Category Archives: personal

Five Questions, Series 2 #2

So what shall we do on an extra hot September Sunday afternoon when I’ve got a large part of a sinus infection? And when nothing from the neck up is working properly? (No change there then!)

Oh, I know, I’ll tax my brain with answering Question 2 from my Five Questions, Series 2. So …

Question 2. If you had to diagnosis yourself with any mental illness which would it be?

Well that should be easy: all of them! But maybe we should look at the options.

Depression. Yep, definitely got that one.
Intelligence. Yep, got that as well.
Schizophrenia. Nope, not even by the farthest stretch of the imagination.
Autism. Nope, though I’m sure many of my former colleagues thought I had.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Nope, no more than anyone else.
Stupidity. Yep, very definitely have that.
Optimism. No; dunno what this is.
Quadrophenia. I guess this must be where each of your schizophrenic personalities is itself schizophrenic. Aarrrgggghhhhh!!!!! So no, don’t have that. Anyway The Who never were my favourite band, I didn’t like the album, and I wasn’t a mod.
Realism. Sadly yes, all to much of it.
Drug Dependency. Yeah, got lots of those. Can’t get off the anti-depressants without withdrawal symptoms (must try again!); like a moderate drink (like every day); and of course there’s always food.
Honesty. Yep, got that one; definitely out of order in today’s world!
Bipolar Disorder. Nope, I’m never manic enough. More like I have Monopolar Disorder.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. No, thanks.
Eating Disorders. Yep, I eat too much, which may be an addiction.
Münchhausen syndrome. I have no clue how you fly a triplane — Oh, sorry; wrong German … See, my life isn’t nearly colourful enough!

Which I think means I just suffer from an extra giant dose of totally insane stupidity!

Reasons to be Grateful: 42

OK, so it’s week 42 of the experiment. Which means I have to find another five things which have made me happy or for which I’m grateful this week. Some weeks this is incredibly easy and other weeks it is hard. For no obvious reason this is just one of those hard weeks.

  1. Hypnotherapy. As I’ve said before, I always enjoy my hypnotherapy sessions. That’s party because it is quite relaxing; in fact so relaxing I almost always fall asleep when I get home. And this week Chris was able to push me deeper than ever before.
  2. Smoked Chicken Salad. Here’s another regular. We always keep a couple of smoked chicken breasts in the fridge. They make a quick, delicious salad.

    Autumn
    Click the image for larger versions on Flickr

  3. Alpine Mornings. Thursday night was an exceptionally cold night for August and Friday dawned bright a chilly: really autumnally alpine. Which I love even if it shouldn’t be happening in August!
  4. Lamb with Port. One of our occasional treats from Waitrose is a piece of butterflied leg of lamb (ie. boned and opened out), dressed with some herb and garlic before being vacuum-packed. We only buy it if it is reduced (ie. near it’s sell-by date) — it is just too expensive otherwise. The piece we had this week I sliced into steaklets and pan-fried with a little olive oil and a generous glass of port. It was just so tender and went down extremely well with some mixed rocket salad and steamed new potatoes.
  5. Food with Friends. Last evening we went to a local Thai restaurant with our friends Sue and Ziggy, plus their two boys — a last chance before the boys go back to school and everyone’s’ diaries get impossible to shoehorn anything else into. Good food, a few beers, excellent company as well as fun watching Sam (14) and his mother wind each other up! We wound up the evening early-ish partly because young Harry (10), having put away a gargantuan amount of food, was visibly beginning to wilt — and I knew if we went back to S&Z’s for postprandials then Harry would likely resist bed and they’d all regret it. A good evening nonetheless.

Five Questions, Series 2

Following up on my earlier thread where I posed five quite difficult questions, I’ve found some more in a similar vein.

As before they are five apparently simple looking questions but which turn out to be quite hard when you actually have to answer them. That’s because they aren’t designed just so you get to know a bit more about me. They’re intended to make us think — yes that’s you and me — about who we are and what we believe. So I’m hoping some of you will join in and answer them too. Either in the comments here or on your own blog — in the latter case just leave a link in the comments so I can read yours too.

OK so here are the Five Questions, Series 2:

  1. What happened at the beginning of the universe?
  2. If you had to diagnosis yourself with any mental illness which would it be?
  3. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
  4. What are your top 5 personal values?
  5. What places would you have pierced on your body and which parts would you never have pierced?

Again, like series one, I think they’re going to be deceptively tricky. I certainly don’t know in advance how I’m going to answer them all, though I have a few clues.

Anyway I’ll answer them one at a time over the coming weeks. The first in a couple of days.

Oh, and if anyone has any more good questions, then please send them to me, I’d like to do this two or three times a year. Just to keep us all on our mental toes.

Watch this space!

Reasons to be Grateful: 41

Experiment, week 41.

What a strange week. Apart from going to Norfolk to visit my aged mother on Monday it has been a fairly uneventful week, so I’m not quite sure why it’s been quite so strange.

But anyway the experiment continues … so here are five things which have made me happy or for which I’m grateful this week.

  1. Shipdham. On the way back from visiting my mother we detoured via the Norfolk village of Shipdham with its rather interesting church. As I wrote about it here, I’ll say no more now.
  2. Feeling Human. Somewhere around Thursday I suddenly came to the realisation that I was beginning to feel human, almost normal, rather than my usual morose, grumpy and depressive self. I have no clue where it came from, or why. It was a most strange feeling. It hasn’t entirely gone away, but it isn’t entirely here now either. I’d be quite happy if it came back, though.
  3. Plums. It’s the season for decent English plums. I love good plums and especially Victorias. On Monday we bought some large plums in Roy’s (again see here) of a variety called Jubilee. They looked and tasted like large Victorias. On Friday we bought some actual Victorias in Waitrose. Both were excellent, although to be honest the Jubilee were maybe the better if only for being more succulent.

    Click the images for larger views on Flickr
    Hollyhock Hollyhock

  4. Hollyhocks. Also on Monday there were some wonderful hollyhocks in the village of Bawburgh where we had lunch. I’ve noticed this glorious show before, many growing not in the gardens but on the verges. The photos above are just a couple of a whole range of colours from pure white to deep maroon.

    Hot Lemon Chillies

  5. Home-Grown Chillies. As I have for the last several years I’m growing my own chillies again on the study windowsill. Up to now I’ve always grown 3 or 4 different varieties. The large Scotch Bonnet type never seem to do well for me — I have just a couple of fruit ripening — they probably need it consistently hotter and brighter. But I have a tiny purple-turning-red variety called “Explosive Ember” which is prolific. They are hot and I usually dry them for winter use. But my favourite is “Hot Lemon” (the ones in the photo above are from my 2010 crop). They are 2-3 inches long and when ripe a bright lemon yellow. They too are hot with, when fresh, a delightful succulent, almost citrus-y taste as well. They go well in salads, and they look just stunning. Today I picked the second flush — only seven fruit, but there are already at least as many more to come and the plants are still flowering. It’s a travesty not to eat these fresh, but next year I might succumb and plant only these — they are that good.

Reasons to be Grateful: 40

Experiment, week 40.

Apologies for the hiatus in postings this week, somehow I’ve managed to be busy, busy, busy. There are a few things happening over the next 2-3 days, but hopefully things can then get back to normal.

Anyway we’re now two-thirds of the way through my experiment. This is week 40 of 60 and so far things are looking fairly positive.

In fact this week has been so busy I’m actually struggling a bit for things out of the ordinary to write about, however here are five things which have made me happy or for which I’m grateful this week.

Sorry Sue, It’s a foodie theme again!

  1. Meeting Katy. On Monday Noreen and I met up with our friend Katy and her three children who were having a break in London. While it was a social meeting we also agreed to go and see the Shakespeare exhibition at the British Museum. Meeting Katy is always a pleasure especially as we usually eat cake and lunch! And the Shakespeare was also a pleasure, especially as it’s aim is to show things about the times in which the plays were written and put some of the great speeches into their contemporary social context. The exhibition is definitely recommended. You can find Katy’s write-up of the exhibition here.
  2. Ciao Bella. Having done the exhibition, had coffee and cake, and let the children run around in Corams Fields for an hour or so, we wandered off for lunch. Katy had spotted a good-looking Italian restaurant, Ciao Bella, next to the Lamb pub in Lamb’s Conduit Street. Despite (or maybe because of) being inhabited by what appeared to be a couple of small groups of Mafiosi, it was excellent. Although we had just a quick, simple and late lunch the food was substantial and good. Definitely one to be added to the list of useful London eateries. Again, you can find Katy’s write-up here.
  3. Doughnut. On Wednesday we spent a depressing chunk of the day in a consultation meeting about changes to our local hospitals. Depressing because of what my father would have called the “poverty of mind” of most of the people there; people who cannot (or will not) understand what is being proposed but oppose it anyway. Afterwards Noreen and I had to fortify ourselves with doughnuts and a cold drink. I’m not a huge fan of the doughnut, if only because they don’t do much for the waistline, but this one went down a real treat after a long, and very hot, ordeal.
  4. Swifts. I like having swifts flying around and I always look forward to their arrival in late-April/early-May from Africa and wish they wouldn’t fly away again so soon at the end of July. But amazingly we still have at least one swift still around; I’ve seen it on each of the last three evenings. This is unusually late (although not unheard of) and especially late for me to see a swift in London.
  5. Pub Meet. Yesterday I hosted the quarterly lunchtime Anthony Powell Society Pub Meet in London. I always enjoy what are informal chats between friends over a beer or two and pub lunch. We never know who will turn up and yesterday we had three people come along totally unexpectedly and enliven the conversations. These conversations cover almost anything but sooner or later always return to some Powellian theme or aspect of life. For a wonder yesterday I managed to get through over three hours in the pub without a drop of alcohol, or sugary drink — just to compensate for Wednesday’s doughnut!

Reasons to be Grateful: 39

Experiment, week 39. Well here we are again. Another week has gone round. Where did it go to? And so it’s time to document the five things which have made me happy or for which I’m grateful this week.

  1. Ultra-Sound Scan. On Monday I had to go to Hammersmith Hospital for an ultra-sound scan, because I have a lump where I shouldn’t have one (and where only 50% of us can have one). I went early in case I got stuck in all the extra traffic due to these wretched Olympic Games. I had a 10.40 appointment; I left home at 08.20 and was home again by 10.20 having stopped for a leisurely coffee after the scan. The scan was of course quick, simple and painless — and no it didn’t bother me in the least. Even better I got the all clear. If everything the NHS did was as good and efficient as this we’d have nothing to bitch about.
  2. Retsina & Mousaka. On Wednesday, early in the evening, I had a meeting at West Ealing. As one of our favourite restaurants, Retisna & Mousaka, is close by, and so are our friends Sue & Ziggy, we took the opportunity of grabbing our them and their two boys for a social evening. I wouldn’t normally do this mid-week but as it’s the school holidays there’s no harm the boys being a bit later to bed than usual. Needless to say there was plenty of very enjoyable food, drink and chat.

    Ely Cathedral West Front
    Click the image for larger views on Flickr

  3. Ely Cathedral. Fortunately we weren’t too late home on Wednesday evening as we were up at crack of something on Thursday for a day trip around some of the Cambridgeshire villages where my g-g-grandmother and her ancestors originated. One of them is Soham, which is a nice, quiet, small country town a few miles south of Ely. So of course, as we had the time, we had to go into Ely and spend an hour or so in the cathedral. I think Ely is one of my favourite cathedrals. The octagonal lantern tower is just such an amazing structure, built entirely of wood. It is visible across the fens for miles around, the more so as the cathedral stands on a slight hill (once an island in the marshes). Overall the villages weren’t amazing interesting, but the fenland is lovely and Ely is just a delight.
  4. Nutty-Seedy Bread. I’ve probably written about this before, but once or twice a week Noreen makes bread with seeds in. Usually a mix of pumpkin seed and pine nuts. So much nicer then plain, even if it is relatively expensive!

    Oak Bush Cricket
    Click the image for larger views on Flickr

  5. Oak Bush Cricket. Last evening I spotted an Oak Bush Cricket in the bathroom. We usually get the odd one in the house at this time of year. They’re 2-3cm long, bright green with yellow legs. Yes they live mostly on oak trees and they fly quite, jump and walk quite smartly backwards as well as forwards. I didn’t manage to photograph this one as it stayed out of range on the ceiling, but you can see from the photo above (which I took two years ago) that they are absolutely amazing tiny pieces of engineering. Stunning!

Reasons to be Grateful: 38

Experiment, week 38. So here we go, another week completed in the continuing experiment documenting five things which have made me happy or for which I’m grateful this week. We’ll soon be two-thirds of the way through the experiment.

  1. Willem Van De Velde and …
  2. The Wallace Collection this week produced the first two of selections. More on both here.
  3. Queen's Head and Artichoke, Albany Street, London NW1

  4. Queen’s Head & Artichoke. After we’d been to the Wallace Collection, Noreen and I pottered off (in a taxi) to the Artichoke for lunch. We had a selection of their tapas: Prawn & Scallop Skewers, Whitebait, Chorizo and Lentils, Cannellini Bean Salad and Patatas Bravas. This is an excellent gastro pub in Albany Street, NW1, very close to Great Portland Street and Regent’s Park tube stations. I can’t believe I’ve not written about it before as we use it both for ourselves and for some Anthony Powell Society functions (it is close to Powell’s former Chester Gate home). The menu is always interesting: a good selection of starters, main courses and puddings and on the other side a whole range of tapas; you can mix and match anyhow you like as long as you don’t want standard pub food. The food, beer, wine and service are always good and friendly; the manager is a characterful Frenchman (certainly Francophone with a wonderful Inspector Clouseau accent). They are always willing to try to accommodate allergies: we have one friend who is vegetarian and allergic to dairy, and they were quite happy to quickly adapt a risotto for her. And it isn’t expensive, especially for central London. The only downside is that if it’s full the main bar can be a bit noisy, but if you’re eating there is always the upstairs restaurant area. I have to thank our friend Jeff Manley for finding it on one of his transatlantic trips to London! Everyone we’ve taken there has liked it.
  5. Waitrose Chorizo Sausages. These were one of last week’s finds as they were on offer. Eaten cold between bread for lunch. Mmmmm!
  6. Strawberry & Gooseberry Crumble. Friday’s trip to the supermarket found lots of fresh strawberries and gooseberries leaping into our trolley. They were destined for a favourite crumble: gooseberry and strawberry — yes, it really does work! I cooked the fruit a bit first, with just a tablespoon of sugar and a small slug of apricot brandy. This was then topped with crumble and given a 10 minute burst in our combi oven. What an excellent way to start Sunday morning: a bowl of G&S Crumble** and Custard.

** G&S Crumble. An interesting addition to the Savoy Cabbage operas.

Five Questions #5

OK, so here is my answer to the last of the five questions I posed some weeks back.

For me there is nothing difficult about this one.

Question 5. Do you ask enough questions? Or do you settle for what you know?

No, I don’t ask enough questions. In my view you can never ask enough questions and anyone who genuinely seeks after knowledge of any form will always have another question to ask. But there are times when you have to settle for what you already know.

It is only by asking questions, looking for something new and pushing the boundaries that we ever make progress. That was as true for stone age man banging his rocks together to make fire as it is now. It is the fundamental of the scientific method: ask questions and don’t believe anything until you can reliably demonstrate it; be forever skeptical.

We learn and generate our views by asking the age-old question: Why? Yes children keep asking “Why?” for a reason — to gain more knowledge of how the world works. (So maybe “Because” isn’t actually a good answer, however tempting it is!)

Society’s morals, ethics and beliefs are essentially the consensus view of the majority (or at least of those in whom we invest the power to decide, eg. politicians, clergy, etc.). Progress is made by philosophers and people like me questioning this consensus view; asking why we have these beliefs; suggesting that there are other, better, ways. Sometimes our views prevail. Most times we are ridiculed. In neither case is it certain if we are right or wrong — indeed in many instances there are no right or wrong answers, just answers which currently work. When our views prevail the consensus moves, society’s beliefs change and progress is made.

Science works in the same way. There is a sum total of knowledge; think of it as a boundary. Essentially there are two types of researcher who attack this boundary, trying to move it forward, as an army moves it’s battle-front forward foot by foot, mile by mile.

There are the pioneers who forge way ahead with off-the-wall thinking: “Oh look! A happens, and so does B. I wonder if that means X97C also happens?” Sometimes it does and suddenly there is a breakthrough at the battle front.

Then there are the supporters, the completer-finishers (in Belbin terms), who come along saying: “We know A, and B, and X97C, and Z23XM. But is this also true for C, D, E … Z …?” And they fill in the gaps behind the pioneers.

Both are moving the battlefront forward in their own way. But they can do so only by repeatedly asking questions. Questions are how we learn and how we make progress. So unless you want to stagnate you cannot ask enough questions.

But there is a corollary. You can never have all the information you need to make a decision. If you did it would not be a decision but a fait accompli. Indeed you can never have enough (let alone all) information to make a decision.

But decisions have to be made; there often (especially in business) isn’t time to acquire more information, let alone all the information one would like. Management, in fact life in general, is all about making the best decision one can with the information available at the time**. The best managers get these decisions right (or at least not wrong) more often than the less good managers. Those who have successes in life make averagely better decisions for them than those who who are always stumbling from crisis to crisis in life’s basement.

[** This is also why it is pointless, and destructive, to regret something you’ve done. You made the best decision you could at the time; we all do; it would take an alien mind not to. You did your best; you cannot do more. Yes, by all means learn something from the experience, but regret serves no purpose.]

But even then there may be no right and wrong answers, because part of the available information is one’s outlook on life, and who is to say my cautious approach to investments is better or worse for me than your more risky approach is for you?

So to sum up. Keep asking those questions. But in life know when to stop, consolidate and make that decision. In searching for knowledge, just keep right on.

— ooOoo —

So there we are, five answers to five deceptively simple, but actually quite challenging, questions. Questions which have made me ask more questions, and in answering them pose yet further questions. Questions whose answers have turned into little philosophical essays. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed, maybe even been challenged by, this mini-series. I hope to do another sometime soon, when I have more questions, ideas or challenges. Meanwhile suggestions are always welcome!

Reasons to be Grateful: 37

Experiment, week 37. We’ve completed another week done in my continuing experiment in documenting five things which have made me happy or for which I’m grateful this week.

This week’s selection is for Sue, who challenged me to write one of these posts without mentioning food!

  1. Wood Smoke. I love the smell of wood smoke and bonfires. It always takes me back to my childhood and especially to scout camp. Those were good days! What is it that makes smells so evocative?
  2. Family Reconnections. What a brilliant week! I seem to have managed to put another bit of the family back together! My paternal grandfather skipped bail during the war and ended up having another three children by his mistress. (They never married as my grandmother wouldn’t give him a divorce.) I knew of my half-aunts’ existence when I was young and even met the eldest (who is about 7 years older than me; the other two are with a year of my age). But as with my father’s family contact was lost. I finally managed to trace the middle of the three sisters (family history forensics again!) and wrote to her in the hope that I could fill in some of the gaps on the family tree. She rang me last Sunday and I’ve now spoken with all three sisters; they’re all delighted to be back in touch after 40-odd years and longing to know more about their father. They’re spread around England so we’re planning to meet in October when they can all come to London. An interesting day beckons!
  3. New Glasses. I got my new glasses on Monday. Although my prescription hasn’t changed a lot, it was time for a new pair. They’re rimless and crystal clear. My optician was slightly concerned that they’ve had to change the make of lenses (what I have had for the last few pairs are no longer made) and that I might find these difficult to adjust to. But I’ve never had problems with varifocals and I adjusted to these instantly; not even any of this looking slightly fuzzy for a few hours. And they are such light titanium; they feel so fragile even compared with my old pair of gold frames, which weren’t exactly substantial. Mind you my wallet hurt a bit at £560! The frames weren’t expensive either, even with the surcharge for extra precision engineering for rimless. It’s the high spec, hard plastic, photo-chromic lenses that do the damage! But I’m blind without my glasses, and they’re so comfortable I don’t know I’m wearing them, so it is a good investment every few years.
  4. Sitting in the Garden. Isn’t it wonderful to have had some decent summer weather and been able to sit in the garden! Even more wondrous was the fact that the other evening it was so quiet: no noisy neighbours’ children, no planes escaping from Heathrow, no lawnmowers, and even very little traffic on the nearest main road. It was really quiet. Almost eerily so. Would it were like this more often.
  5. Wood Pigeons. Yes, wood pigeons! Columba palumbus. Not those scruffy feral pigeons (although I don’t dislike them). We’ve had wood pigeons round for years and their rather sleepy, slightly husky sounding call — coo-cooo-coo, coo-coo — is something else that takes me back to my childhood and camping with my parents at Rye when I would have been about four or five.

There you are, Sue, no mention of food at all! 🙂

Antidotes to Anti-Fat

Overweight? Under tall? P’ed off with being abused for it? Then read on.

Oh and if you’re someone who abuses the overweight (or indeed any other minority), you’d better read on too!

A few days ago I came across a blog post from last September at Crazy Beautiful by Dianne Sylvan, titled Ten Rules for Fat Girls. In it she admits to being obese, but she is not ashamed of it and is seriously annoyed by all those who give her abuse because of it. And she goes on to give other overweight girls some thoughts and ideas on how to be more comfortable with the way they are. Between these thoughts Dianne Sylvan is typically hard hitting:

I’m fat … There’s no concealing this fact. My fat is out there. It speaks. And it says “I am lovable and worthy just like I am, and fuck you if you disagree.” I’ve … gotten comfortable with the idea that people can look like anything and it’s all good.

You have sovereignty over your body and that means it is no one’s responsibility but your own.

How is discrimination and making people loathe themselves going to make them healthier? Obviously this doesn’t work or the number of overweight people would be rapidly declining, wouldn’t it … Has hate ever made anyone a better person?

That claptrap about obese people being a strain on the economy is nonsense; cancer costs millions of dollars to research and treat but nobody’s suggesting we let cancer patients die to save money. (Well actually in the UK we do — Ed)

Statistics show that weight loss fails over the long-term 95% of the time. How many conditions can doctors get away with prescribing something with only a 5% success rate? Yet dieting is considered a panacea. You know what else has a 5% success rate in treating disease? Bleeding someone to let the evil humours out.

It’s also assumed … that everyone knows what’s best for you but you.

I’ve heard quite a few thin women say things like … “getting fat would be the worst thing.” … Oh? Worse than child abuse, genocide, homophobia, or being allergic to chocolate? Worse than being an asshole? Worse than treating people like crap because of how they look? Is being fat worse than being an ignorant bigot? Worse than being a murderer? Worse than drowning kittens? Amebic dysentery? Losing a loved one? Losing a limb?

Well that’s enough. I’m sure you get the picture.

But do you know what’s interesting about this? It is just as relevant to men as to women. Men get abuse too, although maybe not as much as women. Men get bullied by doctors. I’ve even been bullied by a consultant neurologist FFS, who is an acquaintance — and I’m not even a patient of his! To this day I don’t know how I remained polite to him.

Yes, I’m obese. I know I am obese and I admit it. It doesn’t make me any less me. Or any less intelligent. Or any less able to know what works/is good for me. Or any less able to punch you in the throat.

OK, I don’t like being overweight or as horribly unfit as I am; I’m all too well aware of the consequences of my diabetes to be happy about it. And being “too big” can be horribly inconvenient. But it is also horrendously difficult to do much about it. In my case it is all tied up with my depression. It appears the whole caboodle goes back into my childhood, and despite hypnotherapy I’ve not yet been able to unbundle everything.

Yes, I have lost some weight but very slowly. At my heaviest I was 155kg and, after some ups and downs, I’m now down to about 138Kg. That’s still too much for my liking. But even if I lose a lot more I will never be a small bloke. I’m big boned and well built, naturally. It runs in my father’s family. We aren’t small people. And despite all the sport I played when younger, I’m not naturally athletic. So even if I’m not obese I’ll always be heavy and I’ll never be more than just about averagely fit.

But do you know what? The more people go on about my weight, the more resistant I become to doing anything about it. Having my weight thrust forever into the front of my brain is just so destructive. You end up thinking about nothing else. You cease to be you. It puts you under some huge stresses. If you allow it to, it takes over your life. And that makes the depression worse. And so we start the cycle all over again.

So I try not to dwell on it. I try not to let it take over. I try, in my quiet way (quiet? me?) to be sensible about food. But it seems to me the whole cycle isn’t well enough under control for anything to be quickly and easily alleviated. Which is why I’m trying hypnotherapy. But it is all slow going.

Meanwhile anyone who wants to abuse me about my weight had just better not. They don’t know — they cannot know — what is happening within me (FFS even I don’t know a lot of the time), nor how actually destructive their comments are. Besides it is really none of their business. It’s my concern, and mine alone.

At the end of the day, I’m me. All the way through. For better, for worse; until death do us part. And do you know something else? Nature probably made me that way for a reason. Whether you like it or not, do me the respect of not trying to change me.