Category Archives: sexuality

personal, sexuality, thoughts

Pearl Letter Day

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No, not a Red Letter Day. A Pearl Letter Day. Much better.

Earlier today I realised that today was a major milestone for Noreen and I. Some months ago we were discussing the times before we were married and trying to work out when we actually first “had it off”; we remember it well (as one would) but not the exact date. Noreen went back through her diaries to find that the relevant page was missing! But in the process she discovered that 23 June 1979 was the day she moved into the Chiswick flat with me. So today was christened “Cohabiting Day”, and it was 30 years ago today. A pearl anniversary.

The day has been celebrated in a low key kind of way. No cards, no presents, no dinner out. (Would that we had some decent nearby restaurants!) Just a normal work day, but followed by Chicken Salad à la Maison, a bottle of good white wine, a large bowl of cherries between us and a liqueur. Hic! Who knows what an early night (if it happens) might bring?!

And fingers crossed that we make our 30th wedding anniversary in early September.

It’s all a bit scary though; we’ve been married for longer than we haven’t! We still don’t know how we’ve done it. We still ask each other “How?”. And we still don’t take it for granted – which I suppose is part of the secret; it makes us keep concentrating! Even in the more difficult times there remains something magic about waking up next to each other every morning.

Oh and for the insatiably curious, the 30th anniversary of “First Fucking Day” was about ten days before last Christmas and we got engaged on 30th December – but that’s a story for another day, perhaps!

And for the even more insatiably curious, here’s a wedding photo. (I’m the plonker with the moustache! – you mean you couldn’t guess!! And best not ask about the “ear muffs”.)


Now how scary is that?!

personal, sexuality, thoughts

The Wisdom of Grannymar

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What follows was posted by Grannymar in a comment over at Coffee Helps. Whether you agree with it or not, it is an interesting approach to life which deserves a wider audience if only because it is thought-provoking and adaptable to whatever your spiritual outlook.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

amusements, arts, current affairs, environment, quotes, sexuality

You couldn’t make it up …

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More amusing snippets from recent online BBC News items. If you wrote most of these in a nvel you would be accused of being unreasonably inventive.

11 June
Gabonese have turned out to see the body of the late President Omar Bongo arrive back home from Spain, where he died on Monday (8 June).

11 June
The Rubble Club has been set up to help architects through the “trauma” of seeing one of their creations demolished in their own lifetime.

11 June
A man with a fetish for Ugg boots has admitted using the internet to harass a group of schoolgirls.

11 June
Acer chairman JT Wang strenuously denied any suggestion Acer was copying someone else’s invention. “We are not copying,” he said in an interview at … “Innovation is improving on a competitor’s product. That is still innovation for consumers’ value.”

12 June
A burned-out ice-cream van is among 100 works Banksy has installed at Bristol’s museum. “This is the first show I’ve ever done where taxpayers’ money is being used to hang my pictures up rather than scrape them off … many people will say: ‘You should have gone to Specsavers'”, Banksy added.

14 June
As I went closer, I realised with delight that while they had got the tune off pat, the words were just slightly off the mark. Standing tall and proud, the children were calling on the Almighty to “sieve the Queen and her setter, Victoria.” … A French friend of mine, preparing a few snacks to hand round at an English drinks party, implored her guests to help themselves to nipples.

18 June
“Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything.”

beliefs, personal, sexuality, thoughts

On Morality

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An online contact, who I won’t name, has asked in a posting if it is OK to have a relationship with someone with a diametrically opposed morality; to what extent is it acceptable to compromise to support one’s partner and make the relationship work; and whether this is cowardly. What follows is an edited (and slightly extended) version of my response.

Standing up for your principles (what your morality tells you is right) is not cowardly. This is generally called “sticking to your principles” and is normally seen as “a good thing”. However we all have to make compromises in life and we each have to be comfortable with where we draw the line. Love will distort that line, and where it is in the sand, just as it does everything else. But love is not all powerful and (at least in my view) is not an excuse for casting all morality aside. Each situation has to be assessed anew and on its individual merits. If you are in “this situation” again you may find your compromise is different. You can only make what seems the best decision for you based on the available information at the time; no-one can do better than this.

Morality is a personal thing. Even if you are a strong adherent of a moral code (eg. Christianity) your morality will differ, albeit maybe only subtly, from the code as laid down. If you are like me and make things up for yourself then your morality may well be totally askew to any other morality. That does not mean either (any) is wrong. An individual’s morality is what works for them; and they may have the challenge of moral beliefs which are self-contradictory. (For instance a person could be a pacifist and yet believe that dictators should be overthrown by any possible means.) If one is going to think through ones own morality one has to grapple with such problems – as indeed do more collective moral codes. In addition your morality may change over time as you have new experiences, find new knowledge, etc.

Your morality is not my morality. Accepting those differences is part of being able to get along together and a part of freedom of speech. I may not agree with your morality or views, but I will defend to the death your right to hold and express them – that is part of my personal morality.
The morality which society as a whole has is only the aggregate of all our individual moralities, usually as expressed and enacted by those we “elect” to have these opinions for us – politicians, clerics, etc. Collective morality also changes over time by thinking people like me and you kicking against it where it disagrees with our personal morality; pointing out where we see it as in error; trying to convince others of our view – and often being badmouthed by the likes of the tabloid press in the process.

Noreen (my wife of almost 30 years! Eeeek!) has a Christian belief although not of the “regular church-going” or “happy clappy” sort. I used to share this belief; but my viewpoint as changed. I am now an atheist; I have no belief in God(s) although I do still hold many of the same underlying “do as you would be done by” morals, but expressed differently. Noreen and I respect each others’ opinions, and we discuss them openly even though we don’t agree about them. This works for us; it might not work for either of us with a different partner; or for any other couple.

You have to uphold your morals in your own way, and that at times may mean compromise. That’s fine as long as you don’t bury it all and then feel resentful later – that way lies bitterness and trauma like divorce or mental illness. That means you have to be open about your beliefs, be prepared to discuss them and respect alternative views. A partnership, any partnership – sexual, work, friendship, marriage etc. – is a continual exercise in compromise if it is to work. Where there is insufficient compromise for both (all) parties the partnership will fail. And there are no absolute right or wrong answers in life, only the answers that work best for you at the time – which is not the same as outright expediency or situation ethics.

Keep banging those rocks together.

food+drink, medical, memes, music, nudism, personal, photography, science, sexuality
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Katyboo posted this meme the other day, and as she didn’t tag people, preferring us to elect or not, I’ll take the bait. Well it’s better than doing whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing.

The rules of the meme are: Respond and rework. Answer questions on your own blog. Replace one question. Add one question. Then tag eight people.

What are your current obsessions? Depression. I don’t know why I’m so depressed at the moment (I’ll blame work, it’s as good a scapegoat as any, but it almost certainly isn’t the only factor) but it is taking over and stopping me doing things.

Which item from your wardrobe do you wear most often? The Emperor’s new suit. Nudity and getting fresh, cooling, air to the body is actually good for you; it stops you getting all sticky and sweaty in places you don’t want to. I do wear a pair of shorts or jeans (more if I need to) during the week, if only so I can get to the front door quickly. Otherwise I follow the maxim “Nude when possible, clothed when necessary”.

What’s for dinner? Vegetable Crumble, I think. Well we are trying to be good and reduce our meat intake for the sake of our health and the planet. And Noreen does a mean veggie crumble with mushroom, onion or cheese sauce. Yum, yum!

Last thing you bought? In a shop? Not a clue; I hardly ever got to shops these days. Online? Some scented geraniums.

What are you listening to? The hum of my PC. I can’t take continual background music (let alone talk) these days. I suspect that’s related to the depression.

Do you have a pet and if not, why not? Yes, two cats and lots of fish (both tropical and in the pond). And no, the cats take no interest whatsoever in the fish.

Favourite holiday spots? Dorset and South Devon, by the sea. Well anywhere quiet by the sea really.

Reading right now? My PC screen, stoopid! 🙂

Four words to describe yourself? Fat, grey, snotty, depressed.

Guilty pleasure? Why do pleasures always have to be guilty? Erotica. Yes and I’m unashamed about it. In the words of Jean-Luc Goddard, “Eroticism … is consenting to live.” If no-one ever found anything erotic we’d none of us be here!

Who or what makes you laugh until you’re weak? edartr at Flickr‘s photographs of his hilarious two dogs; see here for example.

First spring thing? Zebedee

Planning to travel to next? Norwich to see my mother. Don’t know when yet, but it should be soon.

Best thing you ate or drank lately? East Green

Do you have any weird phobias? No. There are things I dislike intensely, like maggots, but nothing which turns me into a complete gibbering wreck.

Favourite ever film? As I don’t do films I’ll change this one. My question is: What time is it now, and what time would you like it to be? It’s currently 1150 hrs, and thus fast approaching lunchtime. What time would I like? The time I can drink beer freely again.

Care to share some wisdom? “It’ll pass, Sir, like other days in the Army.”

Favourite song? Pink Floyd, Learning to Fly. Well that’s one of them anyway.

What’s your favourite meal you make without sticking to a recipe? Curry. But then I almost never use a recipe for anything except cake – and I never make cake.

Who would play you in a movie of your life? Who would be stupid enough to even consider it? Maybe Harpo Marx? Actually Woody Allen probably suits my personality better. 🙁

Facebook or Twitter? Other or Neither? For preference neither. I do dabble on Facebook from time to time, mainly as a way of not quite losing touch with people. But as far as I can see Twitter is a complete waste of time and everything else; no-one has yet managed to explain the point to me. The same goes for Second Life and YouTube.

What is your favourite word? What do you mean I’m not allowed that one? It’s a perfectly good Anglo-Saxon word. Oh OK, let’s have something boring then, like corvid.

OK, so here’s the question I’ve added: If you were to have one piece of luck this week, what would it be? To win the lottery so I can afford to retire.

Like Katyboo I don’t like tagging people – although I’m always happy to be tagged – so you can all choose to take part or not. If you do, just leave a message and a link in the comments, please. Enjoy!

amusements, science, sexuality, thoughts

Zen Mischievous Moments #150

I offer you two snippets from the ‘Feedback’ column in this week’s New Scientist:

The entirely flat cotton bed sheet that [Reader A] bought from the department store House of Fraser came with a label telling him to wash it inside out.

[Reader B] from Edinburgh in the UK reports on a pack of condoms bought at the supermarket Sainsbury’s which had a security label stating: “Please remove prior to putting in the microwave.” [Reader B] is worried that he might have dozed off and missed a crucial part of his sex education classes at school.

nudism, sexuality, thoughts

Don't Fear Nudity: Embrace It!

There’s an interestingly refreshing take on nudity in an short article in the Johns Hopkins Newsletter, especially given that it is all American! Here is an edited version of the opening paragraphs.

America loves nudity. Cannot get enough. At the same time, America hates nudity. It makes us nervous … Nudity draws attention to our insecurities …

One insecurity is that of being inadequate. It makes us feel bad to think that we are unattractive …

We would rather live without the possibility of being denied our ignorance/illusion than live truthfully, in a world with breasts and penises everywhere …

But what if we were comfortable enough that we could deal? What if seeing one’s privies was commonplace? Firstly, big dicks and voluptuous breasts would no longer be as large a deal as they are body parts. Following this, skill comes into frame. One’s abilities in the sack are just as important to attraction as one’s appearance, but the more comfortable we are with nudity, the more our intellect catches up to the emotional reality of this. In business terms, transparency increases competition, and competition increases the possibility that you are just as desirable as the next …

What a refreshing change to have some commonsense!

[Hat-tip Diary of a Nudist]