100 Days of Haiku, Episode 7

Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge.

Monday 12 August
State registered
geriatric, so I am.
Have granny bus pass.

Tuesday 13 August
Sixteen sixty-six
fire destroyed London town.
Sadly rebuilt by Wren.

Wednesday 14 August
Friends talking travel
to mysterious places
I’ll never visit.

Thursday 15 August
Four women and me
drink together in the pub.
The lone male survives?

Friday 16 August
Touch is medicine.
Deep tissue massage is good,
if uncomfortable.

Saturday 17 August
Little Jacky Horner,
just so quiet in his corner,
enjoys pinching bums.

Sunday 18 August
Outside the window
bright coloured fluttering:
Jersey Tiger moth.

And here’s the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26
6 27
7 28

More next week.

They Don’t Get It

I’ve been working up to writing this for some while; today I’ve been pushed over the edge.

So when will MPs, and others, wake up?

While I agree with Lord Heseltine that imposing a No-Deal Brexit is an attack (“intolerable” was the adjective he used) on democracy, Parliament cannot block No-Deal just by saying they don’t want it – in fact they did this months ago. And Caroline Lucas calling for an emergency female cabinet to block No-Deal, is, frankly, pissing into the wind.

My understanding (which may not be complete) is that there are only two ways in which Parliament can prevent a No-Deal Brexit:

(1) By passing a motion agreeing to, and instructing the executive to ratify, the deal which is currently on the table.

or

(2) By passing a motion instructing the executive to cancel the Article 50 declaration.

Even so they could be ignored, but at the cost of an even bigger constitutional crisis.

The clock is ticking inexorably towards 31 October. Parliament and the Executive have effectively run out of time to do anything. So unless the Government come up with something radically new and (as a minimum) get the EU to agree to a further postponement of the leave date (all very unlikely in my estimation), then the UK will crash out of the EU on 31 October – no deal, no backstop, a hard border with Ireland, no transition period, no proper preparation, no international trade for months … and no international standing because having faffed around at nothing for three years who would trust us?

All of that can be averted by Parliament only by one of the above two actions. They can talk all they like, but they’re powerless to stop No-Deal otherwise.

When will they wake up?

Gawdelpus!

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 6

Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. (BTW this is the SFW version.)

Monday 5 August
Sunday, oh Sunday,
why always so full of work?
Please adjust God’s week!

Tuesday 6 August
Evening shower,
fresh laundered bed linen.
So sensual again.

Wednesday 7 August
Teenage skin complaint:
acne is not the acme
nearing seventy.

Thursday 8 August
Outside the town hall
a street tree, dusty and green.
Rain soon refreshes.

Friday 9 August
Reclines on the bed
bemoaning lack of TV.
Old stuffed tiger.

Saturday 10 August
Windy day, so strange;
driving rain and sunshine too.
August unravels.

Sunday 11 August
Bounding along twigs
putting circus acts to shame.
Daredevil squirrel.

And here’s the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26
6 27

More next week.

Ten Things, August

This year our Ten Things series is focusing on each month in turn. The Ten Things may include facts about the month, momentous events that happened, personal things, and any other idiocy I feel like – just because I can. So here are …

Ten Things about August

  1. Pagan festival of Lammas (Lughnasadh)
  2. Summer bank holiday on last Monday (for most of the UK)
  3. UK School holidays and family holiday time
  4. Grouse shooting opens on the Glorious Twelfth
  5. The month was renamed in honour of Roman Emperor Augustus
  6. Edinburgh Festival
  7. Royal National Eisteddfod
  8. Notting Hill Carnival
  9. 27th is the official date when Julius Caesar invaded Britain
  10. Feast of the Assumption

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 5

Another weekly update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. Inspiration and creativity continue to to be in short supply – I’m not good at either, and that’s the point: to try to improve. Anyway, here’s this week’s daily selection.

Monday 29 July
The rain it raineth
every day – not always here,
it just feels that way.

Tuesday 30 July
Disappearances:
Mysterious? Oh really?
Bermuda Triangle.

Wednesday 31 July
Wild boar. Friend or foe?
Millions of disease vectors
but lots of paté.

Thursday 1 August
Willow tree, so green,
is the paint upon the wall.
Dining room is done.

Friday 2 August
Recently mown grass.
Crows hunting amongst the hay.
Lone cedar stands guard.

Saturday 3 August
Housefly, nuisance fly
buzzing around our bedroom.
Magazine scored.

Sunday 4 August
Mary’s lamb is little.
Mary’s lamb is snowy white.
But there’s no dwarves here.

And the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26

More next week.

Auction Goodies

Having moaned a bit a month or two back about the recently poor amusement value of our local auction house, this month they’ve come up with some stunning lots. And I’ve included some of their images (below the descriptions).

An antique Chinese seed pod necklace with string tassel, centred by a wooden personal family seal carved as a seated figure and inscribed in Chinese ‘Bao Men Huang Shi Xiang Xin’, together with an ebony bead muff chain and a gilt-metal wristwatch

A mid-19th century Continental silver posy-holder with metamorphic tripod base, on chain, another posy-holder in gilt-metal and mother-of-pearl, a silver wirework zarf, and a cut-steel chatelaine
No I didn’t know what a zarf was either and had to look it up!

A shelf of china comprising a Hadleigh part tea service, Hornsea Fauna ware jugs and planters with applied deer, a glass clown and fish bottle, two pairs of decorative china shoes, a quantity of cottage ware including a teapot, a 1950’s Wade dish, end of glass vases and fish ornaments, a musical novelty decanter ‘The Last Shot’, a Nao figurine of a clown and a quantity of Disney comics

A mixed lot including tools, garden equipment such as loppers and a hose, two wicker wall hanging shelves, three small garden planters, a radiator, tent, watering can etc.
We turned out the shed.

A mixed lot including a shredder, a boxed electric menorah, a boxed set of six silver plated cake knives, a box of vintage patterns, two wall clocks, a boxed Junior ‘Guider’ hydrometer, an Oriental vase and cover, a Royal Albert cake plate, a set of scales, a quantity of cutlery, a Phillips toaster, an oval silver plated tray, an all wave signal generator plus two smaller similar, a small Samsung television and a Heat Kit oscilloscope
We turned out the attic too!

Approximately 17 motorbike helmets and a quantity of canvas bags

A large wooden model of a Mississippi steamer on four levels on stand

A large wooden model of the 17th century Swedish Vasa galleon. A fine model with ten masts and cannons.

An impressive wooden model of the 17th century French ship Soleil Royal, with twelve masts and cannons on stand with painted decoration and brass mounts

A cast lead ram’s head fountain mouth

A pair of designer novelty Christmas trees made from scouring pads on silver plated bases and a pottery hand ornament
Do what! That just has to be a candidate for “lot of the year”!

A framed and glazed wooden model of a galleon with three masts and a bow sprit and canons plus a smaller similar

A magnificent short sword in 16th century style, late 19th century Continental, with parcel-gilt blade, the bronze hilt cast as a Saracen threatening a maiden, and with finely cast bronze scabbard, 55 cm
There’s something sinister about this, to the extent that I would let it in the house.

A mixed lot over two shelves comprising wooden cat and bird ornaments, place mats, photograph frames, a boxed Explorer Dynamo Condensor, a Grecian copper and brass jug, a barometer, two pairs of sunglasses, a mickey Mouse Disney watch etc.
An interestingly compact collection of old toot.

A large bronze sculpture of a stylised svelte female with bare torso, probably circa 1950s/1960s, signed A Moreau, 170 cm
Well I’m glad you tell me that’s what it is.

A very decorative modern sculpture of a bird with outspread wings, in silvered and bronzed carved wood, on tall marbled square pedestal, 170 cm overall

Eight Military folding chairs and four locking Military storage boxes one of them very large, and a Samsung light apparatus possibly for a lecture theatre.

So yes, a few stunning pieces and some real oddities.

More as and when.

Skyscrapers

It isn’t a commonplace for me to agree with Simon Jenkins, but I’ll make an exception for this in the Guardian a couple of days ago.

Skyscrapers wreck cities – yet still Britain builds them
Around 500 towers are proposed for London. They’re not just ugly:
they symbolise Britain’s greedy pandering to developers

Having said that, I don’t know where he gets his information “towers rarely offer higher densities than traditional Victorian terraces in their neighbourhoods”, which I find inherently unlikely.

In my view, no building should be more than four or five floors above ground, if only from a safety point of view. And let’s use up all the brownfield sites and under-used office blocks before building more; much more environmentally sound than taking out yet more greenfield land.

And while we’re at it, let’s require every developer, large or small, to plant at least one tree for every dwelling, and five (or even ten) for every floor of offices, with 50% of them within a mile of the property. That would be good for both carbon sequestration and for mental health.

Counters

Each month this year we’re bringing you a post under the general title “Things that Count in [Number]” where [Number] will be the month. And naturally each month’s post will contain the [Number] of items (so just one for January, up to 12 for December).

For our purposes the definition of counting includes things which either come in groups of [Number] (eg. four suits in a pack of playing cards) or things which count in [Number] (eg. decimal coinage counting in tens).

Things which Count in Eight …

  1. Oarsmen
  2. Archangels
  3. Maids a-milking
  4. Pints in a gallon
  5. Legs on a spider
  6. Planets
  7. Corners on a cube
  8. Records on Desert Island Discs

Monthly Links

So here goes on this month’s selection of items you may have missed, but which I think you may not have wanted to.

Science, Technology & Natural World

Good news for cats: scientists have found a way to study the parasite Toxoplasma gondii (cause of toxoplasmosis) without needing to infect cats.

Health & Medicine

The nasty, tick-borne, Lyme disease seems to be on the increase, but researchers are on the trail of a new vaccine. [LONG READ]

According to some the problem is not that we are fat per se but that the problem is “fat stigma” and the mental effects of the ubiquitous bullying.

Health researchers are predicting that giving the HPV vaccine to boys will prevent a large number of cancer cases.

More of us, and especially women, are breaking the taboos about discussing femaile bodily functions.

And the new openness has lead to discussion of why women need to have periods, and many are deciding to forego them. [LONG READ]

Which leads us on to … research has shown that menstrual cups are as reliable as tampons.

Sexuality

In more unlikely research, it seems that women like porn as much as men (at least as shown by brain imaging) but we’re all brainwashed into believing they don’t.

Language

The British are well known for not learning foreign languages, and it is now suggested there are five reasons why English speakers struggle with them.

Art & Literature

So just what is the history of the Bible?

Rowland Emett’s fantastical railway sculpture will be on display at Bonhams New Bond Street from 12 August to 3 September, before being sold at auction.

History, Archaeology & Anthropology

Palaeontologists have found a massive dinosaur femur in south-west France.

It is being suggested that European Stone Age art could contain a code and possibly be the root of human writing. [£££]

In another story of the Stone Age, researchers have used modern forensic methods to solve a 33,000 year old murder mystery. [£££]

Excavations at the battlefield at Waterloo have uncovered the remains of a field hospital, including amputated limbs, and musket balls.

London

Wenceslaus Hollar created a 5 meter long aerial panorama of London shortly before the Great Fire of 1666. Here’s the story. [LONG READ]

In another piece of history, here’s the story of the Thames watermen and ferrymen.

There’s a fantastic new book about London Bridge and its houses.

Lifestyle & Personal Development

Mid-year burnout. Is it a thing, or are we all just terminally tired?

Medieval monks had some advice for us on avoiding digital distractions.

Regret can be all-consuming and destructive of mental health, so here’s a look at how to leave it behind.

Shock, Horror, Humour

To end with several items which have amused me unreasonably much this month …

First, there was Edward Lear’s Nonsense Botany

In a surprise revelation, opium-addicted parrots are terrorising poppy farms in India.

Concerned members of the public rescued a bright orange seagull, covered in curry or turmeric. Actually I think it’s a very fetching look!

And finally … a dancing parrot.

Enjoy the silly season!

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 4

Weekly update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. I’ve struggled for inspiration again this week – well the hot weather has helped nothing – but here’s this week’s selection (one a day).

Monday 22 July
Bright green minibeast,
door lintel is its park bench:
small oak bush cricket.

Tuesday 23 July
Little brown fluttery-by
busily seeking nectar
in overgrown hedge.

Wednesday 24 July
Clear azure blue sky,
zip-wired swifts circling high
pick off flying ants.

Thursday 25 July
Wispy mare’s tail
cirrus clouds so high above.
Swifts circling below.

Friday 26 July
Harley or Honda?
Who cares the make when all rev
so noisily.

Saturday 27 July
Sleeping all day long:
pussy cat where have you been?
Night down the rat mines.

Sunday 28 July
Rain, glorious rain,
making gardens green again.
Daybreak brings wet cats.

And the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26

More next week.