It was fear that first made gods in this world.
[Publius Popinius Stotius]
Category Archives: amusements
The Village. III.
The Village – A Story in Eight Pieces
III. The Church of St George
Green is the Altar, a table, today,
And Ben is our Bishop, who’ll visit one day.
Blessed is the Candle, with book and with bell,
Helping the Dean, send demons to Hell.
Eddie’s an Eagle, he’s made out of brass,
Admiring the Flowers, arranged by Miss Glass.
Stained is the Glass in the windows so bright,
Which with our Hymns, sends joy to the height.
Heavenly Incense, clouds flying like geese,
Blessing the Jurats, for keeping the peace.
Stout are the Kingposts supporting the roof,
Above the brass Lectern – that Eagle’ aloof!
We always hear Mass, we’re High Church round here,
Suiting the Nuns from the Convent quite near.
Ann is our Organist, ever adept,
While safe is the Pyx, where the Host it is kept.
The Quad is quite early, ’tis the cloister you see,
While the Rood was replaced in 1603.
Small is our Spire, barely reaching the sky,
On top of the Tower from which the bats fly.
You Unbelievers are certain for Hell,
And so is the Vandal, he’ll go there as well.
There’s Wilma the Witch who never comes near,
While X is we Christians, faithful and clear.
Uncaring the Yob, with hardly a nod,
Unlike the Zealot, ever speaking to God.
Piece IV will appear on Monday 19 April.
Ten Things: April
This year our Ten Things series – which surprisingly appears on the tenth of each month – continues concentrating on the amusing, both real and fictional. So this month we have …
Ten Ficticious Books from Anthony Powell’s A Dance to the Music of Time
- Ada Leintwardine; The Bitch Pack Meets on Wednesday
- David Pennistone; Descartes, Gassendi and the Atomic Theory of Epicurus
- Evadne Clapham; The Pistons of our Locomotives Sing the Songs of Our Workers (retitled as Engine Melody)
- St John Clarke; Fields of Amaranth (see right)
- Vernon Gainsborough; Bronstein Marxist or Mystagogue?
- X Trapnel; Dogs Have No Uncles
- Russell Gwinnett; The Gothic Symbolism of Mortality in the Texture of Jacobean Stagecraft
- Quentin Shuckerly; Athletes Footmen
- Mark Members; Kleist, Marx, Sartre, The Existential Equilibrium
- Revd Salathiel Brightman; Attick and Roman Reckonings of Capacity for Things Liquid and Things Dry reduced to the Common English Mensuration for Wine and Corn
The Village. II.
The Village – A Story in Eight Pieces
II. Village People
Anthony, the Squire, lives up at “The Mares”,
While Bernard, our doctor, lives at “Three Bears”.
Cathy is new here, she teaches our school,
With pretty Denise, our champion at boule.
Ed is a twin, he runs the small store,
Bro’ Fred’s been our postman for ever and more.
George is a farmer, with sheep by the score,
Which Harry the butcher will bring to your door.
Grumpy old Ivy, is ever so prim,
While John, who’s retired, keeps our gardens in trim.
Ken and his trumpet, play jazz on the beach,
In duo with Lisa, a lovely young peach.
There’s Father O’Michael, our vicar for years,
And Nick, the bookseller, who likes a few beers.
Oh, here is Oscar, he’s just three years old,
And Poppy, just sixteen, already so bold.
Quarrelsome Quentin’s, the Squire’s youngest son,
While Roger’s our baker, always up with the sun.
Big Sergeant Stan, is mine host at The Sun,
With tiny Theresa, his wife with a bun.
An enigma is Uncle, we don’t know his name,
Who lives next to Vi, a feisty old dame.
Willowy Wendy, see how she can dance!
Partnering Xavier, an import from France.
Yvonne the alto sings a good song,
And Zeb is the Blacksmith, all brawny and strong.
Piece III will appear on Tuesday 13 April.
Things to Think About: April
This year we’re beginning each month with a (potentially logical) oddity to think about, and to keep the brain cells active. This month:
Do twins ever realise that one of them is unplanned?
Please leave your thoughts in the comments.
The Village. I.
The Village – A Story in Eight Pieces
I. Introduction and Allegro
Our Village is Ancient, it’s in Domesday you see,
We’ve Butcher and Baker and Blacksmith all three.
In summer there’s Cricket played on the Green,
A mile from the Deer Park, once owned by the Queen.
“End Cottage” is famous, it’s covered in bloom,
When Furrily Fair is held every June.
Our Church of St George dates from 1053,
While the Hall was brand new for Queen Vic’s Jubilee.
The “Ink Wells” they date from age of the quill,
But after “Jack’s Mill”, on the top of Fog Hill.
King George gave the Oak Tree in 1802,
It’s nearby the Library – managed by Lou.
“The Mares” is the Manor, the Squire’s big hutch,
There’s also the Nudists – they don’t bother us much.
Old Ozzy Gee brings fresh fish from the sea,
To sell at the Pump, where the gossip is free.
Noisy’s the Quarry that’s over by Krigg:
Stone for the “Rectory”, sprawling and big.
The Sea and the Beach are five miles away,
But here is our Teashop run by fair May.
Spooky the “Under Caves”, it’s said there are nine,
They’re under the “The Vaults” where Matilda sells wine.
We think there’s some Wiccans, but no-one’s quite sure,
Though X marks the Crossroads, with gibbet of yore.
“The Yews” are alms houses, 200 years old,
But new is the Zodiac Maze by “The Fold”.
Piece II will appear on Tuesday 6 April.
The Village. Preface
One sleepless night near the beginning of the year, I was playing a mental game of naming things to do with (or names of) an arbitrary subject: countries, lakes, forests, or whatever occurred. Of course this had to be an A to Z, something for each letter, and in order. Like the traditional children’s game: “A is for Aardvark, B is for Bullfrog … Z is for Zanzibar”.
This particular night I thought of “things to do with a tree” and had a mature oak tree as a guiding picture. In doing this I found myself making some of the choices a bit more descriptive – not just a jay, but a jay burying acorns. Then, over a couple of nights, some rhymes got added. This developed into a full verse of 13 rhyming couplets – a fairly droll technique, but one which worked and which wasn’t too hard in the darkness of the night when attempting to induce slumber.
A few nights later I chanced upon the village pond as a subject, and again found rhyming couplets emerging. So then I wondered if I could make a full 13 rhyming couplets: yes I could even if some were initially rather contrived.
Now remember that at this point nothing was written down, or even spoken aloud; it was all in my head. But I went on to wonder if I could construct a whole village, one set of 13 couplets at a time.
Out of this emerged about a dozen, rather ragged and very incomplete, verses on different aspects of an imaginary village. Over a period of two to three weeks I began to write this down and to refine it, discarding some verses which didn’t gel and complete, and ending with eight complete verses.
At this point, I showed Noreen who professed to like it and thought it should see the light of day. So over the next few weeks The Village – A Story in Eight Pieces will appear here, one verse at a time.
| Piece | Publication |
| I. Introduction and Allegro | 30 March |
| II. Village People | 6 April |
| III. The Church of St George | 13 April |
| IV. The Village Stores | 19 April |
| V. The Sun Inn | 26 April |
| VI. The Duck Pond | 4 May |
| VII. More Village People | 11 May |
| VIII. King George’s Oak | 18 May |
The project may not be complete. I have some ideas for a few further verses should inspiration strike, and there is also very draft sketch map of the village. We shall see if they ever emerge fully formed.
And to think, it all started with a sleepless night and an imaginary tree.
Piece I will appear on Tuesday 30 March.
Quote: Change
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
[Viktor Frankl]
Ten Things: March
This year our Ten Things series – which surprisingly appears on the tenth of each month – continues concentrating on the amusing, both real and fictional. So this month we have …
Ten Obituary Euphemisms
- Convivial: Habitually drunk
- Gave colourful accounts of his exploits: A liar
- A man of simple tastes: A complete vulgarian
- A lively conversationalist: A crashing bore
- An uncompromisingly direct ladies’ man: A flasher
- A confirmed bachelor: Homosexual (see right)
- She left no close relatives: A lesbian
- Always had a twinkle in his eye: A drooling pervert
- Colourful: Criminal
- Active in the community: A busy-body
Things to Think About: March
This year we’re beginning each month with a (potentially logical) oddity to think about, and to keep the brain cells active. This month:
If all the nations in the world are in debt, who’s got the money?
Please leave your thoughts in the comments.