Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.
[Benny Hill]
Category Archives: amusements
New Element
I came across the following announcement on the intertubes a couple of days ago …
Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, “Governmentium” (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called “morons”, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called “peons”. Since “Governmentium” has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of “Governmentium” can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete. “Governmentium” has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, “Governmentium’s” mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming “isodopes”. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that “Governmentium” is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, “Governmentium” becomes “Administratium”, an element that radiates just as much energy as “Governmentium” since it has half as many “peons” but twice as many “morons”.
Only the English
Last Sunday, Joff Summerfield arrived in Greenwich on his penny-farthing having left there 2½ years earlier by the same mode of transport. In the intervening time he has peddled his penny-farthing round the world at a rate of up to 40 miles a day, all in aid of charity. Joff Summerfield is, of course, English.
Summerfield was interviewed on BBC TV Breakfast this morning:
Presenter: Are you the first person to do this?
JS: No, I’m actually the second. The previous person did it over 100 years ago.
Presenter: How long did it take him?
JS: About the same as it took me.
In fact Summerfield claims he is the first person to achieve this feat since Thomas Stevens, who was also English, in 1884-7, although he started and ended in San Francisco.
Oh and along the way he also came second in the novice category of the Penny-Farthing World Championships.
Equilateral Chocolate
In his “Anti Gravity” column in the latest (November issue) Scientific American Steve Mirsky write rather mischievously, even zen mischievously, about recent food research “trivia”. The article contains this gem of a paragraph:
The journal Science reports that mathematicians from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, New York University and the Free University of Brussels have igured out a better way to wrap spherical pieces of chocolate. There’s a lot of wasted material when wrapping spheres with square pieces of foil or paper. But our intrepid geometers found that by using equilateral triangles rather than squares, they could generate a savings of 0.1 percent. That’s one full square saved for every 1,000 pieces of triangle-wrapped chocolate you eat.
Doh? Well so what? Well let’s (very roughly) translate that into something meaningful.
Making some reasonable assumptions about wrapper size and weight … If every man, woman and child in the UK ate just 10 triangular wrapped chocolates this Christmas the savings in the wrappings would amount enough paper/foil to cover a full size football pitch. Can’t imagine Wembley Stadium covered in chocolate wrappers? OK. The weight of that saved wrapping is roughly equivalent to 1,000 ½lb boxes of chocolates! Now that’s a lot of over indulgence, even by my standards!
Oh and you can find the full Steve Mirsky article here.
Just for Fun Meme
Just for Fun Meme, originally uploaded by kcm76.
1. Project Manager Pig, 2. (another kind of) self-portrait, post (flesh/blue) self, 3. Music to My Ears, 4. EthnicRR India, 5. 365.153 – looking glass, 6. My Swearing Fridge, 7. one cherry, 8. WHY I LOVE MOM, 9. Persian Carpets, 10. I’m not just a music freak. I can read too!, 11. Tomatoes, 12. Rosa Tuscany – Old Velvet Rose
This turned out, quite unexpectedly, as an interesting colour progression!
Questions & Answers:
1. What is your occupation right now? IT Project Manager
2. What color are your socks right now? Flesh, ‘cos I ain’t wearing any
3. What are you listening to right now? My ears
4. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? Robin in India
5. What is the last movie you watched? I don’t do films, so I don’t have a clue
6. How do you vent anger? By swearing
7. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries, every time
8. When was the last time you cried? When the Floss cat died
9. What is on the floor of your closet? Carpet
10. What did you do last night? Read
11. What are you most afraid of? Not having money and health
12. What is your favorite flower? Old roses
Created with fd’s Flickr Toys.
Car Meme
Car Meme, originally uploaded by kcm76.
1. white and blue 68, 2. The Magic Flying Carpet, 3. Blue Heron Rayon Metallic (Blue Violet), 4. Supersonic Doubledek, 5. campus, early morning, snow, 6. frogish robot drives monster truck, 7. Tandem Flight into the Night, 8. tourist 4018, 9. IHC Hospital thru Main Rotor, 10. MGA through a river, 11. White Pegasus, 12. Spread your wings and fly away…
As I don’t drive (I never have and probably now never will) a slightly wacky, fantasy-esque, contribution this week. 🙂
The Questions & Answers:
1. What make or model was your first car? Pale blue Alfa Romeo Formula 1, circa 1960
2. What would be your dream vehicle? Magic carpet
3. What is your favorite color for a car? Metallic blue
4. What is your favorite speed to drive? Supersonic
5. Where is the stupidest place you’ve ever parked your car? In the village of War Drobe
6. Stick or Automatic? Robot-drive
7. What has been your favorite vehicle that you’ve owned? Tandem
8. How old were you when you got your drivers license? 4018
9. What is your favorite feature on a car/vehicle? Rotor blades
10. You’re going on a road trip – what vehicle would you rent if anything was available for you? MGA; and yes they did exist, quite some while before the much more famous MGB
11. Does your car have a name, if so what is it? Pegasus, unless you can think of a better name for a magic carpet!!
12. What one feature is a deal breaker in buying a car, ie: if the car doesn’t have it you won’t buy it? Wings; to go with the rotor-blades of course!
Created with fd’s Flickr Toys.
Zen Mischievous Moments #143
Yet another timely contribution from the “Feedback” column in this week’s New Scientist …
Saddle saw
MOST surprising paper title of the week has to be “Cutting off the nose to save the penis”. This article, by Steven Schrader, Michael Breitenstein and Brian Lowe appears in the August issue of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. What could it possibly be about? The online journal Physorg.com’s report on the article makes things a little clearer: “No-nose bicycle saddles improve penile sensation and erectile function in bicycling police officers.”
It transpires that the traditional bicycle saddle, with its protruding nose, can cause deleterious health effects such as erectile dysfunction and groin numbness. A study of 90 bicycling police officers before and after using noseless bicycle saddles for six months found “significant improvements in penile tactile sensation” and “significant increases in erectile function”. Irwin Goldstein, editor-in-chief of the journal, found the article so rousing that he wrote an accompanying editorial entitled “The A, B, C’s of The Journal of Sexual Medicine: Awareness, Bicycle Seats, and Choices”.
You wouldn’t believe it if you hadn’t read it here first.
Finish this Sentence Meme
I stole this meme from Girl with a One-Track Mind and Troubled Diva because I liked it’s zen mischief potential. My objective is just to complete each of the following sentences. Your objective is to work out which are serious and which aren’t.
- My uncle once: sailed the ocean blue
- Never in my life: have I taken illegal drugs
- When I was five: I looked like Prince Charles
- High school was: much better than I realised at the time
- I will never forget: and that isn’t the only resemblance I have to an elephant
- Once I met: a man in a kilt
- There’s this girl I know: who is unattainable
- Once, at a bar: I met a Colonel with a dog
- By noon, I’m usually: in need of lunch
- Last night: I didn’t have sex on the beach
- If only I had: the power and the glory, for ever and ever, Amen
- Next time I go to church: I’ll be taking photographs
- What worries me most: is politicians
- When I turn my head left I see: something sinister
- When I turn my head right I see: a right tit
- You know I’m lying when: I keep quiet
- What I miss most about the Eighties is: not very much
- If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: a lion whelping in the street (Julius Caesar, Act II, Scene ii)
- By this time next year: I might be retired
- A better name for me would be: Zanzibar
- I have a hard time understanding: why people need religion
- If I ever go back to school, I’ll: be in a time machine (’cos neither of my schools exists any more)
- You know I like you if: I kiss you
- If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: grateful
- Take my advice, never: admit that you know
- My ideal breakfast is: a full English
- A song I love but do not have is: a John Mayall mouth-music track from the ’60s that I can’t now identify or find
- If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: search out its history
- Why won’t people: think
- If you spend a night at my house: you’ll be solicited by a pussy (or two)
- I’d stop my wedding for: a KitKat
- The world could do without: religion and politicians
- I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: do a bungee jump
- My favourite blonde is: Michaela Strachan
- Paper clips are more useful than: a grapefruit and Marmite sandwich
- If I do anything well it’s: only to lull you into a false sense of security
- I can’t help but: be a perfectionist
- I usually cry: inwardly
- My advice to my child/nephew/niece: if it harm none, do as you will
- And by the way: there’s always toast at the end of the dragon
I’m not tagging anyone for this, but feel free to borrow (or steal) it if you like it. If you do use it, it would be nice if you left a comment here.
Zen Mischievous Moments #142
Connioseurs of 1970s UK police soap operas will remember the refrain “Let’s be ’avin’ you” when an arrest was about to be made. Our attention has been drawn to an example not of nominative determinism, but of locational determinism – the existence of a police facility on Letsby Avenue in the Yorkshire town of Sheffield (it’s right next to Sheffiled City Ariport). Sadly there is as yet no news of an “Onyer Way” or “Evenin Hall” in the vicinity.
[HT Feedback @ New Scientist]
Getting to Know You Meme
Getting to Know You Meme, originally uploaded by kcm76.
1. A perfect weekend watching Tom & Jerry on tv and laughing…, 2. Amur Leopard, 3. A TRIBUTE TO A DEAR FRIEND. (KILKENNY, IRELAND), 4. Untitled, 5. ₪ Rhizomatic in-between typewriter ₪, 6. “Timemachines”, 7. 14th August 2007 / Day 226, 8. The cake i Made for my mother’s birthday, 9. Embracing the sun … {}, 10. day 151 Caught with crabs in my merkin! , 11. Walking in the rain 1_2499, 12. Smiles of Tibet in Exile
The concept:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste the html into your blog or Flickr stream (the easiest way is to copy the URLs and then head over to the fd’s flickr toys link above and use the mosaic maker).
The Questions & Answers:
1. What makes you laugh? Cats
2. What makes you cry? Animal suffering
3. Who is the one person you trust the most in the world? My Mother
4. Who broke your heart? Jill (no, not you Mistress Weekes; long before that!)
5. Where was your first kiss? I really don’t remember
6. What body part do you love most (your body)? My mind
7. What body part do you love least (your body)? My fat
8. What candy fits your personality? Coffee creme chocolate
9. What color would you paint your room if you could pick any color? Magnolia
10. A word that makes you laugh? Merkin
11. What emotion do you express most often? Depression
12. Who inspires you? The Dalai Lama
Created with fd’s Flickr Toys. for the Flickr My Meme group.