I’ve been thinking about all the recent #metoo posts. While in one way I’m not surprised, in another it is frighteningly disturbing to realise the level of abuse that we men inflict and remain totally unaware of. But from what I’ve seen (and I may be misinterpreting) I don’t think most women are saying that every man harasses them or is a sex offender.
(On the other hand, in some senses maybe we all are offenders, if only in our heads. Be honest, which of us doesn’t look at a pretty girl and think some variant of “I wonder what she’d fuck like?”. But then there is a line between thinking it and grabbing it.)
However if even 50% of women have experienced men being inappropriate (and 50% seems to be a very low estimate) then it isn’t just a tiny minority of men doing it.
We are all thoughtless and stupid towards others at times, whatever our gender and whatever the gender of the other person. (This isn’t just men on women, although that is almost certainly the vast majority or the “action”.) That’s not an excuse – there are no excuses – but a fact of life. We will never totally eradicate it, just as we can never be completely certain that our actions can ensure “X never happens again”. There will always be outliers. But we can all work hard to ensure our thoughtlessness and stupidity is reduced to an absolutely minimal level and those few outliers are all that remain.
I’m not conscious of ever having done anything wrong physically – though I will concede I probably have unknowingly. But I know that at times I have said, either verbally or in writing, and mostly without meaning to, something stupid, thoughtless or just plain badly worded. At times I’ve been called for it; at times I’ve realised myself I’ve overstepped the mark. I hope that on all such occasions I’ve apologised, learnt something, improved; and hopefully we have all been able to move on with some level of dignity restored. Even so there are a few of these occasions which still haunt me.
And for those occasions where I still don’t realise I’ve overstepped the mark, I apologise now!
Obviously as, I hope, a considerate being I would never deliberately set out to harass or abuse anyone; something I outlined in my post earlier in the year on my personal ethics and morals.
I feel sure that very often men don’t realise they’re behaving inappropriately; but I don’t buy the “that’s just because it’s the way men are” non-excuse. I suggest it’s because we’ve never been taught to be aware of such things – how can we have been when previous generations of men haven’t been aware of the problem and women have been too frightened to speak up, so no-one could teach us – and we’ve been too lazy to think about it for ourselves?
Hopefully the new, heightened, awareness can help change this, but realistically it isn’t going to happen overnight. Hopefully men can start to trust and believe what women say; they can start thinking about how they behave; and they can learn about being generally more sensitive, considerate and thoughtful human beings. Many – the more thoughtful men – will. But I do worry that the majority, who go through life relying only on their animal cave-man instincts, are just going to say “fuck off” and carry on regardless. They are going to need a lot of work by the rest of us – men and women. We all have to be brave and stand up to them, and that in itself isn’t always going to be easy – but if we’re being considerate human beings we have to try, pro bono pubico.
All posts by Keith
Cat of the Week
Boy-Cat has a really terrible life; he’s had to find a new place to sleep …
Something for the Weekend
Quote: Fun
More Knees Up
[Medical trigger warning]
As today is four weeks since surgery, I thought we should have a progress report on the rehab of my left knee.
Things are now definitely getting better physically; but I’m still feeling very low mentally. Most of the bruising has gone as has almost all the swelling – ice-packs several times a day have helped (the hospital provided a specially designed cuff cooler when I had the right knee done). For some days now I’ve been walking around the house without the aid of crutches or sticks – the exception being the stairs where I still don’t feel entirely safe. I’m still taking crutches if I go out, if only for safety.
When I saw my physiotherapist this time last week I had 110° of flex on the knee, and I know it will be even more by the time of my appointment next Monday. Needless to say the physio was very happy; the flex and function of the knee are good although still painful; he even had me on an exercise bike doing gentle to and fro motion (a full cycle is not yet possible, although I did try). I was given an extra set of exercises to do, which are all about strengthening the muscles as well as improving the range of movement; and the exercises are gradually getting easier and less painful. I’m still being subjected to the torture of the green anti-DVT stockings though.
As you can see from yesterday’s photo, the scar itself is healing well and looks as if it might eventually be even less obvious than the one on my right knee. (Incidentally I don’t know if the visible flaking is dead skin, surplus glue from closing the wound or some form of plastic skin which was applied to cover the wound. But the right knee was the same and it seems to be OK.)
The pain is very definitely subsiding. Yesterday was the first day since surgery that I’ve awoken at 6 or 7 AM and not immediately thought “Bloody hell I must have some painkillers”. In fact yesterday I didn’t need to take any painkillers from midnight to lunchtime – although by then the knee was very achy. So with luck I in the next week I can start thinking about tailing off the codeine, if not the paracetamol as well.
Meanwhile I managed to screw up my lower back last week; and yes, on the left side! This entailed two trips to the osteopath. The first on the Monday helped immediately but then the muscles were going into spasm every time I tried to move. This settled down overnight with a couple of small doses of Valium as a muscle relaxant. But by Friday the lower back was giving trouble again, so Saturday saw me back at the osteopath seeing a different guy who comes to osteopathy via a sports training background. I have to say he was brilliant – not just at releasing the back but also at explaining how this was all down to the muscles and joints readjusting to different ways of moving following the operation. His prescription was to walk (do what you can and build up slowly) to get the muscles etc. used to working properly again. I came away walking well and feeling much more at peace mentally. So far I’ve concentrated on walking around the house, but our long back garden is beckoning.
I’m still feeling anxious, depressed and panicky at times but that mostly isn’t the knee but everything else I have piled up getting me down. But with the pain receding, and a more positive outlook for the knee, I am at last managing to catch up on some of the stuff I’ve ignored over the last few weeks.
So the bottom line is: keep going; keep doing what you’re doing; it does get better (even if it doesn’t always feel that way hour-to-hour or day-to-day). Onwards and upwards.
Ten Things
Having just had my second knee transplant (sorry, total prosthetic knee replacement) I thought that for this month’s Ten Things I should maybe write a few of the important things I’ve learnt about knee replacement operations.
Ten Things I’ve Learnt about Knee Replacement
I’m taking as read all the usual stuff about operations, general anaesthetics, etc. (like anti-DVT stockings, morphine causing constipation). This is knee replacement specific things. First of all it is important to realise that no two knee operations are the same, so what follows is based on my experiences; yours may be different.
- There are three key people in a good outcome: a good surgeon, a good physiotherapist and you! Yes, you! A good surgeon and good physio are critical, but it is equally critical that you put in the work at rehab!
- If you can find out who your surgeon will be, check him (or her) out. If you have a choice, ensure you get someone who specialises in knee replacements rather than a generalist. What’s their track record? How many have they done? The more experienced they are the better.
- Anything you can do before your operation to strengthen your legs muscles, specifically the quads at the front of the thigh, is going to be helpful in rehab.
- Before you go into hospital ensure everything is ready at home, especially think about trip hazards: gangways are clear, rugs are stuck down or removed.
- Get a urinal (maybe two) with a lid – something to pee into in the middle of the night. (They’re cheap and many come with a “female funnel attachment”.) Even with a light on, you do not want to be staggering to the bathroom, on crutches, maybe in pain, barely half-awake, in the wee small hours and while trying to avoid the lurking cats and dogs.
- Unless you have a “slave” (aka. a partner) to fetch and carry for you, get a good bag (shopping bag size) which you can put over your shoulder or round your neck to carry things around when you’re using crutches.
- Post-op your #1 enemy is infection. Ensure no-one (and I mean no-one) touches your operated leg without having visibly washed their hands and are preferably wearing disposable gloves.
- Do as much as possible to ensure you get a good physiotherapist. Poor, or no, physio is the fastest way to ensure you don’t recover your mobility. Rehab physio will start in hospital; they’ll likely have you standing with a frame and walking a few gentle paces just 12 or so hours after your operation. You will be given exercises to do. Do them – as much as you can through the pain (but stop when it gets too painful). And keep doing them. Make sure you get as much post-op out-patient physio as you can and that your first session is within 7-10 days of leaving hospital; these sessions will help monitor your progress and adjust the exercises to your needs. The physios are not there to be sadistic (though sometimes it feels like it!) but to get you doing the right exercises, the right way, and at the right time, to ensure the best possible outcome.
- Recovery is painful! Think about what has been done – someone has done around 90 minutes serious carpentry to remove the degraded bone and replace it, very accurately, with some highly engineered metalwork; and that’s all on one of the most complex joints in the body. Discuss pain control with your clinicians; they will prescribe the right analgesics. Although the pain will recede over time, do not expect to be pain-free for several weeks. But a good outcome is well worth the pain.
- You should be provided with elbow crutches and taught to use them in the day or so after your operation. You will need them for several weeks. Go carefully and don’t get over-confident as this will lead to accidents. On the other hand you should be encouraged to dispense with the crutches as soon as you safely can.
There is a lot more I can say, and I do intend to try to write all this up for the benefit of others. But that will do for now!
Written Rules
If you think that good, clear, written English is irrelevant, pedantic or elitist you really need to think again and read this from the Guardian …
Regardless of style (which needs to vary with context) good, clear, factually correct writing which is correct in grammar and spelling, helps engage the reader. And after all, that is what you want, isn’t it!?
And yes, NHS and HMRC, I’m looking especially at you!
Badgers
This is worth reading …
Essentially it drives a coach and horses through the governments ridiculous programme of culling badgers.
Word: Cunctation
Cunctation
Procrastination; delay; tardy action.
The word is derived from the Latin cunctārī, to delay, and according to the OED was first used in English in 1585.
Your Interesting Links
Here’s this month’s round-up of miscellaneous links to items of interest or amusement from the last few weeks.
Science & Natural World
Is it an asteroid? No. Is it a comet? No. It’s actually something new: a binary comet.
At the other end of the spectrum, fishermen in New England have caught an unusual lobster: not a blue one but an even rarer translucent lobster.
On land, you wouldn’t think a 1kg rat could evade attention for long, would you? But a totally new species of giant, tree-dwelling, coconut-eating rat has been discovered on the Solomon Islands.
Health & Medicine
Just as our grannies always told us: worrying about our health makes us ill.
Most obesity is, in one way or another, caused by over-eating. But why do we over-eat? Until we actually understand that we’re unlikely to be able to crack the obesity problem.
According to the current fashionable theory, biological sex is a spectrum from 100% female to 100% male. Which makes sense when you consider the variety of ways in which genetics can muddy the waters. Scientific American explains.
Sexuality
Does sex (and orgasm) always have to be “red hot”? Many think it does, but reality is that there will be huge variations – and that’s good.
Environment
Concreted over front gardens should be banned. Concrete causes flooding! [Actually in many instances planning permission is already required for concreting over/paving front gardens.]
History, Archaeology & Anthropology
The Romans had a herb which we seem to know almost nothing about, and it was so valuable Julius Caesar kept a cache in the government treasury. [LONG READ]
The Abbots Bromley horn dance is thought to be the oldest folk dance in Britain. It is performed annually on Wakes Monday (the first Monday after 4 September). Some pictures from this year’s celebration.
Sheela-na-Gigs are female genital sculptures often dating from medieval times, or earlier. There’s now a project to catalogue all those in Ireland.
Like black cats, crows and ravens are variously viewed as lucky or malevolent. Either way they have a lot of associated folklore.
London
IanVisits discovers a hidden industrial marvel at Canary Wharf.
And here’s another, more up-to-date technological marvel from IanVisits … 3D-printing is being used to make large pieces of Crossrail stations.
Food & Drink
And finally … We shouldn’t be worrying about Brexit and food shortages, after all there’s always spam and tinned peaches. [LONG READ]