Many weeks ago, for a value of “many” roughly equal to 4, I posted the questions for Series Six of “Five Questions”. And I said I would answer the first one a few days later. But I didn’t. With everything else going on it got overlooked. Now the vultures have come home to roost and it’s time to catch up and answer that question. Here goes …

Question 1: To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Well I suppose to some extent the answer depends on whether one believes in free will or not. If you don’t believe we have free will, then clearly whatever our lives feel like we have have no control at all.
If you do believe we have free will then one might be able to control one’s life.
It happens that I think we do have free will, but nevertheless I have done little to control the direction my life has taken. I am not one of those driven people who plot out what they want and go get it. Some people seem to have their whole life mapped out from the time they’re still in nappies. And some never do. I’m very definitely one of the latter.
Right from an early age I drifted with whatever was going — or more likely opted out, if I could, of anything I found at all uncomfortable.
I remember at the age of abut 14 knowing I wanted to do science, but I did nothing positive to go and make it happen apart from choosing school subjects that I was good at.
The same with going to university. I knew I didn’t want to go to Oxbridge (and anyway school didn’t think I’d get the grades — I did!) but apart from that choosing universities to apply to was not much better than resorting to use of a dartboard.
My research opportunities were serendipitous. Yes, I’d applied for an MSc place but didn’t think I had the grade and was stunned when offered it. My doctorate was a case of doing well enough on my MSc course and being in the right place at the right time; again not at all expected or looked for.
When I buggered up my post-doc and was looking for a job it was a case of who would be daft enough to employ me. IBM did and I stayed there for the rest of my working life. Only twice did I say “that is the job I want and I’m going to get it”; I did get both jobs but only each time at the second attempt. Beyond that I drifted into whatever job I was reorganised into next. The only other positive decision was when changing jobs at the time Noreen and I were planning to marry. Her job was tied to London and I opted to take a London job rather than one on the south coast so Noreen could keep her job.
Oh and I made a deliberate decision to take early retirement, although we were all being gently nudged in that direction and I was ready for it.
Outside work, I’ve also very much drifted along. I don’t recall anywhere that I have ever said “that is what I’m going to do” and gone to get it. It’s all been very much more low key than that. If the opportunity is in front of me, and I feel like doing whatever it is, then I will; but I won’t chase after things. I can’t be doing with the stress and hassle of it all.
OK, that means I’ve never got on as far as maybe I could have done. I’ve always wanted to get on, get to the top of whatever I’m doing; get better paid. But I’ve never been prepared to put in any extra effort for it.
And, you know, that’s maybe not what this life is about for me. Maybe it is all more about reducing stress as much as I can; being comfortable; trying to maybe help others; learning some balance — balance I didn’t have when I was younger.
In the words of the cartoon cat Garfield: “Eat and sleep. Eat an sleep. There must be more to life, but I do hope not.”