This from XKCD earlier in the week …

This from XKCD earlier in the week …

As I promised a few days ago I’ve again dusted off my crystal ball to see what this year could bring. After all it can’t be a lot worse than 2016 — or can it?
What follows is my best interpretation the misty images in the aforesaid crystal ball. I remind you that they are just my ideas of what could happen; they’re based solely on hunches and gut feel; I have no inside knowledge and I haven’t been studying the form — so if you base any decision on any of this I will take no responsibility for your for your wanton act of idiocy.
As before, I’ve divided the predictions into three sections: UK, Worldwide and Personal — the latter are documented but currently redacted.
UK
World
Personal
Personal predictions have been documented but are redacted to protect both the innocent and the guilty.
I wonder if I can do any better than my pathetic 32% score for 2016 — but I wouldn’t advise anyone to put any money on it!
And if you have any good predictions please do share them.
[Updated 7 January 2017]
A year ago I dusted off my crystal ball and made a few predictions about what would happen in 2016. Now the results are in. So how did I do?
UK
World
Personal
Six personal predictions were documented and can now be revealed:
At first sight it looks as if I did a little better than for 2015; 30% hit rate this year compared with just 25% last year. But then as last year sometimes being wrong is actually good.
I’ll bring you my predictions for 2017 in a few days time.
As for the last few years here’s a summary of my achievements and engagement (or, if fact the total lack of same) in 2016.
It’s been a funny year. On one side, my depression has been worse than usual, although I’ve been functioning most of the time; on the other I’ve had some good pieces of health news. I seem to have been doing even yet more voluntary work than ever, despite scaling back on some of th4e things I do, and having some work taken off me. And I don’t feel I’ve achieved anything although one or two things have been knocked off the bucket list. So here goes …
At the beginning of the year I posted 10 Things I’m Going to Try to Do in 2016. The results are in and I think it fair to say I lost badly — again!
1. Keep breathing — WIN
2. Go somewhere/do something I’ve not done before — WIN x3; three things achieved: visited Castle Howard; bid & won online at live auction (no, not eBay!); and then …
3. Be drawn/painted/photographed nude by someone other than family — WIN; although the proof is still under wraps
4. Visit Horniman Museum — LOSE
5. Visit four exhibitions [Samuel Pepys: Plague, Fire, Revolution (National Maritime Museum); Alexander Calder: Performing Sculpture (Tate Modern); Scholar, Courtier, Magician: The Lost Library of John Dee (RCP); Bagpuss, Noggin the Nog & Clangers (V&A MoC)] — LOSE x4
6. Attend the Anthony Powell York Conference — WIN
7. Visit at least one steam railway — LOSE
8. Keep drinking more champagne — WIN
9. Get paid my state pension — WIN
10. Take more photographs than last year — LOSE
7/15 is not that brilliant — although better than 2015’s pathetic 3/10. Can I do better in 2017?
Looking at the year through the usual 25 questions doesn’t look any better.
1. What did you do that you’d never done before?
a. Bid and win at real auction online.
b. Been photographed nude by someone other than family.
c. Had a knee replacement.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can’t keep resolutions I didn’t make.
No, I won’t make any again this year as they are only ever self-fulfilling failures.
3. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?
A new head and a new body.
4. What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory?
a. 11 January — I’m 65 and we lose Harry the Cat.
b. 23-24 June — that stupid Brexit vote.
c. 28 December — knee replacement op.
5. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major, other than the ongoing depression and diabetes. Oh and the knee op.
6. What was the best thing you bought?
Two paintings, one by Adrian Daintrey the other by Graham Clarke.
7. Where did most of your money go?
Fuck alone knows.
8. What did you get really, really excited about?
a. Nothing; I don’t do excitement, just like I don’t do panic and crisis.
b. But buying those paintings and being photographed were fun.
9. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder? — probably about the same; some things are better, some are worse.
b. thinner or fatter? — thinner, by about 12 kilos; but still much too heavy overall.
c. richer or poorer? — about the same.
10. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Nothing — it would be nice not to be continually busy, busy.
11. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being depressed.
12. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Anthony Powell Conference in York.
13. What was your biggest failure?
The failed establishment of the local area network of GP practice patient groups I was chairing.
14. How many one-night stands?
Zippo — which is probably as well, all considered.
15. What was your favourite TV program?
I don’t think I’ve watched a single TV programme from end to end all year, mainly because it is such garbage.
16. What was the best book you read?
It would have to be the London Bomb Damage Maps which are really interesting.
[Not much gets read end-to-end these days but a lot gets dipped into.]
17. What did you want and get?
Kittens.
18. What did you want and not get?
a. Sanity.
b. Multi-million lottery win.
c. The opposite of just about everything that’s happened in the world.
19. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Given everything that’s happened and happening, being a hermit might have been good.
20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?
I wear clothes to cover other people’s embarrassment.
21. What kept you sane?
I am sane? Are you sure?
22. Who did you miss?
My mother, ‘cos it just feels odd not to be able to ring her up or be visiting Norwich.
23. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016:
Mundum alter et idem — The world is the same and different.
24. A quote or song lyric that sums up your year:
a. As I’ve grown older I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
b. One does try not to be an Old Git, but they don’t make it easy. [Alan Bennett]
25. Your hopes for 2017
No Brexit and no Trump but they’re both a bit of a forlorn hope.
Last year I wrote “something better”; we failed at that so we’d better have another go this year.
Overall Result: REQUIRES IMPROVEMENT
Probably time to sack the manager.
How was your 2016? And what are your hopes for 2017?.
We’re starting the New Year with our monthly collection of links to articles which have caught our eye over the last month. Science-y stuff first — it’s not hard, but it is downhill from there.
Science & Medicine
Scientists have been hard at work over the last couple of years reconstructing the evolutionary history of elves and elf-like creatures. Here’s a summary and here’s the original work. I note, however that they have not included the Common Garden Gnome!
Synaesthesia is a strange affliction where people see words as colours, or hear sounds as smells. Just to make things even more bizarre, here’s a story about a woman who sees the calendar as a hula-hoop.

2016 has thrown up so many things which are worthy of a good chortle, and that’s leaving aside all the political stupidities. Let’s follow the scheme of the last couple of years.
Product of the Year
Three contenders for this year’s accolade:
Little Rooster Vaginal Alarm Clock
Camel Balls
Deep-fried Curry-filled Doughnuts which are buried deeply in http://londonist.com/2015/08/w-a-cafe-quirky-japanese-savouries-and-patisserie-in-ealing
Best Unintended Consequence
The prize this year goes to the Scandinavian stationery company Locum for their excellent logo:
Auction Item of the Year (from our local auction house)
This year’s three winners are:
Third: A Brookes Champion Standard B17 reproduction penny farthing
Second: A vintage Agricastrol hand delivery pump for oil in original green cabinet
First: An unusual Edward VIII commemorative toilet roll holder, circa 1936, with an unopened pack of Tri-Sol medicated toilet paper (price 6d)
Poseur of the Year
This award has to go to politician Ed Balls for “Strictly has released my inner Beyoncé“.
Name of the Year
This year’s winner is Dr Wendy Chan She Ping Delfos, a Dietician quoted in Daily Telegraph back on 23 September.
Organisation Name of the Year
The medal goes to the 1920s American firm of architects Corbett Harrison MacMurray Hood Fouilhoux & Crane.
Best Neologism
The prize here has to go to whoever perpetrated gentrification of the mind.
Best Oxymoron
This year’s prize to the National Liberal Club for Afternoon tea is served between 3.30pm and 5.30pm in the (non smoking) Smoking Room
Best Paint Shade
It’s been a difficult year for interior designers, after all they have to comne up with new names for the plethora of paint shades available. Manufacturers Crown and Dulux share the award for the following shades:
Fairy Dust (Crown)
Lavender Cupcake (Crown)
Potting Shed (Crown)
Secret Escape (Crown)
Botanical Extract (Crown)
Chatterbox (Crown)
Scrumptious (Crown)
Berry Smoothie (Dulux)
Wellbeing (Dulux)
Purple Pout (Dulux)
Muddy Puddle (Dulux)
Muddy Puddle (Dulux)
Best Book Title
This is always a popular category and this year we have two winners:
How to Live with a Calculating Cat by Eric Gurney
A Manual for Cleaning Women by Lucia Berlin
Best Academic Paper Title
There was really only one contender this year: Perilous patches and pitstaches: Imagined versus lived experiences of women’s body hair growth.
Best Research Topic
The two awards in this category go to:
‘Unperformable’ music — an ontological approach
101 uses for the sacred foreskin
Most Unusual Sport
Following on from last year’s Elephant Polo, this year we have Tuk-Tuk Polo, which avoids the problems of elephants going on the rampage.
Most Crass Media Statement
Oh dear, there are just so many of these from which to choose, but the jury finally agreed that the award goes to the Guardian headline:
Outstanding News Headlines
Three medals are awarded this year to:
Large Hadron Collider: Weasel causes shutdown (actually the unfortunate animal turned out to be a Beech Marten.
Passengers evacuated at Purley station after train crashes into pheasant
Hitler’s wife’s knickers sold at auction
Best Marketing Bollocks
NOT FOR RELEASE, PUBLICATION OR DISTRIBUTION, IN WHOLE OR IN PART, DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY, IN OR INTO OR FROM THE UNITED STATES, AUSTRALIA, CANADA, JAPAN OR ANY OTHER JURISDICTION WHERE IT IS UNLAWFUL TO RELEASE, PUBLISH OR DISTRIBUTE THIS ANNOUNCEMENT.
[From a government email about sale of Lloyds shares; 28 January 2016]
Hand picked by artisan farmers
[The Real Olive Company tub of Organic Kalamata Olives]
From the sweeping 100ft balcony through to the iconic bed and integrated open fire, The May Fair’s signature Penthouse Suite is a 200-square metre exercise in light, space and opulent style.
[Quoted by Londonist]
And finally we come to …
Do what?
Where we celebrate the intelligibly unintelligible. This year the winner is:
The philosophy of tiddlers is that we maximise the possibilities for re-use by slicing information up into the smallest semantically meaningful units with rich modelling of relationships between them. Then we use aggregation and composition to weave the fragments together to present narrative stories.
TiddlyWiki aspires to provide an algebra for tiddlers, a concise way of expressing and exploring the relationships between items of information.
[From Philosophy of Tiddlers]
Let me know your favourite amusements of the year — and don’t forget to start collecting for 2017!
Brexit means what precisely? Or rather Brexit tells us what?
Forget “Brexit means Brexit”, that is no more than pure esoteric-mumbo-jumbo gold.
A few days before Christmas, Mark Easton, the BBC’s Home Affairs Editor, asked What did the Brexit vote reveal about the UK?
The answer was basically that it is a result of our dysfunctional political system and a cry for a return to proper democracy. Here are some key extracts:
The vote for Brexit was a thunderous rumble of national indignation, an outpouring of frustrated fury that shook the foundations of the British state. We misinterpret its meaning at our peril.
… … …
This was much more than a simple referendum about membership of the European Union. Neither Brussels bureaucrats nor Polish plumbers were really the motivation for a popular revolt unparalleled in almost five centuries.
This was an act of extraordinary defiance against a system that does not and will not listen to people’s concerns and anxieties … Our governance, our democracy, does not function properly. It is failing the people of this country. That is the message of Brexit.
… … …
Our politics is still routinely discussed in terms of left and right, workers and bosses, socialism and capitalism.
But look[ing] at the Brexit vote … these historic distinctions simply did not apply … The working class tended to vote Leave and yet most Labour supporters voted Remain. The professional middle-class tended to vote Remain but most Conservatives voted Leave.
… … …
I was very struck by the attitude of people I met in Port Talbot … What I [heard] were people who did not think anyone was listening to them. They felt powerless and ignored.
… Everything in Port Talbot depends on the steelworks and its future is decided by people whose names they do not know in a boardroom in Mumbai. Globalisation has robbed the people … of their voice …
There was a time when people up and down the land believed they had some kind of control over their destiny. But … Trade unionism has been neutered, local government is a shadow of its former self and political activism is … simply shouting into the wind. National elections are all but meaningless …
… … …
Decisions made in Westminster and Brussels resonate down to the supermarket shelves of Gloucestershire and local people do not feel they have had any say in the matter.
The Brexit campaign was centred on the idea of taking back control … a slogan that went far beyond the demand for control of our borders.
… … …
[T]he European Union was one obvious villain … It gives no impression of listening … national politicians are not listening either … Brexit was a cry of pain from a country that no longer believes that traditional democracy offers the answer.
… … …
[T]he challenge of Brexit [is] how to give people their voice … making that happen will require profound courage and imagination from our national political leaders because it necessarily means they give up some of their own power.
… … …
What the British people want … is a democracy honest enough to reveal the trade-offs and the complexities of contemporary politics, responsive enough to reflect nuanced opinions, and convincing enough that people believe they are genuinely connected to the decisions that affect their lives.
When we cut our ties with EU power, we must also reform Britain’s archaic power structures.
I think Easton may well be right. And as so often I couldn’t have expressed it better, hence the extracts.
To quote Robert Kubica, Everything is possible but everything will be difficult.
Interesting times we live in, innit!
For a couple of months every spring/summer the People’s Trust for Endangered Species runs a survey Living with Mammals which asks us to record the mammals we see in our back gardens. I’ve been taking part in this for some years and just before Christmas I received the 2016 Living with Mammals survey update. For those of you who are more ecologically minded here are a few snippets from this brief report.
The value of biodiversity and the wildlife in our towns and cities is recognised today more than ever.
… … …
A hundred years ago, red squirrel numbers were already declining, while their grey counterparts, introduced in the last quarter of the 19th century, hadn’t yet become established.
… … …
Since their introduction from North America, grey squirrels have replaced red squirrels across much of their range. Both red and grey squirrels eat acorns, but greys are better able to digest them and, in deciduous woodland, this gives them a competitive advantage.
… … …
Hedgehogs [have] shown a decline of a quarter in the population since the survey began in 2003.
… … …
Ensuring gardens are accessible, forming a network of ‘hedgehog highways’; growing plants that benefit insects; providing nesting sites, such as a woodpile or access under a shed; and removing hazards, such as netting, are easy to do and might be turning a corner for hedgehog conservation.
Photograph © Sam Hobson
The proportion of sites recording foxes each year has fallen slightly and worries that fox numbers are a worsening problem are misplaced. Foxes have few specific habitat requirements; they are adaptable and savvy enough to make use of the food and shelter provided by the built environment and provide a service clearing up much of waste we leave around … foxes, like all wildlife, want a quiet life and while they can be bold, they are rarely unruly.
This reinforces the point that gardens, especially suburban gardens, are an invaluable haven for wildlife and the ever encroaching fashion for paving, decking and manicured grass does the wildlife few favours. [One exception: decking provides a super condominium for rats and mice.]
Marmorean / Marmoreal
Resembling marble, or a marble statue, as in smoothness, whiteness, hardness colouring etc.
The word derives, as one might expect, from the classical Latin marmoreus (like marble).
The OED records the first English usage as 1656.