Shit happens. That doesn’t make it OK. It’s still bad. That doesn’t excuse it. But excuses aren’t necessary. Moving on is what’s necessary.
Weekly Photograph
I took this while sitting people watching at London’s Paddington Station. GOK what these two where on, or where they’d been, at 10 in the morning!
Jack Hats
London Paddington; July 2012
Pet Hates
I’ve been writing this post, on and off, for a long time. So now it’s got to be a bit of a long rant. And I’m going to subject you to it anyway. Well it’s my blog, so there! Sorry!
Pet hates. Things which always irritate or annoy you, wherever, however and regardless of how well intentioned. They might be small things, or big things, but we all have them. Here are a few of mine …
What Will the Neighbours Think? I don’t give a flying ferret what the neighbours think. If they don’t like what I do then too bad. I’m unlikely to be doing anything illegal. And if they think what I’m doing is immoral then it is clearly they who have the problem because I wouldn’t be doing it if I thought it was. Remember Allen Walker Read: Obscenity lies not in words or things, but in attitudes that people have about words and things. Same for (im)morality, dislike, distaste and all this other dis-es.
Net Curtains. I have nothing to hide and nothing much worth nicking. I like light; indeed I need light to combat the SAD. And I like to be able to look out of the window. So we have no net curtains at home, neither do we normally draw the curtains after dark. And the first thing I do in an hotel room is to work out how to open the net curtains (and if possible open the window) and let in the light and the air.
Muzak. I detest background music: in shops, pubs, lifts — anywhere, even at home. It is pollution which clogs up brain-space to no useful effect. If I want to talk to someone I don’t want to have to shout over muzak to make myself heard. And if I don’t want to talk I want quiet to allow my brain to think and concentrate or just free-cycle and relax. If I want to listen to music I’ll listen to what I choose, when I choose. But fortunately I can tune out a lot of muzak, as long as it isn’t too loud.
Unnecessary formality. Formality, like etiquette, is bogus and unnecessary. I’m not a fan of ties, nor of jackets and even less of suits. I have never worn a DJ/tuxedo in my life and I’m not going to start now. And as for morning dress and top hats … Bah! Humbug! I’ve always known people by their Christian (given) names and not as Mr Bloggs or Mrs Mopp, nor as Aunt or Uncle, unless the individuals themselves insisted. Let’s be genuine and not hide behind false Dickensian obsequiousness. If I’m good enough, you take me as I am. If you don’t care to then you’re not good enough. Informality rules. Who was it said, Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.
Being expected to take part. Aaarrrggghhhh!!!! Run away fast! This was one of the banes of my working life. There were always work events that one was expected to go to. You all want to go out for Christmas lunch? Fine you go; if it is convenient I may come, but I’m not travelling 50 miles at my own expense to do so. I don’t much want to socialise with the people I work with all day, even if I do like them. Don’t we see enough of each other? No, I’m not going to the annual dinner/dance. Yeuch! And the more you expect me to the less likely I am to go. If I want to go, I’ll go. If I don’t, I won’t. I’m my own person, not a company man and I always had a life outside work. And if management doesn’t like it well too bad. I wonder why I was never seen as management material?
Lying. We are never, it seems, these days told the truth. Let alone the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Everyone tells us what they think we want to hear or how they would like it to be. Look at what goes on around you. Politicians lie to us. Advertisements lie to us. Businesses, all businesses, lie to us. Religion lies to us. Shopkeepers lie to us. Call it “distorting the truth” if you want to be mealy-mouthed about it, but basically it is all lies, PR and marketing. There is an increasing culture of lying. People lie to their insurance companies — either they don’t tell them things, or they make what are basically fraudulent claims — and they’ll admit it to you. “I said I was hurt in that crash to get some compensation, but I wasn’t really” or “Oh I didn’t bother declaring that to the tax man”. Some cultures are worse than others; some have a basic tenet that they will tell you what they think you want to hear, regardless of whether it is true.
Bad Manners & Service. If you’re going to work in a service industry, indeed if you’re going to live in society, learn some customer care and to be polite to people. It isn’t hard, but you do have to accept that everything isn’t just about you! You are always going to have to tell people bad news. Be polite; say “I’m sorry”; and you will be forgiven a lot by most people most of the time. What annoys people is either being lied to (see above) or being told nothing. Yes, it is something you have to learn. It isn’t easy to learn to say “I’m sorry; I screwed it up” but there are times you have to.
Older people get a bad rap for saying things badly or out of turn, when they should know better. Often they do know better but can’t help themselves. Apparently what happens is that there is a control mechanism in the brain which stops us saying whatever stupid thing comes into our mind but rephrase it before it reaches our mouth. As we age this control mechanism breaks down and the words spill out before the control mechanism engages. It doesn’t make it easier when you’re on the receiving end, but at least it is medically recognised.
Speaking Lifts. Lift going up. B****r off! First floor. Doors opening. Yes, I can see the doors are opening! OK, OK, I know that it helps the visually impaired, but that doesn’t mean it can’t annoy me. The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation™ has a lot to answer for! Glad to be of service. Have a nice day. Aaarrrggghhhh!!!!
People Who Don’t Think. It is suggested (I think there’s research behind it but I can’t find the reference) that 5% of people are unable to think; 5% can think and do so; the other 90% can think and don’t bother. The 90% cover their tracks by making assumptions. Dangerous. Very dangerous. Either that or they swallow whole the opinions they’re spoon-fed, usually by the media, politicians or religion. This itself involves a big assumption: that these proponents are always right. Not only do people not think about what they (purportedly) believe, they can’t even think about the possible consequences of their own actions.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I seen scaffolders lobbing scaffold clamps to each other, even dropping then to a mate 5 floors below, without hard hats. Surely someone of the meanest intelligence (and many scaffolders aren’t) can see what damage a scaffold clamp dropped even 2 floors would do to their skull. But no. They can’t — or won’t — think about it.
OK, that’s maybe a slightly extreme example, but this afflicts nearly everyone. If people thought about the consequences of what they say and do, they would behave a lot better. For a start they would drive a lot better; they wouldn’t weave in and out of traffic, cutting up other motorists. They get enraged when others do it to them but cannot see what they themselves are doing.
People have no concept of putting themselves in someone else’s shoes; or of considering the effects of what they say and do. Yes, we all do it; it’s hard not to at times. I feel sure it’s part of the spectrum of autism, albeit a long way from the full-blown syndrome.
People Who Assume I Think Like Them. Following on from the previous item, most people make the big assumption that, whatever we are discussing, I (indeed everyone) must think the same way they do. The trouble is, invariably I don’t. I give them some novel twist on the subject. And the response? “Oh, I never thought a
bout that” or “Do you really think so?” or “But that can’t be right”. In other words it doesn’t accord with their blinkered world view. People have different outlooks on life; learn to live with it. And learn too that sometimes people wind you up with silly alternative views to make you think, shut you up or just for the hell of it!
There’s one of our friends who will learn one day that if he is too inquisitive, or makes too much of an assumption, he gets a crazy answer from me. He dropped me the other day at my osteopath’s. My osteopath is also my hypnotherapist. When he picked me up 2 hours later he assumed I had had 2 hours physiotherapy. I pointed out, wickedly, that he was making an assumption and that for all he knew I’d been shagging the guy’s wife — or daughter — preferably his daughter. This scenario has been repeated several times, and he still hasn’t learnt!
Rant over. Your turn!?
Book Reviews
I don’t actually get through many books these days. When I get to read — usually in bed — I usually find I need something lighter or shorter to read, or at least a book I can dip into at random; something to sample for amusement and interest. So reading a book from cover to cover is relatively are for me these days. This has never been helped by the fact that my natural reading speed is that of a snail, and have never properly mastered the art of speed reading. Given that my spelling is also fairly crummy I wonder if I may be, say, 10% dyslexic. Or, as my handwriting is also abysmal, maybe it is something to do with eye, brain and hand coordination.
Anyway I’ve decided that when I do finish a book, or have sampled a major part of one, I’ll write a quick review note here. So we’ll start with the book I finished a couple of days ago …
Peter Silverton
Filthy English: The How, Why, When and What of Everyday Swearing
Peter Silverton is a journalist who cut his hacking teeth on writing about punk music and interviewing the likes of the Sex Pistols. So he’s in a good position to know something about foul language. He takes us on a journey through the development and use of the whole gamut of swearing: what the words are, what they actually mean, where they come from, when did they arrive and how has their meaning changed over time.
We’re taken on various journeys. Not just that of language used on the street or in the pub; nor just that written (or more usually not written) in the papers, dictionaries and books, but right across the spectrum of language use including pop music, TV and radio.
Having said that the book is a bit of a mix. Some chapters approach the subject from the point of view of the content: sex, genitals, excretion, family relations, sexuality. But others approach it from the direction of the medium: music, newspapers, football etc. I found this split approach rather unnecessary and repetitive. Intertwined with this there are, however, some interesting diversions into the relationship of our swearwords with those of other languages.
Despite my interest in language I have to admit I found the book slightly tedious going. Yes, for someone interested in language, it was interesting in parts. But I found Silverton’s style somewhat pedestrian, stodgy and very “same-y”. I also wanted more detail; greater depth.
This is a book to interest the averagely intelligent reader, which is actually no bad thing. It is not a book for someone with a deep interest the English language and a thirst for esoteric knowledge.
Overall rating: ★★★☆☆
Five Questions, Series 3, #4
Time to answer the next of the Five Question I posed some weeks ago.
Question 4. What’s an as yet non-existent thing about which you’ve thought “why hasn’t someone created that yet?”
Do you remember this, from the White Queen in Alice in Wonderland?
Alice laughed: “There’s no use trying,” she said; “one can’t believe impossible things.”
“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
Well that’s a bit what it’s like trying to think of non-existent things which should exist. One doesn’t get enough practice now one’s not engaged daily in mortal combat against corporate processes and management. So when one tries, the mind goes blank.
Hence I’m a bit stuck for ideas for a better widgetything. There are, though, some things I can think of — except they’re more by way of attributes than tangible things. Two that stand out are:
a. common sense, and
b. governments that understand procurement and contracts
Well actually one could fix both of those with a logic equivalent of the Babel Fish: a device — maybe we’ll call it the Alice Fish — which when applied to someone’s brain (maybe via an ear, or just with a limpet sucker thingy to the skull) would instantly impart an inexorable need to not just think, but think logically.
You might also remember that 5% of people can’t think, 5% can think and do, while the other 90% can think but don’t bother. So our Alice Fish should be able to fix the 90%, at least.
What would you all like to see, that no-one has yet invented?
Oh, and apologies to all the girls out there called Alice Fish! 🙂
Word: Macaronic
Time for another nice word. Today I have chosen …
Macaronic (noun and adjective)
A burlesque verse form in which vernacular words are used in a Latin context, with Latin constructions etc. It can also be used where the verse is based on Greek instead of Latin; and thus loosely to any form of verse in which two or more languages are mingled together.
Hence it has also come to be descriptive of a jumble or medley.
According to the OED the word seems to have been invented by Teofilo Folengo (‘Merlinus Cocaius’) whose ‘macaronic’ poem (Liber Macaronices) was published in 1517. In the second edition of 1521 he explains that the ‘macaronic art’ is so called from macaroni, which is quoddam pulmentum farina, caseo, botiro compaginatum, grossum, rude, et rusticanum (literally a crude, rustic mixture of flour, butter and cheese) — so probably quite tasty.
Quotes
Another round-up of quotes recently encountered.
If you know someone who’s depressed please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation, depression just is, like the weather. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest and best things you will ever do.
[Stephen Fry]
If you must chose between two evils pick the one you’ve never tried before.
[Walt Whitman]
All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
[Sean O’Casey]
Roman law explicitly set out the who, where and why of cursing. One expert calculated that the Romans had eight hundred ‘dirty’ words. Egyptian lawyers of the same period would seal documents with a hieroglyph which translates as: ‘As for him who shall disregard it, may he be fucked by a donkey.’ The actual hieroglyph? Two big penises, both erect.
[Peter Silverton, Filthy English: The How, Why, When and What of Everyday Swearing]
Everyone without exception believes that their own native customs are by far the best … there is plenty of evidence that this is the universal human attitude.
[Herodotus, ca. 440BC, quoted in Peter Silverton, Filthy English: The How, Why, When and What of Everyday Swearing]
No one has ever spelled out how the mere hearing of a word could corrupt one’s morals.
[Steven Pinker, 2002, also quoted in Peter Silverton, Filthy English: The How, Why, When and What of Everyday Swearing]
Obscenity lies not in words or things, but in attitudes that people have about words and things.
[Philologist Allen Walker Read, 1935, and another quoted in Peter Silverton, Filthy English: The How, Why, When and What of Everyday Swearing]
The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not a sufficient warrant.
[John Stuart Mill]
The poorest he that is in England hath a life to live, as the greatest he.
[Colonel Rainsborough]
Don’t ever do the best you can do. It’s better to be mediocre.
[Terry Allen]
This is certainly true: doing it properly and right first time doesn’t get rewards except more work. It’s the mediocre and even the incompetent who get the rewards because they have the time to shout about how good they are.
Something for the Weekend
It’s an old one, but this week’s amusement is for all my IT chums …
“It is a bit freaky with this wireless technology”
Dates
One for the pedants amongst us from today’s XKCD …
ISO 8601 also defines:
- use of the Gregorian calendar
- dates are of a fixed number of digits, so leading zeros are required
- the week begins on a Monday
- week 1 of the year as the week with the year’s first Thursday in it
- and similarly for times.
There’s a full discussion of the ISO 8601 standard on Wikipedia.
Word : Goolies
OK, so let’s have another word. I’ve just finished reading Filthy English: The How, Why, When and What of Everyday Swearing by Peter Silverton. Yes, it’s interesting but not deep and quite light-hearted — as one might expect. One thing he said which I didn’t know (or had long forgotten) is the origins of the word goolies. So today we bring you…
Goolies, or as the OED would have it gooly (in the singular).
Yes, in standard English it normally appears in the plural and means the testicles.
According to the OED, which hedges its bets slightly, it is “apparently of Indian origin”, like from the Hindustani golí, a bullet, ball, pill. Curiously the first referenced citation is only in 1937 — I would have expected it to be around 100 years earlier. It was certainly a word I learnt quite early in my school days, so it must have been in regular North London usage by the end of the 1950s.
Usefully(?) gooly also means a stone or pebble in Australian slang. (Well again, so the OED says.)
What is also interesting is that the OED doesn’t know the origin of the cricketing term googly (a ball which spins from leg to off when bowled by a right-arm bowler to a right-handed batsman) and which one might expect to be related to gooly. So who knows?
Anyway there’s another Indian word you know, to go along with pyjamas and bungalow.