Category Archives: amusements

amusements, music

February Quiz Questions

This year we’re beginning each month with five pub quiz style questions, with a different subject each month. They’re not difficult, but it is unlikely everyone will know all the answers, so hopefully you’ll learn something new, as well as have a bit of fun.

February Quiz Questions: Music

  1. Which Renaissance composer wrote a madrigal entitled El Grillo?
  2. What was the name of the band formed by Jack Bruce, Eric Clapton & Ginger Baker?
  3. Who composed a piano piece called the Golliwogg’s Cakewalk?
  4. Part of which Christopher Smart work was set to music by Benjamin Britten?
  5. Which astronomer is name-dropped in Bohemian Rhapsody?

Answers will be posted in 3 weeks time.

amusements, personal

Unblogged January

Sat 1 A new year it may be, but why does everything else have to change? Spent the whole day reorganising the date-driven irritations of life.
Sun 2 Oh bugger! The first time I eat a toffee in 6 months and what do I do? Yes, you guessed … detach one of my big gold crowns. Still my dentist will enjoy the £££.
Mon 3 So it’s a bank holiday. And yet again I spend the day working, when I should have been doing family history. Gah!
Tue 4 I don’t understand why it is that we sometimes have a dreadful night’s sleep. Last night I saw 03:30, but then slept until 11:00. Why? I can’t comprehend.
Wed 5 What a wonderful bright but frosty morning. Why can’t all winter days be like this?
Thu 6 Another wonderful bright, very frosty morning – a really hard frost too, possibly the hardest frost here for years. All clouded over and dull by lunchtime. Then at sunset there was a really odd light: at first peachy, then pinker, and finally a sort of violet/lavender, but with a pretty ordinary sunset.
Fri 7 Another nice sunny morning, but another day feeling well below par, though improved. Done several LFT in the last few days, all negative. It feels like a sinus infection – made worse by the anxiety.
Sat 8 The cats definitely had the right idea today: curled up, comfy and sleeping. All the while there’s cold, grey rain outside.
Sun 9 Tonight yet another variant on Mary Berry’s Sausage Supper. This time with a couple of jointed poussin marinaded in lemon & brandy. I did plenty of veg so there’s leftover chicken & veg for cold, or risotto, or stuffed peppers.
Mon 10 Dymo label printer is printing tape in pale grey; labels are OK. Software is up to date. Buy new printer. Same problem. Install different Dymo software. Problem fixed. Not the first time they’ve screwed their software.
Tue 11 At lunchtime today I completed my 71st year. How did this happen? I thought I had a lifetime ahead. Arrggghhhhh!
Wed 12 That tree branch is swaying about. Oh, there’s a tail. Good afternoon squirrel!
Thu 13 What a lovely sunny day for a trip to the dentist! Until I’m told I need a new crown to replace the one that came off. Even more £££ for my dentist to enjoy. Can I get a mortgage on it?
Fri 14 Amongst the little band of blue tits and great tits around our garden, there’s a female blackcap. They’ve now been joined by a handful of long-tailed tits, which are always a delight to see. And do they get through the nuts quickly!
Sat 15 Someone stole Horsenden Hill. Awoke to a very foggy morning with visibility of about 100m. Horsenden Hill 1km away might just as well not have been there. They brought it back about lunchtime.
Sun 16 Oh so nearly! Rosie cat came within a foot of getting that squirrel! Only minutes earlier I’d said to N that she was certainly fast enough.
Mon 17 Went looking for my direct ancestors on the 1921 census. I think I found them all although two entries are somewhat doubtful and will need checking when it isn’t pay-per-view and many alternatives can be examined.
Tue 18 Mist descending at 04:45 so I was surprised to awake to a bright, sunny morning. Although the mist drifted in and out until lunchtime.
Wed 19 Hosted on Zoom the first of a (hopefully) monthly series of talks for the AP Soc. which replace our abandoned 2021 conference. Audience of 50+. Seemed to go well and pretty smoothly.
Thu 20 We had a long discussion over dinner about our childhoods, our parents’ childhoods, and how this has affected us. Did we get the affection we needed as kids? No. And my parents and at least my father’s parents struggled financially which has contributed to the knock-on effects. What you see now is very much me having risen above my childhood and instincts.
Fri 21 Escrow. It’s an odd word, meaning “a deposit held in trust or as security” [OED]. Derived from the Old Germanic skraudo- (whence English shred n.) via the Anglo-Norman escrowe. Although already known in Early Modern English it seems to have passed into more regular usage via the Americans.
Sat 22 Dessert this evening: fresh strawberries with flaked white Toblerone and double cream. Yum.
Sun 23 A day of best intentions being side-lined. Why? Just because. And because neither of us could be arsed.
Mon 24 We spent the day rejigging the box files on the top shelf over my desk. Lots of boxes archived and some new ones created for the overflows & expansion. Seeing the dust & muck which ended up on my desk I can quite see how poor souls can be swamped by volcano ash.
Tue 25 One of the guys I know from school (the head boy from the year above me) is writing about the old school days. Scanned and sent him quite a few pages from my press cuttings file, including play programmes and articles from the school magazine.
Wed 26 News in the last couple of days of two friends having died around the turn of the year; one 84, the other nearer 94. They were two of life’s gentlemen. Let’s hope there won’t be a third.
Thu 27 What was I saying earlier about not understanding sleep? Last night I was asleep soon after midnight and still slept until almost 11:00. So I’ve been playing catch-up all day. Anyone would think I was still a teenager!
Fri 28 A quick, unscientific tasting of three different Domaine Tariquet Armagnacs at the end of dinner. (Two from Wine Society, one from Waitrose; but two of three are now not available!) Need to taste again, more carefully. Oldest certainly smoothest, though maybe not quite as much character – but all have a lovely bouquet of church incense.
Sat 29 I’m told that today happened. But I couldn’t be at all sure. Nothing seems to have been achieved, except I cooked dinner.
Sun 30 Why re there crows flying hither and yon at the front of the house? Ah, I see. A parliament of at least two dozen crows in yonder poplar trees. Apparently their annual Spring gathering for speed dating.
Mon 31 Went for my annual diabetic eye scan this morning. Why is it always on a bright sunny day? But again this year I got away without drops to dilate my eyes. Definite result. Awaiting the results.
amusements, topographical

January Quiz Answers

OK, so here are the answers to this month’s quiz questions. All should be able to be easily verified online.

January Quiz Questions: British Geography

  1. What is the westernmost settlement in the UK. Belleek, County Fermanagh
  2. Which city is the further west, Bristol or Edinburgh? Edinburgh
  3. Which river forms much of the border between England and Scotland? Tweed
  4. Which headland on the Kent coast is formed mostly of shingle? Dungeness
  5. On the London Underground network, which is the only station to begin with the letter “I”? Ickenham.

Answers were correct when questions were compiled in late 2021.

amusements, memes, personal

Birthday Meme 2022

Something a bit different and off the wall (well, hanging precariously anyway) for this year’s Birthday Meme.

  1. Describe your personality.
    Lime green with spots; the spots start pink, then turn sky blue and fade out in golden yellow. All the while enhanced by wearing a purple stupidity.
  2. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
    Oh so many choices! Boris Johnson has to be petty much at the top of the list, along with Michael Gove and David Cameron who combined got us right into this mess. Mind you the whole government are in the firing line. Bring back Guy Fawkes.
  3. What shape is the sky?
    A flat plane in an arbitrary, possibly fractional, number greater than 4 dimensions. You get to choose the number, ‘cos no-one else can agree. Personally I favour 7.43.
  4. Where do all the daylight saving hours go?
    They’re stored in a large warehouse in Outer Azerbaijan and used sparingly to give us sunny days during the winter.
  5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
    A yew. Sturdy; evergreen; long lived; green on the outside and threateningly dark inside; with poisonous berries.

  6. What is your favourite place in the UK?
    Dungeness (above). Closely followed by Forde Abbey (in Dorset); Rye; and Lyme Regis.
  7. If you could make a rule for a day and everyone had to follow it, what would it be?
    All clothes are banned and everyone must be nude at all times, and in all places. For ever, and ever. Amen.
  8. If you had to replace your hands with something other than hands or claws, what would you put at the ends of your arms?
    Octopus tentacles with eyes on the tip. Just so useful, and such fun!

  9. What mythical creature would improve the world most if it existed?
    Dragon. Think of all those unsuspecting twats it could toast. We could solve the population crisis overnight.
  10. If you had a pet parrot, what would you teach it to say?
    “It’s yer coons, innit.” (in similitude Alf Garnett). Well no-one said it had to be PC.
  11. What crazy name would you give your kid if you were a celebrity?
    Oh so many options. How about: Chardonnay-Madonna CherryPie or Coconut Bingo or Merkin Shaggy Cock.
  12. If you won a trip to go anywhere on earth, where would you go?
    Iceland or more likely Japan (Kyoto & Niigata, above, rather than Tokyo).
  13. Do you believe in the paranormal and would you go ghost hunting?
    My scientific head says “no”; but my heart says “yes” – There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, / Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
    And of course I’d go ghost hunting; science is there to find out.
  14. Do you talk to garden gnomes? What do you say to them?
    We usually have a good gossip; they see most of what’s going on:
    “Hello, Old Chap. What’s the latest on the grapevine?”
    “I saw Mrs Jones had a visit from the coalman last Monday; he was there 2 hours. He left hurriedly ‘cos her husband was coming up the road. And he was ever so clean when he left.”
  15. Pick one of your favourite quotes.
    Granny grasped her broomstick purposefully. “Million-to-one chances,” she said, “crop up nine times out of ten.”
    [Terry Pratchett; Equal Rites]
amusements, current affairs, ramblings

Predictions for 2022

Once again this year I’ve brought my crystal ball out of retirement and asked it, and my dowsing pendulum, to help me guess what may happen during 2022.

Prognostication has been difficult again this year because of all the continuing unknowns and variables. This is due in large part to the Covid-19 situation, but also the on-going fall-out from Brexit and a dysfunctional UK government.

As before, I’ve divided the predictions into sections: General, World, UK, and Personal. Various items are redacted (although I have them documented) as some might be especially sensitive.

Disclaimer. I remind you that these are just my ideas of what could happen; they’re based solely on hunches and gut feel; I have no inside knowledge, I haven’t been studying the form, and I have a success rate of about 20%. So if you base any decision on any of this I will take no responsibility for your wanton act of idiocy or its consequences.

General

  1. The first half of year is likely to be relatively quiet; but the second half could be turbulent.
  2. Watch out for travel delays and general buggeration during weeks 18-20, 34-38, 38-41 (possibly Covid related), 41.
  3. Also watch out for change around the time of eclipses, especially in areas where they are visible. This year we have:
    • 30/04: Partial Solar Eclipse visible in S Pacific, S America, Antarctica
    • 15-16/05: Total Lunar Eclipse visible in N America, S America, Antarctica, W Africa, SW Europe
    • 25/10: Partial Solar Eclipse visible in Europe, SW Asia, Arabia
    • 07-08/11: Total Lunar Eclipse visible in Arctic, Pacific, NE Russia, NW Canada
  4. There are Supermoons on 14/06 & 13/07. These should herald good news.

World

  1. A number of international treaties are likely to be broken in the second half of the year.
  2. There’s an international incident associated with the Winter Olympics; possibly involving the death of a competitor.
  3. There’s a Republican landslide in the US mid-term elections.
    This allows Trump to resurface as a serious contender for US Presidency in 2024.
  4. Macron is re-elected as French President, but by a small margin.
  5. Ukraine is reabsorbed into Russia despite international condemnation.
  6. There’s a military coup in Chile.
  7. Japan starts dumping the tritium contaminated water from the Fukushima nuclear site into sea – without telling anyone this has started; in fact it may have been happening for over a year.
  8. There are continuing, and aggressive, clampdowns on freedom of speech and protest across the world.
  9. At least one country votes to leave the EU.
  10. Three countries announce plans to go cash free by 2025.
  11. In good news, global wine production increases by at least 20%, mostly in the Southern Hemisphere.
  12. Covid-19 is here to stay.
    Another deadly Covid variant emerges just as Delta & Omicron are being defeated.
    Covid variants will start to be named in Hebrew or Chinese.
  13. The first “all flu” vaccine is available and it is combined in the Covid vaccine.
    It’s in Phase III trials this year, so won’t be available for a while yet.
  14. Nevertheless anti-vaxxers become more strident and aggressive as they gain increasing support.
    The number of unvaccinated (for all diseases) is causing major medical and public health issues.
  15. There’s a major infrastructure issue, probably affecting several countries, possibly due to a cyberattack or (more likely?) a large solar storm.
  16. At least one major space mission fails; maybe ISS or Ariane 6, or something else.
  17. There are several high impact astronomical/cosmological events; all due to things previously unknown science.
  18. There’s a major earthquake in the Himalayas.
  19. There’s a major volcanic eruption in Philippines, Papua New Guinea, or Iceland.
  20. This will be another hot and wet year, probably the hottest ever.
  21. Deaths: Dalai Lama, Nancy Pelosi, both Popes, George W Bush, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Angela Merkel, Aung San Suu Kyi.

UK

  1. It is likely the men in grey suits will remove Boris as PM.
    However there’s no prospect of an early general election.
  2. Sinn Féin gain control of Stormont.
  3. Recovery is slower than expected as Covid doesn’t go away.
    GDP will increase by a maximum of 2% as a result.
  4. Road & rail infrastructure spend has to be significantly reduced due to economic shortfalls.
  5. Bank of England interest rate rises to between 1% and 2%.
    Mortgage rates increase significantly but savings rates remain stagnant.
  6. Fuel duty is reduced to stimulate recovery, but at the expense of relaxing “net zero” climate targets.
  7. The State Pension triple lock is removed permanently.
  8. Continuing supply chain problems due to the on-going effects of Brexit, Covid, lack of lorry drivers and a lack of key workers; there’s no resolution in sight and food shortages remain a possibility.
  9. Supply chain and interest rates drive an increase in inflation to between 5% and 10%.
    Meat, fish, fruit & veg all increase by 20% to 25% overall.
    Gas price rises by 50% compared with YE2021 – partly as a ploy to make people switch away from gas.
    Electricity prices rise by 25%.
  10. There is continuing disruption to movement of goods between Northern Ireland and the UK mainland.
    Consequently there’s continuing discord between UK and EU.
  11. The government continues to try to reform TfL and refuse further financial support.
    Bus and tube services are cut back.
  12. HS2 costs rise by at least 30%.
  13. Covid cases remain stubbornly high; averagely on-going 400 deaths/week and 100K cases/week.
    A major rise in Covid cases in January/February due to Omicron variant and Christmas/New Year super-spreader events.
    And another spike in September/October.
    Everyone will need another vaccine booster jab, probably starting in late Spring or early Summer.
  14. There’s further significant rationalisation in the supermarket sector.
  15. The government moves to further criminalise prostitution and recreational drugs.
  16. There may well be a significant event (possibly a disaster) somewhere in Thames Estuary roughly north of Westgate-on-Sea.
  17. Deaths: The Queen, Frank Field, Stephen Fry, George Alagiah, George Monbiot, Piers Corbyn, George Galloway, Dennis Skinner, Andrew Marr

Personal
Five items, including possible deaths redacted from here as the content is bound to be sensitive to people I know. However these items are documented in my files and will be tracked.

Obviously I shall try to keep track and will hope to publish the results at the end of the year. Let’s hope we have a better success rate this year and that the worst of the predictions don’t come to pass.

amusements, topographical

January Quiz Questions

This year we’re beginning each month with five pub quiz style questions, with a different subject each month. They’re not difficult, but it is unlikely everyone will know all the answers, so hopefully you’ll learn something new, as well as have a bit of fun.

January Quiz Questions: British Geography

  1. What is the westernmost settlement in the UK?
  2. Which city is the further west, Bristol or Edinburgh?
  3. Which river forms much of the border between England and Scotland?
  4. Which headland on the Kent coast is formed mostly of shingle?
  5. On the London Underground network, which is the only station to begin with the letter “I”?

Answers will be posted in 3 weeks time.

amusements, pleasures

Amusements of the Year, 2021

Here’s my usual round-up of things which have amused me during the year. Unsurprisingly this has not been a vintage year for amusement.

(Most of the images etc. are clickable to display larger views or source information.)

Product
There are three contenders this year, but the winner has to be these Danish Wine Gums (left below) and Salt Liquorice Pastilles (yeuch!).

Spunk

The runners-up were this Ziplock Bag Thong with Goldfish Crackers …

… and a new (I think) product Waitrose Christmas Chicken Wing Lollipops …
chicken wing

Headline

I think this year’s winner has to be:


Motorist fined after CCTV confuses his number plate with woman’s T-shirt

But it was a close contest with these four runners-up very close behind the winner. (All are from the Guardian.)

Ohio man charged with stealing 58ft pedestrian bridge

Monkeys thought to have escaped private collection on loose in Cincinnati

Old Irish goats return to County Dublin to protect hills from wildfires

Camels enhanced with Botox barred from Saudi beauty contest

Twat of the Year

Leaving aside the whole Tory party in Westminster … the only serious contender for “Twat of the Year” has to be this disreputable scumbag:

BoJo
I may not be the snappiest of dressers but I’d be mortified to leave home looking this scruffy. I wonder if they found the hole in the hedge before the sheep escaped?

Book Title

Oh dear, there really is only one serious contender this year:

Is Superman Circumcised? by Ray Schwartz

Auction Item

Two superlative auction items stood out for me this year. First, from our local auction house, was this unprepossessing item:

coat hook
It was described in the catalogue as:
A late 19th century Swiss Black Forest wooden musical coat hook, carved as an anthropomorphic dog with glass eyes, and with gun and powder flask bearing the Swiss cross, with chamois horn feet, fitted with a musical movement with 6cm cylinder numbered 12 223, with applied circular metal label inscribed “C. Spiess Schloss Laufen Patent 16870” and remains of paper label, 39 cm high

As a wonderfully desirable alternative eBay were offering …

Vintage empty tall RAT BAIT TIN … RACUMIN.
Size 8 1/2 inches tall, cardboard tube with tin top and bottom.
Made in WALTHAM CROSS, HERTS.
rat tin
Not surprisingly it didn’t sell.

Nominative Determinism

Nominative determinism is where people end up in jobs which suit their name. There are many examples but these stood out this year:

  • Will Welfare, Public Health Incident Director, UKHSA
  • Marcus Scriven, journalist
  • Prof. Roger Kneebone, a surgeon
  • Superintendent James Pigg, of the Metropolitan Police

Organisation Name

The prize for the “Organisation Name of the Year” must go to the Old Irish Goat Society which you’ll recall was also implicated in one of our “Headlines of the Year”.

Animal

Every year we seem to encounter strange, new (to us) animals. This year we’ve met:

Occupation

Just one winner here this year:

Paper Folder – “People are amazed I fold paper for a living, then they see it”.

Sport

Top of the tree in this category is something I would never have thought of, let alone considered a sport.

Decorative Camel Grooming.

camel


Apparently it can take years to create the art on a single camel.

Epigram

Two, almost priceless, epigrams popped up this year.

The first is from the Irish Goats again:

Goat herding is a timeless profession

And secondly from Emma Beddington who was caught describing our expected Christmas excesses as:

mulled Dickensian jollity

I couldn’t disagree with either of those descriptions.

Marketing Slogan

Earlier in the year we came across a brilliant piece of the advertisers’ art; I can’t call it “marketing bollox” as it is but a simple slogan for Fox’s biscuits:

More yum per crumb

fox's
It seems they’ve been using this slogan for quite a few years; I’d just not noticed, but that doesn’t make it any less good!

Word

Our “word of the Year” (which could equally well be “Food of the Year”) comes courtesy of @WhoresofYore on Twitter. It is:

Piss-Quick

Described as (19thC) A hot gin-based drink drunk from a jar, in the morning to warm yourself. Piss-quick contained a mixture of gin, marmalade and hot water.

piss-quick

Folk Custom

Thanks to two modern artists we’ve discovered a folk custom which was previously not known to us. Called Hat’s On, Tits Out and it appears to happen in random places (and often unannounced) most summers. The artists have even provided us a couple of illustrations.

First from tilloodesigns on Instagram:

hat's on, tits out

And secondly from Peter Collins (1923-2001):

hat's on, tits out

Medical Discovery

In a surprise discovery, medics have found that we’ve had both male and female genitals wrong all these years:

male
female

Public Service Announcement

And the winner here is a poster reminding us that it is forbidden to season the pigeons.

pigeons

Photograph

We have three winners in the “Photograph” category.

What must be the Worst Sofa Ever …

sofa

Some absolutely brilliant Zombie Munch Cakes (© Waitrose Weekend paper; 28 October 2021) …
zombie cakes

And a strategically placed European paper wasp colony on a wayside shrine in the South Tyrol.

wasp shrine

Trivia

I’ll leave you with our final “Trivia” category where we have perhaps the best comment this year on the UK’s appalling government:

wasp shrine
You’ll want to click the image and appreciate it full size.

All of which leaves us scratching our head in bemusement.

We’ll be looking out for brilliance again next year; contributions are always welcome. Let’s see if we can make it a really vintage year!

Meanwhile remember Yogi Berra’s words: If you come to a fork in the road, take it..

amusements

To Keep You Amused …

Just in case anyone is at a loose end over the holidays, once again we bring you one of the year’s great events: the King William’s College General Knowledge Paper 2021-22.

According to Wikipedia: Since 1904, the College has set an annual general knowledge test, known as the General Knowledge Paper (GKP). The pupils sit the test twice: once unseen on the day before the Christmas holidays, and again when they return to school in the New Year – after spending the holiday researching the answers. These days, however, pupil participation is voluntary.

The quiz is well known to be highly difficult, a common score being just two correct answers from the list of several hundred. The best scores are 40 to 50 for the unseen test and about 270 out of 360 for the second sitting.

The quiz is always introduced with the Latin motto Scire ubi aliquid invenire possis, ea demum maxima pars eruditionis est, “To know where you can find anything is, after all, the greatest part of erudition.”

You can find this year’s GKP on the King William’s College website at https://kwc.im/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Questions-2021-22.pdf.

As usual I shall not be getting 100% as tonight’s bedtime reading.