer. Wine. Gin.
  17. Current worries? Depression. Brexit.
  18. Current hates? The UK government.
  19. Favourite place to be? Dungeness.
  20. How did you bring in the New Year? Sitting up in bed with a glass of Champagne.
  21. Where would you like to go? Iceland.
  22. Name five people who might do this? I can’t think why anyone would waste their time.
  23. Do you wear slippers? No; always bare feet indoors (socks if very cold).
  24. What is your favourite colour? It varies with mood: sometimes green, sometimes yellow, sometimes …
  25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No idea; never tried them.
  26. Can you whistle? Only very badly.
  27. Where are you? Sitting at my desk in the study.
  28. Would you be a pirate? Never; I’m too prone to motion sickness.
  29. Favourite food? Curry. Or maybe pasta with seafood.
  30. Favourite music genre? Sacred early music.
  31. Do you wear proper pyjamas? No; haven’t worn anything in bed since I was a student.
  32. What’s in your pockets? Nothing; I’m wearing the Emperor’s new clothes.
  33. Last thing that made you laugh? Would I do anything so frivolous as laugh?
  34. What’s your favourite animal? Cats.
  35. What’s your most recent injury? Pulled muscle in my back.
  36. How many TVs in your house? Two.
  37. Worst pain? Total knee replacement, if only because it isn’t something that is over with in 5 minutes.
  38. Do you like to dance? No; I hate dance.
  39. Are your parents still together? As they’re both dead I have no idea.
  40. Do you enjoy camping? In a tent? Yes, I certainly did when I was young; not sure I could do it now.
beliefs, personal

Simple Formula for Living

I happened on this somewhere on the intertubes the other day. Though undoubtedly not easy – each one of us will find different parts hard – one could do a lot worse than follow these precepts.

Simple Formula for Living

Live beneath your means.
Return everything you borrow.
Stop blaming other people.
Admit it when you make mistake.
Give clothes not worn to charity.
Do something nice and try not to get caught.
Listen more; talk less.
Every day take a 30 minute walk.
Strive for excellence, not perfection.
Be on time. Don’t make excuses.
Don’t argue. Get organized.
Be kind to unkind people.
Let someone cut ahead of you in line.
Take time to be alone.
Cultivate good manners.
Be humble.
Realise and accept that life isn’t fair.
Know when to keep your mouth shut.
Go an entire day without criticising anyone.
Learn from the past. Plan for the future.
Live in the present.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
It’s all small stuff.

beliefs, nudism, personal, ramblings

Pyjamas

A few days ago my friend Katy wrote on her “clothing therapy” blog Boostique about the delights of pyjamas – whether fancy fashion ones or the cheapo “old leggings and t-shirt” version.

Notions for what to wear in bed, or indeed slumming around the house (whether you work from home or just live the life of the idle rich) do tend to revolve around comfort. Something which Katy highlights. In this men don’t have it very different from women. With one exception, I suspect … While it is OK for Mum to take her kids on the school run still in flowery pink pyjamas, it isn’t really accepted that Dad does. At least it isn’t really accepted for a guy to be seen in saggy pyjama bottoms covered in fancy patterns of the Simpsons, or Jaguar E-types, let alone pink flowers. Men’s fashion just hasn’t caught up with these niceties yet!

Personally I cannot abide pyjamas – I find they’re uncomfortable as they are forever tangled up around the dangly bits. I’ve not worn them since I was a student with a room of my own (so over 45 years ago). Indeed I don’t even possess a pair of pyjamas and haven’t done for most of those 45 years.

As far as I can see, us guys have four options of what to wear in bed (and they’re actually much the same as the girls):

Pyjamas. As above but I include here all those ad hoc combinations of old jogging bottoms and t-shirts. If they work for you, or you’re a frozen mortal, fine. They don’t work for me.

Nightshirts. I had a proper, knee-length, nightshirt once. It didn’t last long. I found it as uncomfortable and liable to tie one in knots as pyjamas. When I was quite young I remember my father had a couple of old shirts, with long tails, that he wore to bed, but they eventually wore out entirely and weren’t replaced. Again good if you’re someone who is always cold, but otherwise forget it.

Boxer Shorts (or other such underwear). Again, great if you find them comfortable. I don’t see the point.

Nothing. As most regular readers will suspect this is my preference, and has been for those 45+ years. And there are, we’re told, lots of good reasons for sleeping nude:

  • It is more comfortable. Yes, it does feel odd at first, but that’s only because we’re not so used to being nude.
  • We need our body temperature to drop a little in order to induce sleep; so why swaddle ourselves in clothes which stop this?
  • Think of how much you save on the cost of pyjamas, and on the laundry!
  • We need to get air to the body. The more we cover ourselves in layers of fabric (especially synthetic fabric) the hotter and stickier we are, and the more prone to things like fungal infections. The body needs to breathe. I know that I’m more prone to itch of the groin in winter when I spend more time wearing clothes than I do in the summer. Benjamin Franklin knew this, and if it’s good enough for him …
  • It keeps the balls cooler. And that is actually good for the sperm count (if that’s something that matters to you).
  • It is sexier. There is nothing quite like snuggling together in bed, skin-to-skin. Yes, it really does make a difference. And it’s good for a healthy relationship.

So I can think of no good reason to wear clothes in bed, other than actually being cold. “But …”, you object …

What if the kids see me nude? Well good; so they should. It is unlikely to phase them and they have to learn about bodies sooner or later; how much better they do this at home, in a safe, controlled environment, where they can have their questions answered honestly? British Naturism (BN) exploded the myths around this some time back; see for example here.

What if the doorbell rings? You mean you don’t have a dressing gown hanging on the back of the bedroom door? Or a pair of shorts on the newel post? And anyway the courier has probably seen it all before, and if it’s the God-Squad maybe it’ll frighten them away for good.

What if there’s a fire? Do you really imagine that you, or anyone else, is going to care what you’re wearing if you’re trying to escape a fire?

What if I have to go into hospital? No problem. I’ve been in hospital several times in the last 45 years and the lack of pyjamas has never been an issue. Half the time they’ll have you in a surgical gown anyway; and when they don’t I’ve found that boxers and a t-shirt are just fine – indeed because hospitals are so hot I usually dispense with the t-shirt. Nurses have seen it all before; they learn very early in their carers that dangly bits etc. are just bits of body like any other. (Sexuality is in the context, not the appendage itself.)

Why not give bedtime nudity a go? You have nothing to lose and quite a lot to gain.

But remember: Be careful what you wear to bed, because you never know who you’ll meet in your dreams. Choose your aftershave carefully and who is really going to mind if you’re unclothed?

personal, ramblings

Hiatus Interruptus

I’m very aware that there has been a slight hiatus around here. So as a catch-up here’s a bit of what’s been happening.

A number of things have contributed to the hiatus. Prominent amongst them is that the house is even more upside-down than usual because we’ve had our friend Tom decorating the hall/stairs/landing, and it hasn’t gone as smoothly as we all wanted. We urgently needed to replace the carpet, which was literally falling to pieces – hardly surprising after 30+ years of wear – and it seemed sensible while we were ripping out the old carpet to apply a coat of paint.

The painting etc. which should have taken a few days to do has now dragged on for 6 weeks or more, for at least three reasons: Tom does things well and doesn’t just slap on a coat of paint, but applies two or three coats if required; in an area like this there is a lot more to paint than one expects – not just wallage but all the wood of dado rails, bannisters, and so on – thirdly, and most significantly, Tom has been ill (with the current flu) which has meant he’s had something like three weeks of enforced idleness. Oh and along the way we’ve also had Tom put some paint on the ceilings and small amount of wood in the kitchen and bathroom, so they’ve had a quick refresh.

(Someone is going to ask what colours we chose. The wall below the dado rail has existing, and quite old, Anaglypta-style paper, which is white, as are the ceilings and the woodwork. The wall about the dado has been painted a lovely sunny pale yellow – as chosen by Noreen. It does look rather good.)

But we’re getting down to the end now. There is just a small amount of painting (like a couple of doors) left to do; refettling the door furniture etc. and snagging.

So Thursday of last week we went off looking at carpet. We decided what we wanted, brought some samples home and then changed our minds. The guy came yesterday to take the detailed measurements, which took about 15 minutes. And in the middle of writing this I’ve accepted the estimate and paid the deposit. Will we get the carpet laid before Easter? It’s going to be touch and go.

(The carpet will be a mid-grey with some flecks of colour; hopefully dark enough that it won’t show too many muddy paw-marks – feline or human – but not so dark as to be oppressive. It is also a fairly tight loop-pile as in our experience this is fairly cat-scratch resistant: it had better be, it’s costing enough!)

Meanwhile, I’ve had the flu for the last week. I started to feel rough as we left the carpet shop Thursday a week ago. On Monday my GP insisted I went to see her, despite spreading my germs and not feeling at all OK on my feet, as she rightly assessed that I needed antibiotics to clear my chest. They do seem to be working and I am beginning to recover, although I’m still lacking energy and have a cough and a head full of gunge. It’s been quite a few years since I had flu, and I’d forgotten just how debilitating it is, although luckily it doesn’t seem to have left me with overwhelming depression as it sometimes does. I’m hoping I might be back to what passes for normal by Monday.

And I could do with getting back to “work” as I have an ever increasing pile of stuff to do – every day seems to bring a new demand that I attend to something important.

personal

Ten Things

If he were still alive, my father would have been 98 a few days ago; he died almost 12 years ago at the age of 86. So this month’s Ten Things brings you …

Ten Things I Remember about My Father

  1. He was useless at doing anything practical: I always say he had 20 left thumbs (and I inherited 10 of them). Whenever he mended something he ended up with a piece left over; a nut, a spring, a screw, a ball-bearing …
  2. He was a conscientious objector in WWII. In consequence he spent a year working in University College Hospital, London as a dogsbody and the rest of the war working on the land. This was almost certainly the cause of his crocked, arthritic knees.
  3. In the mid-1960s he was a Liberal local councillor and Chairman of the council’s Public Health Committee. During this time he was responsible for resolving a dustmen’s strike.
  4. He never learnt to drive. He did start having lessons in the late-1950s but following a near accident was so shaken he never took his test. Consequently he cycled everywhere locally until he was about 75 when his crocked knees eventually stopped him – and this was long after his knees were stopping him walking much.
  5. He religiously used the local public library; when I was a kid he went almost every Saturday morning, often taking me along. He was always reading – every evening and always on the train to/from work – so he got through several books a week.

    6. Bob
    My father hated being photographed, so this is one of the few photos I have of him.
    He’s taking a pre-prandial snooze a few days before his 82nd birthday.

  6. He thought computers were one of the biggest works of the Devil: unnecessary, soul-destroying and divisive; they would be end of civilised society. He never understood (or forgave) me working in the IT industry – I had sold out; I should have been an academic or a teacher, something worthwhile.
  7. He was thrifty, even miserly, and guarded his money from everyone who he thought was out to charm it from his wallet. This was partly as a result of an impoverished childhood, partly a result of the war, and also because he saw it as his responsibility to ensure my mother wasn’t short of money after he died.
  8. When I was about 7 he asked my primary school headmaster what he needed to do to ensure I got to grammar school. He was told “nothing” and that because I was always being encouraged to read etc., I would get to grammar school. That was one of the few outward manifestations of the (mostly covert) pressure put on me to succeed (and which may have been the root cause of my depression).
  9. In many ways he was very liberal minded; for instance he viewed prostitution as a valuable social service which should be decriminalised.
  10. He only ever gave me one piece of “fatherly advice”. I would have been about 17 (so in the late-60s) and had a steady girlfriend. His comment was “You’re old enough to know what it’s all about. I don’t care what you do, as long as you don’t have any bastards”.
beliefs, personal, sexuality, thoughts

How to Be a Better Spouse

For Valentine’s Day, yesterday, Scientific American posted an article entitled How to Be a Better Spouse. You can read the detail in the article, but the four headline tips are:

  1. Be nice as often as you can
  2. Think about what your partner needs, even when fighting
  3. Just notice them
  4. Ignore the bad, praise the good

Yes, well, they’re sort of obvious really. But do we do this? Well, not as much as we probably should – I certainly don’t despite 38 years married (eeeekk!!!!), although I must be doing something not too wrong.
But then do these all not amount to the old adage: Communicate, communicate, communicate?
And think on this too … Are these ideas not things we should be doing to everyone, and not just our partners? Do they not all fall under the umbrella of Treat others as you would wish them to treat you? Reductio ad adsurdum.
On the other hand we do have to have these things pointed out to us occasionally so we don’t forget them.