Category Archives: beliefs

arts, beliefs, nudism, sexuality

Life Drawing

Thanks to @ldsdrawingclub on Twitter for drawing attention to this piece from the Daily Telegraph of a few days ago.

Life drawing can help teens overcome
social media body confidence issues

The Telegraph website is paywalled, so here are a few snippets:

Experts including the former president of the Royal Society of Portrait Painters have advised that drawing nude models could help youngsters understand what “real” people look like, compared to those on social media.

What is out there online for youngsters is often superficial and does not accurately represent what people look like in real life … images seen online and on social media are having an impact of distorting reality and … cause people to have body confidence issues or think how they look is different.

I would urge people to get involved in life drawing which has the benefit of allowing people to question what the ‘ideal’ body is.

Life drawing is an opportunity to study the human form, folds, blemishes and all – not wondering if the image you’re obsessing over has been photoshopped.

Those who follow along here won’t be surprised to learn that I entirely agree. I can’t draw for toffee – I was so bad I wasn’t allowed to take O-level Art at school, but I have been to an art class since school (to little effect, I may say). But in many ways one’s drawing ability doesn’t matter. What’s important is the exposure, the ability to see so many different forms, the opportunity through drawing to see how all the pieces and shapes fit together, and to realise it is all normal.

More power to these people for doing their bit to cure us of this toxic ethos and these ridiculous taboos.

beliefs, personal, thoughts

Personal Boundaries

Sometime earlier I came across the following on Twitter. It seems to me to be a good summary of how we should be, and how I try (not always successfully) to be. If you think about it, it is indeed all to do with boundaries, as the initial postulate says, and looking after oneself.

What do boundaries feel like?
•  It is not my job to fix others
•  It is OK if others get angry
•  It is OK to say no
•  It is not my job to take responsibility for others
•  I don’t have to anticipate the needs of others
•  It is my job to make me happy
•  Nobody has to agree with me
•  I have a right to my own feelings
•  I am enough

I would add one thing to this, really for the sake of clarity:

•  I am not responsible for other people’s feelings and emotions

Ultimately, it is my responsibility to look after me and only me, both mentally and physically; it is your responsibility to look after you and only you. No more, no less. Think about it. All our emotions, beliefs, needs, feelings, come from within; and you are the only person who can access and control your particular set of baggage.

It isn’t always easy to do all this – indeed it isn’t always easy to remember all of this, especially when we live in a world where the prevailing ethos is predicated on “doing unto others” rather than looking after one’s own well-being. But I try; I do my best; and one cannot ask more. As John Cheever said:

Could I do better, dear heart, better is what I would do.

beliefs, books, people

Book Review: Bow First, Ask Questions Later

Gesshin Claire Greenwood
Bow First, Ask Questions Later
Wisdom, USA; 2018

Having just finished this book, I’m still not quite sure what my emotions are towards it – beyond pure admiration, that is. So I’m going to start with a couple of quotes from other people. First here’s Ruth Ozeki on the cover blurb:

With rigour, honesty, hilarity, and joy, Gesshin shows us how to grapple with the great matter of life and death – as well as with lesser matters, like capitalism, sexism, religious dogma, sex, love, fashion, and Kyoto nightclubs. The result is an inspiring book that I couldn’t put down, even when I’d finished reading it.

And here’s an extract from the Foreword by our other favourite Zen Master, Brad Warner:

Gesshin Greenwood is … an honest-to-Buddha Zen nun, with the shaven head to prove it. She went through the kind of rigorous training in traditional Zen temple practice that most of the folks you see writing puffed-up fluff pieces for those slick spiritual magazines… avoided like politicians evading the draft …
I [am] amazed that someone as young as she had such a deep background in Buddhist practice experience … Gesshin … really did all the stuff … She actually immersed herself in Japanese Zen temple life for years doing all the ceremonies, all the services, all the cooking and cleaning and the rest of it …
… It’s rare that someone from the West does any of this stuff, rarer still when they write about it, and yet even more rare that their writing is as good as Gesshin’s is. This is a truly unique document of a truly unique lived experience.

I’ve been reading Gesshin’s weblog, That’s So Zen, for some years and have always found it illuminating, if at times hard to fully understand. This book travels some of the same ground, which is good because everything is newly written and so helps reinforce the “learning”.

Although the book is autobiographical it is first and foremost a book about Zen Buddhism, but not in a dry academic way; as Brad says it is extremely well written, in a light, engaging style which does indeed make it difficult to put down – I had to ration myself to a couple of chapters an evening to avoid reading through the night.

Gesshin is a self-confessed white, privileged Californian, with hippy, Buddhist parents; and as the book goes on one comes to realise she was probably something of an angry brat (but then aren’t all teenagers?). Nonetheless she wanted to study Buddhism, and felt even in college strangely attracted to it; and that emotional connexion is passed on to the reader.

She started in India, and went to Tibet, before finding her spiritual home in the Sōtō Zen tradition in Japan, and in the rigorous setting of an all female Zen monastery. This is her story, of her journey; and one isn’t sure until well into the book quite where things are going to end up.

Gesshin talks frankly about the hardships, heartaches, tragedies and mistakes – as well as the joys – of her practice and shows how each of them allowed her to grow. Each of the 25 short chapters focusses on some particular event to illuminate her learning. We see something of her relationships with her teachers and her wrestles with the apparently irreconcilable dichotomy of being a nun and a young woman who likes men and can fall in love. We are left, at the end, with the impression that Gesshin has happily resolved that dichotomy.

All this is shared openly with us, and we join in feeling the pain and the joy. Equally I found the book inspiring and stimulating me to move forward in my own journey (whatever that is).

For anyone with an interest in Buddhism, especially Japanese Sōtō Zen, this is a book well worth reading. And even if you just want to follow the quest of a young woman in search of answers to life and death, do read it. I really did find it hard to put down.

Overall Rating: ★★★★★

beliefs, personal, pleasures, sexuality

Who’s Day

Today (2 June) is International Whores’ Day, aka. International Sex Workers’ Day.

As regular readers will know, and you don’t have to look too far back in the archives to find out, I am a firm believer that sex work should be decriminalised. I’ve never used the services of a sex worker, and I have no plans to do so, but I fail to see why people should not be able to pay for sex, or to sell sex, if that is their choice.

Prostitutes (of all types) perform a valuable social service. In part they may be considered part of the leisure industry, providing what might be called “alternative entertainment”. But they also provide service for many who would not otherwise have sex, or have the sex they want, and that can be a significant factor in preserving mental health.

Fortunately there does seem to be a growing body of academically rigorous evidence that decriminalisation is the best way to protect the human rights of sex workers, and ensure they can follow their chosen profession in safety, with unobstructed access to legal recourse where there is violence or abuse. New Zealand has shown the way on this, as have the World Health Organization and Amnesty International.

I don’t want to have to write at length about all the reasoning, so here are just a few relatively recent reports of some of this research.

Decriminalising sex work is the only way to protect women – and New Zealand has proved that it works; Independent; 29 May 2017

Decriminalising prostitution could ‘dramatically’ reduce sexual violence and STI transmission; Independent; 20 December 2017

Decriminalising Sex Work Is Better for Everyone; Big Think; 12 December 2017

Amnesty International policy on state obligations to respect, protect and fulfil the human rights of sex workers; Amnesty International; 26 May 2016

Q&A: policy to protect the human rights of sex workers; Amnesty International; 26 May 2016

Decriminalising sex work in New Zealand: its history and impact; Open Democracy; 21 August 2015

I don’t understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn’t selling fucking legal? You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away?
– George Carlin

Why is the decision by a woman to sleep with a man she has just met in a bar a private one, and the decision to sleep with the same man for $100 subject to criminal penalties?
– Anna Quindlen

beliefs, ramblings

Gendered Loos

A story in the Guardian earlier this week quotes “feminist academic” Germaine Greer as saying publicly on Channel 4 TV that all public toilets should be gender-neutral.

Now I don’t like Germaine Greer, her strident attitude and many of her apparent beliefs. But on this I have to agree with her. Why can’t toilets be gender-neutral?

I recall when I was a graduate student (mid-1970s), I was a student rep on the university’s accommodation sub-committee and we were debating the possibility of having mixed corridors in student residences. Not just mixed blocks with single sex corridors of rooms, but actually mixed corridors. This was put up for debate by the university housing department as a way of better utilising the available accommodation. None of the student reps had a problem with the idea, nor did the younger university staff; in fact the only objections came from a couple of stuffed shirts at the top of the housing department. As we all pointed out: bathrooms have doors which can be locked, as do student rooms; and we all have to live in the real world with mixed genders. So how are student residences any different especially when many students choose to live in mixed-gendered flats/houses.
(I don’t know if this was implemented as I left before the start of the next academic year.)

How is this different from having mixed toilets, even if the toilets are “public conveniences”? Our local swimming pool has a mixed gender changing room with cubicles. How is this different from mixed toilets? We live in a multi-gendered society. It’s not as if we’re asking pregnant or menstruating women (or indeed anyone else) to perform their ablutions without any screening; and yes, I do get why they wouldn’t want to.

So you think you (or the children) might see something they shouldn’t. Oh, please! For a start we all know what’s under my t-shirt and jeans, and your t-shirt and jeans, so why the fuss. And kids have to learn about what’s under those t-shirts and jeans, and the bodily functions, sooner or later. How much better for them to learn in an open environment where they can be properly, and age-appropriately, explained by a parent, grandparent etc. – or in an educational environment like a school?

Yes, OK, public toilets tend not to be the most pleasant of places, but we make them that way. Men’s loos are supposedly worse than women’s – until you talk to people who run clubs who’ll tell you the women’s loos are often much worse than the men’s. So we all need to be more civilised. And maybe the thought that the other gender – who, of course, we want to impress – are watching might get us all to smarten up our ideas.

If gender neutral (or should they be “gender inclusive”) toilets are such a bad idea how is it that many public organisations like theatres and museums, let alone many companies, are going this route? And how come “disabled access toilets” are always non-gendered?

I don’t buy all this division of facilitates, any facilities, by gender. For all me we’d have mixed gender changing rooms with no cubicles. I just don’t get the problem, and I never have. I can’t be doing with it.

So I have to concede that Germaine Greer is right: all public toilets should be gender neutral.

beliefs, personal

Simple Formula for Living

I happened on this somewhere on the intertubes the other day. Though undoubtedly not easy – each one of us will find different parts hard – one could do a lot worse than follow these precepts.

Simple Formula for Living

Live beneath your means.
Return everything you borrow.
Stop blaming other people.
Admit it when you make mistake.
Give clothes not worn to charity.
Do something nice and try not to get caught.
Listen more; talk less.
Every day take a 30 minute walk.
Strive for excellence, not perfection.
Be on time. Don’t make excuses.
Don’t argue. Get organized.
Be kind to unkind people.
Let someone cut ahead of you in line.
Take time to be alone.
Cultivate good manners.
Be humble.
Realise and accept that life isn’t fair.
Know when to keep your mouth shut.
Go an entire day without criticising anyone.
Learn from the past. Plan for the future.
Live in the present.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
It’s all small stuff.

beliefs, nudism, personal, ramblings

Pyjamas

A few days ago my friend Katy wrote on her “clothing therapy” blog Boostique about the delights of pyjamas – whether fancy fashion ones or the cheapo “old leggings and t-shirt” version.

Notions for what to wear in bed, or indeed slumming around the house (whether you work from home or just live the life of the idle rich) do tend to revolve around comfort. Something which Katy highlights. In this men don’t have it very different from women. With one exception, I suspect … While it is OK for Mum to take her kids on the school run still in flowery pink pyjamas, it isn’t really accepted that Dad does. At least it isn’t really accepted for a guy to be seen in saggy pyjama bottoms covered in fancy patterns of the Simpsons, or Jaguar E-types, let alone pink flowers. Men’s fashion just hasn’t caught up with these niceties yet!

Personally I cannot abide pyjamas – I find they’re uncomfortable as they are forever tangled up around the dangly bits. I’ve not worn them since I was a student with a room of my own (so over 45 years ago). Indeed I don’t even possess a pair of pyjamas and haven’t done for most of those 45 years.

As far as I can see, us guys have four options of what to wear in bed (and they’re actually much the same as the girls):

Pyjamas. As above but I include here all those ad hoc combinations of old jogging bottoms and t-shirts. If they work for you, or you’re a frozen mortal, fine. They don’t work for me.

Nightshirts. I had a proper, knee-length, nightshirt once. It didn’t last long. I found it as uncomfortable and liable to tie one in knots as pyjamas. When I was quite young I remember my father had a couple of old shirts, with long tails, that he wore to bed, but they eventually wore out entirely and weren’t replaced. Again good if you’re someone who is always cold, but otherwise forget it.

Boxer Shorts (or other such underwear). Again, great if you find them comfortable. I don’t see the point.

Nothing. As most regular readers will suspect this is my preference, and has been for those 45+ years. And there are, we’re told, lots of good reasons for sleeping nude:

  • It is more comfortable. Yes, it does feel odd at first, but that’s only because we’re not so used to being nude.
  • We need our body temperature to drop a little in order to induce sleep; so why swaddle ourselves in clothes which stop this?
  • Think of how much you save on the cost of pyjamas, and on the laundry!
  • We need to get air to the body. The more we cover ourselves in layers of fabric (especially synthetic fabric) the hotter and stickier we are, and the more prone to things like fungal infections. The body needs to breathe. I know that I’m more prone to itch of the groin in winter when I spend more time wearing clothes than I do in the summer. Benjamin Franklin knew this, and if it’s good enough for him …
  • It keeps the balls cooler. And that is actually good for the sperm count (if that’s something that matters to you).
  • It is sexier. There is nothing quite like snuggling together in bed, skin-to-skin. Yes, it really does make a difference. And it’s good for a healthy relationship.

So I can think of no good reason to wear clothes in bed, other than actually being cold. “But …”, you object …

What if the kids see me nude? Well good; so they should. It is unlikely to phase them and they have to learn about bodies sooner or later; how much better they do this at home, in a safe, controlled environment, where they can have their questions answered honestly? British Naturism (BN) exploded the myths around this some time back; see for example here.

What if the doorbell rings? You mean you don’t have a dressing gown hanging on the back of the bedroom door? Or a pair of shorts on the newel post? And anyway the courier has probably seen it all before, and if it’s the God-Squad maybe it’ll frighten them away for good.

What if there’s a fire? Do you really imagine that you, or anyone else, is going to care what you’re wearing if you’re trying to escape a fire?

What if I have to go into hospital? No problem. I’ve been in hospital several times in the last 45 years and the lack of pyjamas has never been an issue. Half the time they’ll have you in a surgical gown anyway; and when they don’t I’ve found that boxers and a t-shirt are just fine – indeed because hospitals are so hot I usually dispense with the t-shirt. Nurses have seen it all before; they learn very early in their carers that dangly bits etc. are just bits of body like any other. (Sexuality is in the context, not the appendage itself.)

Why not give bedtime nudity a go? You have nothing to lose and quite a lot to gain.

But remember: Be careful what you wear to bed, because you never know who you’ll meet in your dreams. Choose your aftershave carefully and who is really going to mind if you’re unclothed?

beliefs, environment, history, links, medical, science

Monthly Links

Again there is a lot in this month’s edition of “Monthly Links”, so straight in …
Science, Technology & Natural World
If anyone thought that human evolution was straightforward and going to be easy to unravel, they need to think again! Hannah Devlin in the Guardian looks at the tangled web.
Sorry, guys, but the jury is still out whether human pheromones exist.
An interesting account of one journalist’s experience of putting everything in their house on the internet of things, and just how much information ends up in places you maybe wouldn’t want it.
Health & Medicine
A very useful article from Quanta showing how herd immunity from vaccination actually works and why immunisation rates are important (oh, and the – not too hard – maths behind it).
Giardia is a nasty little protozoan parasite which is prevalent in developing countries, but even in the developed world it can affect both us and our pets. Now, at last, scientists are beginning to understand how it works.
Sexuality
Our favourite OB/GYN, Dr Jen Gunther, discusses why some women find sex painful, and what they might do about it.


A banned Georgian sex manual reveals strange beliefs. And it’s up for auction next month.
Scientific American‘s Mind spin-off looks at how to be a better spouse.
Environment
French astronaut Thomas Pesquet says Earth is just a big spaceship with a crew and, like any craft, it needs to be maintained and looked after.
Giving up plastic, and really getting it out of our lives, is a surprisingly big challenge. Here’s how a few brave souls fared when trying.
But on another front there is some hope: that the UK might adopt the Norwegian bottle recycling system.
In the first of two articles this month from George Monbiot he looks at some of the ancient philosophy which is holding back our ability to embrace environmental change.
Our second Monbiot article he is mobilising us against a US trade deal, and especially US farming practices.
The answer it seems is wildflowers: strips of wildflowers through fields enable farmers to reduce pesticide spraying and help beneficial native species to flourish.
History, Archaeology & Anthropology
Some researchers are suggesting that our ancestor, Homo erectus, may have been able to sail and to speak.
Rather later on the journey to modern man, it seems the first Britons probably had dark skin, curly hair and blue eyes – at least the one buried in the Cheddar Caves did.
When do architects set up camp? When they’re building Stonehenge, of course.
Meanwhile on the other side of the world, some clever aerial imaging has discovered a huge Mayan city in the Guatemalan jungle.
Something special happened in 1504: a blood moon eclipse. nd without it the world might have been rather different.
Not long after Columbus and his blood moon eclipse, Henry VIII established the Royal College of Physicians to regulate the practice of medicine in and around London. And they’re still at it, and no longer just in London! And incidentally their museum is free and well worth visiting; and the interior (if not for everyone the exterior) of their Denis Lasdun building is a delight.
London
Which brings us nicely on to London …
An academic report says that the noise on parts of the London Underground is so loud that it could damage passengers and staff hearing.
However London Underground health & safety seem more keen on telling us how to use an escalator. But then most people are in need of this knowledge.
Lifestyle & Personal Development
The Feast of the Presentation of Christ in the Temple and the Purification of the Blessed Virgin, or Candlemas, is celebrated on 2nd February. It looks like another of those pagan winter light festivals reinvented by the church.
So what really is the secret of having a truly healthy city? Better go ask Copenhagen.

And now for something completely different: felines with official positions and cats with careers.
Food & Drink
Noreen and I have been taking about false food for years, now it seems that researchers have cottoned on to its pervasiveness.
Finally some real food: an ancient Greek recipe for a honey cheesecake. I must say, it’s not my taste though.

More at the end of March – which is Easter weekend.

beliefs, personal, sexuality, thoughts

How to Be a Better Spouse

For Valentine’s Day, yesterday, Scientific American posted an article entitled How to Be a Better Spouse. You can read the detail in the article, but the four headline tips are:

  1. Be nice as often as you can
  2. Think about what your partner needs, even when fighting
  3. Just notice them
  4. Ignore the bad, praise the good

Yes, well, they’re sort of obvious really. But do we do this? Well, not as much as we probably should – I certainly don’t despite 38 years married (eeeekk!!!!), although I must be doing something not too wrong.
But then do these all not amount to the old adage: Communicate, communicate, communicate?
And think on this too … Are these ideas not things we should be doing to everyone, and not just our partners? Do they not all fall under the umbrella of Treat others as you would wish them to treat you? Reductio ad adsurdum.
On the other hand we do have to have these things pointed out to us occasionally so we don’t forget them.

beliefs

Principles for Adult Behaviour

A few days ago I cam across these “principles of Adult Behaviour” from John Perry Barlow, sometime poet, essayist and lyricist for Grateful Dead. who dies this week.
Although these principles do, I believe, net down to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, they do spell things out rather clearly.

John Perry Barlow’s Principles of Adult Behaviour

  1. Be patient. No matter what.
  2. Don’t badmouth: Assign responsibility, never blame.
    Say nothing behind another’s back you’d be unwilling to say, in exactly the same tone and language, to his face.
  3. Never assume the motives of others are, to them, less noble than yours are to you.
  4. Expand your sense of the possible.
  5. Don’t trouble yourself with matters you truly cannot change.
  6. Expect no more of anyone than you yourself can deliver.
  7. Tolerate ambiguity.
  8. Laugh at yourself frequently.
  9. Concern yourself with what is right rather than whom is right.
  10. Never forget that, no matter how certain, you might be wrong.
  11. Give up blood sports.
  12. Remember that your life belongs to others as well. Do not endanger it frivolously. And never endanger the life of another.
  13. Never lie to anyone for any reason.
  14. Learn the needs of those around you and respect them.
  15. Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission and pursue that.
  16. Reduce your use of the first personal pronoun.
  17. Praise at least as often as you disparage.
  18. Never let your errors pass without admission.
  19. Become less suspicious of joy.
  20. Understand humility.
  21. Forgive.
  22. Foster dignity.
  23. Live memorably.
  24. Love yourself.
  25. Endure.

Barlow goes on to say:

I don’t expect the perfect attainment of these principles. However, I post them as a standard for my conduct as an adult. Should any of my friends or colleagues catch me violating any one of them, bust me.

Which seems eminently reasonable to me, if not always easy.