I stole this meme from Girl with a One-Track Mind and Troubled Diva because I liked it’s zen mischief potential. My objective is just to complete each of the following sentences. Your objective is to work out which are serious and which aren’t.

1. My uncle once: sailed the ocean blue
2. Never in my life: have I taken illegal drugs
3. When I was five: I looked like Prince Charles
4. High school was: much better than I realised at the time
5. I will never forget: and that isn’t the only resemblance I have to an elephant
6. Once I met: a man in a kilt
7. There’s this girl I know: who is unattainable
8. Once, at a bar: I met a Colonel with a dog
9. By noon, I’m usually: in need of lunch
10. Last night: I didn’t have sex on the beach
11. If only I had: the power and the glory, for ever and ever, Amen
12. Next time I go to church: I’ll be taking photographs
13. What worries me most: is politicians
14. When I turn my head left I see: something sinister
15. When I turn my head right I see: a right tit
16. You know I’m lying when: I keep quiet
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: not very much
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: a lion whelping in the street (Julius Caesar, Act II, Scene ii)
19. By this time next year: I might be retired
20. A better name for me would be: Zanzibar
21. I have a hard time understanding: why people need religion
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: be in a time machine (’cos neither of my schools exists any more)
23. You know I like you if: I kiss you
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: grateful
25. Take my advice, never: admit that you know
26. My ideal breakfast is: a full English
27. A song I love but do not have is: a John Mayall mouth-music track from the ’60s that I can’t now identify or find
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: search out its history
29. Why won’t people: think
30. If you spend a night at my house: you’ll be solicited by a pussy (or two)
31. I’d stop my wedding for: a KitKat
32. The world could do without: religion and politicians
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: do a bungee jump
34. My favourite blonde is: Michaela Strachan
35. Paper clips are more useful than: a grapefruit and Marmite sandwich
36. If I do anything well it’s: only to lull you into a false sense of security
37. I can’t help but: be a perfectionist
38. I usually cry: inwardly
39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: if it harm none, do as you will
40. And by the way: there’s always toast at the end of the dragon

I’m not tagging anyone for this, but feel free to borrow (or steal) it if you like it. If you do use it, it would be nice if you left a comment here.