They must be havin’ a giraffe! A bleedin’ big ‘un n’all.

Yesterday Diamond Geezer, who blogs a lot about various London-y things, posted a list of the cost of various London attractions.

This was prompted by the news that The Shard is to charge a few coppers shy of £25 for the privilege of going to the top to see the view. A view which, likely as not, will be mist, aka. low cloud, rather than the promised 40 miles round London.

So everyone can be equally scandalised, here are the maximum prices from Diamond Geezer‘s list with one or two I’ve added …

£30.00 Madame Tussauds (on the day)
£29.95 The View from The Shard (Time Out website)
£29.00 Harry Potter Tour, Watford
£28.00 Up at the O2
£26.95 Ripley’s Believe It Or Not
£24.95 The View from The Shard (standard price)
£24.00 The London Dungeon
£23.00 London Zoo
£20.90 Tower of London
£19.80 London Aquarium
£18.90 London Eye
£18.00 Buckingham Palace State Rooms
£16.50 Churchill War Rooms
£16.95 Hampton Court Palace
£16.00 Westminster Abbey
£16.00 Kew Gardens
£15.00 Houses of Parliament
£15.00 St Paul’s Cathedral
£14.00 HMS Belfast
£13.50 London Transport Museum
£13.00 St Paul’s Cathedral
£12.00 Cutty Sark
£8.00 Tower Bridge exhibition and walkways
£7.00 Royal Observatory Greenwich
£6.00 Apsley House
£4.00 Wellington Arch

I’m sorry, London attractions, but those prices are just not on and they are why you won’t see me visiting any time soon. So don’t go wondering why you don’t see me, at least until you reduce those prices by 50%. We’re in a recession. OK?

Yes, I’ve done a lot of the attractions. I remember being taken to Madame Tussauds at the age of about 10 (so 50-ish years ago) and my father complaining about how exorbitant it was even then. Here’s my verdict on those I can remember:

• Madame Tussauds : distinctly “so what”
• The Tower : also distinctly “so what?” 50 years ago
• London Zoo : a rip-off at £18 about 4 years ago
• London Aquarium : very disappointing
• London Eye : the super views made it just about worth £12 for 30 minutes a few years back
• Hampton Court : haven’t been since my school trip of 50 years ago; I really should go again
• Westminster Abbey : I refuse to pay for admission to any state funded church
• St Paul’s : same as Westminster Abbey; and anyway I hate rococo
• Cutty Sark : boring 45 years ago; the new “replica” seems to me a waste of money
• Houses of Parliament : interesting, but not as interesting as I had hoped
• Kew Gardens : with Hampton Court about the only place on this list that’s really attractive
• Wellington Arch : only opened recently; worth the cost of a pint for the view down Constitution Hill, up at the Quadriga, and especially if you can be there when the Horse Guards go underneath

Add to which that the London Dungeon, Apsley House, Buckingham Palace, Harry Potter, the O2, The Shard, and Ripley’s hold no attraction for me, which is why I’ve not been to them.

And that is from someone who likes history and going to interesting and odd places. What a sad reflection on one of the great cities of the world and my home!

Thank your personal deity the national museums are all free.