Category Archives: amusements

amusements, beliefs, science, thoughts

Zen Mischievous Moments #140

The following is from the Feedback column of the current issue of New Scientist …

The $500 cable

EAGLE-EYED readers have pointed us to an intriguing offer. The US website for Japanese electronics giant Denon is inviting consumers to pay $499 for what appears to be a 1.5-metre network cable of the type that usually costs only a few dollars. So what’s so special about Denon’s AK-DL1 patch cord?

According to Denon’s website it has “woven jacketing to reduce vibration” and the cable structure is “designed to thoroughly eliminate adverse effects from vibration”. In addition, “signal directional markings are provided for optimum signal transfer”. Plus, the AK-DL1 is made from “high purity copper” which “will bring out all the nuances in digital audio reproduction”.

As puzzled as our readers, we emailed Denon via the website to ask for an explanation of what causes vibration in a network cable, what the adverse effects are, why signal directional markings optimise signal transfer, and how high-purity copper wire brings out the nuances of a digital signal.

Within minutes an email winged back that failed to answer any of our questions. Although the AK-DL1 may look like an ordinary ethernet cable, it told us, “the similarities end there… the cable is designed in such a way that vibration is all but eliminated so that sound being passed is as pure as possible… That being said, this cable is not going to provide you with much of a difference unless used with top of the line equipment across the board.”

Denon helpfully gives some examples of such equipment, including a DVD player that costs $3800 and an amplifier costing $7000. So all we have to do to check Denon’s claims for the $500 cable is pay $10,800 for something to plug it into. Isn’t that nice?

Shortly after this exchange with Denon, we came across an item on the BoingBoing gadget site at www.cablereviews.notlong.com. It quotes “brilliant” reviews of the Denon cable from what BoingBoing describes as “perhaps the best Amazon [reader] reviews page of all time”. Our favourite is this: “A caution to people buying these: if you do not follow the ‘directional markings’ on the cables, your music will play backwards.”

amusements, current affairs, thoughts, topographical

Great British Duck Race 2008

1 Comment

Sponsor a duck and raise money for charity – that’s what the Great British Duck Race 2008 is asking us to do. It’s British, it’s wacky, it raises money for all sorts of charities and it might get in the Guinness Book of Records.

In 2007 GBDR smashed Singapore’s world record by racing 165,000 yellow plastic ducks down the River Thames and in the process raised over £100,000 UK charities.

This year the aim is to go even bigger and better by attempting to race a quarter of a million little yellow plastic ducks down the 1 kilometre race course. If successful this will break the record GBDR set last year.

When is it? Sunday 31 August.
Where is it? The ducks take to the water at Moseley Lock, near Hampton Court Palace.
Can I go and watch? Yes, absolutely you can. It looks like a fun family day out.

How much is it? It’s just £2 to adopt a duck and this includes a donation to GBDR’s three nominated charities. Added to which you can choose to make additional donations to any of over 500 participating charities. And there are 30 prizes for the winning ducks with a first prize of a “whopping” £10,000.

It’s just a shame the course isn’t the length of the Thames from Hampton Court to (say) Tower Bridge. Now that would be fun!

Adopt a duck now!
Only in England would we do anything quite so mad!
amusements, thoughts

Zen Mischievous Moments #139

Ten more questions to ask when the going gets boring …

  1. How is it possible to have a civil war?
  2. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
  3. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  4. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  5. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have an “s” in it?
  6. Why are haemorrhoids called “haemorrhoids” instead of “asteroids”?
  7. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
  8. If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?
  9. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
  10. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

[With thanks to Chris Palmer]

amusements, memes, personal, thoughts

This Week's Meme: I Like to …

Here’s a meme which is currently doing the rounds; I’ve stolen it from Kellypuffs and little.red.boat. All you have to do is go to Google, type in “[your name] likes to” and then cut’n’paste the results. Ah, and add some explanation if you wish.

So apparently, Keith likes to …

… play tennis. False. I never did get tennis and the couple of times I’ve tried playing it I failed miserably. Squash, yes. Badminton, yes. But not tennis.

… take pictures. True. I’ve been taking photographs since my early teens, so about 45 years. And my photography is just as crap now as it was then, but I’m stupid enough to keep trying despite not having a single creative fibre in my body.

… shop. False. I dislike shopping. But I do like buying nice things and spending money.

… drink. True. I especially enjoy a few beers or a bottle of wine, but I’m not supposed to have it. And no I don’t binge drink and get legless — I did that once when I was a student; it was horrible.

… regale us with his inadequacies but has a surreptitious flair for survival. I’m probably guilty of this; I’ll let you judge.

… tinker around with home projects. False. I don’t tinker around with anything practical; I have 10 left thumbs. I’m also lazy.

… get in on the party. False. I’m not really a party animal, though as a student I always wanted to be.

… think of himself as a tyrant, but really he’s just a pussycat. I don’t know about the tyrant bit, I’m not aware of doing this. But yes, I’m a pussycat; anything for a quiet life; curl up in the duvet and sleep. 🙂

… play his ukulele. This is a euphemism, right? If so then I’m as guilty as any other red-blooded male.

… sit and enjoy peace and quiet. True. The only thing is I get restless and guilty because I’m “wasting time”.

… go running and fishing. False. I hate running; it’s boring and bad for the knees; I don’t do things I don’t enjoy. Fishing, unless one is doing it for food, seems unnecessarily cruel as well as boring.

… randomly strip naked. Guilty. But then I was brought up as a naturist.

… ski, sail and travel. False. I hated travel when I was younger, but I don’t mind it so much now. But I’m too sane to go skiing and I hate water so sailing is out.

… plan ahead. Always. That’s why I work as a project manager. Remember the 5 Ps: Perfect planning prevents pathetic performance.

… build models. False. I keep telling you I have 10 left thumbs.

I’ll tag anyone who is daft enough to play this silly game! 🙂

amusements, memes

Alphabet Meme

1 Comment

Let’s start my very own meme and see if it has any genetic fitness. Here’s what you do:

  • Write the opening sentences of a story using predominantly the words of the NATO phonetic alphabet*.
  • Post it on your weblog/website with a copy of these instructions and a link back to this site.
  • Optionally leave a comment to this post with a forward link to your offering.
  • Tag three others (more if you like) by leaving a comment on their weblog.

OK so here’s my offering:

It was November; the season when X-rays echo through the sierra. Returning from the Delta of Kilo, Romeo and Juliet met alpha male Papa Zulu for whisky in the Quebec Bravo Hotel only to find Oscar’s Yankee uniform unsuitable for their foxtrots and tangos. Meanwhile at Lima, Charlie and Mike were planning golf in India with Victor …

Not hugely inspired; I’m sure you can all do better!

Oh and (‘cos I think your zany humour will enjoy doing this) I tag: Jilly at jillysheep, Kelly at Kellypuffs – Not Just for Breakfast Anymore and Tina at Momentary lapses of insanity… – oh and to encourage her to blog more I’ll include the spousal unit, Noreen at Norn’s Notebook.

* Just in case you don’t know it off by heart the NATO Phonetic Alphabet is: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, India, Juliet, Kilo, Lima, Mike, November, Oscar, Papa, Quebec, Romeo, Sierra, Tango, Uniform, Victor, Whisky, X-ray, Yankee, Zulu.

amusements, current affairs, history, sexuality

Department of Government Sniggering

According to an item earlier this week in The Register, the Office of Government Commerce (OGC) – that’s the bit of the Treasury “responsible for improving value for money by driving up standards and capability in procurement” – has been indulging in a little “Strategy Boutique Newspeak” and rebranding itself. Complete with a new logo which has allegedly cost half a salary. One small problem though: the logo has now been banned. Result: all the supporting mousemats and other office paraphernalia which were produced have been spirited away, no doubt to soon appear on eBay. I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader to work out why our Nanny Government was upset by it.

[fx: exits sniggering]

Hat tip to Nanny Know Best.

amusements, memes, thoughts, topographical

Zen Mischievous Moments #138

For the Brits amongst us …

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then while travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

  • Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
  • Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
  • Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
  • Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
  • Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
  • Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls – and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call – from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place!
  • Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION…

  • 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
  • 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
  • 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
  • 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
  • British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Christmas cracker pulling accidents.
  • 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
  • A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
  • 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

And finally …

  • In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

Are you proud to be British?

[With thanks to Sue Frye]

amusements, personal, photography, pleasures, topographical

Watch Our Backs, Mate


Watch Our Backs, Mate, originally uploaded by kcm76.

I’m still working through the photographs I took on holiday in German a few weeks ago. I’ve put the latest few online on Flickr. Some of the shots are pretty grainy (like this one) as they were taken in absolutely appalling light — in the case of this shot it was very grey and overcast and getting on towards dusk. Lots more to come which I intend to put up about 8-10 at a time over the next few weeks — and I’m keeping the best of the steam train shots ’til last (probably). I still have some 30% of the shots to look at in detail.