Category Archives: books

More School Reading

Following on from my post of earlier, talking at lunch with Noreen has helped recall a few more things I read at school.

As plays we read Pygmalion and I think Toad of Toad Hall .

The poetry selections also included Alfred Noyes’ The Highwayman, Browning’s How They Brought the Good News from Ghent to Aix, Kipling’s A Smuggler’s Song and William Cowper’s The Diverting History of John Gilpin. Doubtless Wordsworth (those bloody daffodils!), Tennyson and Christina Rossetti crept in too.

In I think the second year we had a single “reading lesson” each week with Bob Roberts who was the Deputy Head. In this we read a set book and there was some discussion of it. The books tended to be slightly lighter weight than in mainstream English lessons and I know this is where we read The Thirty-Nine Steps. This may also have included some Sherlock Holmes, but I’m not at all certain about that.

Somewhere along the way I think we must have read George Orwell’s Animal Farm because I can’t think I would have read it otherwise, although I do remember reading Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World at my father’s suggestion.

I also remember that in the third year (so age 13-14), we had a weekly reading lesson in the school library where (when we weren’t being taught to use a library; boring; I’d know this for several years!) we could read anything we liked from the shelves. I tried reading War and Peace. Needless to say I didn’t get very far.

There was, of course, other stuff one was exposed to via the school play, house plays and the choir. One of the pieces we regularly sang in the choir was Benjamin Britten’s setting of Christopher Smart’s Jubilate Agno which is something else I still love.

For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry.

For he is of the tribe of Tiger.
For the Cherub Cat is a term of the Angel Tiger.

For God has blessed him in the variety of his movements.
For, though he cannot fly, he is an excellent clamberer.
For his motions upon the face of the earth are more than any other quadruped.
For he can tread to all the measures upon the music.
For he can swim for life.
For he can creep.

In my final year the school play was The Insect Play by the Brothers Čapek. A very curious beast, but actually quite entertaining and single acts from this were also quite a favourite of the house plays. Maybe the house plays (each of the four houses put on a single act play for two nights each December; all four on the same evening) was where I came across Toad of Toad Hall.

There must have been more that is now far beyond recall. Sadly so much of it was, as Katy observed, so unutterably miserable. And she was doing school English 20-some years after me when one would have hoped things might have improved.

Wat I did Read at Skool

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

About, about, in reel and rout
The death-fires danced at night;
The water, like a witch’s oils,
Burnt green, and blue, and white.

My friend Katy’s post the other day about what children read at school got me to thinking about what I had to read at grammar school.

Well, sort of.

It was more like what I didn’t read.

Because I have always been a slow reader (am I 10% dyslexic?) I never managed to keep up with what we were (supposed to be) reading. If we were given homework of “Read the next chapter of [insert book]” which was supposed to take half an hour, it invariably took me well over an hour — sometimes two — and I still didn’t get all the nuances I was supposed to. So I was always trying to finish reading chapter 3 while the class were discussing chapter 5 (which of course I’d not read).

Add to that a level of terminal boredom with just about everything we read — I just couldn’t see the point of this tedium — and it’s a wonder I managed to pass GCE English Literature at all! Nevertheless I was at the top of the second set for English. I wanted to go into the top set (they did more interesting stuff) but rightly (in retrospect) my teacher said I couldn’t and that I would struggle there.

So what did I have to read?

I know that for ‘O’ level I did:

  • CS Forrester, The Gun (about which I remember less than nothing)
  • Shakespeare, Julius Caesar
  • And some collection of poetry including a load of crappy ballads (Sir Patrick Spens, et al.) which I still hate with a vengeance; Coleridge’s The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, which I loved; Keats’s The Eve of St Agnes, which I didn’t understand; Masefield’s Cargoes, which is delightful; and I remember not what else.

The top set for English did some of Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales instead of the CS Forrester. My teacher was right; I would have struggled with this however much I wanted to do it.

Lower down the school we did most of the classics, which I hated without exception. I recall having to read:

  • Dickens: Great Expectations, Pickwick Papers and A Christmas Carol
  • Hardy: I think Far from the Madding Crowd and probably The Mayor of Casterbridge
  • Buchan: The Thirty-Nine Steps
  • Charlotte Brontë: Jane Eyre
  • Shakespeare: Macbeth, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, The Merchant of Venice
  • And a continual selection of poetry mostly from Palgrave’s godforsaken Golden Treasury which included delights like Hiawatha and Sorab and Rustum (yeuch!).

What else we read I have no clue. It has all been long forgotten, which is probably as well.

Looking back about the only bits I at all enjoyed were Pickwick Papers, the first half of Julius Caesar, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner and Cargoes.

To this day, with the exception of the above handful, I cannot read any of this stuff and haven’t returned to it. School successfully destroyed all the so-called classics for me permanently. In fact I can, even now, read very little fiction or poetry; what I have read and enjoyed I have found for myself since leaving, and despite, school. I find life-writing and non-fiction much more amenable.

I’m still a very slow reader and have never properly mastered speed-reading, which can be a major handicap.

Ten Things of 2011: The Summary

Back in January I set out to write ten things each month so that at the end of this year you knew 120 more things about me: things I like and things I dislike. Just for the record, and seeing as it's the end of the year, here is the complete list …

Things I Like

  1. Sex
  2. Cats
  3. Steam Trains
  4. Koi
  5. Nudity
  6. Roses
  7. Beer
  8. Sunshine
  9. Photography
  10. Tea
  11. Beaujolais Nouveau
  12. Fresh Snow
Things I Won't Do

  1. Play Golf
  2. Sailing
  3. Ballroom Dancing
  4. Bungee Jumping
  5. Wearing DJ/Tuxedo
  6. Wear Jacket and Tie on Holiday
  7. Parachute
  8. Eat Sheep's Eyes or Tripe
  9. Take any more Exams
  10. Halloween
  11. Plumbing
  12. Go Horse Racing

Something I want to do

  1. Visit Japan
  2. Take a Trip on Orient Express
  3. Expand my Family History
  4. Travel Wick/Thurso to Penzence by Train
  5. Have Acupuncture
  6. Have a Nudist Holiday
  7. Visit Scilly Isles
  8. Win £2M
  9. Get Rid of my Depression
  10. Fly on Flightdeck of an Airliner
  11. Visit Norway & Sweden
  12. Write a Book
Blogs I Like

  1. Katyboo
  2. Emily Nagoski :: Sex Nerd
  3. The Magistrates Blog
  4. Art by Ren Adams
  5. Whoopee
  6. Aetiology
  7. Not Exactly Rocket Science
  8. Norn's Notebook
  9. The Loom
  10. Bad Science
  11. Cocktail Party Physics
  12. Postsecret

Books I Like

  1. Anthony Powell; A Dance to the Music of Time
  2. Brad Warner; Sex, Sin & Zen
  3. Mary Roach; Stiff
  4. Lewis Carroll; Alice in Wonderland
  5. Brown, Fergusson, Lawrence & Lees; Tracks & Signs
    of the Birds of Britain & Europe
  6. John Guillim, A Display of Heraldrie
  7. Diary of Samuel Pepys
  8. AN Wilson, After the Victorians
  9. Florence Greenberg; Jewish Cookery
  10. Nick McCamley; Secret Underground Cities
  11. Douglas Adams, Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy
  12. Charles Nicholls; The Reckoning
Music I Like

  1. Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here
  2. Beatles, Abbey Road
  3. Yes, Close to the Edge
  4. Monteverdi, 1610 Vespers
  5. Caravan, In the Land of Pink & Grey
  6. Carl Orff, Carmina Burana
  7. Amanda Palmer, Map of Tasmania
  8. William Byrd, The Battell
  9. Pink Floyd, Learning to Fly
  10. Moody Blues, Octave
  11. Handel, Messiah
  12. JS Bach, Christmas Oratorio

Food I Like

  1. Curry
  2. Pasta
  3. Sausage
  4. Butter Beans
  5. Whitebait
  6. Avocado
  7. Cheese
  8. Smoked Fish, especially Eel
  9. Chips
  10. Swiss Chard
  11. Pizza
  12. Treacle Tart
Food & Drink I Dislike

  1. Egg Custard
  2. Carrots
  3. Sweetcorn
  4. Pernod
  5. Sheep's Eyes
  6. Green Tea
  7. Tapioca
  8. Absinthe
  9. Marron Glacé
  10. Milk
  11. Sweet Potatoes
  12. Butternut Squash
Words I Like

  1. Cunt
  2. Crenellate
  3. Merkin
  4. Merhari
  5. Amniomancy
  6. Vespiary
  7. Numpty
  8. Halberd
  9. Verisimilitude
  10. Persiflage
  11. Mendicant
  12. Antepenultimate

Quotes I Like

  1. If you don't concern yourself with your wife's cat, you will lose something irretrievable between you. [Haruki Murakami]
  2. When we talk about settling the world's problems, we're barking up the wrong tree. The world is perfect. It's a mess. It has always been a mess. We are not going to change it. Our job is to straighten out our own lives. [Joseph Campbell]
  3. The purpose of our lives is to be happy. [Dalai Lama]
  4. The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. [Flannery O’Connor]
  5. I like small furry animals — as long as they're tasty. [Lisa Jardine]
  6. The covers of this book are too far apart. [Ambrose Bierce]
  7. It will pass, sir, like other days in the army. [Anthony Powell]
  8. The gap between strategic rhetoric and operational reality remains dangerously wide. [Prof. Gordon Hewitt]
  9. Pro bono publico, nil bloody panico. [Rear-Admiral Sir Morgan Morgan-Giles]
  10. Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste more like prunes than a rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know? [Groucho Marx]
  11. The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose. [JBS Haldane]
  12. If we don't change our direction we're liable to end up where we're going. [Chinese Proverb]

Ten Things – December

The final episode of my monthly series of “Ten Things” for 2011. Each month during the year I’ve listed one thing from each of ten categories which have remained the same each month. So today completes the ten lists of twelve things about me.

  1. Something I Like: Fresh Snow
  2. Something I Won’t Do: Go Horse Racing
  3. Something I Want To Do: Write a Book
  4. A Blog I Like: Postsecret
  5. A Book I Like: Charles Nicholls, The Reckoning
  6. Some Music I Like: JS Bach, Weihnachtsoratorium
  7. A Food I Like: Treacle Tart
  8. A Food or Drink I Dislike: Butternut Squash
  9. A Word I Like: Antepenultimate
  10. A Quote I Like: If we don’t change our direction we’re liable to end up where we’re going. [Chinese Proverb]

Quotes of the Week

The usual eclectic mix. Firstly something dear to my heart …

A bookshelf is as particular to its owner as are his or her clothes; a personality is stamped on a library just as a shoe is shaped by the foot.
[Alan Bennett]

So long as a judge keeps silent his reputation for wisdom and impartiality remains unassailable: but every utterance which he makes in public except in the course of the actual performance of his judicial duties, must necessarily bring him within the focus of criticism. [It would] be inappropriate for the judiciary to be associated with any series of talks or anything which can be fairly interpreted as entertainment.
[Lord Goddard, Lord Chief Justice, 1955]

I suppose one shouldn’t expect anything less po-faced coming out if the 1950s, but oh, dear we are on our dignity aren’t we! Next something I’ve long suspected, from someone who should know …

Science is organized common sense. Philosophy is organized piffle.
[Bertrand Russell, philosopher and mathematician]

There are three faithful friends:
– An old wife
– A shaggy dog
– And ready money

[Thoughts of Angel]

Slightly dodgy ground there, methinks! And finally …

The best of all stratagems is to know when to quit.
[Thoughts of Angel]

Reasons to be Grateful

This week I’ve been reading Richard Wiseman’s 59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot. This is a self-help book but with a big difference. As the book blurb says

Welcome to the new science of rapid change. In 59 Seconds psychologist Richard Wiseman exposes modern-day mind myths promoted by the self-help industry, and outlines quick and quirky techniques that help people to achieve their aims in minutes, not months.

And from New Scientist

This is a self-help book, but with a difference: almost everything in it is underpinned by peer-reviewed and often fascinating research. It could actually help you be a little happier, perform better at interviews, procrastinate less, improve your relationships, reduce your stress levels and be a better parent

And it does exactly what it says on the tin!

In the final chapter Wiseman briefly summarises ten things which he could explain in under a minute (the challenge he set himself at the start of the book) and which could make a difference:

  1. Develop the gratitude attitude
  2. Place a picture of a baby in your wallet
  3. Hang a mirror in your kitchen
  4. Buy a pot plant for the office
  5. Touch people lightly on the upper arm
  6. Wite about your relationship
  7. Deal with potential liars by closing your eyes and asking for an email
  8. Praise children’s effort over ability
  9. Visualise your self doing, not achieving
  10. Consider your legacy

No they aren’t all inherently obvious. And I’m not going to try to explain them here — you’ll just have to splash out a few quid on the paperback.

Do they work. Well clearly Wiseman thinks they do. I don’t know, although I follow the logic behind most of them. So what I’m going to do is try a little experiment of my own here: and that’s try the first on Wiseman’s list which he summarises as:

Develop the gratitude attitude
Having people list three things that they are grateful for in life, or three events that have gone especially well over the past week, can significantly increase their level of happiness for about a month. This, in turn, can cause them to be more optimistic about the future and improve their physical health.

So each weekend I’ll write a short post about at least three (I’ll aim for five) things which have made me happy or which I’m grateful for over the last week. And I’ll aim to do this trough to at least the end of 2012. There’s no control group so it will be hard to know how well it succeeds, other than maybe my qualitative perceptions — but then that is at least half of what it’s all about. Anthony Powell attributes to his character General Conyers in Books Do Furnish a Room:

The General, speaking one felt with authority, always insisted that, if you bring off adequate preservation of your personal myth, nothing much else in life matters. It is not what happens to people that is significant, but what they think happens to them.

So here are my first five things which have made me happy/grateful over the last week:

  1. An excellent Anthony Powell Annual Lecture last evening from Prof. Vernon Bogdanor
  2. Noreen
  3. A stunning flower on our Hibiscus
  4. Sunshine
  5. Beaujolais Nouveau

Links of the Week

A collection of the curious and interesting you may have missed. This week we have a selcetion of the eccentric and the scientific …

First up here are nine equations true (science) geeks should know — or at least pretend to know. No I’d never heard of some of them either!

Why is this cargo container emitting so much radiation? Seems fairly obvious to me but it clearly puzzled the Italians.

Science, philosophy and religion: which best offers us the tools to understand the world around us? Here’s the scientist’s view, which is much as expected but still interesting to read.

John Lennon’s tooth bought by Canadian dentist. FFS why?

And finally … They’re baffling but they’re rather splendid. Who left a tree and a coffin in the library?

Quotes of the Week: Sublime & Ridiculous

The Tuesday scowls, the Wednesday growls, the Thursday curses, the Friday howls, the Saturday snores, the Sunday yawns, the Monday morns, the Monday morns. The whacks, the moans, the cracks, the groans, the welts, the squeaks, the belts, the shrieks, the pricks, the prayers, the kicks, the tears, the skelps, and the yelps.
[Samuel Beckett, Watt]

The moon lives twenty-eight days and this is our month. Each of these days represents something sacred to us: two of the days represent the Great Spirit; two are for Mother Earth; four are for the four winds; one is for the Spotted Eagle; one for the sun; and one for the moon; one is for the Morning Star; and four are for the four ages; seven for our seven great rites; one is for the buffalo; one for the fire; one for the water; one for the rock; and finally, one is for the two-legged people. If you add all these days up you will see that they come to twenty-eight. You should know also that the buffalo has twenty-eight ribs, and that in our war bonnets we usually wear twenty-eight feathers. You see, there is a signif­icance for everything, and these are things that are good for men to know and to remember.
[Black Elk, quoted somewhere I now forget by Joseph Campbell]

Moyers: What happens when a society no longer embraces a powerful mythology?
Campbell: What we’ve got on our hands. If you want to find out what it means to have a society without any rituals, read the New York Times.
Moyers: And you’d find?
Campbell: The news of the day, including destructive and violent acts by young people who don’t know how to behave in a civilized society.
Moyers: Society has provided them no rituals by which they become members of the tribe, of the community. All children need to be twice born, to learn to function rationally in the present world, leaving childhood behind …
Campbell: That’s exactly it. That’s the significance of the puberty rites. In primal societies, there are teeth knocked out, there are scarifications, there are circumcisions, there are all kinds of things done. So you don’t have your little baby body any more, you’re something else entirely.
When I was a kid, we wore short trousers, you know, knee pants. And then there was a great moment when you put on long pants. Boys now don’t get that. I see even five-year-olds walking around with long trousers. When are they going to know that they’re now men and must put aside childish things?
Moyers: Where do the kids growing up in the city — on 125th and Broadway, for example — where do these kids get their myths today?
Campbell: They make them up themselves. This is why we have graffiti all over the city. These kids have their own gangs and their own initiations and their own morality, and they’re doing the best they can … they have not been initiated into our society.
[Joseph Campbell; The Power of Myth]

Out of this scrimmage Thomas Drury emerges as something of an orchestrator, an impresario of knaveries …
[Charles Nicholl, The Reckoning: The Murder of Christopher Marlowe, 2nd edition, 2002]

A fair hot wench in flame-coloured taffeta.
[Shakespeare, I Henry IV, I ii]

Quotes of the Week

This week’s selection of quotes which caught my eye during the last week …

Everyone has a photographic memory … Some just don’t have film.
[Thoughts of Angel]

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.
[Kurt Vonnegut]

Which links quite nicely to the following two …

We now return to the spring of 1593 and the events leading up to the killing of Christopher Marlowe … with a new understanding of the continuity of secret politics as a factor in his life. He is remembered as a poet … and as a wild young blasphemer in an age of enforced devotion, but he was also a spy … one of hundreds of such men, part of a maverick army of intelligencers and projectors on which the government of the day depended, sometimes out of a genuine need for information, but often in ways that relate more to political expediency, to courtly in-fighting, to police-state repression.
[Charles Nicholl, The Reckoning: The Murder of Christopher Marlowe, 2nd edition, 2002]

As we have found, time and again, informers have often a need to create information. They are ‘projectors’ who provoke or indeed invent dangerous sentiments in order to denounce them. They are ‘politicians’ in that pejorative Elizabethan sense, the sense in which Shakespeare means it when King Lear says, ‘Get thee glass eyes and, like a scurvy politician, seem to see the things thou dost not’.
[Charles Nicholl, The Reckoning: The Murder of Christopher Marlowe, 2nd edition, 2002]