Here’s my usual round-up of things which have amused me during the year. Unsurprisingly this has not been a vintage year for amusement.

(Most of the images etc. are clickable to display larger views or source information.)

Product
There are three contenders this year, but the winner has to be these Danish Wine Gums (left below) and Salt Liquorice Pastilles (yeuch!).

The runners-up were this Ziplock Bag Thong with Goldfish Crackers …

… and a new (I think) product Waitrose Christmas Chicken Wing Lollipops …

Headline

I think this year’s winner has to be:

But it was a close contest with these four runners-up very close behind the winner. (All are from the Guardian.)

Twat of the Year

Leaving aside the whole Tory party in Westminster … the only serious contender for “Twat of the Year” has to be this disreputable scumbag:

I may not be the snappiest of dressers but I’d be mortified to leave home looking this scruffy. I wonder if they found the hole in the hedge before the sheep escaped?

Book Title

Oh dear, there really is only one serious contender this year:

Auction Item

Two superlative auction items stood out for me this year. First, from our local auction house, was this unprepossessing item:

It was described in the catalogue as:
A late 19th century Swiss Black Forest wooden musical coat hook, carved as an anthropomorphic dog with glass eyes, and with gun and powder flask bearing the Swiss cross, with chamois horn feet, fitted with a musical movement with 6cm cylinder numbered 12 223, with applied circular metal label inscribed “C. Spiess Schloss Laufen Patent 16870” and remains of paper label, 39 cm high

As a wonderfully desirable alternative eBay were offering …

Vintage empty tall RAT BAIT TIN … RACUMIN.
Size 8 1/2 inches tall, cardboard tube with tin top and bottom.
Made in WALTHAM CROSS, HERTS.

Not surprisingly it didn’t sell.

Nominative Determinism

Nominative determinism is where people end up in jobs which suit their name. There are many examples but these stood out this year:

• Will Welfare, Public Health Incident Director, UKHSA
• Marcus Scriven, journalist
• Prof. Roger Kneebone, a surgeon
• Superintendent James Pigg, of the Metropolitan Police

Organisation Name

The prize for the “Organisation Name of the Year” must go to the Old Irish Goat Society which you’ll recall was also implicated in one of our “Headlines of the Year”.

Animal

Every year we seem to encounter strange, new (to us) animals. This year we’ve met:

• Bony-Eared Assfish
• New Guinea singing dog

Occupation

Just one winner here this year:

Paper Folder – “People are amazed I fold paper for a living, then they see it”.

Sport

Top of the tree in this category is something I would never have thought of, let alone considered a sport.

Epigram

Two, almost priceless, epigrams popped up this year.

The first is from the Irish Goats again:

And secondly from Emma Beddington who was caught describing our expected Christmas excesses as:

I couldn’t disagree with either of those descriptions.

Marketing Slogan

Earlier in the year we came across a brilliant piece of the advertisers’ art; I can’t call it “marketing bollox” as it is but a simple slogan for Fox’s biscuits:

Word

Our “word of the Year” (which could equally well be “Food of the Year”) comes courtesy of @WhoresofYore on Twitter. It is:

Folk Custom

Thanks to two modern artists we’ve discovered a folk custom which was previously not known to us. Called Hat’s On, Tits Out and it appears to happen in random places (and often unannounced) most summers. The artists have even provided us a couple of illustrations.

First from tilloodesigns on Instagram:

And secondly from Peter Collins (1923-2001):

Medical Discovery

In a surprise discovery, medics have found that we’ve had both male and female genitals wrong all these years:

Public Service Announcement

And the winner here is a poster reminding us that it is forbidden to season the pigeons.

Photograph

We have three winners in the “Photograph” category.

What must be the Worst Sofa Ever …

Some absolutely brilliant Zombie Munch Cakes (© Waitrose Weekend paper; 28 October 2021) …

And a strategically placed European paper wasp colony on a wayside shrine in the South Tyrol.

Trivia

I’ll leave you with our final “Trivia” category where we have perhaps the best comment this year on the UK’s appalling government:

You’ll want to click the image and appreciate it full size.

All of which leaves us scratching our head in bemusement.

We’ll be looking out for brilliance again next year; contributions are always welcome. Let’s see if we can make it a really vintage year!

Meanwhile remember Yogi Berra’s words: If you come to a fork in the road, take it..