Charlotte Church* savaged to death in the Beckhams’ back garden
(*that’s the lamb Gordon Ramsay named after the Welsh singer and was rearing for his TV show)
The above is a headline from today’s Daily Mail. You can find the full story here.
Someone please tell me it’s actually April 1st! Or are these people total tossers?
From the “Feedback” column in this week’s New Scientist …
Finally, using the public facilities in a shopping centre in Christchurch, New Zealand, Russell Pearse was confronted with a sign above the urinal instructing “Aim Higher”. The effect was not, probably, what Victoria University in Wellington had in mind when it launched its recruitment campaign.
There are four things that hold back human progress: ignorance, stupidity, committees and accountants.
[Sir Charles James Lyall]
More on English …
Thanks to Riannan (aka “In the Headlights“) we bring you the translations of some common words, phrases and silences used by women, but rarely understood by men:
Fine: A word used by women to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Five minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes means five minutes if you have been told you have five more minutes to watch the game before helping her with chores.Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This actually means something, and should alert you to be on your toes. Arguments beginning with nothing usually end in “fine”. Nothing can refer to silence, or can actually be a comment, as in “What’s wrong?”, “Nothing”.
Go ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Whatever it is, don’t do it.
Audible sigh: This is not a word, but a non-verbal statement, often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you about nothing (qv).
That’s okay: One of the most dangerous things a woman can say to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Don’t ask why or faint. Just say “you’re welcome.”
Whatever: Her way of saying f*** you.
Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it: Another dangerous statement. This refers to something a woman has asked a man to do several times but is now doing herself. This will lead to a man’s asking “what’s wrong?” which is answered by “nothing.”
Following on from yesterday’s post about the difficulties of the English language, Noreen came across the following letter from one David Truman of Fulham in the London Evening Standard of 18 November 1991:
Lines in honour of the rehabilitation of Frank Bough (by an inner-London primary school teacher trying to teach children English).
I take it you already know
of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you
On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through?
I write in case you wish perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps:
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead; it’s said like bed, not bead;
For goodness sake, don’t call it “deed”!
Watch out for meat and great and threat
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt).
A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear for bear, or fear for pear.
There’s dose and rose, there’s also lose
(Just look them up) and goose and choose,
And cork and work, and card and ward,
And font and front, and word and sword,
And do and go, and thwart and cart
Come come, I’ve barely made a start!
A dreadful language?
Man alive, Who mastered it when I was five!
I’m amazed that it’s almost two weeks since I posted anything; guess you’ll just have to put it down to too much work. Anyway here’s this week’s Friday Five, which is one I couldn’t resist as it’s an old hobbyhorse of mine. 🙂
Nudity/Body Awareness
(aka “How comfortable are you in your skin, or with others?”)
1. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?
Sadly no I haven’t. I’d like to but there seem to be no available facilities near here, and anyway most clubs require one to be a member of British Naturism as a bona fide (I don’t like BN; too cliquey and too club-centric, unless it has changed a lot in the last few years). Neither am I anywhere near a naturist beach. And no opportunities in my youth. Very sad.
2. When you’re home alone, do you strip down to get comfortable? Do you ever go out without underwear because it’s more comfortable?
I always wear as little as possible at home. Writing this I’m wearing just a pair of shorts and that only because I’m awaiting a grocery delivery from the supermarket. I just love the freedom of nudity and the air is good for the body — if it was good enough for Benjamin Franklin it is good enough for me. We have a naturally warm house so even in the middle of winter I’m often wearing nothing. And in summer I’ll sit in the garden in nothing, tho’ only close to the house so as not to frighten the neighbours; it doesn’t bother me but it probably would bother “them next door”.
I don’t often go out without underwear, but I certainly do in summer if wearing only shorts.
Basically I wear clothes only because (a) the rest of society demands it and (b) for warmth. Otherwise, why bother?
3. Have you ever/do you use the bathroom with the door open? Are you comfortable using public facilities?
The only time our bathroom door (or bedroom door) gets shut is if there are visitors in the house, and then for their benefit not ours. We’ve always been like this and we both wander in and out even if the other is in possession. It doesn’t bother either of us; it never has. I have no problem with public facilities and would have no problem with mixed sex facilities. I’m actually astonished at the number of men who clearly dislike peeing in public and always use a cubicle rather than a communal urinal; I reckon this affects 30-50% of men — very odd.
4. When getting intimate with your significant other, lights on or off?
Either; it depends on how we feel at the time. Actually it is more a question of glasses on or off! Mind you even if I say “lights off” we never draw our bedroom curtains (come to that, any curtains) and there is a street lamp outside, so the bedroom is never dark. And you’ll not be surprised to know that we both sleep in the nude; I have done since I was a student and managed to get out of living in conventional shared lodgings.
5. How comfortable are you with body exposure/nudity of others? Group shower rooms? Topless/nude beaches? Breastfeeding in public?
Absolutely no problem with any of this. I’m dismayed at the number of men who walk around group shower/changing rooms trying to hide behind their towels or swimming trunks. I’m one of those who walks around totally bare and thinks nothing of it. And the antics of the British on the beach trying to change out of wet swimming costumes behind a towel always amuses me.
Before you ask … Yes, of course one looks at other people in the nude. Why shouldn’t one? We look at each other clothed and admire nice bodies; so why not in the nude? Staring is objectionable whether you’re nude or not. I feel sure fewer girls would complain about having their tits stared at or being visually undressed if blokes were more used to seeing the naked human body. And it works both ways: girls you’d get a good look too!
I see no problem with nudity anywhere, anytime; public or private. What’s the problem? I can’t understand why people have a problem with nudity. Come on, let’s be honest: give or take the odd scar we all know what’s underneath that shirt, skirt, shorts. We would all be better off if we were more used to nudity; if we were brought up with nudity. We’d be much more comfortable with our bodies. That would make it easier for most people to talk to their doctors (and each other); they’d be less embarrassed. So in turn our health would be better because illnesses would get treated sooner, as we’d not be embarrassed/scared of going to the doctor. And we would be much less embarrassed and reticent about talking to each other — about anything, not just things sexual! — which would be good for most people’s relationships. Ultimately we’d all be more civilised. Besides, isn’t nudity a basic human right?
[Brought to you courtesy of Friday Five.]
I’m really pleased. This weekend I’ve managed to get back to doing the cooking — something I always used to do the vast majority of. I set myself a challenge last Thursday: cook two meals in the next week. So far I’ve done three main meals (although one of them was a salad). We’re eaten:
Now all I have to do is to keep it up.
(If anyone wants the recipes — well some guide as to what I did anyway — ask and I’ll post them.)
1. Who was your first crush?
A girl in my class at school named Sandra Shorer. We were about 10, maybe younger. She was not at all interested. I wonder where she is now, some 45 years later?
2. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Introvert, although I can move towards extrovert if I have to I can’t do proper extrovert and I don’t find it comfortable.
3. What is your favorite non-sexual thing you like to do with the love of your life?
Talk. The one thing we vowed to do when we got married was to keep talking to each other. I won’t say we have a permanent on-going conversation, but it comes very close at times. It helps that we are interested in many of the same things and understand the world in similar ways and with similar humour.
4. Name one quirky habit your partner does that either annoys you or makes you grin.
Does everything too slowly; every job seems to take twice the time it would if I did it.
5. Do you believe in monogamous relationships?
No, not unless that is what both of you agree you want after careful thought. Monogamy is not how the human species was designed, it is an artificial invention of god philosophies used in order to keep control (of both men and women). Multiple partners are fine but they should not be hidden, secret affairs — be open about it; which means talking and communication.
[Brought to you courtesy of Friday Five.]
Whatever you can do
Or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power
And magic in it.
[Goethe]
Every week the BBC News website posts an item called 10 things we didn’t know last week. I just happened to look at this week’s and was struck by some of the oddities therein …
1. The UK’s national time signal is accurate to within 1,000th of a second of Coordinated Universal Time.
2. Drinking, drug-taking teenagers are in the decline in England, according to a survey by the Information Centre.
3. The average water temperature of the UK’s rivers and lakes is 5C in winter, 18C in summer.
4. Eight of the 10 most crowded train journeys in the UK are outside London. [That did surprise me when I saw it earlier in the week; but then note they are measuring overground trains, not the London Underground.]
5. The average duvet is home to 20,000 live dust mites. [I’m surprised that’s all; I would have expected the number to be 100 times bigger!]
6. Designer discount retailer TK Maxx is called TJ Maxx in the US. [Try to understand the importance of this.]
7. Having a baby can cost you up to two months sleep in the first year. [I would have thought that continues for something like 20 years, doesn’t it? Though never having been selfish enough to have children I wouldn’t know.]
8. Chimps and bonobos differ from humans by only 1% of DNA and could accept a blood transfusion or a kidney. [I knew the 1% difference in DNA, but hadn’t realised the implications for transplants. But why a chimp would want a human kidney baffles me.]
9. Britain’s peat bogs store carbon that is equivalent to 20 years’ worth of national industrial emissions.
10. Dogs can seemingly perform the Heimlich manoeuvre (a technique for helping someone who is choking). [I have this bizarre picture of a coiffed miniature poodle trying to do the HM on an 18 stone rugby player!]
