Category Archives: amusements

amusements, current affairs, personal, ramblings

Predictions for 2020: The Results

This time last year I made a long series of predictions about what would happen during 2020. So what did I get right, and what wrong?

[Some of the items remain redacted to protect the sensitive and innocent.]

UK

  1. Look out for natural disasters around 9-10/02 (snow), 9-10/03, 7-8/04 (very wet Easter), 6-7/05 (financial crash) (all of these dates are moon at perigee and full). CORRECT for 9-10/02 with Storm Ciara bringing heavy rain and high winds, with snow in the north. CORRECT for 9-10/03 which was again very wet and windy. VOID for 6-7/05 as this was an erroneous date for moon at perigee.
    Also 30-31/10 (plane crash) (moon is at apogee, full and a Blue Moon). WRONG
  2. Penumbral lunar eclipse (visible in London) 10/01, 05/06, 05/07, 30/11 may also presage problems. CORRECT for 10/01 with the beginnings of the emergence of Covid-19. WRONG. for the other dates.
  3. UK leaves EU on 31/01: UK will not request a further extension and anyway the EU wouldn’t grant it. CORRECT
    Leave deal will be unsatisfactory (basically the deal of 10/2019, passed due to Tory majority in the new parliament) containing many Henry VIII clauses (many of which will be abused before YE). CORRECT
  4. Government cannot agree a trade deal with EU by YE. WRONG
    If the EU proposes an extension beyond YE 2020 the UK government will refuse it, thus cementing a total “no deal” Brexit. CORRECT; no extension was offered; indeed the UK government indicated it didn’t want any extension.
  5. Boris Johnson continues to believe in unicorns and will ride out the economic turmoil following Brexit. CORRECT so far.
  6. Corbin is replaced as Labour Leader by a woman; possibly one of Yvette Cooper, Stella Creasy, Angela Eagle, Angela Rayner. (Predicted before the runners and riders were declared.) CORRECT in that Corbin was replaced. However WRONG that the new leader would be female. Also WRONG that the named females would be in the final running for leader.
  7. Despite attempts by UK and Ireland, the parties in Ulster are unable to agree a power sharing administration. WRONG; a new administration was agreed in January.
  8. There’s a move to reunite Ireland as the post-Brexit border is unworkable. This could stimulate Sinn Féin take their seats at Westminster to try to push through the reunification. WRONG on all counts there.
  9. Scotland is denied an independence referendum in 2020 by Westminster and fails to get a Supreme Court ruling in it’s favour. CORRECT that BJ would deny Scotland another referendum.
    The SNP will build resentment against Westminster in order to win elections (and maybe a referendum) in 2021/22. WRONG in that there is no major sign of SNP building discontent (more than normal).
  10. Increasing calls for reform of electoral system (to some form of proportional representation) but they’re continually blocked by the government who implement boundary changes to cement their position. WRONG
  11. HS2 gets the go-ahead and a feasibility study into extensions to Edinburgh/Glasgow and Cardiff. CORRECT; HS2 was given the go-ahead in February, with a proposal to extend to Glasgow surfacing in June.
  12. Fracking is allowed to restart. WRONG; in fact Cuadrilla (who have the only UK fracking licence) have surrendered the fracking part of their licence.
  13. Sadiq Khan wins a second term as London Mayor – but only just. VOID as the elections have been postponed to 2021 due to Covid-19.
  14. Nigel Farage gets a peerage; John Bercow, Kenneth Clarke and Dominic Grieve do not. WRONG about Farage and Clarke. CORRECT about Bercow and Grieve.
  15. Appointees to the Supreme Court (eg. the replacement for Lady Hale) are seen as being clearly political appointees, rather than appropriate legals. WRONG as far as I am aware.
  16. Because of the economic turmoil the UK is in recession by YE. CORRECT; UK officially in recession by August, largely due to Covid-19.
    Unemployment hits 10%. WRONG; September’s unemployment was just 4.8%.
    Bank of England Interest Rate returns to 0%. WRONG; base rate was reduced but only to 0.1%.
  17. Sterling plummets against dollar and Euro following the UK’s exit from the EU. CORRECT for Euro which fell from €1.18 to €1.11. WRONG for US Dollar which rose from $1.32 to $1.37.
  18. Inflation rises to at least 10% by YE, mainly due to large cost increases in the food industry and hospitality sector. WRONG
  19. FTSE falls 10% cf. start of year – due to Brexit and the financial crash. CORRECT; due to Brexit and Covid-19 the FTSE100 fell by 12.8% over the year.
  20. Financial crash, probably in early May, with the possibility that a bank will fail. WRONG
  21. S&P and/or Moody’s downgrade UK creditworthiness by two levels. WRONG
  22. Mortgage interest rates hit 10% before YE. WRONG
    Average UK house prices fall by at least 10%. WRONG according to the ONS they increased by around 5%.
    Repossessions double. WRONG; repossessions fell dramatically although there was a significant rise in home owners with serious payment arrears.
  23. Pensions (private & state) are compulsorily frozen. WRONG
  24. Drug prices double as the US buys up the NHS. WRONG; if this has happened it’s been well hidden.
    Prescription charges are extended to everyone with no exemptions. WRONG
  25. Either ASDA or Morrison’s fails or is taken over. CORRECT; ASDA was bought from Walmart.
    Debenhams finally fails. CORRECT
    Major problems for M&S and/or John Lewis – a partnership between the two looks likely. CORRECT about problems for both M&S and JLP although WRONG about an M&S/JLP tie-up.
  26. Major drug/alcohol or fraud/fixing issue uncovered in one or more of UK athletics, rugby, cricket. WRONG
  27. Extinction Rebellion fizzles out. PARTLY CORRECT in that ER have gone very quiet although they’re still around.
  28. Diane Abbott and Theresa May are diagnosed with long-term illnesses. WRONG as far as we know.
  29. Magnitude 4 or greater earthquake somewhere in UK. PARTLY CORRECT as there was a Mag 3.9 quake in Uxbridge in September.
  30. At least 200 deaths in illegal migration attempts to the UK. VOID as I’ve been unable to find any consolidated data.
  31. Plans announced to replace the Thames Barrier; work to start 2025 and complete 2040. WRONG
  32. Announcement that London congestion charge zone will be expanded out to N & S Circulars in 2025/6. PARTLY CORRECT; this was proposed by government (and sooner than 2025/6) as part of a deal to provide extra funding for TfL; however it was eventually removed.
  33. Relatively mild wet January/February followed by a cold wet spring & summer thus ensuring a poor fruit and grain harvest. WRONG as the winter was not especially warmer or wetter than of late; but CORRECT about the cool, wet Spring and Summer and the ensuing poor harvest.
  34. Death of the Queen and Prince Philip. Possibly also Prince Charles, in an accident. William becomes King by YE. WRONG on every count.
  35. Other Deaths: Edwina Currie, Gordon Brown, a royal duke, Kenneth Clarke, Jeffrey Archer, Dennis Skinner, Lord Heseltine, Lord Gowrie. WRONG on every count.

World

  1. Trump wins 2020 Presidential election due to Democrat dissent over their candidate. WRONG
  2. Saudi Arabia drastically cuts oil exports amid internecine turmoil. CORRECT; Saudi Arabia did cut oil exports but due to a fall in demand because of Covid-19.
  3. Zimbabwe finally succumbs to outright civil war which spills over into South Africa. WRONG
  4. South American countries descend further into right-wing government. WRONG
  5. Rate of Amazonian deforestation increases. CORRECT
    Global temperature and CO2 emissions continue to rise. CORRECT
    The COP26 climate talks in Glasgow (in November) end in disagreement and failure. VOID as the talks were postponed due to Covid-19.
  6. Major violence (civil war?) in Turkey. WRONG
  7. Violent uprising continues in Hong Kong and India. CORRECT for both Hong Kong and India.
  8. Russia annexes one of the Baltic states. WRONG
  9. Big solar geomagnetic storm causes major breakdown of satellites and infrastructure, probably across North America but possibly elsewhere. WRONG
  10. Collision between two operational satellites (maybe as a result of geomagnetic storm). PARTLY CORRECT in that two (non-operational) satellites had a very close near-miss in January.
  11. Boeing Starliner and SpaceX Crew Dragon both launch crewed capsules. One of them fails with loss of the crew. CORRECT in that SpaceX did launch crew, and in fact took crew to ISS. WRONG about a Boeing Starliner crewed mission and loss of crew in a failure.
  12. At least one other major space mission fails. PARTLY CORRECT; with 10 orbital launch failures out of 112 (9%) this has been the most mission failures in a year since 1971.
  13. Magnitude 7 or greater earthquake in California and another in Peru. WRONG
  14. Greta Thunberg is burnt out and sinks out of sight to complete her education. PARTLY CORRECT in that Thunberg has gone very quiet although she’s still around.
  15. At least one major global IT company fails (or is saved only by a takeover). WRONG
    Also a major airline and a shipping line. CORRECT for airlines; see, inter alia, Air Italy, Flybe, Virgin Atlantic.
    VOID for shipping as again I can find no good data, but given the state of the shipping industry it seems likely there were major failures.
  16. Major plane crash in western Europe – possibly France – possibly controlled flight into terrain. PARTLY CORRECT Ukrainian Boeing came down near Tehran; all 176 onboard lost.
  17. Ebola flares again in central Africa. CORRECT; there was an outbreak in DRC between June and November.
  18. Significant new disease emerges (as MERS and SARS did); concern at possible pandemic. CORRECT (in Spades!) with the emergence of pandemic Covid-19.
  19. Number of western countries ban vaping or include it in their anti-smoking regulations. WRONG
  20. Amazon and/or Facebook is involved in a major anti-trust or privacy law suit. CORRECT; Facebook is facing major (anti-trust?) law suits in USA.
  21. Deaths: Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Dalai Lama, Angela Merkel, Bill Gates, Rupert Murdoch. WRONG on all counts.

Personal

  1. Personal (a), (b): [[REDACTED]] WRONG
  2. Neighbours1 (a), (b): [[REDACTED]] WRONG
  3. Neighbours2: [[REDACTED]] WRONG
  4. Neighbours3: [[REDACTED]] WRONG
  5. Local Community1 (a), (b), (c): [[REDACTED]] (a) & (c) WRONG; (b) CORRECT
  6. Local Community2 (a), (b): [[REDACTED]] (a) CORRECT; (b) WRONG
  7. Local Community3: [[REDACTED]] WRONG
  8. Friends1 (a), (b): [[REDACTED]] WRONG
  9. Friends2 (a), (b), (c): [[REDACTED]] (a) CORRECT; (b) & (c) WRONG
  10. Friends3: [[REDACTED]] WRONG to the best of my knowledge
  11. Friends4 (a), (b): [[REDACTED]] WRONG
  12. Friends5 (a), (b): [[REDACTED]] WRONG but only just
  13. Friends6: [[REDACTED]] CORRECT
  14. Friends7: [[REDACTED]] WRONG to the best of my knowledge
  15. Deaths: 11 named individuals [[REDACTED]] CORRECT for two individuals; WRONG for the other nine to the best of my knowledge.

These have all been redacted as the content is bound to be sensitive to people I know, however they are documented in my files and will be reported on at the end of the year.

Yet again this is a pathetic hit rate, although in my defence I suggest that really all bets were off this year due to Covid-19.

Tomorrow I’ll post my predictions for 2021. Watch this space.

amusements, memes

Things to Think About: January

This year we’re beginning each month with a (potentially logical) oddity to think about, and to keep the brain cells active. This month:

What if my dog only brings back the ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

Please leave your thoughts in the comments.

amusements, pleasures

Amusements of the Year, 2020

Here’s my usual round-up of things which have amused me during the year. Unsurprisingly this has not been a vintage year for amusement.

Product of the Year
This is one of the few categories which has done reasonably well again this year. Here are the top three:

Vagina Scented Candle
No really! Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP have been selling a candle called THIS SMELLS LIKE MY VAGINA. Hmmmm … OK!

White Chocolate Brain
Freezer supermarket Iceland were selling this beauty in the run-up to Halloween. Sadly it now appears to be discontinued.

100% Halal Mini Assorted Liquorice Pencils with Fondant Filling
Buy these on Amazon!

Headline

Skin cream applied to mosquito bites stops viruses infecting mice
according to New Scientist back in January.

Truth of the Year
Well there really is only one contender. As John Crace in the Guardian said: Boris’s speech was designed as a quick win. Then he opened his mouth.

Plonker of the Year
Again there is but one (collection) of contenders: the whole of the UK Cabinet.

Blog
Not just for its amusement value but also as a serious exploration of history this year’s nomination is the Going Medieval blog written by academic Dr Eleanor Janega. It describes itself as Medieval History, Pop Culture, Swearing.

Research Topic
Back in the early part of the year the following was posted on Twitter:
Open PhD position at Linköping University in Sweden on the effects of domestication on brain structure in relation to social cognition in chickens.

Auction Item
As regular readers will know, we love the strange things which people sell at auctions. This year’s superlative has to be from our local auction house in February:
A life size model of Elvis Presley seated on a stool playing his guitar.

Personal Name
The top three names encountered this year are:

  • Superintendent Pigg, of the Metropolitan Police.
  • Will Welfare, who in February was interim deputy director of health protection for Public Health England North West.
  • Leonardi Da Vinci Williams (died 1846, Lambeth), who I found while doing family history research.

Place Name
Family history research also told us about
Madams Court Farm near Sittingbourne which is owned by the Hooker family.

Neologism
This year’s award is shared five ways by:

  • pseudo-profound bullshit (as in most self-help books)
  • friendly neighbourhood courtesan (a quality prostitute)
  • luxury companion (also a quality prostitute)
  • vaginal wedge (as they say on Oz: map of Tasmania)
  • rapid unscheduled disassembly (it blew up!)

Animal
So now to our animal of the year, where we have two winners but for different reasons.

First place goes to Magawa, the African Giant Pouched Rat who has been honoured for his work helping clear landmines.

Secondly there is the recently rediscovered Somali Sengi, a tiny elephant shrew which “mates for life, can race around at 30km/h and sucks up ants with its trunk-like nose”.

Occupation
This year’s occupation is Nob Thatcher, ie. a wig-maker.

Word
A three-way tie here this year:

  • Picatrix (Ancient Roman). A girl who administered the equivalent of a bikini waxing.
  • Meretrix (Ancient Roman). A prostitute.
  • Yellowplush (early 19th-century). Epithet for a footman, after their often yellow plush leggings (think the Frog and Fish footmen in Alice in Wonderland).

Marketing Bollocks
Well it’s all “marketing bollocks” really, isn’t it? But this year’s superlative goes to this from the cosmetics company Lush:

As you close your eyes and inhale frankincense oil, you see yourself walking in a pine and eucalyptus forest, your steps taking you to a sun-bathed clearing. Here, a steamy spring welcomes you in its warm and surprisingly citrus-scented water. While you thought you couldn’t be more relaxed, a misty incense smoke spreads around you, balancing and settling your mind.

OK, so that’s all for this year’s edition. We’ll be looking out for brilliance again next year; contributions are always welcome. Let’s see if we can make it a vintage year!

Meanwhile remember, folks: Losers eat turnips and don’t have a pastry chef.

amusements, personal, pleasures

To Keep You Amused …

Just in case anyone is at a loose end over the holidays we bring you news of one of the year’ds great events: the King William’s College General Knowledge Paper 2020-21.

According to Wikipedia: Since 1904, the College has set an annual general knowledge test, known as the General Knowledge Paper (GKP). The pupils sit the test twice: once unseen on the day before the Christmas holidays, and again when they return to school in the New Year, after spending the holiday researching the answers. It is well known to be highly difficult, a common score being just two correct answers from the list of several hundred. The best scores are 40 to 50 for the unseen test and about 270 out of 360 for the second sitting.

The quiz is always introduced with the Latin motto Scire ubi aliquid invenire possis, ea demum maxima pars eruditionis est, “To know where you can find anything is, after all, the greatest part of erudition.”

You can find this year’s GKP on the King William’s College website at https://www.kwc.im/uploads/questions-2020-21.pdf.

As usual I shall not be getting 100% as tonight’s bedtime reading.

amusements, quotes

Monthly Quotes

And for the final time this year, here’s our monthly round-up of quotes interesting and amusing.

The philosopher Diogenes (c.412-323 BCE) was described by Plato as “a Socrates gone mad”. He lived in a barrel & believed man must embrace nature & reject shame. He openly masturbated in public, saying “If only it were so easy to soothe hunger by rubbing an empty belly”.
[@WhoresofYore on Twitter]

The two greatest defences against infectious diseases are:
1. Clean water
2. Vaccines – the the single most life-saving medical innovation in the history of medicine.
[Prof. Alice Roberts]

When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called Religion.
[Robert M Pirsig]

Each person has come into manifestation for a certain purpose and that purpose will be accomplished whether he considers himself to be the actor or not.
[Ramana Maharshi]

The present is no more a real feature of the world than the deliciousness of haggis. It is just a feature of how we experience time.
[Will Bynoe; Logic and Monsters]

A corollary of “any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic” is that actually coaxing that technology into functioning properly is indistinguishable from spell-casting.
[Katie Mack, @AstroKatie on Twitter]

My standard response to tech complaints is “have you painted yourself blue & turned 3x widdershins while saying an incantation?” Response “No” of course. Me: “Then you haven’t tried *everything*.”
[@WTEDyke on Twitter]

The eminent seat of delectation in women when they engage in venery.
[16th-century Italian anatomist Realdo Colombo on the clitoris]

A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.
[Carl Sagan]

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
[Douglas Adams]

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.
[George Carlin]

In the past 10,000 years, humans have devised roughly 100,000 religions based on roughly 2,500 gods. So the only difference between myself and the believers is that I am skeptical of 2,500 gods whereas they are skeptical of 2,499 gods. We’re only one God away from total agreement.
[Michael Shermer]

Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
[George Burns]

Stars, too, were time travellers. How many of those ancient points of light were the last echoes of suns now dead? How many had been born but their light not yet come this far? If all the suns but ours collapsed tonight, how many lifetimes would it take us to realize we were alone? I had always known the sky was full of mysteries – but not until now had I realized how full of them the earth was.
[Ransom Riggs, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children]