Yes, you read that headline correctly. I’m a hypocrite. Most of us are over something.

Recently, unable to sleep, I started thinking about what it is that makes me a hypocrite. And I found two instances.

Meat. I eat meat – although I also enjoy veggie food. But mostly I eat meat, and fish. I’d struggle to be entirely veggie despite seeing it as more ethical and environmental choice. So yes, I eat flesh … but I let someone else do the dirty work of rearing and killing it for me. Because I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t emotionally bring myself to kill some other sentient creature. And physically I couldn’t manage to handle a large animal. Keeping fish, I have on a few occasions had to euthanise one of them to save it from a lingering death – and I hated it; I had to do it but with a heavy heart and feeling squeamish; and the larger the fish, the more horrible it was. So I couldn’t do it to a mammal.

I can butcher meat that’s already dead without any problems. I have no problem jointing or spatchcocking a whole turkey or chicken; or filleting fish. And when younger (about 17, in the late 1960s) when I worked in a supermarket, I was taught to bone a side of bacon. We had the bacon delivered as half a pig, ready cured and without head, trotters, entrails etc. I had no problem with this. It’s a disembodied entity.

So I wouldn’t be able to despatch a warm-blooded creature – but I’m happy to let someone else do the deed for me, and eat the results. Which is inconsistent and hypocritical.

Shaving & Hair. This case is not so horrid; just somewhat stupid. I shave the hair off my face. When I was working I used to do this every day with an electric shaver. Now I’m retired I shave maybe twice a week with a wet razor. Why do I do this? Well, really for two reasons.

First, I find more than a handful of days beard uncomfortably itchy and scratchy. I’ve never managed to grow my beard for more than about 10 days before it becomes intolerable. Except that for some years in my late-20s/early-30s I had a moustache.

Secondly, in general I don’t like beards. Too many look scruffy, or affected. I don’t think they’re a good look. But I would never deny anyone’s right to have a beard if they wish.

But here’s the hypocrisy. What’s with the Barbie look? I can’t get the fashion for females to shave/wax their pubes. Why would you want your 20/30/40/50/++ year-old self to look pre-pubescent; who are you trying to kid? It’s not a good look, even before one thinks about the shaving rash, the ingrown hairs and the stubble. Pubic hair likely has a purpose, so why remove it? By all means tidy it up or trim it a bit, but there is no imperative to remove it. (Incidentally all this applies just as much to, for example, armpits. And yes, guys it applies to you too!) But then it’s your body, your choice.

So, no, I don’t like denuded pubes, but I prefer denuded faces. If that isn’t hypocritical, it’s at least inconsistent. But if either is what you want to do, then you have every right to. Just do it because that’s what you like or are comfortable with, not because it’s the fashion or you think society, or a partner, expects it.

Whatever you do, do it for you! And remember: those that mind don’t matter; and those that matter don’t mind.

I’m sure there are other places where I’m inconsistent or hypocritical. What about you?