I stole this meme from Girl with a One-Track Mind and Troubled Diva because I liked it’s zen mischief potential. My objective is just to complete each of the following sentences. Your objective is to work out which are serious and which aren’t.
- My uncle once: sailed the ocean blue
- Never in my life: have I taken illegal drugs
- When I was five: I looked like Prince Charles
- High school was: much better than I realised at the time
- I will never forget: and that isn’t the only resemblance I have to an elephant
- Once I met: a man in a kilt
- There’s this girl I know: who is unattainable
- Once, at a bar: I met a Colonel with a dog
- By noon, I’m usually: in need of lunch
- Last night: I didn’t have sex on the beach
- If only I had: the power and the glory, for ever and ever, Amen
- Next time I go to church: I’ll be taking photographs
- What worries me most: is politicians
- When I turn my head left I see: something sinister
- When I turn my head right I see: a right tit
- You know I’m lying when: I keep quiet
- What I miss most about the Eighties is: not very much
- If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: a lion whelping in the street (Julius Caesar, Act II, Scene ii)
- By this time next year: I might be retired
- A better name for me would be: Zanzibar
- I have a hard time understanding: why people need religion
- If I ever go back to school, I’ll: be in a time machine (’cos neither of my schools exists any more)
- You know I like you if: I kiss you
- If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: grateful
- Take my advice, never: admit that you know
- My ideal breakfast is: a full English
- A song I love but do not have is: a John Mayall mouth-music track from the ’60s that I can’t now identify or find
- If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: search out its history
- Why won’t people: think
- If you spend a night at my house: you’ll be solicited by a pussy (or two)
- I’d stop my wedding for: a KitKat
- The world could do without: religion and politicians
- I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: do a bungee jump
- My favourite blonde is: Michaela Strachan
- Paper clips are more useful than: a grapefruit and Marmite sandwich
- If I do anything well it’s: only to lull you into a false sense of security
- I can’t help but: be a perfectionist
- I usually cry: inwardly
- My advice to my child/nephew/niece: if it harm none, do as you will
- And by the way: there’s always toast at the end of the dragon
I’m not tagging anyone for this, but feel free to borrow (or steal) it if you like it. If you do use it, it would be nice if you left a comment here.