Category Archives: amusements

Passing Thought on Our Time

Just this passing thought on our time (with apologies to the Oldham Tinkers).

At Parliament it used to good,
To see them think of country’s good,
But now the game has changed, tha’ll see,
They can’t talk truthful on TV.

Boris Johnson is a cunt,
Boris Johnson is a cunt,
Eee, aye, addie,
Boris Johnson is a cunt.

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 11

Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. Struggling for inspiration again some days this week, partly due to this f***ing cold which won’t go away.

Monday 9 September
Tandem, bike and trike,
penny-farthing, bone-shaker:
velocipedes all.

Tuesday 10 September
Absent mindedly
daily haiku forgotten.
Recovering now.

Wednesday 11 September
Sorting cutlery:
steel forks, and silver fish knives,
cake slice and crumb tray.

Thursday 12 September
Peach, grey, silver-gilt;
pale azure blue up beyond.
September sunset.

Friday 13 September
Doubt, lies and bullshit,
uncertainty, confusion.
All have gone cuckoo.

Saturday 14 September
Azure, semé of
cloudlets argent, a chief or.
Flyer’s escutcheon.

Sunday 15 September
Black and white Rosie
cat’s getting rather podgy;
much like the humans.

Here’s the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
Written
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26
6 27
7 28
8 24
Week Haiku
Written
9 28
10 18
11 26
12  
13  
14  
15  


Next instalment, next Sunday.

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 10

Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. It’s been quite a challenge again this week.

Monday 2 September
Moist misty mornings
with wind-blown wafts of wood smoke.
Autumn’s ambiance.

Tuesday 3 September
Today will be tough,
I’m struggling to get going.
Alarm clock strikes back.

Wednesday 4 September
Sanshin and sitar,
bagpipe and digeridoo:
music makers all.

Thursday 5 September
Cough, cough, bugger off,
stop me coughing up my lungs.
Intercostal hurts.

Friday 6 September
Brain and body strike
for better working conditions
without cold abuse.

Saturday 7 September
The Apparition,
head tucked under her arm,
walks abroad for ever.

Sunday 8 September
Tree vital for life:
climate change regulator,
balancing carbon.

Here’s the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
Written
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26
6 27
7 28
8 24
Week Haiku
Written
9 28
10 18
11  
12  
13  
14  
15  


Next instalment, next Sunday.

Counters

Each month this year we’re bringing you a post under the general title “Things that Count in [Number]” where [Number] will be the month. And naturally each month’s post will contain the [Number] of items (so just one for January, up to 12 for December).

For our purposes the definition of counting includes things which either come in groups of [Number] (eg. four suits in a pack of playing cards) or things which count in [Number] (eg. decimal coinage counting in tens).

Things which Count in Nine …

  1. Ladies dancing
  2. Cats’ lives
  3. Worlds in Norse mythology
  4. Members of the Fellowship of the Ring
  5. Innings in a baseball game
  6. Muses in Greek mythology
  7. Circles of Hell
  8. Lights on a Hanukkah Menorah
  9. Orders of Angels in Christian mythology

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 9

Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge.

Monday 26 August
In postprandial
balmy twilight, sitting out.
But where are the bats?

Tuesday 27 August
Chattering, London
Historians, enjoying
yearly lunch party.

Wednesday 28 August
Girls in skimpy shorts,
pelmet skirts, crop tops, no tops.
It’s what summer’s for.

Thursday 29 August
Government holding
democracy to ransom.
Civil war looms large.

Friday 30 August
Thick of head and brain,
full of snot and sore of throat.
Cauldron of head cold.

Saturday 31 August
Disturbed by dreams.
Why such poor sleep when unwell?
Better sleep tonight?

Sunday 1 September
Wakefulness falters.
An afternoon nap beckons.
Much better after.

And here’s the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
Written
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26
6 27
7 28
8 24
Week Haiku
Written
9 28
10  
11  
12  
13  
14  
15  


Next instalment, next Sunday.

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 8

Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge.

Monday 19 August
A small brown shell moth
rests on the bathroom ceiling.
Not good camouflage.

Tuesday 20 August
Once upon a time,
deep in historical mists,
the story was born.

Wednesday 21 August
So where am I now?
Three words will tell exactly
anywhere on Earth.

Thursday 22 August
Dreams that disturb sleep.
Dreams with many-layered plots.
Strange Byzantine dreams.

Friday 23 August
The optician
rechecks my visual fields.
Dots before the eyes.

Saturday 24 August
Berry fruits and plum,
nectarine, cherry brandy.
Summer fruit salad.

Sunday 25 August
Sweaty textile hell.
Be brave, go nude, why care so?
Comfort over style.

And here’s the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
Written
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26
6 27
7 28
8 24
Week Haiku
Written
9  
10  
11  
12  
13  
14  
15  


Next instalment, next Sunday.

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 7

Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge.

Monday 12 August
State registered
geriatric, so I am.
Have granny bus pass.

Tuesday 13 August
Sixteen sixty-six
fire destroyed London town.
Sadly rebuilt by Wren.

Wednesday 14 August
Friends talking travel
to mysterious places
I’ll never visit.

Thursday 15 August
Four women and me
drink together in the pub.
The lone male survives?

Friday 16 August
Touch is medicine.
Deep tissue massage is good,
if uncomfortable.

Saturday 17 August
Little Jacky Horner,
just so quiet in his corner,
enjoys pinching bums.

Sunday 18 August
Outside the window
bright coloured fluttering:
Jersey Tiger moth.

And here’s the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26
6 27
7 28

More next week.

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 6

Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. (BTW this is the SFW version.)

Monday 5 August
Sunday, oh Sunday,
why always so full of work?
Please adjust God’s week!

Tuesday 6 August
Evening shower,
fresh laundered bed linen.
So sensual again.

Wednesday 7 August
Teenage skin complaint:
acne is not the acme
nearing seventy.

Thursday 8 August
Outside the town hall
a street tree, dusty and green.
Rain soon refreshes.

Friday 9 August
Reclines on the bed
bemoaning lack of TV.
Old stuffed tiger.

Saturday 10 August
Windy day, so strange;
driving rain and sunshine too.
August unravels.

Sunday 11 August
Bounding along twigs
putting circus acts to shame.
Daredevil squirrel.

And here’s the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26
6 27

More next week.

100 Days of Haiku, Episode 5

Another weekly update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. Inspiration and creativity continue to to be in short supply – I’m not good at either, and that’s the point: to try to improve. Anyway, here’s this week’s daily selection.

Monday 29 July
The rain it raineth
every day – not always here,
it just feels that way.

Tuesday 30 July
Disappearances:
Mysterious? Oh really?
Bermuda Triangle.

Wednesday 31 July
Wild boar. Friend or foe?
Millions of disease vectors
but lots of paté.

Thursday 1 August
Willow tree, so green,
is the paint upon the wall.
Dining room is done.

Friday 2 August
Recently mown grass.
Crows hunting amongst the hay.
Lone cedar stands guard.

Saturday 3 August
Housefly, nuisance fly
buzzing around our bedroom.
Magazine scored.

Sunday 4 August
Mary’s lamb is little.
Mary’s lamb is snowy white.
But there’s no dwarves here.

And the tally of progress by week:

Week Haiku
1 16
2 28
3 33
4 26
5 26

More next week.

Auction Goodies

Having moaned a bit a month or two back about the recently poor amusement value of our local auction house, this month they’ve come up with some stunning lots. And I’ve included some of their images (below the descriptions).

An antique Chinese seed pod necklace with string tassel, centred by a wooden personal family seal carved as a seated figure and inscribed in Chinese ‘Bao Men Huang Shi Xiang Xin’, together with an ebony bead muff chain and a gilt-metal wristwatch

A mid-19th century Continental silver posy-holder with metamorphic tripod base, on chain, another posy-holder in gilt-metal and mother-of-pearl, a silver wirework zarf, and a cut-steel chatelaine
No I didn’t know what a zarf was either and had to look it up!

A shelf of china comprising a Hadleigh part tea service, Hornsea Fauna ware jugs and planters with applied deer, a glass clown and fish bottle, two pairs of decorative china shoes, a quantity of cottage ware including a teapot, a 1950’s Wade dish, end of glass vases and fish ornaments, a musical novelty decanter ‘The Last Shot’, a Nao figurine of a clown and a quantity of Disney comics

A mixed lot including tools, garden equipment such as loppers and a hose, two wicker wall hanging shelves, three small garden planters, a radiator, tent, watering can etc.
We turned out the shed.

A mixed lot including a shredder, a boxed electric menorah, a boxed set of six silver plated cake knives, a box of vintage patterns, two wall clocks, a boxed Junior ‘Guider’ hydrometer, an Oriental vase and cover, a Royal Albert cake plate, a set of scales, a quantity of cutlery, a Phillips toaster, an oval silver plated tray, an all wave signal generator plus two smaller similar, a small Samsung television and a Heat Kit oscilloscope
We turned out the attic too!

Approximately 17 motorbike helmets and a quantity of canvas bags

A large wooden model of a Mississippi steamer on four levels on stand

A large wooden model of the 17th century Swedish Vasa galleon. A fine model with ten masts and cannons.

An impressive wooden model of the 17th century French ship Soleil Royal, with twelve masts and cannons on stand with painted decoration and brass mounts

A cast lead ram’s head fountain mouth

A pair of designer novelty Christmas trees made from scouring pads on silver plated bases and a pottery hand ornament
Do what! That just has to be a candidate for “lot of the year”!

A framed and glazed wooden model of a galleon with three masts and a bow sprit and canons plus a smaller similar

A magnificent short sword in 16th century style, late 19th century Continental, with parcel-gilt blade, the bronze hilt cast as a Saracen threatening a maiden, and with finely cast bronze scabbard, 55 cm
There’s something sinister about this, to the extent that I would let it in the house.

A mixed lot over two shelves comprising wooden cat and bird ornaments, place mats, photograph frames, a boxed Explorer Dynamo Condensor, a Grecian copper and brass jug, a barometer, two pairs of sunglasses, a mickey Mouse Disney watch etc.
An interestingly compact collection of old toot.

A large bronze sculpture of a stylised svelte female with bare torso, probably circa 1950s/1960s, signed A Moreau, 170 cm
Well I’m glad you tell me that’s what it is.

A very decorative modern sculpture of a bird with outspread wings, in silvered and bronzed carved wood, on tall marbled square pedestal, 170 cm overall

Eight Military folding chairs and four locking Military storage boxes one of them very large, and a Samsung light apparatus possibly for a lecture theatre.

So yes, a few stunning pieces and some real oddities.

More as and when.