Category Archives: amusements

Monthly Quotes

Welcome to this month’s selection of quotes, recently encountered and which amused or interested me.


Children show scars like medals. Lovers use them as secrets to reveal. A scar is what happens when the word is made flesh.
[Leonard Cohen]


When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
[Viktor Frankl]


When you get up in the morning, stretch your limbs, so that the natural heat is stimulated. Then comb your hair because this removes dirt and comforts the brain. Wash your face with cold water to give your skin a good colour and to stimulate the natural heat. Clear your nose and your chest by coughing, and clean your teeth and gums with the bark of some scented tree.
[Taddeo Alderotti, On the Preservation of Health, 13th century]


We are not meant to be ruled by our Prime Minister, we are meant to be governed.
[From Going Medieval blog]


The topic of compassion is not at all religious business; it is important to know that it is human business.
[Dalai Lama]


Even if the whole world is nothing but a bunch of jerks all doing jerk-type things, there is still liberation in simply not being a jerk.
[Eihei Dogen, 13th-century Japanese Soto Zen Master]


The risk for young people is minimal and very high for old people. Every seven or eight years, your risk of dying if infected doubles … statistician David Spiegelhalter explained all this clearly on The Andrew Marr Show, saying that we need to be proportionate about the risk we face. He called the [UK government] press briefings “number theatre” – underlining the need to communicate data properly and treating people with respect.
This is the opposite of what the government has done, and people are right to feel angry. Johnson, the great risk-taker, has diced with death himself. His administration is still delaying practices such as quarantining new arrivals to the UK. He is risking the union, with other parts of the UK in open derision of his sloganeering.
If we are to be run by a second-rate ad agency, with graphics from the 80s, it is no wonder we feel vulnerable. We may, therefore, take matters into our own hands. The lockdown will break from the bottom up as people need an income. The middle classes need their gardeners, cleaners, dog-walkers and nannies. Roots need doing.

[Suzanne Moore; Guardian; 11/05/2020]


It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.
[Julius Caesar]


All that is required to deal with this crisis is ‘common sense’, or ‘British determination’, or any other phrase that uses inverted commas as protection from critical scrutiny. Weak leaders, of all political persuasions and managerial levels, like phrases like this because they allow them to appear to offer a solution whilst failing actually to do so.
[John Bull at London Reconnections]


Women could practice pubic depilation (“we pluck and trim our doorways like good spiders; the flies come strolling in”, Aristophanes …). One way was to singe the hair with an oil lamp … Not all women did this … however, nor did all men like it (cf. Lucilius, in bulgam penetrare pilosam, “to penetrate a hairy bag” …): “a hairy cunt is fucked much better than one which is smooth; it holds in the steam and wants cock” (futuitur cunnus pilossus multo melliur quam glaber; eadem continet vaporem et eadem vellit mentulam, Pompeii graffito …). A young female specialist, picatrix, arranged pubic hair.
[John G Younger; Sex in the Ancient World from A to Z]


Somebody was trying to tell me that CDs are better than vinyl because they don’t have any surface noise. I said, “Listen mate, life has surface noise”.
[John Peel]


More next month …

Greeking Hell?

It occurred to me the other day that the current cabal occupying the White House bear more than a passing resemblance to the Ancient Greek Underworld (and Roman too). The pantheon seems to stack up roughly as:

Pluto President Trump
Cerberus Mike Pompeo
Caron Vice-President Pence
Eurynomos Jared Kushner
Thanatos Eric Trump
Hypnos Barron Trump
The Eumenides Melania, Ivanka & Tiffany Trump

Or is it, as some have suggested, more like something from Heironymous Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights?

Ten Things: May

This year our Ten Things series, on the tenth of each month, is concentrating on things which are wackier than usual, if not by much. From odd road names to Christmas carols by way of saints and scientists. So here goes with May …

Ten Quotes

  1. Full nakedness! All joys are due to thee,
    As souls unbodied, bodies uncloth’d must be,
    To taste whole joys
    [John Donne, 1699] (right)
  2. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
    [Benjamin Franklin]
  3. My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.
    [Indira Gandhi]
  4. If you don’t concern yourself with your wife’s cat, you will lose something irretrievable between you.
    [Haruki Murakami; The Wind-up Bird Chronicle]
  5. Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste more like prunes than a rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know?
    [Groucho Marx]
  6. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any situation by reorganizing, and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress, while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralization.
    [Caius Petronius]
  7. In converting Jews to Christians, you raise the price of pork.
    [William Shakespeare]
  8. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
    [George Bernard Shaw]
  9. The key aspect that makes the Buddhist attitude toward sex utterly different is that the concept of sin does not exist in Buddhism.
    [Brad Warner; Sex, Sin and Zen] (also right)
  10. No-one else is he and thus cannot deny that he knows when fish are happy.
    [Zhuang Zi]

Squirrel

In the latest episode of photos from my Flickr, we have the local squirrel and it’s hunters – finally captured on film this morning thanks to my new Canon 90D and a mega-long zoom lens.

[Click the images to get a larger view on Flickr]

Squirrel 1

We have this grey squirrel around the garden who has almost no hair on its tail. It looks very odd, especially when he sits around doing that squirrel thing of waving its tail. It’s been around all winter and otherwise looks to be in good health, so there’s no obvious reason for the hair loss.

Squirrel 2

As this next photo shows he’s male, and has been observed knocking up the ladies!

Squirrel 3

While he’s happily devouring our bird seed, Tilly cat approaches from starboard …

Squirrel Hunt 2

… and Boy cat undertakes a blocking manoeuvre to port, while desperately hoping the squirrel falls off!

Squirrel Hunt 1

Needless to say, the squirrel won with a good six foot leap from the top of the feeder pole to the apple tree. But it needs to be careful as Tilly is known to have caught a squirrel in the past.

And notice the wildlife-friendly, aka. unkempt, bottom half of our garden. It is sort-of half intended to be woodland floor!

Monthly Quotes

Here be this month’s collection of recently unearthed quotes, amusing and thought-provoking …


Years ago, anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture. The student expected Mead to talk about fish-hooks or clay pots or grinding stones.
But no.
Mead said that the first sign of civilization in ancient culture was a femur that had been broken and then healed. Mead explained that in the animal kingdom if you break your leg, you die. You cannot run from danger, get to the river for a drink or hunt for food. You are meat for prowling beasts. No animal survives a broken leg long enough for the bone to heal. A broken femur that has healed is evidence that someone has taken time to stay with the one who fell, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety and has tended the person through recovery. Helping someone else through difficulty is where civilization starts.

[Aleta Pearce on Twitter; 20 March 2020]


One cannot usefully legislate against an attitude or a belief, but one can legislate against criminal behaviour that might result from an attitude or a belief. Strong human rights protection in constitutions and laws [are] mechanisms to contain extremist tendencies.
[William Saunderson-Meyer; Thought Leader]


It is the duty of governments to protect their citizens from harm. It is not government’s task to protect its citizens’ sensitivities, however justifiable and acute, from peacefully expressed views, however bizarre.
[William Saunderson-Meyer; Thought Leader]


To censor thought or opinion is to limit our understanding of the world. If one cannot look critically at … historical events, the past remains frozen at an officially sanctioned moment in time. For history to credibly illuminate the present, it has to be open to continual academic revision.
[William Saunderson-Meyer; Thought Leader]


To help us all work together, remember that you have created your own reality and so has every other person you meet. Be willing to be curious about their story and to reflect on why this might be different to yours. Better still, try considering what you really know about the current situation and use this information to create several different stories.
[Prof. Patricia Riddell; The Conversation]


The whole experience of paying someone to inflict pain on you by pulling your pubic hair out by the roots is undeniably bizarre – but it’s also completely normalized and a fairly regular part of grooming for lots of women in the developed West. In plenty of cultures, pubic hair is seen as a symbol of fertility – some women in South Korea even have hair transplants on their vulvas, so celebrated is a thick and full bush.
[Lynn Enright; Vagina: A Re-Education]


Over tens of thousands of words, I have argued that we should all be much more open, much more honest, much more vocal about our vaginas and our vulvas and our genitals generally.
[Lynn Enright; Vagina: A Re-Education]


The virus doesn’t move, people move it. We stop moving, the virus stops moving, the virus dies. It’s that simple.


Sourdough starters are just Tamagotchi for early middle-age.
[Eric Lach on Twitter]


Having a great deal of expertise in one field does not prevent you from being a crackpot or menace in another. Let your studies teach you humility and an appreciation for hard-won knowledge, not intellectual vanity.
[Katie Mack on Twitter]


“The sun’s coming back again,” Moomintroll thought in great excitement. “No darkness, no loneliness any more. Once again I’ll sit in the sun on the verandah and feel my back warming …”
[Tove Jansson; Moominland Midwinter]


If Buddhism is true, it’s true because it offers us a way to take a look at a truth that existed before there was any Buddhism. If it doesn’t do that, then there is no reason to study Buddhism except, perhaps, as an academic discipline or a hobby. If Buddhism is all about believing in Buddhism, then Buddhism isn’t worth believing in.
[Brad Warner; Letters to a Dead Friend about Zen]


We can build peace through the revolution of small things, recognising the value of every human being … Yesterday, peace was our grandparents’ dream, today it is our responsibility to build it.
[Sophia Vinasco-Molina]


The sinister fact about literary censorship in England is that it is largely voluntary. Things are kept right out of the British press, not because the Government intervenes but because of a general tacit agreement that “it wouldn’t do” to mention that particular fact.
[George Orwell]


[The people] have abandoned the old, decent style of long, full garments for clothes which are short, tight, impractical, slashed, every part laced, strapped or buttoned up, with the sleeves of the gowns and the tippets of the hoods hanging down to absurd lengths … Women flowed with the tides of fashion in this and other things even more eagerly, wearing clothes that were so tight that they wore a fox tail hanging down inside their skirts at the back, to hide their arses.
[James Tait (ed), “Chronica Johannis de Reading et Anonymi Cantuariensis 1346-1367” in Rosemary Horrox, The Black Death; quoted in Going Medieval blog]

Ten Things: April

This year our Ten Things series, on the tenth of each month, is concentrating on things which are wackier than usual, if not by much. From odd road names to Christmas carols by way of saints and scientists. So here goes with April; and for Easter I thought we should have …

Ten 16th Century English Composers

  1. William Byrd (born c.1540) (right)
  2. Thomas Tallis (born c.1505)
  3. Christopher Tye (born 1505)
  4. Orlando Gibbons (born 1585)
  5. Thomas Weelkes (born 1576)
  6. John Wilbye (born 1574)
  7. Peter Philips (born 1560)
  8. Thomas Tomkins (born 1572)
  9. John Shepperd (born 1515)
  10. John Dowland (born 1563)

If you’re interested to know more, all have Wikipedia entries.

Auction Amusements

I thought we should have a little diversion from these interesting times we’re living in. And it is a while since we had a selection of the idiosyncrasies which turn up at out local auction house. So here’s a collection from the last three sales. As always it is not just the odd which amuses but the strange things which get up together as a lot.


A quantity of mixed items including an espresso Magimix, an indoor fountain, a Siemens espresso maker designed by FA Porsche, a Veuve Clicquot wine cooler, a Vice Versa knife box, wooden tray, plastic champagne glasses in stand, a Moulinex Blender 2, an aquarium, BaByliss hair dryer.


A mixed lot including aluminium pots and pans, Oriol zoom binoculars 30 x 60, a gas mask, an Aqua Vac, Precision LED magnifying glass, watering can, aluminium bowls, camping gas bottle, a mixer, umbrellas, painters’ tools and a fishing rod; many appear to be unused in boxes.


A mixed lot including a picture of a Rolls Royce made up from watch parts, a wooden framed barometer, a painted ostrich egg, a set of steak knives and forks on a tray, a small quantity of CDs, a small quantity of foreign coins, a resin figurine of a bird etc.



Antique taxidermy: a kestrel with bird prey, under glass dome on wooden base



A mid-18th century English delft flower brick, delicately painted in blue with a figure on a bridge between buildings


A fruit box containing an extensive number of cigarette lighters including Ronson and Zippo, an old mahogany box containing Victorian brass and steel geometry equipment, a colourful pottery pot decorated with eels and squid and two glass pint pots.


A box of pipes including briar, some unused, one in a carry box, a carton of old briar pipes one unused by Falcon, foreign coins, an original box of cowry shell counters for games, a button-hook and shoe-horn with silver handles, a dagger paper-knife and a collection of old cut-throat razors in a velvet pouch, old scissors, wrist watches, a scout dagger, etc.


A wooden box containing a collection of call girl telephone cards and a child’s crocheted matinee jacket, socks and slippers and a silver-plated and mother-of-pearl baby rattle.

I feel sure there’s a rather sordid story within this juxtaposition.


A carton including a number of Beryl Cook calendars, a quantity of legal documents, a postcard book Vues d’Ypres, a quantity of unused gilt metal buttons some of them Naval others with enamelled Scales of Justice, an original Tiddlywinks box and contents, a silver-plated copper coffee pot, an old Williams Deacon’s Bank savings box, office stamps, a pipe, 19th century corkscrew, etc.


A mixed lot including a Polaroid camera, a Seasmoke Rigid drill, a Sony Handycam, a kitchen wall-light, an Xtreme torch, a folding desk lamp, carbon-monoxide alarm, a brass dog doorstop, a frog telephone.


A quantity of glassware including two glass ceiling shades, sherry and wine glasses, a box of vintage tools including spanners and saws, two aluminium cooking pots, a sundial, etc.


A life size model of Elvis Presley seated on a stool playing his guitar.

Apart from wondering why one would want a life-size model of Elvis, how does a stool play a guitar?



Two vintage My Pet Monster stuffed toys – one the pet monster and also the monster’s pet, by Amtoy, and a small quantity of records



A glazed cabinet of stuffed and mounted birds including kingfisher, snipe, golden oriels, and flycatchers


A small mixed lot, including a soda syphon, Chinese-style lamp base, a garniture of Art Deco vases, some silver plate, a model car and a tail coat etc.



An antique set of bagpipes with lignum vitae pipes, contained in a pine box



A scratch-built wooden model of ‘HMS Victory’, fully rigged and with furled canvas



A reproduction horse armour chanfron with armorial escutcheon, mounted on a board

No I didn’t know what a chanfron was either! I knew about horse armour, but not what the individual pieces were called.


And we end with two rather steampunk items …


A modern German skeleton clock by Franz Hermle, under conical glass cover on wood base



An elaborate Victorian writing slope in burr walnut and cut brass, fitted with a stationery cabinet and glass inkwells


Be good, and stay safe!

Monthly Quotes

So time for something slightly more light-hearted than most of what’s happening currently: our monthly round-up of recently encountered quotes, some thought-provoking, others amusing.


A cover up? Certainly not! It is responsible discretion exercised in the national interest to prevent unnecessary disclosure of eminently justifiable procedures in which untimely revelation could severely impair public confidence.
[@YesSirHumphrey on Twitter]


Thrice-called banns might be a public torment, for example, for those cursed with unfortunate names. Was it this which persuaded Miss Pleasant Love to marry by licence in Nottinghamshire in 1710, Avis Urine to seek a licence in Sudbury in 1712? It is noticeable that in the index of names to the volume of Suffolk licences from which the last example was taken two of the largest entries relate to the families of Prick and Balls. It is also noticeable that they were conspicuously successful in avoiding each other in the matrimonial market.
[RB Outhwaite, “Age at Marriage in England from the Late Seventeenth to the Nineteenth Century”; Transactions of the Royal Historical Society; Vol. 23 (1973), pp 55-70]


I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is. I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat, or a prostitute.
[Rebecca West, 1913]


Women are people, and people are more interesting than clichés.
[Helen Lewis; Guardian; 15 January 2020]


Don’t be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn’t do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn’t know what you know today.
[Malcolm X]


Never let a serious crisis go to waste: it’s an opportunity to do things you think you could not do before.
[Rahm Emanuel, President Barak Obama’s Chief of Staff]


At first glance, hand washing is an act of self care. Frequent hand washing protects us individually from contracting the virus. But it is also an act of community care; we help protect others when we help protect ourselves. So too with the recommendation to stay home when sick. Although there is definitely a level of privilege in being able to take time off work, it is clearly important to take care of our communities by preventing the spread of illness.
[Gesshin Claire Greenwood on Medium]


Interdependence is a fundamental law of nature. Even tiny insects survive by mutual cooperation based on innate recognition of their interconnectedness. It is because our own human existence is so dependent on the help of others that our need for love lies at the very foundation of our existence. Therefore we need a genuine sense of responsibility and a sincere concern for the welfare of others.
[Dalai Lama quoted by Gesshin Claire Greenwood on Medium]


It’s only quarantine if it comes from the Quarré region of France. Otherwise it’s just sparkling house arrest.
[h/t Alden Tullis O’Brien on Facebook]


Splay the legs as wide as possible, and then make sure they’re fixed in position with the wing nut.
[Instructions for setting up an easel quoted by @19syllables on Twitter]