Category Archives: personal

Five Questions, Series 2 #4

So yet again, somehow, another week has gone round and it’s time to try to answer the fourth of the five questions (series 2) I posed a few weeks back.

Question 4. What are your top five personal values?

As usual; this is a lot harder than it might at first appear.

The Best Year Yet methodology for personal development provides a long list of personal values which one is supposed to categorise under five headings: Very Important, Important, Quite Important, A Little Important, Not at All Important. The idea being that one’s goals should be things that support one’s most important personal values. The complete list is:

Abundance
Achievement
Autonomy
Belonging
Challenge
Closeness
Competition 
Contact
Contribution
Creativity
Excellence
Excitement
Fitness
Freedom
Friendship
Fun
Growth
Health
Helping Others
Honesty
Independence
Influencing
Integrity
Involvement
Justice
Kindness
Learning
Love
Loyalty
Making a Difference
Order
Passion
Peace
Perfection
Power
Recognition
Respect
Responsibility
Risk
Security
Self-Expression
Self-Respect
Serenity
Spirituality
Spontaneity
Stability
Status
Success
Tradition
Trust
Variety
Wealth

Now I’m not convinced there’s a whole bunch of difference between some of those, nor am I convinced some of them are actually personal values. Moreover it seems to me that groups can be encapsulated into more meaningful values.

But then another way of looking at the whole question of personal values is to understand the mottoes which resonate and by which one tries to live. Now I’ve talked about mine before, most recently in this series last week. And in fact when I thought about it many of my my top personal values do come out of my mottoes. I guess that shouldn’t be surprising; indeed one might be worried if they didn’t.

So what did I come up with as my top five personal values?

1. Respect. Basically this amounts to Treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself. And it must include at least: Self-Respect, Recognition, Respect, Responsibility, Freedom and Kindness from the list above.

2. Freedom of thought, word and deed. Essentially I should be able to think what I like, say what I like and do what I like with only the absolute minimum of constraint by society’s overarching values (aka. laws). From the list this would, for me, include Spirituality, Self-Expression, Creativity, Freedom, Independence.

3. Honesty. Be honest and truthful in all that you do, which is actually quite hard as we are programmed at least to tell “white lies” as it has been shown that they do oil the wheels of personal relationships. This has to include both Honesty and Justice from the list.

4. Trust. Nothing works without some level of trust between people. Without it there is anarchy and/or violence. I should be trustworthy and trusted by others and should be able to trust them in return. Again this seems to include a number of items from the list: Integrity, Loyalty, Closeness, Friendship, Kindness, Love and of course Trust.

Actually I suppose both Honesty and Trust could really be included under Respect.

5. Sex and nudity are normal. Although this is the value which I espouse, it actually goes a lot deeper. It is all tied up with attitudes to Health, to Respect (especially Self-Respect), to Honesty (why can’t we be honest about these things?), Freedom and Growth.

Looking at that the one thing that seems to be almost all-pervading is RESPECT. Your respect for others is key. But to have their respect you likely have to do most (all?) of the other things too.

Now does anyone dare tell me their top five personal values?

On Hairiness

Now here is a mystery. Well at least it’s a mystery to me, and I can’t quickly find anything about it on the intertubes.

I’m one of those hairy males; I always have been. Fortunately I’m naturally mid-brown-ish of hair for if I were black haired I’d have to shave twice a day or spend more of my life looking like a villain.

As a child my hair was light brown; it got thicker and darker and wavy as I got to puberty. I ended up with something akin to a coconut mop on my head. Now I’m past three score years it is almost completely grey (the front is actually white), much finer, less wavy and thinning — though I’m nowhere near approaching going bald or even really receding.

But it isn’t head hair or beard that is my immediate interest, but body hair.

(No, no, I’m NOT going THERE!)

We know that as men get older their patterns of hairiness change. As I’ve said, head hair greys and gets thinner even to the extent of baldness; and apparently leg hair also decreases. Annoyingly though eyebrows, ears and noses sprout extraneous tufts of fur, which may also go grey.

(As an aside it’s also interesting that ears and noses continue to grow throughout life, with ears apparently growing at a rate of around a couple of millimetres every decade. Noses also appear to grow with age, hence the caricature of the old man with a large warty nose.)

But in the last few years I’ve noticed something else strange. I’m sure that the hair on my forearms and chest, maybe also my back, is getting longer as I get older. Not thicker, coarser or darker, but longer.

Now it does seem that men do go on growing body hair well past puberty, even into their 30s, and apparently most men over 35 are a lot hairier than they were in their 20s. But I’m talking about something I’ve only become aware of in the last few years, say from about age 55.

Now I can’t prove that my impression is right. I didn’t start measuring the length of my body hair at the age of 18 and don’t have a series of regular measurements throughout my life. (Just see what joys I’ve passed by!) Several searches using “a well known search engine” haven’t turned up any tufty hints.

Not, you understand, that I’m complaining. Inasmuch as I think about it at all I quite like being hairy; it’s part of me and it doesn’t bother me; I certainly wouldn’t shave or wax it. Ouchy!

Am I imagining things? Am I going mad? Do I have hairs on the palms of my hands? (No, not yet!) Does anyone know? If not, why not? — this is a vitally important research topic!

PS. No, no picture of my chest hair; you really didn’t want that much information, did you!?

Five Questions, Series 2 #3

Time to cudgel the brain with an answer the the third of the five questions (series 2) I posed a few weeks back. So …

Question 3. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

That ought to be easy. But is it? Well, I guess it probably is actually, at least for me.

I would immediately narrow down the options to one of the personal mottoes by which I try to live. (Yes, I know! I usually fail!)

Nude when possible, clothed when necessary

If it harm none, do as you will

Sex and nudity are normal

Treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself

Say what you mean and do what you say

Don’t worry about things you can’t change

Of those which are the most important? Well I guess that without too much mental contortion several can be combined.

Nude when possible, clothed when necessary and Sex and nudity are normal are really only aspects of If it harm none, do as you will. So too is Don’t worry about things you can’t change if doing harm to no-one includes oneself, as it should.

And I would suggest Say what you mean and do what you say is really only an aspect of Treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself.


Which leave us a choice of two:

If it harm none, do as you will

Treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself

But is not the latter encapsulated within the former? I think it arguable that it is. By treating others as we would wish to be treated is surely doing harm to no-one. Isn’t it?

So we are reduced to giving our hypothetical newborn the basic tenet of Gardnerian Wicca:

If it harm none, do as you will
And if we extend none/no-one to include the environment (Mother Nature if you prefer) that’s a pretty good rule to work to, nurturing both people and planet. What’s not to like?

Hmmm … interesting. I wonder how Gerald Gardner came by the idea?

Reasons to be Grateful: 44

OMG it’s now week 44 (of 60) of my experiment documenting each week five things which have made me happy of for which I’m grateful. But I’m still trying to work out where the last week has gone. I seem to have been running in a blur of circles all week with little to show for it except stress and losing all track of what day it is. Ably assisted the while by having a cold and sinus infection — thankfully it seems now on the wane.

So I have to come up with my five picks for the week. Hmmm …

  1. Pak Choi. Yes that strange cabbage-y oriental veg. I rather like it’s slightly nutty flavour and its crispiness and it is full of vitamin C. As it has been good recently so we’ve eaten it twice this week.


    And I’ve made my own way of cooking it (probably not original): slice the pak choi in half along it’s length and pan fry it in olive oil and flambé it with a slug of whisky or brandy. (I nearly managed to fire the kitchen doing this last night!) Serve when it’s beginning to brown but still fresh and crunchy.

    What I hadn’t realised is that it is very closely related to the common or garden turnip. But don’t eat too much of it as it contains some toxic glucosinolates.

  2. Bastourma. We’ve eaten out twice this week as on both Tuesday and Wednesday we ended up near a favourite restaurant in the early evening. On Tuesday, as we left a meeting about 6pm I asked Noreen what we were about to do. She said “I’m taking you out for dinner”. Well who am I to object? Especially when we were but a few hundred yards from one of our favourite Italian restaurants.

    Then on Wednesday I had another meeting which was scheduled right across evening meal time and which I knew wouldn’t finish until 8pm. So afterwards I met Noreen in our favourite Greek Cypriot restaurant. I just had a quick main course of Bastourma, a smoked spicy beef sausage, with a couple of beers. They weren’t hugely busy, so we had time for a chat with the lady of the house too.

  3. Boarding the Loft. Regular readers may recall we’ve been slowly trying to clear and organise our loft. This week we had James in to lay boarding in the second (of three) areas we’ve cleared. Job well done and lots more usable storage space. Now we just have to clear the final third!
  4. Roast Pork & Apple Sauce. This week’s other treat was a large joint of pork from our trip to the supermarket. Succulent roast pork, with Noreen’s tart apple sauce (just Bramley apple stewed with butter) — and a naughty bit of crackling on the side!
  5. Completed Tax Returns. What a wonderful job for a Sunday: filling in the income tax return! Like most people it’s a job I hate; I remember my father swearing about it every year. But it’s worse now I have three tax returns to do: mine, Noreen’s and my mother’s! But with a decent PC application, last year’s return as a basis and all the data in the file ready it doesn’t take too long. Mine and Noreen’s have been sent in; just my mother’s to finalise during the week. And it is such a pleasant relief when it is over for another year!

Reasons to be Grateful: 43

OK, so it’s another week down in the experiment: week 43 done and 17 to go. Here are my five picks of the week.

  1. Wedding Anniversary. As I mentioned, yesterday was our wedding anniversary. I worked it out; a mere 33 years! I make that pearl (30) and leather (3), so we invested in some fancy dog-collars shackles. 😉 But … Eeeekkkkk! We’ve been married much longer than we weren’t. And every year we look at each other and say “How did we do it?”. And we still don’t know! But it’s a good week for it; we have several friends with wedding anniversaries this week.
  2. Summer Weather. This week has been another of glorious late summer weather: clear blue skies, hot sunshine, warm nights — just like summer should be — but also quite humid. It seems the first week of September is so often good weather, which is one reason we often used to go on holiday in early September. All of which has meant we’ve enjoyed several days of …
  3. Eating in the Garden. Well at least on the terrace, aka patio.

  4. Plums. Our next door neighbours have a small Victoria Plum tree. Like all fruit trees It hasn’t been prolific this year (we’ve had no apples worth eating), but earlier in the week they gave us a couple of pounds of delicious ripe plums; just right for eating.
  5. Duck and Blackberry. See my recipe from yesterday!

Five Questions, Series 2 #2

So what shall we do on an extra hot September Sunday afternoon when I’ve got a large part of a sinus infection? And when nothing from the neck up is working properly? (No change there then!)

Oh, I know, I’ll tax my brain with answering Question 2 from my Five Questions, Series 2. So …

Question 2. If you had to diagnosis yourself with any mental illness which would it be?

Well that should be easy: all of them! But maybe we should look at the options.

Depression. Yep, definitely got that one.
Intelligence. Yep, got that as well.
Schizophrenia. Nope, not even by the farthest stretch of the imagination.
Autism. Nope, though I’m sure many of my former colleagues thought I had.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Nope, no more than anyone else.
Stupidity. Yep, very definitely have that.
Optimism. No; dunno what this is.
Quadrophenia. I guess this must be where each of your schizophrenic personalities is itself schizophrenic. Aarrrgggghhhhh!!!!! So no, don’t have that. Anyway The Who never were my favourite band, I didn’t like the album, and I wasn’t a mod.
Realism. Sadly yes, all to much of it.
Drug Dependency. Yeah, got lots of those. Can’t get off the anti-depressants without withdrawal symptoms (must try again!); like a moderate drink (like every day); and of course there’s always food.
Honesty. Yep, got that one; definitely out of order in today’s world!
Bipolar Disorder. Nope, I’m never manic enough. More like I have Monopolar Disorder.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. No, thanks.
Eating Disorders. Yep, I eat too much, which may be an addiction.
Münchhausen syndrome. I have no clue how you fly a triplane — Oh, sorry; wrong German … See, my life isn’t nearly colourful enough!

Which I think means I just suffer from an extra giant dose of totally insane stupidity!

Reasons to be Grateful: 42

OK, so it’s week 42 of the experiment. Which means I have to find another five things which have made me happy or for which I’m grateful this week. Some weeks this is incredibly easy and other weeks it is hard. For no obvious reason this is just one of those hard weeks.

  1. Hypnotherapy. As I’ve said before, I always enjoy my hypnotherapy sessions. That’s party because it is quite relaxing; in fact so relaxing I almost always fall asleep when I get home. And this week Chris was able to push me deeper than ever before.
  2. Smoked Chicken Salad. Here’s another regular. We always keep a couple of smoked chicken breasts in the fridge. They make a quick, delicious salad.

    Autumn
    Click the image for larger versions on Flickr

  3. Alpine Mornings. Thursday night was an exceptionally cold night for August and Friday dawned bright a chilly: really autumnally alpine. Which I love even if it shouldn’t be happening in August!
  4. Lamb with Port. One of our occasional treats from Waitrose is a piece of butterflied leg of lamb (ie. boned and opened out), dressed with some herb and garlic before being vacuum-packed. We only buy it if it is reduced (ie. near it’s sell-by date) — it is just too expensive otherwise. The piece we had this week I sliced into steaklets and pan-fried with a little olive oil and a generous glass of port. It was just so tender and went down extremely well with some mixed rocket salad and steamed new potatoes.
  5. Food with Friends. Last evening we went to a local Thai restaurant with our friends Sue and Ziggy, plus their two boys — a last chance before the boys go back to school and everyone’s’ diaries get impossible to shoehorn anything else into. Good food, a few beers, excellent company as well as fun watching Sam (14) and his mother wind each other up! We wound up the evening early-ish partly because young Harry (10), having put away a gargantuan amount of food, was visibly beginning to wilt — and I knew if we went back to S&Z’s for postprandials then Harry would likely resist bed and they’d all regret it. A good evening nonetheless.

Five Questions, Series 2

Following up on my earlier thread where I posed five quite difficult questions, I’ve found some more in a similar vein.

As before they are five apparently simple looking questions but which turn out to be quite hard when you actually have to answer them. That’s because they aren’t designed just so you get to know a bit more about me. They’re intended to make us think — yes that’s you and me — about who we are and what we believe. So I’m hoping some of you will join in and answer them too. Either in the comments here or on your own blog — in the latter case just leave a link in the comments so I can read yours too.

OK so here are the Five Questions, Series 2:

  1. What happened at the beginning of the universe?
  2. If you had to diagnosis yourself with any mental illness which would it be?
  3. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
  4. What are your top 5 personal values?
  5. What places would you have pierced on your body and which parts would you never have pierced?

Again, like series one, I think they’re going to be deceptively tricky. I certainly don’t know in advance how I’m going to answer them all, though I have a few clues.

Anyway I’ll answer them one at a time over the coming weeks. The first in a couple of days.

Oh, and if anyone has any more good questions, then please send them to me, I’d like to do this two or three times a year. Just to keep us all on our mental toes.

Watch this space!

Reasons to be Grateful: 41

Experiment, week 41.

What a strange week. Apart from going to Norfolk to visit my aged mother on Monday it has been a fairly uneventful week, so I’m not quite sure why it’s been quite so strange.

But anyway the experiment continues … so here are five things which have made me happy or for which I’m grateful this week.

  1. Shipdham. On the way back from visiting my mother we detoured via the Norfolk village of Shipdham with its rather interesting church. As I wrote about it here, I’ll say no more now.
  2. Feeling Human. Somewhere around Thursday I suddenly came to the realisation that I was beginning to feel human, almost normal, rather than my usual morose, grumpy and depressive self. I have no clue where it came from, or why. It was a most strange feeling. It hasn’t entirely gone away, but it isn’t entirely here now either. I’d be quite happy if it came back, though.
  3. Plums. It’s the season for decent English plums. I love good plums and especially Victorias. On Monday we bought some large plums in Roy’s (again see here) of a variety called Jubilee. They looked and tasted like large Victorias. On Friday we bought some actual Victorias in Waitrose. Both were excellent, although to be honest the Jubilee were maybe the better if only for being more succulent.

    Click the images for larger views on Flickr
    Hollyhock Hollyhock

  4. Hollyhocks. Also on Monday there were some wonderful hollyhocks in the village of Bawburgh where we had lunch. I’ve noticed this glorious show before, many growing not in the gardens but on the verges. The photos above are just a couple of a whole range of colours from pure white to deep maroon.

    Hot Lemon Chillies

  5. Home-Grown Chillies. As I have for the last several years I’m growing my own chillies again on the study windowsill. Up to now I’ve always grown 3 or 4 different varieties. The large Scotch Bonnet type never seem to do well for me — I have just a couple of fruit ripening — they probably need it consistently hotter and brighter. But I have a tiny purple-turning-red variety called “Explosive Ember” which is prolific. They are hot and I usually dry them for winter use. But my favourite is “Hot Lemon” (the ones in the photo above are from my 2010 crop). They are 2-3 inches long and when ripe a bright lemon yellow. They too are hot with, when fresh, a delightful succulent, almost citrus-y taste as well. They go well in salads, and they look just stunning. Today I picked the second flush — only seven fruit, but there are already at least as many more to come and the plants are still flowering. It’s a travesty not to eat these fresh, but next year I might succumb and plant only these — they are that good.

Reasons to be Grateful: 40

Experiment, week 40.

Apologies for the hiatus in postings this week, somehow I’ve managed to be busy, busy, busy. There are a few things happening over the next 2-3 days, but hopefully things can then get back to normal.

Anyway we’re now two-thirds of the way through my experiment. This is week 40 of 60 and so far things are looking fairly positive.

In fact this week has been so busy I’m actually struggling a bit for things out of the ordinary to write about, however here are five things which have made me happy or for which I’m grateful this week.

Sorry Sue, It’s a foodie theme again!

  1. Meeting Katy. On Monday Noreen and I met up with our friend Katy and her three children who were having a break in London. While it was a social meeting we also agreed to go and see the Shakespeare exhibition at the British Museum. Meeting Katy is always a pleasure especially as we usually eat cake and lunch! And the Shakespeare was also a pleasure, especially as it’s aim is to show things about the times in which the plays were written and put some of the great speeches into their contemporary social context. The exhibition is definitely recommended. You can find Katy’s write-up of the exhibition here.
  2. Ciao Bella. Having done the exhibition, had coffee and cake, and let the children run around in Corams Fields for an hour or so, we wandered off for lunch. Katy had spotted a good-looking Italian restaurant, Ciao Bella, next to the Lamb pub in Lamb’s Conduit Street. Despite (or maybe because of) being inhabited by what appeared to be a couple of small groups of Mafiosi, it was excellent. Although we had just a quick, simple and late lunch the food was substantial and good. Definitely one to be added to the list of useful London eateries. Again, you can find Katy’s write-up here.
  3. Doughnut. On Wednesday we spent a depressing chunk of the day in a consultation meeting about changes to our local hospitals. Depressing because of what my father would have called the “poverty of mind” of most of the people there; people who cannot (or will not) understand what is being proposed but oppose it anyway. Afterwards Noreen and I had to fortify ourselves with doughnuts and a cold drink. I’m not a huge fan of the doughnut, if only because they don’t do much for the waistline, but this one went down a real treat after a long, and very hot, ordeal.
  4. Swifts. I like having swifts flying around and I always look forward to their arrival in late-April/early-May from Africa and wish they wouldn’t fly away again so soon at the end of July. But amazingly we still have at least one swift still around; I’ve seen it on each of the last three evenings. This is unusually late (although not unheard of) and especially late for me to see a swift in London.
  5. Pub Meet. Yesterday I hosted the quarterly lunchtime Anthony Powell Society Pub Meet in London. I always enjoy what are informal chats between friends over a beer or two and pub lunch. We never know who will turn up and yesterday we had three people come along totally unexpectedly and enliven the conversations. These conversations cover almost anything but sooner or later always return to some Powellian theme or aspect of life. For a wonder yesterday I managed to get through over three hours in the pub without a drop of alcohol, or sugary drink — just to compensate for Wednesday’s doughnut!