Without obscenity, our cities are dreary places and life is bleak.
[Nobuyoshi Araki]
All posts by Keith
Alfred Hitchcock is Missing
The Birds. Or rather the lack of the birds.
There’s something very odd going on near me. Maybe elsewhere too.
In the last couple of weeks almost every bird has disappeared.
We used to have several dozen feral pigeons around – I not infrequently count upwards of 20 at a time sitting on my neighbour’s roof. Yesterday I counted a grand total of four, and that’s the most for several weeks.
Similarly we used to have dozens of house sparrows. A few week ago they were around. In the last couple of weeks no more than a handful. And there isn’t the usual incessant chirping from the hedges.
Starlings? Not one. Wood pigeon? We usually have two pairs around; but at present just a single scruffy bird. And almost nothing else which uses the gardens.
Am I sure? Yes, because I contribute (every week) to the BTO’s Garden BirdWatch project, so I regularly count and log the local birds.
Now we know that the sparrow population crashed a few years ago, but it had generally recovered hereabouts. However I have seen an article from BTO that sparrows are susceptible to a form of malaria (the same genus as the malaria parasite which affects us, just a different species), and that could be one factor in their decline.
Also we know that once the breeding season is over, birds moult and grow new feathers, during which time they’re more vulnerable so they tend to hide up. All of them? And all species? Suddenly? At precisely the same time? That doesn’t make sense to me.
On top of that I haven’t seen a squirrel in weeks, when we normally have one around fairly constantly. And the local cat population (other than ours) are also conspicuously absent.
The cats, I can understand. It’s been either hot or wet recently, so they’ll likely be hiding up somewhere cool, dry and shady. I can’t blame them! But no squirrels? That’s unusual.
Now I have a hunch, which could of course be totally wrong. I just wonder if some id.10.t has been throwing rat poison around? That would take out the rats, and the squirrels. Likely the sparrows and pigeons too as they’re grain eaters and will be attracted to the rat bait. It could also take out the odd cat if it eats a poisoned rat or mouse.
It’s a murder mystery, without any bodies. But then I wouldn’t necessarily expect to find bodies. I’m mystified.
I guess I just have to watch and wait to see if the birds come back in the coming weeks.
It’s a puzzle.
Monthly Quotes
So this month we have another collection of recently encountered quotes. So, in no particular order …
No. They have a right to be ignorant. Knowledge only means complicity in guilt; ignorance has a certain dignity
[Yes Minister]
Whereas some brahmans and contemplatives, living off food given in faith, are addicted to talking about lowly topics such as these – talking about kings, robbers, ministers of state; armies, alarms, and battles; food and drink; clothing, furniture, garlands, and scents; relatives; vehicles; villages, towns, cities, the countryside; women and heroes; the gossip of the street and the well; tales of the dead; tales of diversity, the creation of the world and of the sea, and talk of whether things exist or not – [a monk] abstains from talking about lowly topics such as these. This, too, is part of his virtue.
[The Pali Canon]
Drink doesn’t make him turn nasty. On the contrary. How well one knows the feeling of loving the whole world after downing a few doubles. As I no longer drink, I no longer love the whole world – nor, if it comes to that, even a small part of it.
[Anthony Powell, The Soldier’s Art]
Researchers also note that our culture has become one in which people are more likely to believe personal, anecdotal accounts rather than scientific facts.
[Gesshin Claire Greenwood, Just Enough: Vegan Recipes and Stories from Japan’s Buddhist Temples]
It is a well known fact that all inventors get their first ideas on the back of an envelope. I take slight exception to this, I use the front so that I can include the stamp and then the design is already half done.
[Rowland Emett]
The first principle in science is to invent something nice to look at and then decide what it can do.
[Rowland Emett]
Try to make things better in your sphere. We might not be able to change the world, but we can make our corner a nicer, more accepting place.
[Roma Agrawal]
If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you’re misinformed.
[Attributed to Mark Twain]
Don’t you realize what would happen if we allowed the Minister to run the Department? In the first place, there would be chaos, and the second, which is much worse, there would be innovation! Public debate! Outside scrutiny!
[Yes Minister]
To be conscious that you are ignorant of the facts is a great step to knowledge.
[Benjamin Disraeli]
Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.
[Bill Watterson]
100 Days of Haiku, Episode 7
Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge.
Monday 12 August
State registered
geriatric, so I am.
Have granny bus pass.
State registered
geriatric, so I am.
Have granny bus pass.
Tuesday 13 August
Sixteen sixty-six
fire destroyed London town.
Sadly rebuilt by Wren.
Wednesday 14 August
Friends talking travel
to mysterious places
I’ll never visit.
Thursday 15 August
Four women and me
drink together in the pub.
The lone male survives?
Friday 16 August
Touch is medicine.
Deep tissue massage is good,
if uncomfortable.
Saturday 17 August
Little Jacky Horner,
just so quiet in his corner,
enjoys pinching bums.
Sunday 18 August
Outside the window
bright coloured fluttering:
Jersey Tiger moth.
And here’s the tally of progress by week:
| Week | Haiku |
| 1 | 16 |
| 2 | 28 |
| 3 | 33 |
| 4 | 26 |
| 5 | 26 |
| 6 | 27 |
| 7 | 28 |
More next week.
They Don’t Get It
I’ve been working up to writing this for some while; today I’ve been pushed over the edge.
So when will MPs, and others, wake up?
While I agree with Lord Heseltine that imposing a No-Deal Brexit is an attack (“intolerable” was the adjective he used) on democracy, Parliament cannot block No-Deal just by saying they don’t want it – in fact they did this months ago. And Caroline Lucas calling for an emergency female cabinet to block No-Deal, is, frankly, pissing into the wind.
My understanding (which may not be complete) is that there are only two ways in which Parliament can prevent a No-Deal Brexit:
(1) By passing a motion agreeing to, and instructing the executive to ratify, the deal which is currently on the table.
or
(2) By passing a motion instructing the executive to cancel the Article 50 declaration.
Even so they could be ignored, but at the cost of an even bigger constitutional crisis.
The clock is ticking inexorably towards 31 October. Parliament and the Executive have effectively run out of time to do anything. So unless the Government come up with something radically new and (as a minimum) get the EU to agree to a further postponement of the leave date (all very unlikely in my estimation), then the UK will crash out of the EU on 31 October – no deal, no backstop, a hard border with Ireland, no transition period, no proper preparation, no international trade for months … and no international standing because having faffed around at nothing for three years who would trust us?
All of that can be averted by Parliament only by one of the above two actions. They can talk all they like, but they’re powerless to stop No-Deal otherwise.
When will they wake up?
Gawdelpus!
100 Days of Haiku, Episode 6
Here’s this week’s update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. (BTW this is the SFW version.)
Monday 5 August
Sunday, oh Sunday,
why always so full of work?
Please adjust God’s week!
Sunday, oh Sunday,
why always so full of work?
Please adjust God’s week!
Tuesday 6 August
Evening shower,
fresh laundered bed linen.
So sensual again.
Wednesday 7 August
Teenage skin complaint:
acne is not the acme
nearing seventy.
Thursday 8 August
Outside the town hall
a street tree, dusty and green.
Rain soon refreshes.
Friday 9 August
Reclines on the bed
bemoaning lack of TV.
Old stuffed tiger.
Saturday 10 August
Windy day, so strange;
driving rain and sunshine too.
August unravels.
Sunday 11 August
Bounding along twigs
putting circus acts to shame.
Daredevil squirrel.
And here’s the tally of progress by week:
| Week | Haiku |
| 1 | 16 |
| 2 | 28 |
| 3 | 33 |
| 4 | 26 |
| 5 | 26 |
| 6 | 27 |
More next week.
Ten Things, August
This year our Ten Things series is focusing on each month in turn. The Ten Things may include facts about the month, momentous events that happened, personal things, and any other idiocy I feel like – just because I can. So here are …
Ten Things about August
- Pagan festival of Lammas (Lughnasadh)
- Summer bank holiday on last Monday (for most of the UK)
- UK School holidays and family holiday time
- Grouse shooting opens on the Glorious Twelfth
- The month was renamed in honour of Roman Emperor Augustus
- Edinburgh Festival
- Royal National Eisteddfod
- Notting Hill Carnival
- 27th is the official date when Julius Caesar invaded Britain
- Feast of the Assumption
100 Days of Haiku, Episode 5
Another weekly update on my 100 Days of Haiku challenge. Inspiration and creativity continue to to be in short supply – I’m not good at either, and that’s the point: to try to improve. Anyway, here’s this week’s daily selection.
Monday 29 July
The rain it raineth
every day – not always here,
it just feels that way.
The rain it raineth
every day – not always here,
it just feels that way.
Tuesday 30 July
Disappearances:
Mysterious? Oh really?
Bermuda Triangle.
Wednesday 31 July
Wild boar. Friend or foe?
Millions of disease vectors
but lots of paté.
Thursday 1 August
Willow tree, so green,
is the paint upon the wall.
Dining room is done.
Friday 2 August
Recently mown grass.
Crows hunting amongst the hay.
Lone cedar stands guard.
Saturday 3 August
Housefly, nuisance fly
buzzing around our bedroom.
Magazine scored.
Sunday 4 August
Mary’s lamb is little.
Mary’s lamb is snowy white.
But there’s no dwarves here.
And the tally of progress by week:
| Week | Haiku |
| 1 | 16 |
| 2 | 28 |
| 3 | 33 |
| 4 | 26 |
| 5 | 26 |
More next week.
Auction Goodies
Having moaned a bit a month or two back about the recently poor amusement value of our local auction house, this month they’ve come up with some stunning lots. And I’ve included some of their images (below the descriptions).
An antique Chinese seed pod necklace with string tassel, centred by a wooden personal family seal carved as a seated figure and inscribed in Chinese ‘Bao Men Huang Shi Xiang Xin’, together with an ebony bead muff chain and a gilt-metal wristwatch
A mid-19th century Continental silver posy-holder with metamorphic tripod base, on chain, another posy-holder in gilt-metal and mother-of-pearl, a silver wirework zarf, and a cut-steel chatelaine
No I didn’t know what a zarf was either and had to look it up!
A shelf of china comprising a Hadleigh part tea service, Hornsea Fauna ware jugs and planters with applied deer, a glass clown and fish bottle, two pairs of decorative china shoes, a quantity of cottage ware including a teapot, a 1950’s Wade dish, end of glass vases and fish ornaments, a musical novelty decanter ‘The Last Shot’, a Nao figurine of a clown and a quantity of Disney comics
A mixed lot including tools, garden equipment such as loppers and a hose, two wicker wall hanging shelves, three small garden planters, a radiator, tent, watering can etc.
We turned out the shed.
A mixed lot including a shredder, a boxed electric menorah, a boxed set of six silver plated cake knives, a box of vintage patterns, two wall clocks, a boxed Junior ‘Guider’ hydrometer, an Oriental vase and cover, a Royal Albert cake plate, a set of scales, a quantity of cutlery, a Phillips toaster, an oval silver plated tray, an all wave signal generator plus two smaller similar, a small Samsung television and a Heat Kit oscilloscope
We turned out the attic too!
Approximately 17 motorbike helmets and a quantity of canvas bags
A large wooden model of a Mississippi steamer on four levels on stand
A large wooden model of the 17th century Swedish Vasa galleon. A fine model with ten masts and cannons.
An impressive wooden model of the 17th century French ship Soleil Royal, with twelve masts and cannons on stand with painted decoration and brass mounts
A cast lead ram’s head fountain mouth
A pair of designer novelty Christmas trees made from scouring pads on silver plated bases and a pottery hand ornament
Do what! That just has to be a candidate for “lot of the year”!
A framed and glazed wooden model of a galleon with three masts and a bow sprit and canons plus a smaller similar
A magnificent short sword in 16th century style, late 19th century Continental, with parcel-gilt blade, the bronze hilt cast as a Saracen threatening a maiden, and with finely cast bronze scabbard, 55 cm
There’s something sinister about this, to the extent that I would let it in the house.
A mixed lot over two shelves comprising wooden cat and bird ornaments, place mats, photograph frames, a boxed Explorer Dynamo Condensor, a Grecian copper and brass jug, a barometer, two pairs of sunglasses, a mickey Mouse Disney watch etc.
An interestingly compact collection of old toot.
A large bronze sculpture of a stylised svelte female with bare torso, probably circa 1950s/1960s, signed A Moreau, 170 cm
Well I’m glad you tell me that’s what it is.
A very decorative modern sculpture of a bird with outspread wings, in silvered and bronzed carved wood, on tall marbled square pedestal, 170 cm overall
Eight Military folding chairs and four locking Military storage boxes one of them very large, and a Samsung light apparatus possibly for a lecture theatre.
So yes, a few stunning pieces and some real oddities.
More as and when.
Skyscrapers
It isn’t a commonplace for me to agree with Simon Jenkins, but I’ll make an exception for this in the Guardian a couple of days ago.
Around 500 towers are proposed for London. They’re not just ugly:
they symbolise Britain’s greedy pandering to developers
Having said that, I don’t know where he gets his information “towers rarely offer higher densities than traditional Victorian terraces in their neighbourhoods”, which I find inherently unlikely.
In my view, no building should be more than four or five floors above ground, if only from a safety point of view. And let’s use up all the brownfield sites and under-used office blocks before building more; much more environmentally sound than taking out yet more greenfield land.
And while we’re at it, let’s require every developer, large or small, to plant at least one tree for every dwelling, and five (or even ten) for every floor of offices, with 50% of them within a mile of the property. That would be good for both carbon sequestration and for mental health.