Category Archives: amusements

amusements, personal

Birthday Meme

This year’s birthday meme is one I made earlier.

  1. What day of the week were you born: Thursday
  2. Where were you born: Gower Street, London
  3. How old were you when you were born: 907
  4. How old are you now: 997½
  5. Age you get mistaken for: 21 + a bit (a large bit!)
  6. What famous persons share your birthday: Harry Gordon Selfridge (1858; founder of Selfridge’s department store in London), Mick McManus (1920; British wrestler), Arthur Scargill (1938; British miners leader), Ben Crenshaw (1952; US golfer), Bryan Robson (1957; England footballer), Brian Moore (1962; England rugby player)
  7. Who died on your birthday: Hans Sloane (1753; collector who provided the foundation collections of the British Museum, British Library and Natural History Museum, London), Thomas Hardy (1928; author), Barbara Pym (1980; author)
  8. List one notable event that took place on your birthday: In 1922, the first use of insulin to treat diabetes in a human patient
  9. Tell us about a holiday that falls on your birthday: Kagami biraki is a Japanese traditional ceremony which literally translates to “Opening the Mirror” (from an abstinence) or, also, “Breaking of the Mochi” (a sort of rice cake). It traditionally falls on 11 January. It refers to the opening of a Kagami mochi, or to the opening of a cask of sake at a party or ceremony.
  10. Do you like your name? Not especially, but I’m so used to it I can’t think of anything which would be better
  11. Three things you like about yourself: knee replacements, piercing, grey hair
  12. Three things you dislike about yourself: depression, diabetes, deafness
  13. What is it like to wake up every morning and pretend you’re not dying? Difficult; it’s often known as depression
  14. What is your superpower? Stupidity
  15. If you had three wishes, what would you wish for? (1) Brexit is cancelled, (2) a magic carpet, (3) three more wishes
  16. Do you wear anything special on your birthday? Nothing
  17. When did you last have a birthday party? Probably when I was about 7
  18. What birthday present would you especially like this year? Not to be overweight and have diabetes
  19. Do you do anything special on your birthday? No not usually; I’ve never made anything much of my birthday, it isn’t in my culture
  20. Three random facts: (1) spiders have 8 legs, (2) carp have teeth in their throat not their mouth, (3) while children of identical twins are legally first cousins, genetically they are actually half siblings

I’m not tagging people but permission is granted to anyone who wants to copy this and join in. The only rule is that you add a question to the list.

amusements, current affairs, personal, ramblings

Predictions for 2019

So once again this year I’ve retrieved my crystal ball from the back of the wardrobe and dusted it off. However it is extremely cloudy so despite regular consultations over the last month what follows are my guesses at what may happen during 2019.

As before, I’ve divided the predictions into sections: UK (Brexit), UK (Other), World and Personal. I figured that Brexit is sufficiently horrible all on its own it deserved a section to itself. Note also that various items are currently redacted (although I have them documented) as some might consider them over-sensitive.

Disclaimer. I remind you that these are just my ideas of what could happen; they’re based solely on hunches and gut feel; I have no inside knowledge, I haven’t been studying the form, and I have a success rate of about 20%. So if you base any decision on any of this I will take no responsibility for your wanton act of idiocy or its consequences.

UK (Brexit)

  1. Despite all the clamour, there will not be a second referendum on Brexit, and even if there is the result will still be Leave.
  2. Parliament will not be able to agree the negotiated deal so Britain leaves the EU on 29 March with no deal, no fall-back plan, and no “implementation period”.
  3. All trade stops as it is discovered that WTO rules cannot be applied instantly and easily. Resolution takes at least 3 months.
  4. A hard border has to be implemented in Ireland almost overnight and is accomplished only by using troops.
  5. There’s surprise that airlines cannot fly in/out of UK, and this badly affects food/medicine supply.
  6. There are delays of up to a week (ie. that’s how long trucks have to queue) to get goods in/out to Europe via the seaports. Troops are required to manage the flow of trucks.
  7. UK economy is in recession by mid-year.
  8. Food and medicine supply issues are biting hard by end April as stocks run low and imports are almost impossible. There won’t be rationing but there will be significantly empty supermarket shelves.
  9. There’s no insulin available by end May. Lack of insulin and other diabetes drugs results in 5K excess deaths during the year and another 5K avoided only due to an increased rate of amputations. The NHS estimate that a further 50K have unnecessary adverse events.
  10. Due to import issues prices rise sharply and inflation hits 20% but stabilises to 5% by year-end.
  11. Bank base rate is reduced to 0% as the banking sector is unable to do business/make money. Most savings rates are 0% while the mortgage rate rises to at least 10% resulting in an increase of repossessions.
  12. House prices fall by 20-30%.
  13. At some point during the year £1 will be worth no more than $0.90, and €0.90 (although not necessarily at the same time).
  14. Moody’s downrate UK credit rating by at least two notches.
  15. Despite this the FTSE100 ends the year up 10%.

UK (Other)

  1. This is a year of trouble, unrest and pigeons coming home to roost – not all caused by Brexit but often due to incompetence and/or poor planning. Good news is in very short supply.
  2. Theresa May resigns as PM, possibly due to ill health.
  3. Andrea Leadsom becomes PM and appoints Jacob Rees-Mogg as Chancellor, with Boris Johnson as Deputy PM.
  4. Ulster sectarian troubles boil over again; multiple shootings / bombings by both sides.
  5. Labour Party adopts an official policy to re-unify Ireland.
  6. TfL is declared bankrupt, causing chaos for London travellers. The government refuses to provide a bail-out. This results in many redundancies, pruned services and upgrade projects, and protracted strike action.
  7. Work on Crossrail is paused, and the opening delayed to 2021. The Emirates Dangleway will close. Crossrail 2 is postponed by at least 3 years.
  8. HS2 is cut back due to lack of funding. Heathrow Third Runway is also delayed due to lack of money. Hinkley C nuclear power station development is cancelled.
  9. There’s a murder on my street.
  10. The Sussex’s baby [REDACTED] will be named Diana or Iris (if a girl); Robert or David (if a boy).
  11. A reintroduced wolf or lynx kills a human.
  12. Beavers are found to be colonising the upper reaches of the Thames basin. No-one knows (or will admit to) how they got there.
  13. A feral big cat (probably lynx or puma) is conclusively confirmed somewhere in the UK; it may be captured or shot to confirm the identification.
  14. Major terrorist attack somewhere in UK (probably London) kills 50 including a high profile politician or minor royal.
  15. The country lurches even further towards pervasive surveillance and a police state with troops, and openly armed police, regularly on the streets in major conurbations.
  16. At least one train crash and one plane crash; each with 20 dead.
  17. A rail franchise will fail and have to be taken back into public ownership.
  18. A major hospital (in England) fails and closes unexpectedly.
  19. At least three major companies (possibly including a bank/building society and a supermarket) fail; 1000 job losses each.
  20. Deaths: Bill Turnbull, Tariq Ali, George Monbiot, David Jason, Derek Jacobi, Richard Branson, Leslie Phillips, Prince Philip, another Royal Duke/Prince.

World

  1. Anthropologists discover that an isolated tribe (probably in Africa; possibly pygmies) is not Homo sapiens but another hominin species.
  2. DNA recovered from ancient hominin teeth totally changes our current understanding of human evolution.
  3. Astronomers identify another extra-solar system “asteroid” visitor (like Oumuamua) and prove this one is an alien spacecraft, although it appears to be dead.
  4. The upgraded LIGO experiment fails to reproduce its previous detection of gravitational waves, throwing whole areas of physics into turmoil.
  5. There will be significant damage to ISS which forces its abandonment and a long pause in manned space-flight.
  6. Donald Trump is confirmed to be suffering from a mild form of dementia, but is ruled as still fit to govern.
  7. CO2 emissions rise by at least 5% year-on-year in US, India and China.
  8. In a petulant move, Russia cuts off gas supply to Europe for at least three months.
  9. The global average temperature for the year is at least 1°C above the long-term average.
  10. There’s a disease pandemic – cause currently unknown, but not flu, Ebola or Zika.
  11. There’s an outbreak of Ebola in South America; plus 6 cases in UK, not all imported.
  12. Major terrorist attacks in western world: 1 in USA and 2 in other places; combined deaths 250.
  13. More die in mass shootings in USA this year than in 2018.
  14. Saudi Arabia annexes one or more of UAE, Dubai, Kuwait.
  15. A Chinese warship fires at a US Navy vessel in the South China Sea; this may be the start of a US/China war in the area.
  16. MH370 is found by accident in waters between Australia, Papua New Guinea and East Timor. One of the black boxes is recovered.
  17. At least one round the world sailor is lost at sea and never found (although the deserted yacht is found).
  18. There are three major transport accidents (plane/train/cruise liner/ferry) each with 100 deaths.
  19. There’s a major earthquake (around magnitude 8) along the Himalayas which causes widespread destruction in Tibet, Nepal and Bhutan with thousands of deaths. As a result the summit of Mt Everest is 1m lower.
  20. Deaths: Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Robert Mugabe, Pope Emeritus Benedict, Elon Musk, a major European politician.

Personal

  1. In family history, I finally unlock the brick wall in my Marshall line in mid-18th century, although I then get stuck at about 1700.
  2. Family. [REDACTED]
  3. Personal. [REDACTED]
  4. Doctors. [REDACTED]
  5. Friends 1. [REDACTED]
  6. Friends 2. [REDACTED]
  7. Friends 3. [REDACTED]
  8. Friends 4. [REDACTED]
  9. My total lottery winnings for the year are less than £50.
  10. Deaths. [REDACTED]

Obviously I’m going to keep a tally and will publish the results at the end of the year. I wonder if I’ll do any better than the pathetic 20% I scored in 2018?

amusements

Counters

Each month this year we’re bringing you a post under the general title “Things that Count in [Number]” where [Number] will be the month. And naturally each month’s post will contain the [Number] of items (so just one for January, up to 12 for December).

For our purposes the definition of counting includes things which either come in groups of [Number] (eg. four suits in a pack of playing cards) or things which count in [Number] (eg. decimal coinage counting in tens).

Here we go then with …

A Thing which Counts in One …

  1. The Man in the Moon
amusements

2018 Amusements

2018 has not been a vintage year for amusements, unless you’re one of those people who find the whole current political shambles, both here and in the US, hilarious. Well it is hilarious in the sense that you have to laugh otherwise you’d go mad. Anyway here are this year’s sparce pickings.

Product of the Year
Leaving aside all Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop crap, there really is only one contender this year:

Organite Holy Hand Grenade Cone

Headline of the Year
A lot of contenders in this category, here are some of the best:

Plonker of the Year
There can be only one winner here: The Prime Minister, Rt Hon. Theresa May MP.

Auction Item of the Year
As I remarked the other day, it hasn’t been a vintage year for items at our local auction house, but this year’s two winners are:

    A carved wood rocking pig ride-on toy

    A Husky fridge in the shape of a football

Personal Name of the Year
This year’s best names are squarely in the realm of “nominative determinism”; we have two winners:

    Dr Gerard Clover, Head of Plant Health, RHS (Guardian; 2 March 2018)

    Tanya Ferry, Port of London Authority (BBC News, 15 March 2018)

Organisation Name of the Year
An easy winner here:

Animal of the Year
Two winners here:

    Red Handfish (below), which propels itself by walking along the sea floor.

    Roraima Bush Toad, a small amphibian that, in the face of danger, curls itself into a ball and rolls away.

Colour of the Year
There was really only one contender in this category:

    Goose Turd Green

Marketing Bollocks of the Year
We love marketing bollocks! You do have to wonder what some people are on. But then isn’t everything marketing bollocks? This year we spotted:

Superb value lifestyle apartments

which was the advertising slogan on an office block not far from us which is being rebuilt into flats.

And finally we come to …

Do what?
Follow the link and just try to make sense of this blog post, because it beats me …

Funaday Ritual (Unraveling)

And that’s all for this 2018 edition. We’ll be on the lookout for brilliance again next year; contributions are always welcome.

amusements

Auction Me!

1 Comment

It’s a long time since we’ve had a selection of the weird and wonderful things which appear at the sales in our local auction house. This is mainly because recent sales have been relatively uninteresting, although the most recent sale contains 200 or more lots of alcohol, mostly whiskey. Nevertheless here is a selection of the “best” lots from the last few months – it’s the variety and odd combinations which are always so interesting. I mean what has a cuckoo clock got to say to a set of assay weights? Yeah, right: cuck-oo!

A collection of jugs including milk and gravy.
[One assumes the milk and gravy were dried on.]

A selection of wooden items including an 18th century ‘character marker’, a pair of oak bookends, a hardwood book shelf, two small picture frames, a round-head wooden mallet, a small wooden chess box, 6 wood carver’s chisels, a printer’s block to print ‘This Lease’, plus slate roofing tile measures and an extending metal toasting fork.

A vintage Society of Arts Blowpipe Apparatus in original pine case, a cased set of draughtsmen’s instruments, two cased sets of precision weights including one by Oertling, a circular box of assay weights also by Oertling, and a cuckoo clock.

A cased and glazed taxidermy fox with a rabbit and another of a barn owl.

A Husky fridge in the shape of a football.

A large interesting lot mainly of stools from the 19th and 20th century including milking, tall stools, long stools and round stools, also a pine clothes airer, a 19th century mahogany commode, a 19th century Pembroke table on turned legs, and three chairs.

A pair of leather and metal driving goggles, old stamped envelopes, and a collection of minutes and menus for the Theodore White Temperance Lodge.

Two letters from Reg Kray, brother of Ronald, one on lined A4 white pad paper with punched holes, the other on two pieces of pink writing paper and a Christmas card along with a Broadmoor Hospital Form 134-1A that relates to opening mail and a Teen and Twenty Disc Club fan letter signed Jimmy Savile, undated.

A large quantity of used golf balls – a dustbin full.

A carved wood rocking pig ride-on toy.

A mounted and glazed taxidermy heron.
[Well you’d look glazed if you’d been stuffed!]

Traditional Scottish gent’s dress including a green tweed jacket, three black jackets with Lynton, Kinloch Anderson and Hector Russell labels, a kilt, two pairs of tartan trousers, waistcoat, ties, belts, two sporrans, skean dhu, pins, etc., also two fur coats and a green satin robe.

A full set of Spice Girls on Tour dolls, boxed and unopened – Baby, Ginger, Sporty, Scary and Posh.

An interesting collection of original military cap badges, a collection of military buttons and an old Lyons coffee tin.

A silver-plated reproduction punch bowl, a decorative metal tea set on tray, a modern model copper and brass diver’s helmet, and a Viner’s canteen containing steel cutlery in two differing patterns.

A quantity of walking sticks, hockey sticks, etc., a leather horse saddle, turned wood handled copper and brass warming pan, a cased singer sewing machine, rolls of wallpaper, a leather belt, etc.

A carton of glamour magazines including Mayfair, Whitehouse, Penthouse, Playboy, etc.

A vintage bagatelle board and a boxed vintage chest expander.

An Olympia cased typewriter plus another, a collection of walking sticks, a vintage tennis racket, a quantity of pots and pans etc. and a prayer rug.

An early 20th century rhinoceros foot tobacco jar with hinged lid, in conserved condition. (Note: this lot is accompanied by a letter from the owner confirming that it originated from his great-great-grandfather, who was posted to Africa.)

An interesting Chinese bronze large lid, possibly Ming dynasty, dodecagonal, cast with characters and the eight trigrams, 38 cm.

A wooden box containing an old collection of large beetles, old military photographs, etc.

Approximately 100 miniature teapots from The Miniature Teapot Collection, with magazines, still as new in cellophane packets.

Motorbike parts, including high quality stainless steel twin exhaust pipes, number plate, sides by Ogg, LC8 engine-part cover, and a quantity of power parts.

A large pair of heavy brass Eastern table lamps, a large pair of carved wooden African busts, two copper and brass kettles, a pair of wall mounted antlers, a pierced copper wall tray, a silver plate and blue glass cruet set and a carved African hardwood stool.

A mid century 8 1/2 ft wooden model of the Queen Mary ship with four red funnels.

Two framed and glazed taxidermy owls, a pair of mounted horns etc.

Maybe 2019 will bring greater amusement.

amusements, personal, pleasures

Ten Things

Following on from last month’s Ten Things we once again have a seasonal, although not especially Christmas, theme.

Ten Winter Things

  1. Snow
  2. Log fires
  3. Mulled wine
  4. Scarves
  5. Bobble hats
  6. Skiing
  7. ‘Flu
  8. Casseroles
  9. Carols (are not just for Christmas)
  10. Wassail
amusements, personal

MeMe More

OK, so here’s another silly meme I picked up the other day on Facebook, for no other reason than I have 5 minutes to waste. No-one gets tagged, just join in if you want to.

?  Marriages: 1
?  Divorces: 0
?‍?  Children: 0 (from choice)
?  Grandchildren: Not possible!
?  Pets right now: 3 cats: Tilly (5), Rosie (2), Boy (1)
??‍⚕️  Surgeries: at least 6
✒  Tattoo: 0
??  Piercings: 1
✋?  Quit a job: Yes
?  Been to an Island: Yes
?  What do You drive: My wife nuts
✈️  Flown on a plane: Yes
?  Best Vacation: Harz Mountains
?  Favourite Drink: Adnams Ghost Ship or Adnams Dry Hopped Lager
?  Rode in ambulance: Yes
?  Sang karaoke: Not likely!
❄  Ice skating: No chance!
?  Been surfing: Again, not a chance!
?  Been on a Cruise: I hate the very idea
?  Rode on a motorcycle: Scooter yes, motorbike no
?  Own a motorcycle: No
?  Rode on a horse? Yes
?  Almost died: No, I’m still here to annoy you
?  Stayed in a hospital: Yes
?  Favourite fruit: Grapefruit
?  Favourite day: Possibly Saturday
?  Favourite colour: Depends on my mood
?  Last phone call: Tom
?  Last text: Received: my bank; Sent: John B
?  Watched someone die: No
?️  Coffee or Tea: Tea, strong, preferably Earl Grey
?  Favourite pie: English pork pie
?  Pizza: Yes
?  Cats or Dogs: Always cats
?  Favourite Season: Spring/early Summer
☘️  Favourite holiday: quiet non-commercialised seaside

amusements, personal, topographical

Ten Things

So the month has gone around again and its time for this month’s Ten Things. So let’s see …

According to Wikipedia there are 69 cities in England and I’ve visited around half of them, so here are ten.

Ten English Cities I’ve Visited

  1. Oxford
  2. Cambridge
  3. Norwich
  4. York
  5. Truro
  6. Canterbury
  7. Winchester
  8. Bath
  9. Ely (cathedral pictured)
  10. Exeter