Category Archives: sexuality

beliefs, medical, sexuality

Foreskins

1 Comment

Digging back through my pile of unread articles over the weekend I came across one from earlier this year entitled The Troubled History of the Foreskin [long read].
Common in the US, rare in Europe and now championed in Africa, male circumcision is hotly debated. Author Jessica Wapner looks at the prevalence of male circumcision in America, the way circumcision is being forced onto developing nations (especially in Africa) and the evidence for whether it is actually effective.


Would you buy a banana like this?

And her conclusion is much the same as mine: It is unnecessary and an abuse just as FGM is. As the article is a long read, here are Jessica Wapner’s concluding paragraphs:

After reading the literature, I’m unconvinced by the evidence used to justify circumcision for health reasons. I’ll explain why by means of a thought experiment. Imagine that infant male circumcision had never been a part of American medical practice, but was common in, say, Spain or Senegal or Japan. Based on what we know about the health benefits of the procedure, would American doctors recommend introducing the procedure? And would that evidence be enough for American parents to permanently remove a part of their child’s body without his agreement?
Remember what the evidence tells us. Either the benefits can be obtained by a milder intervention (antibiotics and condoms in the case of urinary tract infections and sexually transmitted diseases), or the risk is low and open to other preventive measures (penile cancer), or the concern is rarely justified (HIV in the United States). Remember also that Western countries where circumcision is rare do not see higher rates of the problems that foreskin removal purports to prevent: not STDs, not penile cancer, not cervical cancer, not HIV. It’s hard to imagine circumcision being introduced on this basis. It’s equally difficult to picture studies on the benefits of the procedure being done.
The main reason we have circumcision in the US today is not the health benefits. It’s because we’re used to it. After all, if circumcision is not definitively preventing a life-threatening issue that cannot be prevented by other means, can removal of a body part without the agreement of the child be justified? We are so accustomed to the practice that operating on an infant so that he resembles his father seems acceptable. I’ve heard many people give this as their reason. It isn’t a good one.
It’s disconcerting to think that circumcising infant boys may be a violation of their human rights. We castigate cultures that practise female genital mutilation (FGM). Rightfully so … removal of the clitoral hood … is anatomically analogous to removal of the foreskin. Some forms of FGM, such as nicking or scratching the female genitalia, are unequivocally deemed a human rights violation but are even milder than the foreskin removal …
Thinking about male circumcision as an unnecessary and irreversible surgery forced on infants, I can’t but hope that the troubled history of the foreskin will come to an end, and that the foreskin will be known for its presence rather than its absence.

Yes, male circumcision should be a human rights abuse just as is FGM.
Footnote: Before anyone wants to ask, no I’m not circumcised. I’m very glad my parents thought as I do that the procedure is unnecessary and thus an abuse. Indeed from memory a majority (maybe 60-70%) of the guys at school and with whom I’ve shared cricket etc. changing rooms were also entire.

medical, sexuality

Sexual Wellbeing

Sexual Health Week, which is this week, has been run annually by the FPA since 1997. This year’s theme is pleasure and wellbeing.


So often we forget that most sex takes place for reasons of pleasure, intimacy and desire rather than reproduction. As well as being pleasurable, an active sex life is a good form of exercise, reduces stress, aids relaxation and sleep, is a good pain reliever and keeps the prostate gland and genitals healthy.
In this context sex doesn’t just mean what goes on between two (or more) consenting adults, but includes masturbation. Oh come on! We all do it. And masturbation can make you happier, healthier and more fertile. The chemicals released by masturbation include dopamine, which triggers the pleasure centres of the brain and reduces stress; endorphins which reduce pain (including menstrual pain); and prolactin, which aids sleep. Apparently males especially (why especially males, I don’t know) benefit from masturbation when they are under the weather, as it increases the production of bacteria-fighting white blood cells. In addition it can help prevent prostate cancer by flushing out the carcinogenic toxins in the prostate.
As sex educator Emily Nagoski says, pleasure is the best measure of sexual wellbeing. And as Emily would no doubt also point out, you only get the real pleasure if you approach sex with confidence and joy.
However the one thing we really must do to achieve this sexual wellbeing (indeed general wellbeing) is to talk much more openly about sex, our bodies and indeed everything medical. We need much better body awareness and to normalise sex and nudity rather than criminalising them. And I believe that has to include the decriminalisation of prostitution and removing the stigmas around STIs.
But this is only going to get easier if we start talking much more, and much more openly, about sex. And that means all of us: parents with children; friends with friends; partners with each other; everyone with their doctor.
The more we talk about what sex is really like, ensure consent and promote informed choices, the less harmful the extreme images, videos and information can be. Good communication really does enhance sexual wellbeing, and it is important that people have the confidence to speak openly and clearly to health professionals about their sexual health.
So if there is one thing I want everyone to start doing during this year’s Sexual Health Week — well I want you to start any time; the sooner the better — it is to talk about sex: with friends, parents, your children, your doctor, your brothers & sisters … anyone and everyone.
The more we talk, the easier it will get. And the more we talk the better our wellbeing.

books, medical, nudism, people, sexuality

Book Review: Bare Reality

Laura Dodsworth
Bare Reality: 100 Women, Their Breasts, Their Stories
Pinter & Martin; 2015
Bare RealityThis is a fascinating book in which 100 women share un-photoshopped photographs of their breasts alongside honest, courageous, powerful and sometimes humorous stories about their breasts and their effect on their lives. The women come from all walks of life: from a Buddhist nun to a burlesque dancer; ages ranging from 19 to 101; everything from a 32AAA to a 36K bust; entirely natural through surgically enhanced and surgically reduced to bilateral radical mastectomy.
The cover blurb suggests the book will make you reconsider how you think and feel about your own body as well as those of the women in your life. And yes, it may for those who have not thought about these things before. Has it for me? I don’t think so, but the jury is still out. But these women’s perspectives and experiences are certainly revealing, intimate and at times moving.
The stories recounted cover the whole range:

  • I hate my breasts — I love my breasts
  • I wish they were bigger — I wish they were smaller
  • They’re totally non-sensitive — they’re so sensitive it’s painful
  • They don’t do anything sexually — they’re my most erogenous feature
  • Breastfeeding is so gross — I love breastfeeding
  • Breastfeeding is what they’re for — sex is what they’re for
  • I love bras — bras are the work of the Devil
  • I hated them, so a had them enhanced; now they’re horrible and I hate them more
  • I could never have them enlarged/reduced — can’t understand why everyone doesn’t have a boob job
  • This is the first time I’ve ever shown them to anyone — I’m nude all the time
  • How is it men never learn what to do with our breasts but my girlfriend just knows?
  • And of course, why are (most) men so fixated on breasts?

Probably everyone would agree there are a small number of real stunners (though we probably wouldn’t agree which ones) and there are an even smaller number of horrors (like one spectacularly bad boob job); but the vast majority are just breasts — normal breasts — just like you’d see on any topless beach; nothing to get hung up about.
Which is all very much as one might expect so I can’t say I was struck by anything at all surprising. Sad; pathetic; moving; joyous. Yes all of those. But no moment of “OMG how did I not know/suspect that?!”. And in a way I found that disappointing. I had expected there would be something profound about women and their breasts that had passed me by, but if so it isn’t revealed here.
That having been said I did find the book both interesting and compulsive reading. Whether you are male or female, if you want an insight into how women view their breasts this is a must read. I would commend the book to everyone, but especially to teenagers — of both genders, but boys especially — as an essential part of learning, understanding, cherishing and being completely comfortable with your, and everyone else’s, body. To which end we could now do with the equivalent books of male and female genitalia.
Oh, and do not expect the book to be titillating. It isn’t.
Overall Rating: ★★★★☆

medical, sexuality

Talking Sex Ed

As a society, and as individuals, we need to be talking about sex. More specifically we need to be talking sex education with our youngsters.
Emily Nagoski, author of the best selling Come As You Are, has written a short piece (for The Big Issue) on how we are failing to get a grip of sex ed, and what should be changed.

Thanks to my “sex ed”, by the time I got into my first sexual relationship, I had no idea … I didn’t have a damn clue. Nobody I knew had a clue … It’s all very well learning to put a condom on a banana, but it’s not much use if you then don’t know what to do with the banana, or what you want to do with the banana, or even how you feel about the banana in the first place.

condom-banana

Learning to put a condom on a banana — or indeed anything else vaguely banana-shaped — is certainly important, but it isn’t the whole story by a long way. And we need to be addressing the whole story.
You can find Emily’s full article here. Read it. It is important. For you. And for the next generation(s).

science, sexuality

Book Review: Come As You Are

Emily Nagoski
Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that will Transform your Sex Life
Simon & Schuster, 2015
If you take away only one message from this book it should be that YOU’RE NORMAL! Whatever the size and shape of your genitals and whatever your sexuality and sexual response, that’s fine. YOU’RE NORMAL!
Emily Nagoski is Director of Wellness Education and Lecturer at Smith College in Massachusetts, where she teaches Women’s Sexuality. So naturally this is a book about female sexuality. It has little to say directly about male sexuality — because the standard narrative of male sexuality is pretty well understood — although that doesn’t mean you guys won’t get quite a lot from it as it seems to me that many of the underlying principles discussed are still important to us.
In describing this book I can’t do a lot better than to quote the blurb from Amazon UK:

An essential exploration of women’s sexuality that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy. After all the books that have been written about sex, all the blogs and TV shows and radio Q&As, how can it be that we all still have so many questions? The frustrating reality is that we’ve been lied: to not deliberately, it’s no one’s fault, but still. We were told the wrong story. Come As You Are reveals the true story behind female sexuality, uncovering the little-known science of what makes us tick and, more importantly, how and why. Sex educator Dr Emily Nagoski debunks the common sexual myths that are making women (and some men!) feel inadequate between the sheets. For example, she shows: There is no such thing as a sex drive. Current research shows that sexuality comprises sexual brakes and sexual accelerators, which are largely determined by context. Not everybody experiences spontaneous desire. Some of us experience only reactive desire, some of us only spontaneous desire, and some of us both and that’s normal. Genital response does not always mirror mental arousal in fact, for women the overlap is just 10%. Underlying almost all of the questions we still have about sex is the common worry: Am I normal? This book answers with a resounding yes! We are all different, but we are all normal and once we learn this, we can create for ourselves better sex and more profound pleasure than we ever thought possible.

Well, yes, but a lot of that, at least in my view, is also true for men — although the balances and sensitivities are (often very) different. Which is why I say I think many guys will get something from this book, both in terms of understanding a female partner’s sexuality but also for a deeper understanding of their own. Oh and guys: YOU’RE NORMAL too.
The book is a chunky nine chapters, a couple of appendices and almost 400 pages. Nagoski’s style is chatty, friendly and easy to read, although to this Brit that style is at times irritatingly, and over-enthusiastically, American. Being a scientist and sex nerd (her description!) the book is copiously annotated and referenced, with 40 pages of notes and references — yes the content is based firmly in current scientific understanding; it is not just the author making up a theory on the fly with no supporting evidence.
I’ve been reading Emily Nagoski’s weblog, The Dirty Normal, for several years so I’ve seen most of the ideas in this book before — and indeed over the years she has honed those ideas on her blog audience. But to have all of the ideas put together, with more backup information and explanation, rather than in 1000 word “blog bites”, is still highly valuable. However what this did mean is that I didn’t get any “Wow!” moments of sudden realisation. But that doesn’t mean you won’t! Indeed I suspect most people will get some sudden insight.
So in summary … go get a copy of this book and read it. Girls, even if it doesn’t massively change your sex life you will at least have a much better understanding of how you work. And guys, you should read it too, you’re likely to get some insights into both yourself and your partner.
And remember: YOU’RE NORMAL! Just everyone varies.
Overall Rating: ★★★★☆

current affairs, sexuality

Internet Prostitution

There was a very interesting article in the Economist on 9 August under the headline “Prostitution: A Personal Choice”.
The first interesting thing is that such an august institution as the Economist does not support the UK government fetish of zero tolerance because the buying and selling of sex is dangerous, immoral etc. etc.
Instead the writer makes a number of points supported by recent research. First and foremost:

The internet is making the buying and selling of sex easier and safer. Governments should stop trying to ban it.

While they agree …

Some prostitutes do indeed suffer from trafficking, exploitation or violence; their abusers ought to end up in jail for their crimes. But for many, both male and female, sex work is just that: work.
This newspaper has never found it plausible that all prostitutes are victims … the commercial-sex trade [looks] more and more like a normal service industry.

They go on …

Moralisers will lament the shift online because it will cause the sex trade to grow strongly … But everyone else should cheer. Sex arranged online and sold from an apartment or hotel room is less bothersome for third parties than are brothels or red-light districts … the web will do more to make prostitution safer than any law has ever done. Pimps are less likely to be abusive if prostitutes have an alternative route to market. Specialist sites will enable buyers and sellers to assess risks more accurately. Apps and sites are springing up that will let them confirm each other’s identities and swap verified results from sexual-health tests. Schemes such as Britain’s Ugly Mugs allow prostitutes to circulate online details of clients to avoid.
Governments should seize the moment to rethink their policies. Prohibition, whether partial or total, has been a predictable dud. It has singularly failed to stamp out the sex trade.

Moreover …

The “Swedish model” [criminalising the purchase of sex instead of its sale] … is misguided, as a matter of both principle and practice. Banning the purchase of sex is as illiberal as banning its sale. Criminalisation of clients perpetuates the idea of all prostitutes as victims forced into the trade. Some certainly are — by violent partners, people-traffickers or drug addiction. But there are already harsh laws against assault and trafficking. Addicts need treatment, not a jail sentence …
Sweden’s avowed aim is to wipe out prostitution by eliminating demand. But the sex trade will always exist — and the new approach has done nothing to cut the harms associated with it.

And finally …

Prostitution is moving online whether governments like it or not. If they try to get in the way of the shift they will do harm … the unrealistic goal of ending the sex trade distracts the authorities from the genuine horrors of modern-day slavery … and child prostitution (better described as money changing hands to facilitate the rape of a child). Governments should focus on deterring and punishing such crimes — and leave consenting adults who wish to buy and sell sex to do so safely and privately online.

One day governments will start taking real notice of research findings and start understanding.

sexuality

Getting the Sex Worker Message

At last someone is beginning to get the message about the decriminalisation of sex work.
Lord (Norman) Fowler, who was Health Secretary in Margaret Thatcher’s administration is calling for sex work to be decriminalised in order to constrain the spread of HIV.


The following are extracts from an article in the Independent on 27 July.

Sex work should be decriminalised in the UK to slow the spread of HIV and combat prejudice, the former health secretary … has said.

Speaking at the International Aids Conference in Melbourne, Lord Fowler said:

“One of the reasons for [low HIV diagnosis rates] is obviously the prejudice and ostracism that comes with either being gay, or having HIV, or being a sex worker … If you’re going to be prosecuted, it’s most unlikely you’d want to come forward to say: ‘please test me I think I may have HIV’.”

“The British system needs another look at. It’s all over the place … Australians have a system where prostitution is totally decriminalised; as long as you meet normal business requirements on health and safety you can act perfectly legally as a sex worker or run a brothel. [But] the whole input of British law has been to take them off the streets and keep them out of sight.”
“Are we prepared to recognise sex work and cooperate with sex workers, bringing them in to the policy dialogue, or do we call them prostitutes and assume they have no input? It is slightly a matter of attitude and requires a revolution in attitude.”

The Independent report continues …

Few countries have totally decriminalised sex work, but where it has been attempted, it has led to reductions in HIV infections, and greater confidence among sex workers that they can contact the police to protect them from violence, with no significant increase in the number of street-based sex workers.

Ruth Morgan-Thomas, a sex worker and coordinator of the Global Network of Sex Work Projects, said sex workers had long recognised that decriminalisation would have an impact on the HIV epidemic, and that working under criminalised circumstances was making sex workers more vulnerable.
“We need to stop thinking about people who are engaging in sex work as victims, as criminals, as immoral, as unimportant in our society. Every citizen has the same rights. One of the fundamentals is about your ability to choose your employment,” she said.

So great. The message is beginning to get through, although there is still a long way yet to go!

beliefs, freedom of speech, links, nudism, sexuality

Your Interesting Links

Interesting items seem to be coming thick and fast at the moment, so here’s another instalment of links to items you may have missed. And not so much boring science stuff this time!
Apocalypse? So what would happen if all our satellites fell from the sky? Yep, apocalypse may not be far off the mark!
Do you wear glasses? Or lenses? Ever wondered whether you could see without them? You can. Here’s how. And it really does work!
The strange story of a tetragametic woman — that’s someone made from four gametes (two eggs, two sperm) rather than the usual two. This is a form of chimerism and as chimeras are normally detected only because of external abnormalities (for example differently coloured eyes) we don’t really know how common it is.
We know the phases of the moon influence the behaviour of many creatures from big cats to owls, but how much does the moon affect human behaviour?


An interesting short read on saffron, that brightly coloured spice from crocus flowers.
While on plants, this stunning piece of sculpture was carved into an olive stone in 1737.
And so to religion … here’s an interesting evolutionary tree of religion.
Allegedly the human mind is primed to believe in god. If so, how is it that atheism is on the rise?
Meanwhile archaeologists have been staring into the mists of time and come to the conclusion that Britain’s oldest settlement is Amesbury, near Stonehenge, in Wiltshire. Doesn’t seem too surprising to me.
An American mother takes a very sensible look at nudity and how it does not cause any problems for kids.
And to finish on our usual theme of sexuality, here’s a considered response to the Nordic conception of controlling prostitution from a Canadian sex worker.
These final two items may not be safe for those of a pathetically puritanical mind; they are included here in the interests of normalising our attitudes to sex and sexuality.
Girl on the Net asks whether blowjobs are anti-feminist. Spoiler: No, because feminism is a state of mind not an attribute of “things”.
And really finally, with the spotlight on Girl on the Net, here’s an interview with her in the University of York student newspaper, York Vision (it was called Nouse in my day!).

sexuality, thoughts

Swedish Model

*** Warning — long read ***
So the EU and many governments want to embrace the Swedish model for the regulation of prostitution do they?
Buying and selling sex is not currently illegal in the UK but soliciting, pimping, brothel-keeping and kerb-crawling are all criminal activities. By contrast the Swedish model says that it is legal to sell sexual services but it is illegal to buy them.
The Swedish model is a complete nonsense, for a number of reasons …
1. It is totally illogical. Making the selling of sex legal, but the buying of it illegal just does not make sense. It is like saying that Tesco may sell me a Mars Bar but it is illegal for me to buy one. If we applied this logic to any commodity other than sex the proposal would be laughed out of court as being totally ridiculous.
Moreover, I suggest, It may also be a restraint of trade: I’m legitimately allowed to trade in a commodity but no-one is permitted to engage with me to buy it so I am restrained from carrying on my legitimate business.
2. By criminalising the buying and selling of sex government is attempting to legislate morality and exercise control over private sexual behaviour — which I submit are basically none of their business. Sex workers are human beings and selling sex is their trade. As such sex workers must surely be entitled to the same labour rights as other workers and the same human rights as other people. It is vulnerability, not sex work, which creates victims. (And let us not forget that not all sex workers are prostitutes and not all are female, although the majority probably are.)
No wonder the English Collective of Prostitutes (the nearest UK sex workers have to a trade union) has said:

We are appalled that at a time when benefit cuts and sanctions, lowering wages, increased homelessness and debt are forcing more women, particularly mothers, into prostitution, the best that MPs can come up with is to increase criminalisation. These proposals will further divert police time and resources from investigating rape, trafficking and other violent crimes to policing consenting sex.

3. It doesn’t work. All the criminalisation of either sex workers or clients is going to do is to push sex work further underground, where it becomes prey to abuse and criminal activity.
The argument for the Swedish model is that by attacking the demand to buy sex the sex industry in general, and trafficking in particular, are reduced. However there is no credible research to support the idea that the Swedish Model reduces selling, buying or trafficking. However there is significant research to show that conflating sex work and trafficking is a conscious attempt to prevent people from voluntarily migrating to do sex work. The argument about the reduction in trafficking doesn’t hold water. Evidence shows that the vast majority of the UK’s sex workers are there voluntarily, have not been trafficked, and are not being controlled.
Instead of improving things, a Swedish National Police Board report shows that the policy has driven sex work underground and made sex workers even more vulnerable. It has also lead to an expansion of indoor sex work (OK taking girls off the streets is arguably a good thing): for example, apparently Thai massage parlours offering sexual services in Stockholm increased almost three-fold between 2009 and 2012.
Yes, of course UK law needs to be changed to improve safety for sex workers. In the UK sex workers are forced to work alone because working with anyone else constitutes running a brothel. Working alone dramatically increases the risk of them being subjected to rape, violence, robbery and even murder. Given that 80% of the UK’s female sex workers work indoors, decriminalisation would enable these women to work from premises in teams of two or more which would be safer for them. And the same has to be true for male sex workers as well.
Moreover decriminalising the sale of sex empowers sex workers to use the justice system to seek redress for abuse, violence and discrimination. Removing the threat of criminal penalties would also enable sex workers to work with police to facilitate the enforcement of anti-trafficking laws.
Decriminalisation would also encourage sex workers to have more open access to health, legal and social services. Indeed following the Dutch model licensing of sex workers could go even further by making regular medical check-ups a condition of the licence. And healthier sex workers has to be good for them as well as good for the punters.
4. You can’t regulate an intangible commodity like sex. Basically it is bad law because it is unenforceable.
You can licence the sex workers, but without doing that you cannot regulate sex. People will have sex, even if they aren’t supposed to. And where they’re having sex as a commodity there will be a trade in it. Any two people can go off and have sex and who can tell if money (or other tangible payment) changes hands? The deal doesn’t have to be done in the open; it will happen in a private room somewhere well out of sight of law enforcement’s prying eyes and the tax man. Basically the buying and selling goes underground.
This is no different from the way in which any (black) market works: A is willing to sell commodity Z to B who will pay for it; if this is illegal then it just gets done “under the counter”. This happens in every country; you cannot stop it. The UK currently has a thriving trade in illegally imported (cheap) alcohol and tobacco as well as drugs; during WWII rationing coupons were illegally traded; during the beef crisis, meat was still sold on the bone, but out of sight. They are tangible commodities and the trade can be restricted by confiscating the commodity when discovered. But how do you confiscate sex? It’s like saying that consultancy is illegal — it cannot be enforced. Anyone can talk to (have sex with) anyone and who can tell if money changes hands along the way?
So unless you are prepared to licence sex workers, basically it is a free for all and open to exploitation by any petty (and not so petty) criminal. And ultimately that is bad for everyone. The girls are exploited (or worse) by pimps and open to abuse from the punters; and they can’t do anything about it as they can’t report the abuse. The punters are vulnerable too; they can be fleeced of their money and they have no clue about the health status of the girls. Everyone loses.
5. But it is even wider than this. Sex work challenges our current social and cultural norms — just as homosexuality, illegitimacy, anal sex and even masturbation have done in the not so distant past. As a result we changed the way we thought about those issues. Isn’t it about time that we changed the way we think about sex work too?


So what should we do? We agree that the UK’s sex work laws need to be rationalised and updated.
The ECP and other sex worker rights groups continue to campaign for the introduction of laws similar to those in New Zealand, where sex work is decriminalised and women are allowed to work together in small owner-operated brothels. To me this seems a sensible option; it takes girls off the streets, gives them safety in numbers and permits them the security of being able to have abuse and criminal activity against them investigated by the police. If we were to go further and follow the Dutch model of licensing sex workers then regular medical check-ups can be made a condition of the licence — which has to be good for everyone’s health. Let us not forget too that once permitted and legal, earnings from sex work can be taxed; and what government wouldn’t like more money in its coffers?
How hard is this? Why is the logic so impossible for politicians and law enforcement persons to grasp? Why is this too much to ask?
Wake up guys. Smell the coffee. Stop jerking your knees and start thinking.
——————————
Sources:
Suzi Godson; 10 Things You Need to Know Before You Support the Swedish Model of Sex Work. This is a short, well researched article which cites its references.
Alexandra Topping; Selling sex should be decriminalised but buying it should be illegal, say MPs.