Another in my very occasional series of articles on depression – my depression. They are written from a very personal perspective; they are my views of how I see things working and what it feels like on the inside. Your views and experiences may be vastly different. My views and experiences are not necessarily backed by scientific evidence or current medical opinion. These articles are not medical advice or treatment pathways. If you think you have a problem then you should talk to your primary care physician.
I recently came across the following elsewhere on social media.
One of the worst things about depression is that it’s a self-reinforcing cycle. In many ways, a lot of the popular “mindfulness” or “yoga” or “touch grass” or “diet and exercise” things about recovering from depression is a correlation, not causation thing which is a reversal of cause and effect. When you’re depressed, you CAN’T do the things that help you not be depressed, or at least you can’t sustain doing them for long because they drain more energy than they’re returning.
It’s a lot of feel good “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” nonsense. When you’re depressed, even when you try to force yourself to do the endorphin generating activities, your brain is so full of depression juice that it sucks up all the endorphins you might have gotten otherwise. So now you’re just even more exhausted from trying to do the thing, and have even more depression juice in your brain because you tried to do the thing and didn’t feel any better, which must just be because you’re a broken failure.
[Jess, @JessTheUnstill@infosec.exchange at https://infosec.exchange/@JessTheUnstill/111880212752583330]
I don’t really agree with the final phrase about being a “broken failure”. I’m a broken failure only in terms of getting rid of the depression and in consequence having fucked up too many things in my life. And who’s surprised after 50+ years experience – we’ve trained so long and hard that we’re now experts! Otherwise this is a pretty spot on summary of how my depression seems to work.
Medics please note that this is how depression works for many of us, so don’t be surprised when we tell you that all your suggested fixes don’t work for us.
| Mon 1 | So … Happy New Year to everyone! I don’t want to alarm anyone, but having just been outside everything is the same. We really need something different. Maybe snow? Or sunshine? |
| Tue 2 | At least three power blips late last evening. Literally off and on instantaneously. I think there was a bigger problem elsewhere locally, but I can’t find out. After the first couple of blips I made sure all the computers were OK and then powered them down until this morning. No damage done although one of the servers needed its disks scanning for errors. But curiously one of our neighbour’s lights came on. As she was away N went to investigate this morning and it turned out to be a side lamp which has a touch sensitive switch – presumably this was triggered by the power blip. |
| Wed 3 | Cometh the gardener … to lift more artichokes, before the squirrels find any more of them! |
| Thu 4 | Somehow this day has been like walking through a never-ending swamp of treacle. Made worse by the fact that I can’t wear my hearing aids due to a sore ear where the left one rubs where it meets my glasses. |
| Fri 5 | I’m still doing Postcrossing, in fact today is one year since I joined (although I didn’t send my first card until mid-February), and today I sent off my 100th postcard to a guy in Finland. If I’m very lucky I might receive my 100th card by mid-February – I’m curious to see what it is and where it’s from. |
| Sat 6 | The neighbours directly opposite us seem to have moved out, quite unobtrusively, over Christmas/New Year – having been here for 5 or 6 years. I saw a large van (nowhere near pantechnicon size) there one day but no other sign. But the house now looks empty and none of us saw the going of them. |
| Sun 7 | When you’re awake for the best part of 2 hours in the middle of the night it’s no wonder you feel sub-par the following day. Not up for having to concentrate on a lot, so very glad I didn’t need to. |
| Mon 8 | Snee. Not really any amount worth talking about. It started about lunchtime as some desultory drizzle of small flakes, and quite wet. There was a brief snow shower in early afternoon, when it started to lie, but it didn’t last at all. I’m not sure whether to be pleased or not. |
| Tue 9 | So NASA’s latest shot at the moon isn’t going to get there. Peregrine 1, which was hoping to be the first commercial space probe to make a soft landing on the moon, lost propellant shortly after launch. Good! Now stop wasting money on unnecessary space missions; we’ve been to the moon, why do we need to do it again? There are much better uses for trillions of dollars. |
| Wed 10 | This gets better. Now NASA have postponed the Artemis II and Artemis III lunar missions each by a year. Good. Keep going. Postpone them indefinitely (ie. cancel them). We (collectively as humanity) don’t need to do this and can’t afford it – financially or environmentally. As a scientist I’m all for discovery, but not at any cost, especially if the cost can be better used to rescue our planet. |
| Thu 11 | At lunchtime today I completed my 73100rd circuit of our local star. How? It really doesn’t really feel like more than about 30. But how many more can I do? If my ancestry is anything to go by at least another 10 and maybe even more, but I’m not holding my breath. |
| Fri 12 | Short of sleep again, so feeling fairly wrecked. I wish I understood what drives such variable sleep. |
| Sat 13 | At lunchtime the garden seemed awash with squirrels, although I counted only four. But they were running around hither and yon like things demented. |
| Sun 14 | The usual brain cock-up with knowing what day it is. By Friday afternoon I was, as always, convinced it was Saturday. Yesterday, being Saturday, I was absolutely convinced it was Friday. Today is Sunday and I’ve completely lost the plot. They tell me that tomorrow is Monday, and the gardener cometh. |
| Mon 15 | As predicted, comes the gardener, and does lots of odd jobs – including changing the bathroom light switch, which has been on my agenda for months. But will the cord on the light pull thread through our existing toggle? Not a chance, it’s much too thick, so we have to rescue a thinner cord – but what a faff around. |
| Tue 16 | A day of struggling to keep all the ducks in a row. |
| Wed 17 | Good patient group meeting at lunchtime, with a very helpful presentation about asthma from one of the Practice Nurses. It’s surprisingly common, and like many conditions unless you or someone close has it you tend to not know a lot about it. |
| Thu 18 | Someone please tell me what I did today and where the time went. |
| Fri 19 | They do pick their times, don’t they! N had requested a phone call from her GP, and was told she’d be called between 13:00 and 18:00. Fair enough. Except that they then ring at 11:30 when we’re in the middle of dealing with the supermarket delivery. You just can’t get the staff these days! |
| Sat 20 | There’s water running through our garden down by the pond. It doesn’t appear to be the pond leaking – at least I certainly hope it isn’t; will have to check again tomorrow. It seems to be running down from by the lilac bush which is a few inches higher than the path at pond level; and you can see it running in places. Also parts of next door’s garden are under half an inch of water, including their slightly (4-6 inches) raised area. Have they left their outside tap running again? Do we have the spring, which we think is there, in full flow? Or the backfilled field ditch, which we think runs across the garden at about this point, dammed and in flood? Or is it a problem further up the hill? |
| Sun 21 | The mystery of the water is solved. It appears that next door’s wilful 6-year-old turned the outside tap on and left it. He had a habit of doing this a couple of years ago, but we all thought he’d been cured of it. Seemingly not, the little urchin. Anyway by this morning the flood had disappeared. |
| Mon 22 | As regular readers will know, I’ve been taking part in Postcrossing for almost a year having mailed my first card on 12 February 2023. Having mailed my 100th card earlier this month (see above), today I received my 100th card. It was from a Postcrosser in Germany with a picture of the great Dr Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965) – Lutheran minister, theologian, organist, musicologist, writer, humanitarian, philosopher, and physician, who won the 1952 Nobel Peace Prize. And here’s the pinboard of postcards 51-100. |
| Tue 23 | For many reasons, not least the inability to dry laundry outside in this weather, we’re struggling to keep up with the laundry, especially the bigger stuff like bed linen and towels. So we’re experimenting with laundry services. We’re trying the apparent three front runners. A load off to each of two yesterday, and awaiting thee third to collect this evening. It’ll be interesting to see how they do when stuff starts coming back tomorrow. [PS. No we don’t have a tumble dryer, and aren’t about to get one, if for no other reason that we have nowhere to put it.] |
| Wed 24 | N to the hospital this afternoon, leaving me at home for the laundry deliveries. Finally the hospital did the ultrasound scans of her arms. It turns out she has particularly small veins, like her mother. |
| Thu 25 | Wasting time this afternoon helping N to get her MedicAlert reconstituted online. You can’t join as there is an existing account with this email address: verify the account or login. Verify how? – no clues. We can’t login because we don’t know the password, so try to reset it. You can’t reset the password because the account doesn’t exist. Oh you can enter the membership number – N hunts existing tag – date of birth and postcode. No that account is archived; you have to phone us. And at 16:00 we’ve all gone home. Arrggghhhh!!!!! |
| Fri 26 | N finally managed to talk to MedicAlert and get her membership reinstated. We then spent a happy(?) hour getting the online access sorted and all the details set up. But what a fight! Anyone would think they wanted to take our money. |
| Sat 27 | This is just getting ridiculous! As usual, last evening I was sure it was Saturday. But I awoke in the middle of the night convinced that it was Monday. By teatime I was still convinced it was Monday, despite doing all the Saturday things. Guess I’ll be in the funny farm fairly soon. |
| Sun 28 | Wandering round the garden at lunchtime, I noticed we had the first mauve crocus in flower, and the snowdrops starting to show. |
| Mon 29 | Something must have happened today. Oh I know, I spent most of the day doing work for the patient group, putting together posters for the surgery’s waiting area noticeboards which we’re going to revamp. |
| Tue 30 | I seem to be sleeping really well at the moment, although still struggling to wake up and get going in the morning. But what I have found is that I’m better if I make myself get up at a respectable hour, like 08:30-09:00 rather than allowing myself to sleep away the morning like a teenager. |
| Wed 31 | I spoke too soon about sleeping well. As mentioned before, being awake for two hours in the middle of the night doesn’t do much for the following day. But we survived. And there’s nothing a good sleep tonight won’t fix – and that’s needed as the next two days are going to be busy. |
Wishing everyone a Happy New Year.
May you have a healthy, happy,
and successful 2024.
| Fri 1 | Another bright sunny day, but what a stinging frost; the roofs almost looked as if it had been snowing lightly. But oh bugger … Why is the heating not working? Error code on the boiler display; low water pressure. Why? Call our heating guy; I adjust it as instructed, but too much so it still won’t work. Luckily he was in the area and dropped by – problem fixed in 2 minutes with the cover off the boiler. Phew! From there the rest of the day was an uphill struggle. |
| Sat 2 | Well there was no real frost last night and this morning is really dull and misty – they’ve taken away the hill which should be about 1km to our SE. Bat at least we have hot radiators and water. |
| Sun 3 | This blasted cold. I’ve had it for about 10 days and I cannot shift it. Snotty nose; bunged sinuses; watery eyes; inflamed ears and Estacion tubes. It fair gives you the willies. |
| Mon 4 | Absolutely wrecked. Had a dreadful night sneezing and snotting with this cold. Much clearer once I got some ibuprofen and decongestant on it. Also better having got the pond guy and window cleaner here and gone. Nothing else to get up early for this week as my Wednesday meeting has been postponed – for once not by me! |
| Tue 5 | I must have had something in excess of 10 hours sleep last night – solid sleep as I woke up only once for a few minutes. As a result all the head bits are somewhat clearer, although not best, and one is still feels very disinclined to do anything – so I didn’t. |
| Wed 6 | Once more it’s finances day, and yes we’re solvent for another month. We also get the government’s geriatrics’ winter fuel payments, as well as well as a miserable £10 each “Christmas bonus” from DWP. While one doesn’t mind having extra cash from the government (we have and still do pay enough in tax) how sensible is it to give this money to people like us who, let’s be honest, really don’t need it. Mind you when our health insurance is going up 20% this year … |
| Thu 7 | Well that was fun – NOT! 22:30 this evening, we have a blocked loo. Very blocked. N and I eventually managed to clear it, after much poking, prodding, hosing, flushing and bailing. It took us an hour. We and the bathroom all ended up soaked (fortunately mainly clean hose water). Much mopping and cleaning, followed by showers all round. And so to bed. Why do these things always happen last thing at night? |
| Fri 8 | Heard today that one of our neighbours had died (at home) over night. Not really a surprise as she was a heavy smoker and had had lung cancer for quite a while. We of course drank her health and memory with our bottle of Rioja this evening – which I feel sure would have upset her Baptist beliefs. |
| Sat 9 | Blimey we must have had quite some rain overnight, as we had standing water – colloquially known as the Great Lakes – down by the pond this morning. And it stayed most of the day, despite the rain easing off by lunchtime, so the water table really is high. N reckons we’re going to have a relatively mild and wet winter. I’m not so sure. |
| Sun 10 | Yet again I have no clue what day it is. By lunchtime Friday my brain was convinced it was Saturday. Yesterday felt like Sunday. And today: well I have no clue. So it’s no real wonder I’ve managed to get almost nothing done; the big tasks just keep being kicked down the road. |
| Mon 11 | We finally managed to get all the Christmas cards written. We do send a lot – because we like to – but because we get our own cards printed as large postcards, and print address labels, the job is much quicker than fiddling about with envelopes, and uses a lot less paper. It is also much cheaper; like 10-15p for a card (postage is obviously the same). |
| Tue 12 | Yesterday the hospital rang and gave N an appointment for this morning! So I with N to the hospital for the start of a round of consultations & procedures for her hereditary condition. Consultant, specialist nurse and an armful of blood tests. More to come after New Year. Some of the blood results back before the end of the day. And she has an online seminar tomorrow morning. But trying to get them to schedule anything else quickly is a Sisyphean task of pushing jelly uphill with a toothpick. |
| Wed 13 | Afternoon spent sorting out and wrapping presents which have to go in the mail. What’s good these days is not just the ability to buy the postage online, and printing it all as an address label, but that the Royal Mail will come and collect anything larger than an ordinary letter which has been paid online – and the collection is free too! So having done the online postage you click the button and pick the day you want the items collected (usually tomorrow). Letters still have to go to the postbox, but as long as you can pack, weigh and pay for items online there’s no longer any need to go to the Post Office. Now that’s what I call service. |
| Thu 14 | Bastard! Started sneezing, sneezing, sneezing late last evening and couldn’t stop. Wet runny nose too. Couldn’t breathe so ended up with a sore throat and didn’t sleep well. Got up at 03:30 for 30 minutes to do a Covid test (result: negative). This morning it’s clear that I have this <expletive deleted> cold back. At least I assume it’s a cold as I’m not especially feverish and I tested negative for Covid (using two different makes of LFT). |
| Fri 15 | Situation normal: Yesterday I was convinced it was Saturday (I blame the cold). Today I have no idea what day it is, but this evening erring towards Saturday again. WTF is happening to my brain? |
| Sat 16 | I learn that I’m not the only one with this strange time dilation in the brain. Today we had a good social call for the literary society. One of the members admitted to having tried to join the call yesterday (Friday), quite believing that it was Saturday. Basically it seems this is what retirement does to you! |
| Sun 17 | We always have our Sunday lunch in the evening, and very often not the traditional roast. This evening: steak & chips. And senior cat did OK too with a three course meal. The cats had fresh cooked cod for tea (their weekly-ish treat); junior cat is so stuffed he’s incapable. Senior cat being more sensible paces herself: so she had room for a few morsels of our steak, followed by a small amount of cream for pudding. It’s all right when the cat gets a three course meal! |
| Mon 18 | Attended an interesting online talk about the entomology collections of the National Museum of Scotland, given by a young and very enthusiastic curator. Lots not just about the collections, but why they’re useful and important – especially for tracking things like climate change and biodiversity. |
| Tue 19 | Good to see S&Z (wasn’t expecting to see Z) who dropped in for a quick coffee and cake this morning. S on the way back from a physio checkup following her hip replacement. Seasonal gifts duly exchanged. Z much professionally occupied by the volcanic eruption in Iceland. |
| Wed 20 | A few days ago I was moved to write to my three “girl” cousins (sisters; two older than me) on my mother’s side. I also wrote to my three half-aunts (on my father’s side). What a pleasant surprise this morning to get a call from the eldest of the cousins, who I’ve not spoken to in hundreds of years (although we’ve always kept in touch). A lovely 45 minute phone call. |
| Thu 21 | Spent all afternoon sorting out and wrapping presents. Totally knackering. |
| Fri 22 | Butcher the Dinosaur Day. Christmas supermarket delivery – slightly early against all our expectations. It included a decent medium-sized turkey and a nice looking piece of porchetta. A happy half hour spent butchering the dinosaur – crown for Christmas day and the rest in the freezer. Porchetta for Sunday and cold cuts. |
| Sat 23 | If the NHS want me for a health check, why do they need to send me three text messages and a letter in three days. I’ve not yet had a chance to respond to the first text. This is just bullying and harassment, which I won’t take from anyone. They got a very snotty email. Ball back in their court. Of course nothing will happen now until New Year. |
| Sun 24 | Well I got there! I’m not sure N has though. And I cooked dinner: a very nice piece of Porchetta – and plenty for cold cuts over the next few days. |
| Mon 25 | Warm, wet and windy. Just as well we didn’t want to do anything other than get up late, open presents and eat. But OMG wasn’t TV dire! |
| Tue 26 | Boxing Day. The highlight was the first of this year’s Royal Institution Lectures, this time about Artificial Intelligence. Did I learn anything? No. Should I have done? Probably also No. But I’m not sure how much it would have meant to 12-ish year-olds; as so often there were a lot of long, complex, words and concepts which weren’t explained. |
| Wed 27 | What is the weather coming to? Another wet, windy and dreary day on which to continue eating Christmas left-overs: cold meat and sort of bubble-and-squeak. |
| Thu 28 | Oh the joy of those dull days between Christmas and New Year! Turkey, Pork, Leek & Mushroom Pie. And there’s enough for lunch tomorrow. |
| Fri 29 | I hate printers, especially laser printers. The new one has now decided that it doesn’t want to play anymore. Not sure I can fix it. So as I need a workhorse printer (for many reasons) I have to throw money at the problem and buy another new one – for delivery tomorrow And I’ll go back to HP (at least their toner is cheaper). |
| Sat 30 | So there I was, sitting in the kitchen putting together individual bowls of salad for our evening meal. And I thought “Blimey it’s really quiet; what’s wrong?” Until it dawned on me “You silly bugger of course it’s quiet, you’re not wearing your hearing aids!” Duh! |
| Sun 31 | And so ends another year, much as it began: grey, miserable and wet. Here’s hoping 2024 is better for everyone. Have a happy, prosperous and healthy New Year! |
Yesterday morning I happened into BBC Radio 3’s Breakfast show just after 08:30 – well actually I blame the alarm clock! Between two pieces of very mainstream classical music the presenter Petroc Trelawny played what he described as a secular carol. It was rather entrancing, but I didn’t catch what it was. And oh dear, it isn’t listed in the online playlist (it is now!). A quick email to Radio 3 got a very prompt answer …
It turned out to be the Halsway Carol, performed by a group called The Neighbours on their (short) album Winter (2020). The lyrics are by Iain Fisk, melody by Nigel Eaton. And no wonder it was entrancing as Eaton is listed online as “internationally renowned Hurdy Gurdy maestro”. It goes like this:
Lo for the tiding of the long night moon
Let the sunrise call about the morning soon
Short is the biding of the fading light
Sing for the coming of the longest nightNorth wind tell us what we need to know
When the stars are shining on the midnight snow
All of the branches will be turned to white
Sing for the coming of the longest nightA winter day, the summer grass turned hay
Frost in the field ’til the dawn of May
A summer’s light never shone as clear or as bright
So dance in the shadows of a winter’s nightLo for the tiding of the long night moon
May the harvest last until the springtime bloom
Home is our comfort at the winter’s height
Sing for the coming of the longest nightAll of the colours of the sunrise sky
Shine a light upon us, as the day goes by
Sun-setting shadows fading out of sight
Sing for the coming of the longest nightA winter day, the summer grass turned hay
Frost in the field ’til the dawn of May
A summer’s light never shone as clear or as bright
So dance in the shadows of a winter’s night
The Neighbours’ album Winter is available as a download from Amazon; it’s altogether a rather nice 30 minutes seasonal folk music. However I can find out nothing about the band.
There are quite a number of renditions of the Halsway Carol on YouTube, and I’ve listened to several. After The Neighbours’ version, I prefer this one from Jackie Oates.
And, just for my Godparents, there’s also a version on Northumbrian pipes. There’s also some basic sheet music online.
An unexpected delight! But who can tell me about The Neighbours?
| Wed 1 | Whatever it was, I have no recollection of it. |
| Thu 2 | So that storm. What happened to it? Yes there was quite a bit of wind, and some rain; and it wasn’t very warm. But nothing like what we were promised. But then London was in the eye of the storm for most of the daylight hours, which is possibly deceptive. |
| Fri 3 | N’s new laptop was delivered today. That’s me occupied for the next week setting it up. |
| Sat 4 | Blasted fireworks. Cats very unimpressed. Yes I know it’s Guy Fawkes weekend but … the people very close to me (I didn’t bother working out exactly who) spend half an hour early in the evening letting off a continual round of very loud cannons, with lots of quieter popping in the background. We could easily have been in a war zone, with mortar fire being returned by snipers. These things aren’t cheap; considering everyone is supposed to be struggling I don’t know where they get the money to send up in smoke. |
| Sun 5 | Well much to my surprise, Guy Fawkes Night turned out to be relatively quiet with only a handful of short, somewhat muted salvos. |
| Mon 6 | Phew! We’re solvent again this month despite almost hitting the credit limit on our main credit card – but then if you will go buying expensive PCs, not to mention all sorts of stuff in advance of Christmas! Although the money for the PCs has been siphoned from a savings account (one which still pays pathetic interest). |
| Tue 7 | My new PC turned up today. But they can’t supply the screen I wanted (ETA is January!!) or my second choice. So a refund in order and I’ll buy the second choice from Amazon, saving all of 3p! |
| Wed 8 | God what a miserable, dark, wet day. Anyone would think it was November. |
| Thu 9 | It’s the story of my life at the moment … a large chunk of the day spent putting my new PC together and starting to install everything. Why, oh why, do Windows updates take so bloody long? And they don’t tell you what they’re doing but half the time just leave you with a blank screen for it seems like hours – so you think the whole thing is broken. At least put a little message there, and change it every 5 minutes. It drives me mad. |
| Fri 10 | Another bloody miserable November day. It really is doing my head in this year. |
| Sat 11 | And so we come to the awfulness of Remembrance weekend. As regulars here will know, I’m with Evelyn Waugh who described it in the 1930s as “a disgusting idea of artificial reverence and sentimentality”. I find it sickening. |
| Sun 12 | There’s more noise here tonight, for Diwali, than there was last weekend for Guy Fawkes. The infidel are clearly burning off the money they tell us they don’t have. |
| Mon 13 | After four weeks of buggering around with PCs and laptops I finally got my new PC installed yesterday, and pretty much working OK today, although still a few wrinkles to iron out. At last I can see some clear desk space, and I’m not working on top of two keyboards, two mice and a rats nest of cabling. I also picked the last of this year’s chillies – another 30! – and got most of the plants (some this year’s which weren’t great, and the very old ones which are now past it) off the study windowsill: the cats and I can now see daylight and birds! |
| Tue 14 | A day spent trying to catch up on the stuff I’ve ignored for the last few weeks. And still having to fettle options and settings on half of the computer software. |
| Wed 15 | Main meal number four from Sunday’s duck: roast on Sunday; cold with bubble & squeak on Monday; duck-herd’s pie on Tuesday; and today I cooked the carcass for stock and made duck, leek & lentil soup. Not my best ever soup, but a good feed nonetheless. Why do I always find soup so difficult; I’m missing a trick somewhere. |
| Thu 16 | Most of the afternoon spent writing and scheduling regular blog posts for next year. Will I be around to see them all? |
| Fri 17 | Well this is scary. I’ve now finished writing my scheduled in advance blog posts for next year – all except for 4, which I can do next week and need a bit more hand-crafting. |
| Sat 18 | An interesting, and successful day. A good and useful doctors’ patient group meeting in the morning, thanks in part to a new member rattling some cages. And a good pasta, beef & tomato dish in the evening, washed down with a decent bottle of red, and followed by Christmas pudding (yes, really!) cream and Armagnac. |
| Sun 19 | Up betimes. But why? I feel sure something must have happened today, but it surely passed me by. A singularly dull day. And so to bed. |
| Mon 20 | Had a fit of the medicals today. First N to her consultant at Hillingdon Hospital – successful in that we’re getting things scheduled and can go back to consultations at Hammersmith Hospital (much nicer than Hillingdon). Then late this afternoon to Pinner to get the wax vacuumed out of my ears – a definite result, even if it did hurt the wallet. |
| Tue 21 | Reaping the rewards of getting somewhat dehydrated on Saturday and yesterday. Woke up with sinus aching all round my face; and feeling completely lethargic. |
| Wed 22 | Comes the gardener for the first time in weeks to do some tidying up. He lifted one of the (dozen or more) Jerusalem Artichoke plants; result half a bucket of the best looking, and enormous, tubers I’ve ever seen. As I’ve been saying, when I was a kid we grew artichokes in a small piece of poor soil and got a reasonable crop; these have been in good soil and well watered so no real wonder they’ve done well. That good selection is no more than a third of what we pulled today. |
| Thu 23 | Head down all day doing website updates for the literary society; isn’t revising and updating web pages so incredibly tedious! Not helped later on by a fight with Windows which was insisting on using Bing when I tell it to use Google. Gah! |
| Fri 24 | I just don’t know how to pull myself up and out of this depression. I’m really struggling to do anything at present. I know it is partly the winter. But over the years nothing I’ve tried seems to have done any good. Are the antidepressants helping? I don’t know but dare not try coming off them. Talking therapy (CBT, counselling, hypnotherapy) doesn’t work on me – partly because my brain is too active. SAD light therapy has been tried at least twice to no effect – might have to try it again, in desperation. Be active? How when the depression won’t let me? I’m still convinced there’s a magic switch somewhere in my head, but I’m buggered if I can find it. Oh, and now my brain thinks it’s Saturday. |
| Sat 25 | Another super literary society talk, which I hosted. One day we will get the videos online! |
| Sun 26 | I finally finished updating that one web page for the literary society site. It’s only taken me 5 years! |
| Mon 27 | 27 is an interesting number. US President number 27 was William Howard Taft (1857-1930), president 1909-1913 27 is the cube of 3 (ie. 3x3x3) and it has a number of other mathematical curiosities Element 27 is Cobalt whose compounds make blue pigments and give blue colours to glass etc. There are 27 bones in the human hand There are 27 books in the New Testament There are 27 Nakṣatra or lunar mansions in Hindu astrology |
| Tue 28 | Well that makes life easier. We rescheduled our dental checkups which were due tomorrow. Not only has our usual transport cried off (unwell) but I have a nasty wheezy little cough (not obviously Covid; negative test) which the dentists won’t want taken to them. So I ended up having a fairly quiet day for once. |
| Wed 29 | A lovely bright sunny morning; a dull grey afternoon; dark before teatime; and not very warm. We’re promised much colder weather over the next few days, although the Weather People don’t really seem to know how far south it’ll get. But there’s a large Shepherd’s Pie in the oven (enough for today and tomorrow) so that’ll warm things up a bit. And I feel artichoke soup on the horizon for the weekend. |
| Thu 30 | Another bright sunny morning but with a really stiff frost – the first of this winter, I think – which was really nice to see. |