Tag Archives: zenmischief

nudism, sexuality, thoughts

Friendship, Sex & (Maybe) Polyamory

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I’ve seen a number of comments and posts recently linking friendship (and yes, I mean friendship and nothing more) with sex and even polyamory. For example:

We’ve been trained to believe that desire and care cannot coexist […] But that belief isn’t natural; it’s cultural. We inherited it from centuries of monogamy presented as moral law, not personal choice. It was built to protect order, not intimacy.

I’ve never been fully convinced by the myth of exclusivity. Not because I reject love, but because I believe it can take many shapes. Polyamory, to me, isn’t about sleeping with everyone – it’s about radical honesty. It’s saying, “I feel something for you, and it doesn’t have to threaten anything else in my life”. It’s acknowledging that attraction can exist without ownership …

[Kamila Murko; on Substack]

This young lady is curious in more ways than one, and I can’t work out whether she’s real or AI. But whichever, she comes up with some interesting takes on life and relationships.

Then I came across this comment:

Polyamory might actually be friendship operating within a patriarchal framework that continues to essentialize sex and romantic relationships.

[Nicolle Double L; on Substack]

I think that maybe does the sincerity and depth of polyamory an injustice. However it drew this interesting response …

As someone who uses sex to deepen my friendships, there’s some truth to this. I wish it were different, but in my experience sex is the best way to ensure a deep lifelong friendship with a man (even decades after the sex stops).

[Vortex Goddess; also on Substack]

Now all this started ringing bells with me. Why?

When I was a first year undergraduate (1969-70) my friend Geoff Allcock (yes, really) averred as his belief that there is no reason why one shouldn’t have sex purely as a token of friendship and outside a relationship (ie. attraction without ownership). This was not mere male student bravado, because Geoff was the kind of guy who even at 19 or so would have thought deeply about things and formed his own genuine beliefs.

This made an impression on me at the time (hence I’ve remembered it) and I’ve come to agree with Geoff.

I’ve tried to capture the overlap, as I see it, of various levels of sexual relationship in the following diagram.

Venn diagram
It is important to realise that this is not a hierarchy
and neither are any of the groupings mutually exclusive.

Why should Geoff not be right? I have no experience of polyamory (and anyway every set of relationships will work in their own unique way) but could it be that polyamory sits sexually somewhere “beyond” the apparently more common fuck buddy relationship – which is also distinct from sexual friendship – something deeply and sincerely rooted in the same way monogamy is.

As you might expect from my generally open and liberal views I have no problem with this – although I concede that I might find the actuality difficult, which is doubtless says more about me and social conditioning.

It seems to me that in a world where everyone is really treated equally, regardless of sex (ie. we’ve managed to evict the patriarchy and male chauvinism) we would see an increase in genuine M-F friendships and then we could see a rise in sex (hetero and same sex) as a token of nothing more than friendship. And why shouldn’t we? Indeed it could even be a driving force for the change – a circular feedback loop.

Bring on that change, I say!

history, memes

December Quiz Questions

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Each month we’re posing six pub quiz style questions, with a different subject each month. As always, they’re designed to be difficult, but it is unlikely everyone will know all the answers – so have a bit of fun.

British History

  1. In what year was the Battle of Culloden?
  2. How many monarchs reigned during the 19th century?
  3. Who, in 1835, produced durable silver chloride camera negatives on paper and conceived the two-step negative-positive procedure used in most non-electronic photography up to the present?
  4. Charles Dodgson is remembered as an early photographer, but what else is he famous for?
  5. In what year was slavery abolished in the British empire?
  6. What links playing cards in 1588; windows in 1696; candles in 1709; wallpaper in 1712?

Answers will be posted in 2 weeks time.

history

December 1925

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Our look at some of the significant happenings 100 years ago this month.

5. Peter Paul Rubens’ portrait of Saint Teresa of Ávila was found in Berlin after being hidden for 200 years.

8. Born. Sammy Davis Jr, American singer, dancer, musician and actor (d.1990)

10. The 1925 Nobel Prize recipients included George Bernard Shaw (Literature).

11. Pope Pius XI promulgated Quas primas, an encyclical introducing the Feast of Christ the King.

13. Born. Dick Van Dyke, entertainer, in West Plains, Missouri

28. Born. Milton Obote, 2nd President of Uganda, in Apac (d.2005)

30. The historical epic film Ben-Hur was released in the United States.Ben-Hur chariot race

31. The first attempt at a worldwide New Year’s celebration was made via international radio. The United States sent out musical entertainment and New Year’s greetings from the consuls general of various foreign countries in New York. Evening listeners for participating stations across the United States heard a radio announcer in London say, “This is 2LO calling America and sending New Year’s greetings. We have received word that the American stations are broadcasting this program and we hope that it is being relayed successfully.”

personal

Unblogged November

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Being some notes on things (all too personal as usual) I haven’t otherwise written about this month.

Monday 3
Is anything happening out there? One way and another I just cannot keep up with anything, let alone what the world is doing. To the extent that I missed this evening’s Reading Group call, almost without realising it.

Wednesday 5
I was awake just after 04:00 this morning, to a very pretty moon veiled in some “lumpy” cloud. Difficult to photograph without crashing around to get my big camera, but here’s what I got with my phone through the bedroom window – the double glazing probably accounts for some of the refraction patterns. It was actually a lot more stunning than the photo gives the impression.Moon and clouds

I also wasted five minutes playing around to see what my phone would make of a selfie in the dark – but that will make this month’s self-portrait!

Friday 7
Another trip to the osteopath. Back still isn’t right, but is improving very slowly.

Monday 10
And still the work piles up faster than I can clear it, which means this week is going to be a horror as I also have four medical appointments and an evening meeting over the next 3 days, and thus also 3 early mornings. I just feel swamped; totally submerged.

Wednesday 12
Phew! What a day – well morning really. First thing a check-up with the tooth surgeon; as predicted it took 5 minutes to say all OK, go home. After which I spent an hour sitting reading in the hospital before being picked up and whisked off to an osteopath appointment. Different, recommended, osteopath. Very efficient. In fact at one point I had two of them working on me! They do seem to have crunched my back and so far it feels much better. Another appointment next week, and then maybe regular massage. Home for lunch and went to sleep in the afternoon, while N went for an eye appointment. But hey! We’ve made some progress today, which feels good.

Thursday 13
And there’s more medical stuff! Excellent review of everything this morning with my GP. Never let it be said that most GPs won’t give you the time if you need it. I’d asked several weeks ago that we review everything, including starting to discuss care plans. My young lady GP scheduled us 30 minutes, and we actually had 45 minutes. And yes, we did cover everything. I’m going to get a couple of precautionary referrals (6 month waits, here we come); and I have a couple of things to action as well. So another day with a result!

Friday 14
Why is it that no-one can explain why there are days when everything conspires against one? Nothing is straightforward or easy; if something can screw up, fall apart, or drop on your toe, it does!

Wednesday 19
So I looked up at about 08:30 this morning to see large lumps of snow falling, which was rather unexpected. It was however disappearing as soon as it made contact with the ground. Within an hour it had turned to rain, which then stopped by lunchtime; and there was actually some sunshine during the afternoon.

Thursday 20
Blimey it’s been cold today. The cab driver earlier was complaining of the cold, and I struggled to get warm this afternoon. Although our postman said he thought it was warmer this morning, mainly as yesterday’s wind had died down. And it looks tonight we’re in for the first frost of the winter.

Friday 21
As predicted there was a good frost last night, around -2°C, followed by a clear sunny morning.
As often on a Friday evening the pussys got fresh cooked cod for tea. Boy Cat appeared in the kitchen about 17:00 singing for his cod – he only does it for cod – long before it was going to be cooked (we were getting our tea in the oven). How does he know there’s cod for tea this week? One can only think he must hear it arrive through the front door!

Monday 24
There’s something odd happening. I’m growing horns! Arrowed in the photo. (Click the image if you really want a larger view.)forehead

Tuesday 25
Another of those days where anything that can be unobliging is so.

Thursday 27
So what we had yesterday was a budget was it? From a purely parochial point of view one is not impressed. We get shafted. Income tax thresholds not increasing until 2031! Well I shall get stung for higher rate next year, if not this year! Plus increased rates on share dividend income (although that’s scarcely even chicken feed for us) and savings income. OK, so state pension goes up, but I’ll lose all of that, and more, in tax. Alcohol will cost more, but (at least in theory) energy bills might come down marginally. I get the feeling (I’ve not had the wherewithal to calculate it yet) that from April my net annual take-home will go down fairly sharply; and certainly, given that bills keep escalating, disposable income will take a hit. Moreover I’m already having horrors at the thought of what my medical insurance is going to cost; it’s already astronomical! Yet I shouldn’t really be complaining (except maybe about the medical insurance); after all we can actually afford to pay a bit more tax. But not impressed. Bah! Humbug!

Saturday 29
I keep thinking of little snippets to write here – and then forgetting them!
One nice thing at sunset today was a gorgeous fiery pink layer of cloud making a line right along the eastern sky, with above it a misty quarter moon. Rather stunning.

Sunday 30
It’s the first Sunday in Advent. Just where has that year gone?

history, natural history, science, topographical

Monthly Links for November

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Christmas is creeping ever closer, but before then we must have this month’s collection of links to items you may have missed.

Science, Technology, Natural World

The first test image from the new Vera C Rubin telescope has found a tail on galaxy M61 (above). [££££]

Meanwhile a rather strange planetary system has been spotted with three planets circling a pair of stars.

The planet which crashed into Earth, thus creating the Moon, came from the Inner Solar System. [££££]

Recently a very tiny asteroid buzzed past very close to Earth.

Here’s a tribute to Betty Webster, the much ignored woman who discovered the first black hole.

Coming back to Earth … How did a medieval Oxford friar use light and colour to find the composition of stars and planets?

A recent scientific study has found that there are four key ages in your brain’s development – and they’re not quite when you think they are!

A curiosity … It seems we have an internal lunar clock (as well as the solar one) and it’s getting disrupted by light pollution.

Scientists now calculate that the first kiss dates back some 21 million years – so it wasn’t between humans! (Sculpture below is by Brancusi)

The diversity of our dog breeds can apparently be traced back to the Stone Age.

They seem to have memory, but what do trees remember? [LONG READ]

Environment & Ecology

In the UK, on the Isle of Wight, the “White-knuckled Wolf Spider” has been rediscovered.

Would you believe that London is home to a hairy snail (above), which is now subject to conservation efforts?

Meanwhile, an exceptionally rare pink grasshopper (below) has been found in New Zealand.

History, Archaeology, Anthropology

Archaeologists have discovered a massive ancient Egyptian fortress in the middle of the desert.

In the UK, the find of several Bronze and Iron Age log boats is revealing details of Fenland prehistory.
From

There’s a project which is mapping ancient Roman roads, and they’ve recently added 60,000 miles from right across the Roman Empire. [££££]

Here’s Going Medieval on the Dark Ages.

Well who would have thought it? Finds – including 25 shoes (one, below) – from ancient vulture nests are shedding light on 600 years of human history! [££££]

London

As so often our London section is mostly historical …

There’s a new book, The Boroughs of London by Mike Hall and Matt Brown. It’s getting lots of great reviews.

Meanwhile Londonist has an article by Matt Brown on the history of the London Plane Tree. [LONG READ]

Ongoing work under the Houses of Parliament has turned up evidence of prehistoric tools and a lost medieval hall.

In another Londonist post Matt Brown (again) continues his work revealing the detail in John Rocque’s 1746 map of London by colouring it in. He’s now got to Wapping, Rotherhithe and Shadwell (snippet below). [LONG READ]

Still with Matt Brown, and following on from the previous item, he appears to have found the lost island of Shadwell.

And coming right up to date, the 20-year old gates of City Road Lock on the Regent’s Canal are being replaced, allowing a quick peek at the workings of a lock.

Shock, Horror, Ha ha ha!

And finally, for your delectation, here’s a history of slang for virginity – and some links to similar articles from the same author.