Category Archives: beliefs

beliefs, memes, personal

Christmas Meme

Today is the Feast of St Nicholas (supposed prototype for Santa Claus). In some traditions this day is actually more important than Christmas Day, and for others it signals the start of the Christmas season. So today seems an appropriate time for a Christmas meme. Sing along Join in with your version as you choose.

  1. Favourite Christmas music: Bach, Christmas Oratorio
  2. Christmas smell I like: spices
  3. TV programme I want to watch: Royal Institution Christmas Lectures
  4. TV programme I hate: every film and soap
  5. Christmas tradition: our first winter lights go up on the Feast of Christ the King (Sunday before Advent) and don’t come down until Candlemas (2 February); it’s a festival of light combined with a pagan belief in providing light to see us through the darkest months
  6. Living person (not family) I’d like to have a Christmas drink with: Prof. Alice Roberts
  7. Favourite Christmas drink: just lots of Champagne
  8. Christmas food I like: Brussels Sprouts (yes, really!)
  9. Christmas present I’d like: restored libido
  10. Christmas thing I enjoy: Christmas dinner
  11. Christmas thing I hate: “Away in a Manger”
  12. Something I want to do at Christmas: relax & read (but I never do!)

  13. Tree: real or artificial: artificial, why kill a tree (and we don’t have garden space for yet another live tree)
  14. Holly or mistletoe: both
  15. Do you send cards: yes, it keeps people in touch
  16. When does Christmas start: First Sunday in Advent
  17. And when does Christmas end: Twelfth Night
  18. Best present ever: Noreen
  19. Gold, frankincense or myrrh: Frankincense
  20. Christmas pudding with brandy butter or with custard: either
  21. Turkey or something else for Christmas dinner: sometimes turkey, sometimes pork or beef
  22. Do you buy presents for your pets?: of course, doesn’t everyone?
  23. Favourite carol: The Boar’s Head
  24. Christmas cake or mince pies: mince pies
  25. Is your Christmas sacred or secular?: secular, but with a few Christian bits and some pagan bits thrown in

beliefs, thoughts

Ten Commandments for Atheists

I came across this the other day. It’s a few years old but still a worthwhile humanist take on the dreary Christian meme.

These are the ten winning beliefs of the Rethink Prize, a crowdsourcing competition to rethink the Ten Commandments. The contest drew more than 2,800 submissions from across the globe with the winners being selected by a panel of judges.

  1. Be open-minded and be willing to alter your beliefs with new evidence.
  2. Strive to understand what is most likely to be true, not to believe what you wish to be true.
  3. The scientific method is the most reliable way of understanding the natural world.
  4. Every person has the right to control of their body.
  5. God is not necessary to be a good person or to live a full and meaningful life.
  6. Be mindful of the consequences of all your actions and recognize that you must take responsibility for them.
  7. Treat others as you would want them to treat you, and can reasonably expect them to want to be treated. Think about their perspective.
  8. We have the responsibility to consider others, including future generations.
  9. There is no one right way to live.
  10. Leave the world a better place than you found it.
beliefs, current affairs, sexuality

Teenagers and Sex

Three (I think) important articles recently about teenagers and sex. As usual we bring you key quotes, although I would recommend reading the articles themselves (none is long).

The first article reports on Labour MP Jess Phillips’ contention that the discussion of female pleasure is essential to redress the gender power imbalance.

Teach schoolgirls about orgasms (Guardian; 8 November 2018)

Schoolgirls should be taught about orgasms in sex education lesson … girls should be taught about sex from a young age in order to form healthy sexual relationships when they become adults.

[It is] vital to discuss female pleasure in order to “break down the culture of power imbalance between men and women” …

“I’m not suggesting we teach children how to masturbate, I’m suggesting we talk to them about the things they’re doing anyway.”

Women’s expectations “should be greater” and they should “start demanding more” during sex.

“I’ve made a career out of being able to talk about difficult things, and that comes from growing up in an environment where nothing was embarrassing.”

Phillips is campaigning for sex education in [all] secondary schools to be compulsory by 2020 … [E]ducating children about healthy relationships and their anatomy will reduce the risk of violence against women: “To liberate women and end violence is to break down the culture of power imbalance. Let’s stop people feeling ashamed.”

The second article is by Jess Phillips herself.

Yes, yes, yes: why female pleasure must be at the heart of sex education (Guardian; 13 November 2018)

By the time they started talking to us about [sex] at secondary school, I think in the third year (year 9), most of the girls in my class had had their first sexual encounters … The teachers were clearly counting on us not having had intercourse (although some of us had) because our sex education was about Aids … and babies. It was essentially a lesson in contraception.

Sex and relationships were never discussed in our contraceptive education. It was all about the dangers of a man climaxing … We were shown how to handle and dispose of men’s pleasure safely.

[T]he average member of the British public thinks men need sex more than women … This is a cultural norm we have all accepted and it seeps into how we live our lives and teach our children. Men don’t need sex any more than women, they just enjoy it more because it has a guaranteed payoff.

“Just say no” doesn’t work, so perhaps we need to try teaching young people about why they might want to say “yes”. What does good, healthy and happy sex look like, for example?

Girls masturbate, girls know all about what they like and want. They also know what boys like and want. Boys only know the latter. Girls and boys spend at least the first 10 years of their sex lives focusing exclusively on what boys want … Would it hurt to talk to both boys and girls about how sex should be for both parties? Giving girls a bit of hope that shagging won’t just lead to them dripping in breast milk or being a witness in a trial.

I don’t want young girls growing up thinking that sex is just something that happens to us. I want boys and girls to know that it should be about both people not just agreeing, but also enjoying it.

The third article is from a young Nigerian, Jennifer Amadi, who lost a close friend to a DIY abortion because everyone had been too scared to talk to teenagers about sex.

The world must not be too scared to talk about teenagers having sex (Guardian; 9 November 2018)

[T]the world is too scared to talk about teenagers having sex. And young people are losing their lives and livelihoods as a result.

I see these attitudes everywhere, from Nigeria to the UK. Parents who are too uncomfortable to have “the talk” with their kids, nurses who deny young girls contraceptives because they think they’re “too young to have sex”, education ministers who believe the best policy for addressing teenage pregnancies is a sound beating paired with expulsion rather than comprehensive sex education classes.

[P]oliticians … worry that supporting programmes that increase youth access to contraception will cost them their jobs … fearful leaders … earmark foreign aid for politically safe initiatives like abstinence-based sex-ed or programmes that only provide birth control to married women.

There are 1.2 billion people in the world between the ages of 10 to 19 and most live in developing countries …

[W]here the world fails to deliver for its young people … teenagers continue to have unintended pregnancies. Millions of girls experience health issues stemming from pregnancy and childbirth their bodies aren’t ready for, and efforts to improve gender equality are upended as teenage mothers are forced to drop out of school and face lifelong economic insecurity … this has the potential to put the economic and social progress of entire countries at risk, and has lasting implications for global trade, migration and foreign affairs.

[I]nvest in our young people so they can get reliable information about reproductive health and birth control. They decide when to have children and how many to have. They become the biggest generation of educated, empowered, working adults the world has seen. They break the cycle of poverty for their families and shape the future of their countries.

As I keep saying, time to wake up and smell the coffee. With the UK government currently looking at reforming sex education in the classroom this country has the opportunity to lead the world. But it needs imagination and bravery, something for which the UK government has never been noted.

beliefs, personal, thoughts

On (not) Being Angry

There’s an important post by Sensei Alex Kakuyo over on the Same Old Zen blog about approaches to anger and angry people under the headline Buddhism and Professionally Angry People.

It’s important because although Kakuyo approaches it from a Buddhist standpoint it is applicable to all of us. For me the key messages are:

I have a choice. I can be angry, pissed off, and exhausted for my entire life, or I can practice acceptance.

… acceptance is not surrender. Rather, it’s a recognition that there is only so much that I can do with one body, in one lifetime. It’s an understanding that life is filled with suffering, and the only thing I can control is how I react to it.

So, I do what I can within the confines of my own life, and I accept that other people will make other choices. I accept that I may not like those choices …

… professionally angry people get riled up over things they can’t control. They cause suffering for themselves, they cause suffering for others, and the world keeps turning exactly as it did before.

… “Is there direct action that I can take to solve this problem?” If there is something that I can do that will actually solve the problem or alleviate my part in the ill affects, then I do it.

It isn’t always easy, indeed it can be extremely hard, and I know I fail at this more often than not. But it is something I try to live by. There’s only so much one can do and it is necessary to pick one’s fights. There’s no point worrying about things you have no control over; they have to be allowed to wash over you.

beliefs, books, freedom of speech, medical, people, photography, sexuality

Womanhood: The Bare Reality

Laura Dodsworth, author of Manhood: The Bare Reality has a new book coming out, but unfortunately not until next February.

Its title: Womanhood: The Bare Reality.

You can, of course, pre-order it on Amazon or from the publishers Pinter & Martin.

The book promises to do for women, what Manhood did for men: tell of the variety and the stories of man and manhood. As the blurb an Amazon says:

100 women bare all in an empowering collection of photographs and interviews about Womanhood.

Vagina, vulva, lady garden, pussy, beaver, c**t, fanny … whatever you call it most women have no idea what’s ‘down there’. Culturally and personally, no body part inspires love and hate, fear and lust, worship and desecration in the same way.

From smooth Barbie dolls to internet porn, girls and women grow up with a very narrow view of what they should look like, even though in reality there is an enormous range. Womanhood departs from the ‘ideal vagina’ and presents the gentle un-airbrushed truth, allowing us to understand and celebrate our diversity.

For the first time, 100 brave and beautiful women reveal their bodies and stories on their own terms, talking about how they feel about pleasure, sex, pain, trauma, birth, motherhood, menstruation, menopause, gender, sexuality and simply being a woman.

Laura comments further in a recent Facebook post:

“A major issue for women is that men and society are really interested in defining womanhood for us and without us. A lot of the time, women don’t have an awful lot of input into the definition of womanhood, yet we’re judged against it. Women have to make choices that men don’t ever have to make.”
From Womanhood: The Bare Reality

A bold first quote to share from Womanhood. I’ve already been #notallmen-ed on Twitter, so let me say, I love men, this is not anti-men. (I LOVE men.) Remember Manhood?

But this is the point; Womanhood is an exploration of female experience through the embodied stories of 100 women. We define Womanhood on our own terms and in our own words. We reveal ourselves to ourselves and to each other. And it’s about time.

Laura’s previous books (Manhood: The Bare Reality and Bare Reality: 100 Women, Their Breasts, Their Stories) were amazing, revealing and informative, so I’m really am looking forward to reading Womanhood: The Bare Reality. My copy is already on order.

Full disclosure: I was one of the 100 men featured in Manhood.

beliefs, personal, thoughts

The Need for Cosmogony and Ceremony

One of our favourite Zen Masters, Brad Warner, recently wrote the ridiculousness of religions, what he called “religulous belief”. As regular readers will surmise, these are views with which I have much sympathy. However along the way Brad did explain why liturgy remains important to me despite my lack of belief in deities.

Here is an editied version of Brad’s article, as it partly explains something which has long puzzled me:

Bill Maher and like-minded people such as Richard Dawkins always make the same complaints about religions. They attack the religion’s cosmogony – its myths, its creation story, its ideas about heavens, hells, angels and all that. They point out that this stuff is ridiculous. Then they figure the job is done.

Most religions have pretty dopey stories attached to them … Even mainstream religions have ideas that sound pretty silly when you examine them; virgin birth, parting of seas, swallowings by whales, people rising from the dead, and so on. Some Buddhist ideas … are just as weird.
…
I don’t think most people join religions because they are convinced by their cosmogony. People don’t say, “You guys teach that God lives on planet Kolob? That sounds reasonable. Sign me up!”
…
Being without faith is a luxury for people who were fortunate enough to have a fortunate life. You go to prison and you hear people say, ‘I got nothing but Jesus in here.’ If you’re in a foxhole you probably have a lot of faith. I completely understand that. But how can smart people believe in the talking snake and people living to be 900 years old and virgin birth? …

The answer is that we’re all in a foxhole. We’re all in prison. Maybe not literally, but metaphorically. We’re all going to get sick and die. We’re all imprisoned by society to one extent or another. Even “fortunate” people have to suffer misfortune. It’s inevitable …

People will cling to anything that makes the sadness of life a little easier to take. Being wrong but happy feels better than being right but miserable.

… Buddhism, at least in the Zen school … doesn’t insist that we have to believe in Buddhist cosmogony. Most schools of Buddhism don’t have a strong insistence on belief in Buddhist cosmogony – although some do. But the Zen school is probably the most radical in its rejection of such beliefs.

Yet … Zennies … still retain many of the trappings of Buddhist schools in which such beliefs are held more strongly. They still have ceremonies in which they honour mythological figures …

Nobody ever insists that you have to believe … yet we play along just like people who do believe these things.

… these ceremonies have practical value. They help people get along together. They give them a sense of belonging and community. Their “lies” … ease some of our worries and fears. And they can do this even if we know perfectly well they’re not true …

This is very interesting as it says to me this is (at least partly) how liturgy and ceremony work: by reinforcing community, easing worries, despite our better judgement. Although I still think there is something even deeper, more magic, about really good liturgy like Tridentine Latin Mass.

I think it may be similar to the way it feels good to hear someone you love tell you it’s going to be all right when you’re sick … We all need that …

Some good food for thought!

arts, beliefs, nudism, sexuality

Life Drawing

Thanks to @ldsdrawingclub on Twitter for drawing attention to this piece from the Daily Telegraph of a few days ago.

Life drawing can help teens overcome
social media body confidence issues

The Telegraph website is paywalled, so here are a few snippets:

Experts including the former president of the Royal Society of Portrait Painters have advised that drawing nude models could help youngsters understand what “real” people look like, compared to those on social media.

What is out there online for youngsters is often superficial and does not accurately represent what people look like in real life … images seen online and on social media are having an impact of distorting reality and … cause people to have body confidence issues or think how they look is different.

I would urge people to get involved in life drawing which has the benefit of allowing people to question what the ‘ideal’ body is.

Life drawing is an opportunity to study the human form, folds, blemishes and all – not wondering if the image you’re obsessing over has been photoshopped.

Those who follow along here won’t be surprised to learn that I entirely agree. I can’t draw for toffee – I was so bad I wasn’t allowed to take O-level Art at school, but I have been to an art class since school (to little effect, I may say). But in many ways one’s drawing ability doesn’t matter. What’s important is the exposure, the ability to see so many different forms, the opportunity through drawing to see how all the pieces and shapes fit together, and to realise it is all normal.

More power to these people for doing their bit to cure us of this toxic ethos and these ridiculous taboos.

beliefs, personal, thoughts

Personal Boundaries

Sometime earlier I came across the following on Twitter. It seems to me to be a good summary of how we should be, and how I try (not always successfully) to be. If you think about it, it is indeed all to do with boundaries, as the initial postulate says, and looking after oneself.

What do boundaries feel like?
•  It is not my job to fix others
•  It is OK if others get angry
•  It is OK to say no
•  It is not my job to take responsibility for others
•  I don’t have to anticipate the needs of others
•  It is my job to make me happy
•  Nobody has to agree with me
•  I have a right to my own feelings
•  I am enough

I would add one thing to this, really for the sake of clarity:

•  I am not responsible for other people’s feelings and emotions

Ultimately, it is my responsibility to look after me and only me, both mentally and physically; it is your responsibility to look after you and only you. No more, no less. Think about it. All our emotions, beliefs, needs, feelings, come from within; and you are the only person who can access and control your particular set of baggage.

It isn’t always easy to do all this – indeed it isn’t always easy to remember all of this, especially when we live in a world where the prevailing ethos is predicated on “doing unto others” rather than looking after one’s own well-being. But I try; I do my best; and one cannot ask more. As John Cheever said:

Could I do better, dear heart, better is what I would do.

beliefs, books, people

Book Review: Bow First, Ask Questions Later

Gesshin Claire Greenwood
Bow First, Ask Questions Later
Wisdom, USA; 2018

Having just finished this book, I’m still not quite sure what my emotions are towards it – beyond pure admiration, that is. So I’m going to start with a couple of quotes from other people. First here’s Ruth Ozeki on the cover blurb:

With rigour, honesty, hilarity, and joy, Gesshin shows us how to grapple with the great matter of life and death – as well as with lesser matters, like capitalism, sexism, religious dogma, sex, love, fashion, and Kyoto nightclubs. The result is an inspiring book that I couldn’t put down, even when I’d finished reading it.

And here’s an extract from the Foreword by our other favourite Zen Master, Brad Warner:

Gesshin Greenwood is … an honest-to-Buddha Zen nun, with the shaven head to prove it. She went through the kind of rigorous training in traditional Zen temple practice that most of the folks you see writing puffed-up fluff pieces for those slick spiritual magazines… avoided like politicians evading the draft …
I [am] amazed that someone as young as she had such a deep background in Buddhist practice experience … Gesshin … really did all the stuff … She actually immersed herself in Japanese Zen temple life for years doing all the ceremonies, all the services, all the cooking and cleaning and the rest of it …
… It’s rare that someone from the West does any of this stuff, rarer still when they write about it, and yet even more rare that their writing is as good as Gesshin’s is. This is a truly unique document of a truly unique lived experience.

I’ve been reading Gesshin’s weblog, That’s So Zen, for some years and have always found it illuminating, if at times hard to fully understand. This book travels some of the same ground, which is good because everything is newly written and so helps reinforce the “learning”.

Although the book is autobiographical it is first and foremost a book about Zen Buddhism, but not in a dry academic way; as Brad says it is extremely well written, in a light, engaging style which does indeed make it difficult to put down – I had to ration myself to a couple of chapters an evening to avoid reading through the night.

Gesshin is a self-confessed white, privileged Californian, with hippy, Buddhist parents; and as the book goes on one comes to realise she was probably something of an angry brat (but then aren’t all teenagers?). Nonetheless she wanted to study Buddhism, and felt even in college strangely attracted to it; and that emotional connexion is passed on to the reader.

She started in India, and went to Tibet, before finding her spiritual home in the Sōtō Zen tradition in Japan, and in the rigorous setting of an all female Zen monastery. This is her story, of her journey; and one isn’t sure until well into the book quite where things are going to end up.

Gesshin talks frankly about the hardships, heartaches, tragedies and mistakes – as well as the joys – of her practice and shows how each of them allowed her to grow. Each of the 25 short chapters focusses on some particular event to illuminate her learning. We see something of her relationships with her teachers and her wrestles with the apparently irreconcilable dichotomy of being a nun and a young woman who likes men and can fall in love. We are left, at the end, with the impression that Gesshin has happily resolved that dichotomy.

All this is shared openly with us, and we join in feeling the pain and the joy. Equally I found the book inspiring and stimulating me to move forward in my own journey (whatever that is).

For anyone with an interest in Buddhism, especially Japanese Sōtō Zen, this is a book well worth reading. And even if you just want to follow the quest of a young woman in search of answers to life and death, do read it. I really did find it hard to put down.

Overall Rating: ★★★★★

beliefs, personal, pleasures, sexuality

Who’s Day

Today (2 June) is International Whores’ Day, aka. International Sex Workers’ Day.

As regular readers will know, and you don’t have to look too far back in the archives to find out, I am a firm believer that sex work should be decriminalised. I’ve never used the services of a sex worker, and I have no plans to do so, but I fail to see why people should not be able to pay for sex, or to sell sex, if that is their choice.

Prostitutes (of all types) perform a valuable social service. In part they may be considered part of the leisure industry, providing what might be called “alternative entertainment”. But they also provide service for many who would not otherwise have sex, or have the sex they want, and that can be a significant factor in preserving mental health.

Fortunately there does seem to be a growing body of academically rigorous evidence that decriminalisation is the best way to protect the human rights of sex workers, and ensure they can follow their chosen profession in safety, with unobstructed access to legal recourse where there is violence or abuse. New Zealand has shown the way on this, as have the World Health Organization and Amnesty International.

I don’t want to have to write at length about all the reasoning, so here are just a few relatively recent reports of some of this research.

Decriminalising sex work is the only way to protect women – and New Zealand has proved that it works; Independent; 29 May 2017

Decriminalising prostitution could ‘dramatically’ reduce sexual violence and STI transmission; Independent; 20 December 2017

Decriminalising Sex Work Is Better for Everyone; Big Think; 12 December 2017

Amnesty International policy on state obligations to respect, protect and fulfil the human rights of sex workers; Amnesty International; 26 May 2016

Q&A: policy to protect the human rights of sex workers; Amnesty International; 26 May 2016

Decriminalising sex work in New Zealand: its history and impact; Open Democracy; 21 August 2015

I don’t understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn’t selling fucking legal? You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away?
– George Carlin

Why is the decision by a woman to sleep with a man she has just met in a bar a private one, and the decision to sleep with the same man for $100 subject to criminal penalties?
– Anna Quindlen