This year’s birthday meme has been unashamedly stolen from Robin Bynoe, with one question added.
Four places I’ve lived:
1. Waltham Cross
2. York
3. Norwich
4. Chiswick
Four places I’ve worked:
1. Waltham Cross
2. Norwich
3. City of London
4. Bedfont
Four things I love to watch on TV:
1. You mean there are four different programmes on TV?
Four places I have been:
1. Washington DC
2. Hartz Mountains
3. Enschede
4. Land’s End
Four things I love to eat:
1. Curry
2. Avocado
3. Smoked Salmon
4. Sausages
Four people I think will respond:
1. ????
Four favourite drinks:
1. Earl Grey Tea
2. Gin & Tonic
3. Champagne
4. Adnams Dry Hopped Lager
Four desert island luxuries:
1. Adnams Dry Hopped Lager on tap
2. Laptop
3. Cat
4. Digital SLR camera
I hereby grant permission to anyone who wants to copy this and join in. The only rule is that you add question to the list.
Category Archives: amusements
Predictions for 2018
So I retrieved my crystal ball from the back of the wardrobe and dusted it off. Having been staring into its mistiness, on and off, for most of the last month, these are my best guesses at what it’s trying to tell me for the next year.
As before, I’ve divided the predictions into three sections: UK, Worldwide and Personal – the latter are documented but currently redacted, as are a couple of other items which some might consider over-sensitive.
Disclaimer. I remind you that these are just my ideas of what could happen; they’re based solely on hunches and gut feel; I have no inside knowledge and I haven’t been studying the form – so if you base any decision on any of this I will take no responsibility for your wanton act of idiocy or its consequences.
UK
- Brexit. It becomes clear that no Brexit deal is possible, but no-one has the courage to cancel Brexit so the UK is sleepwalking over a cliff to become a third world country (economically and socially) by 2020
- The government will ensure that, despite its expressed wish, Parliament does not have a meaningful vote on the final Brexit deal
- Increasing sexual harassment claims in Parliament and involving members of the government, on top of divisions over Brexit, are likely to bring down the government
- However, it’s unlikely there will be a General Election, but if there is it will be won by Labour with a tiny majority
- Michael Portillo is given a peerage and a seat in the Cabinet
- Boris Johnson is replaced as Foreign Secretary by one of David Davies, Liam Fox or Michael Gove
- Part of the Palace of Westminster collapses and the whole building is evacuated long-term, and may even have to be demolished
- UK interest rates rise twice during the year, each time by 0.25%
- Inflation remains at 3.0-3.5%
- Stamp Duty relief for first-time buyers pushes property prices up by 10%
- Tesco try to buy another supermarket chain but are prevented from doing so by the Monopolies Commission
- Waitrose close 20 stores across UK by YE and record an operating loss
- Ryanair buy/merge with EasyJet
- Move to regulate and meter all London taxi fares (including all private hire)
- Uber wins the appeal over its withdrawn operating licence in London
- Heavy flu season with many hospitals unable to cope with demand, contributing to 10,000 excess deaths
- At least two major disasters (industrial, train crash, plane crash etc.) with a combined total of over 200 fatalities
- Driverless vehicles kill six cyclists in the UK
- Red Arrows are disbanded after another fatal accident
- Murders. [[REDACTED]]
- No snow in London for the whole of 2018 with temperatures 2°C above average across the year
- Prince Harry’s wedding day will be wet
- Meghan Markle. [[REDACTED]]
- Deaths: Prince Charles, a current England cricketer, [[REDACTED]], [[REDACTED]]
World
- There’s an attack on Donald Trump’s life, which results in the death of several bodyguards and assailants, but only minor injuries to Trump
- Average of one terror-related attack a month across Europe (including UK) with total fatalities in excess of 120
- It’s unlikely North Korea will fire a nuclear weapon at the US to start WW3, but quite possible the US will fire first probably with conventional weapons
- Kim Jong-un will fall from power in North Korea
- There could be military conflict over China’s appropriation of islands in the South China Sea
- Vladimir Putin is re-elected as Russian President; in fact there’s a good chance he will be the only candidate
- US lose a submarine and are unable to rescue the crew
- Ukraine is proven to be illegally selling radioactive materials, and cannot/will not identify all the buyers
- Saudi Arabia. [[REDACTED]]
- Civil war in Zimbabwe which spills over into South Africa due to uncertainties about the South African presidency
- The Pope is embroiled in controversy possibly surrounding a significant shift in core Catholic theology
- At least one space disaster (possibly on the ground) which kills two; and at least one major inter-planetary mission is lost in transit
- Euro – Dollar – Pound parity
- There’ll be major financial crash, with long-term knock-on effects, although it’s not clear if this will be in US, Europe or the Far East.
- At least two household name companies are hacked with over 100 million sets of personal information exposed
- Uber buys Lyft
- Two of Amazon, Google and IBM merge
- Scientists believe they have discovered extra-terrestrial life (not necessarily intelligent)
- Major eruption of Vesuvius or Mt Etna with widespread destruction and mass evacuation, but fewer than 50 fatalities
- Magnitude 7 or above earthquake in California which, with continuing drought, all but destroys their fruit production
- At least one major US city will be destroyed (and quite possibly permanently abandoned) due to a severe hurricane (possibly New Orleans, Orlando, Miami)
- Massive collapse of another Antarctic glacier or ice sheet
- Poland beat Russia in FIFA World Cup final, with Denmark and Brazil as losing semi-finalists
- Other deaths: Dalai Lama
Personal
- Anthony Powell Society. [[REDACTED]]
- Family. [[REDACTED]]
- Cats. [[REDACTED]]
- Friends 1. [[REDACTED]]
- Friends 2. [[REDACTED]]
Obviously I’ll keep a tally and will publish the results at the end of the year. Let’s hope I’ve seen further and more clearly into the mist than last year.
Something for the New Year …
2017 Amusements
Traditionally we have a round-up of the amusements we’ve encountered during the year, but 2017 has been noted for it’s total lack of amusement due to multitudinous stupidities – mostly of the UK and US governments. However there were a few bright spots amongst the gloom.
Product of the Year
The three top contenders for this year’s accolade are:
Unwaxed & Unflavored Dental Floss For Use As Yoni Egg Retrieval String
Mummy Prawns (below left) which Noreen encountered in the flesh, but which Iceland have sadly renamed since Halloween!
Aroma Home Fuzzy Friends Slippers; they come in “unicorn” (above right) and “white rabbit”.
Outstanding News Headlines
I cannot reduce the field beyond these four beauties:
Donald Trump: a man so obnoxious that karma may see him reincarnated as himself
Shaquille O’Neal Thinks Earth Is Flat Because It Doesn’t Go Up And Down When He Drives
Alice Cooper finds Warhol artwork after decades rolled up in storage
[Man] jailed for threatening lamp-posts and bollards with a knife in Bristol
Crass Media Statements
We just can’t beat this one from Chiltern Railways on Twitter in May …
This is due to congestion caused by earlier delays.
The medal for Plonker of the Year has to go to the Lancashire man poisoned after eating cherry seeds.
Best Music Track Title
Not a new track, but one I hadn’t encountered before: John Willis Ferret by the Oldham Tinkers
Best Place Name
Marsh Gibbon. It’s a small village in Buckinghamshire near Bicester.
Best Animal
Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever
Recipe of the Year
There is no winner here this year, although we thought you should be warned that someone taught a computer to write cookbooks and its recipe ideas are hilariously weird.
We can’t wait to try Salmon Beef Style Chicken Bottom.
Best Neologisms
We spotted two brilliant neologisms this year …
Landscape homeopathy – whatever the fuck that is!
Vaginal wedge – which contributed to its perpetrator winning a Bad Sex Award.
Best Piece of Trivia
We have to thank Barnaby Page on Facebook for this:
One of my favourite bits of trivia is that there is exactly one ATM in the entire continent of Antarctica (it’s an excellent quiz question). But tonight I have discovered something even more wonderful – there is an ATM in Vatican City with instructions in Latin!
Best Photographs
Three contenders for the title here …
And now we come to the final section …
Do What?
Somewhere during the year we came across these felting instructions:
And finally this, from an advert, courtesy of Steve Olle on Facebook:
To part time editor: I hope you could think our work as possible forever work or hobbies at your later future.
By no means a bumper year, so with luck 2018 will do better.
To Keep You Amused …
Just in case anyone is at al loose end for the remainder of today and tomorrow, the Guardian printed the King William’s College 2017 GKP, as it has every year since 1951. This is the general knowledge paper 2017-18, the 113th issue, sat by the pupils of King William’s College, Isle of Man.
According to Wikipedia: Since 1904, the College has set an annual general knowledge test, known as the General Knowledge Paper (GKP). The pupils sit the test twice: once unseen on the day before the Christmas holidays, and again when they return to school in the New Year, after spending the holiday researching the answers. It is well known to be highly difficult, a common score being just two correct answers from the list of several hundred. The best scores are 40 to 50 for the unseen test and about 270 out of 360 for the second sitting.
The quiz is always introduced with the Latin motto Scire ubi aliquid invenire possis, ea demum maxima pars eruditionis est, “To know where you can find anything is, after all, the greatest part of erudition.”
You can find this year’s GKP at https://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2017/dec/21/king-williams-college-quiz-2017.
I shall not be getting 100% as tonight’s bedtime reading.
Ten Things
For this month’s Ten Things we have our annual “best of” round-up from our Auction Amusements posts.
Ten Odd Things I’ve seen Auctioned this Year
- A vintage hand held fire extinguisher
- Over 600 used golf balls
- A pair of vintage dog nut crackers
- A pair of musket shot recovered from the ‘Invincible’ (1744-1758), with certificate of authenticity
- A Christmas tree made from pipe cleaners
- A stuffed and mounted pike in glazed wooden case
- A WW2 USN portable bomb hoist MkVII
- A fuel gauge housing from a DH4 Liberty bi-plane, silver-plated as a photograph frame
- Ten vintage leather baseball gloves dating from the 1930’s onwards
- A large solid block of beeswax
Auction Amusement
Out local auction house’s final sale of the year has come up with a few nice gems amongst the lots. Odd things, and strange combinations, but sadly no stuffed ferrets.
A charming early 19th century boot snuff box with pique decoration inlaid with bone and dated to the sole 1848 [below]
A charming 19th century treen nutmeg grater styled as a post box indicating the inland letter rate with a small picture panel behind
A collection of old lighters, a farriers pen knife, a propelling pencil, safety razors and a Chinese knife in a shagreen scabbard etc.
A plain silver photograph frame, London 1913, containing a period photograph of a young Royal Artillery officer, together with a late Victorian silver-topped glass jar and a match-holder made from the wood of HMS Victory
A collection of approximately 250 china and pottery thimbles
A collection of blue glass wares including a liqueur set, a hardwood temple bell, two horn purses, a turbo tiger vacuum cleaner, a metal shoe last, a large 19th century family bible, model soldiers, further glass ware including sugar bowls etc.
A 19th century Willcox and Gibbs sewing machine in original wooden case
Two 19th century irons, two vintage watering cans and two boxes containing vintage padlocks and keys and screws
Five model ships in glass bottles, a glass model sailing boat, lustre sugar bowl and silver plated figure of a swan [above]
An Amplon gramophone arm, a The Little Kracka fishing reel and a cased timepiece
A varied lot including a copper bed pan on turned wood handle, two brass fireside companion sets, a Burago model Porsche 356B, old planes and chisels, two Whitefriars glass vases, a small quantity of flat ware, a silver plated toast rack and dish, a vintage beaded bag, unused perfumes including Chanel No.5., vintage boxed dominoes, a small quantity of china etc.
Two shelves of interesting vintage wood and metal wares including hip flasks, binoculars, steins, dominoes, buttons, 19th century papier mache box, leather case containing old keys, ceramic and silver plated oval tray, wooden architectural fitments etc.
A vintage wooden cased NHS prescription dispenser [above]
No, I don’t know either!
A fine Japanese carved bone sword of impressive size, decorated overall with warriors and formal ornament, Meiji period
A vintage Tate & Lyle pine packing case for Afternoon Tea Cube Sugar
A stuffed leather figure of a rhinoceros
A large metal walking staff surmounted by a crow [right and below]
Something to Sum up My Week …
Five Questions, Series 10 #5
A big fanfare! Because we have reached the last question in Series 10 of Five Questions.
Question 5: How would you describe yourself in three words?
Totally fucked up.
OK, so that’s the end of this series of Five Questions. I hope you’ve enjoyed it, maybe learnt something (if only about my craziness) and possibly even had a think yourself.
As in the past, if I can find enough good – or crazy – questions I may do another series, sometime next year. So if you have a good question, or something you want to ask, then do please get in touch – or leave a note in the Comments. And yes you can ask literally anything you like!
Meanwhile, it’s the season to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and a fabulous New Year!
Five Questions, Series 10 #4
And so on to question four and we’re getting towards the end of this tenth series of Five Questions.
Question 4: Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Because they’re 10% nylon?
But seriously … The real answer is almost certainly to do with the cross-linking of the long-chain protein polymers that make up each hair and the mechanical interlinking between the individual hairs. The more random cross-linking there is, the more the proteins will fold together and the curlier (thus shorter) the hairs. Similarly the more random the mechanical interlinking, the more likely the fibres are to be shorter. Wool has to be processed to remove this interlinking and cross-linking and create straight fibres, which we call unshrunk. Heat, water and mechanical action go to create the randomisation of the linking and thus cause the fibres to shrink in the wash. Now sheep are a natural product; they aren’t processed. Hence their wool is pretty random and effectively pre-shrunk, so they aren’t going to shrink more in the rain.