This, from yesterday’s Guardian, is an excellent example of why we need to be talking openly about sexuality and our bodies — and what happens when we don’t.
Category Archives: sexuality
Sexuality
Now this is essentially how we should treat all aspects of sexuality: open and honest, but no big deal. And look … it works!
Safer Sex Work
Today I’m going to return to one of my perennial subjects: prostitution.
A couple of weeks ago New Scientist (12 December) carried an Opinion piece by Clare Wilson under the title Safer Sex Work. As I’m not sure if the linked article is generally accessible on the New Scientist website, I post here the core of the article.
Evidence suggests nations should legalise, not ban, prostitution
Do we help sex workers most by legalising or criminalising what they do? …
A proposed bill [in Scotland] that would decriminalise prostitution there has just finished its consultation stage. In the UK, selling sex isn’t illegal but related acts are, such as soliciting, kerb-crawling and working in a brothel. These would be allowed under the Scottish bill.
In 2012 [MSP] Jean Urquhart favoured a form of criminalisation. Then she went to a debate involving sex workers. What she heard … has led her to “come full circle”. [The] bill is modelled on a 2003 New Zealand law … backed by [WHO] …
… if what you do is illegal, it is harder to work with others or hire guards — that’s classed as working in a brothel. If you get attacked you dare not go to the police. And you are less likely to use services that provide free condoms and treat sexually transmitted infections …
Some opponents of legalisation want the “Swedish model”, where it is illegal to pay for sex but not to provide it, to avoid penalising sex workers. But a sex worker whose customers get arrested will quickly have no customers at all. So it still forces them to operate in secret, leading to the same problems.
As one sex worker says, the debate tends to revolve around feelings about men who pay for sex and what that says about society. She wants to scream: “What about our safety?”
Despite many opinions to the contrary (and despite being totally illogical), we know that the “Swedish model” doesn’t work: see for instance here and here. Unlike in New Zealand which has gone the opposite route to general acclaim.
I remember reading about this Scottish bill some while back and it did seem to me to be the most sensible and logical way forward. Prostitution isn’t going to go away. So legalising, or at least decriminalising, it seems the best approach: the sex workers can be protected, registered and have regular medical checks; that protects their clients as well; and once something is legal and regulated it can be taxed (and what government doesn’t want money for nothing?).
That looks like win-win-win to me.
Oddity of the Week: Fruity Sex
Humans have certainly found some strange and bizarre places to have sex. Not to be outdone this adaptable couple have selected a series of hinged porcelain fruit for their carnal encounters.
Porcelain fruit, hinged, contains male and female copulating, Oriental
[Wellcome Collection, London]
Although obviously Oriental, apparently no-one is quite sure exactly when or where they come from.
More on some of the ruder exhibits in London’s museums at http://londonist.com/2011/03/the-top-10-rudest-museum-exhibits-in-london.
Young Men and Porn
During his eight years as editor of lad’s mag Loaded Martin Daubney was often accused of being a pornographer.
When he stopped editing Loaded he decided to try to put his experience to good use and he now spends time visiting British schools to give talks to teenagers, teachers and parents.
Daubney explains a little about what he’s doing in this short article from the Guardian earlier this week. It is well worth a read as a refreshing approach to what is still very much a taboo subject.
Foreskins
Digging back through my pile of unread articles over the weekend I came across one from earlier this year entitled The Troubled History of the Foreskin [long read].
Common in the US, rare in Europe and now championed in Africa, male circumcision is hotly debated. Author Jessica Wapner looks at the prevalence of male circumcision in America, the way circumcision is being forced onto developing nations (especially in Africa) and the evidence for whether it is actually effective.
Would you buy a banana like this?
And her conclusion is much the same as mine: It is unnecessary and an abuse just as FGM is. As the article is a long read, here are Jessica Wapner’s concluding paragraphs:
After reading the literature, I’m unconvinced by the evidence used to justify circumcision for health reasons. I’ll explain why by means of a thought experiment. Imagine that infant male circumcision had never been a part of American medical practice, but was common in, say, Spain or Senegal or Japan. Based on what we know about the health benefits of the procedure, would American doctors recommend introducing the procedure? And would that evidence be enough for American parents to permanently remove a part of their child’s body without his agreement?
Remember what the evidence tells us. Either the benefits can be obtained by a milder intervention (antibiotics and condoms in the case of urinary tract infections and sexually transmitted diseases), or the risk is low and open to other preventive measures (penile cancer), or the concern is rarely justified (HIV in the United States). Remember also that Western countries where circumcision is rare do not see higher rates of the problems that foreskin removal purports to prevent: not STDs, not penile cancer, not cervical cancer, not HIV. It’s hard to imagine circumcision being introduced on this basis. It’s equally difficult to picture studies on the benefits of the procedure being done.
The main reason we have circumcision in the US today is not the health benefits. It’s because we’re used to it. After all, if circumcision is not definitively preventing a life-threatening issue that cannot be prevented by other means, can removal of a body part without the agreement of the child be justified? We are so accustomed to the practice that operating on an infant so that he resembles his father seems acceptable. I’ve heard many people give this as their reason. It isn’t a good one.
It’s disconcerting to think that circumcising infant boys may be a violation of their human rights. We castigate cultures that practise female genital mutilation (FGM). Rightfully so … removal of the clitoral hood … is anatomically analogous to removal of the foreskin. Some forms of FGM, such as nicking or scratching the female genitalia, are unequivocally deemed a human rights violation but are even milder than the foreskin removal …
Thinking about male circumcision as an unnecessary and irreversible surgery forced on infants, I can’t but hope that the troubled history of the foreskin will come to an end, and that the foreskin will be known for its presence rather than its absence.
Yes, male circumcision should be a human rights abuse just as is FGM.
Footnote: Before anyone wants to ask, no I’m not circumcised. I’m very glad my parents thought as I do that the procedure is unnecessary and thus an abuse. Indeed from memory a majority (maybe 60-70%) of the guys at school and with whom I’ve shared cricket etc. changing rooms were also entire.
Sex Worker Safety
Interesting item in last Thursday’s Guardian.
At last someone is beginning to get the message.
Shame it won’t happen — yet.
Sexual Wellbeing
Sexual Health Week, which is this week, has been run annually by the FPA since 1997. This year’s theme is pleasure and wellbeing.
So often we forget that most sex takes place for reasons of pleasure, intimacy and desire rather than reproduction. As well as being pleasurable, an active sex life is a good form of exercise, reduces stress, aids relaxation and sleep, is a good pain reliever and keeps the prostate gland and genitals healthy.
In this context sex doesn’t just mean what goes on between two (or more) consenting adults, but includes masturbation. Oh come on! We all do it. And masturbation can make you happier, healthier and more fertile. The chemicals released by masturbation include dopamine, which triggers the pleasure centres of the brain and reduces stress; endorphins which reduce pain (including menstrual pain); and prolactin, which aids sleep. Apparently males especially (why especially males, I don’t know) benefit from masturbation when they are under the weather, as it increases the production of bacteria-fighting white blood cells. In addition it can help prevent prostate cancer by flushing out the carcinogenic toxins in the prostate.
As sex educator Emily Nagoski says, pleasure is the best measure of sexual wellbeing. And as Emily would no doubt also point out, you only get the real pleasure if you approach sex with confidence and joy.
However the one thing we really must do to achieve this sexual wellbeing (indeed general wellbeing) is to talk much more openly about sex, our bodies and indeed everything medical. We need much better body awareness and to normalise sex and nudity rather than criminalising them. And I believe that has to include the decriminalisation of prostitution and removing the stigmas around STIs.
But this is only going to get easier if we start talking much more, and much more openly, about sex. And that means all of us: parents with children; friends with friends; partners with each other; everyone with their doctor.
The more we talk about what sex is really like, ensure consent and promote informed choices, the less harmful the extreme images, videos and information can be. Good communication really does enhance sexual wellbeing, and it is important that people have the confidence to speak openly and clearly to health professionals about their sexual health.
So if there is one thing I want everyone to start doing during this year’s Sexual Health Week — well I want you to start any time; the sooner the better — it is to talk about sex: with friends, parents, your children, your doctor, your brothers & sisters … anyone and everyone.
The more we talk, the easier it will get. And the more we talk the better our wellbeing.
Book Review: Bare Reality
Laura Dodsworth
Bare Reality: 100 Women, Their Breasts, Their Stories
Pinter & Martin; 2015
This is a fascinating book in which 100 women share un-photoshopped photographs of their breasts alongside honest, courageous, powerful and sometimes humorous stories about their breasts and their effect on their lives. The women come from all walks of life: from a Buddhist nun to a burlesque dancer; ages ranging from 19 to 101; everything from a 32AAA to a 36K bust; entirely natural through surgically enhanced and surgically reduced to bilateral radical mastectomy.
The cover blurb suggests the book will make you reconsider how you think and feel about your own body as well as those of the women in your life. And yes, it may for those who have not thought about these things before. Has it for me? I don’t think so, but the jury is still out. But these women’s perspectives and experiences are certainly revealing, intimate and at times moving.
The stories recounted cover the whole range:
- I hate my breasts — I love my breasts
- I wish they were bigger — I wish they were smaller
- They’re totally non-sensitive — they’re so sensitive it’s painful
- They don’t do anything sexually — they’re my most erogenous feature
- Breastfeeding is so gross — I love breastfeeding
- Breastfeeding is what they’re for — sex is what they’re for
- I love bras — bras are the work of the Devil
- I hated them, so a had them enhanced; now they’re horrible and I hate them more
- I could never have them enlarged/reduced — can’t understand why everyone doesn’t have a boob job
- This is the first time I’ve ever shown them to anyone — I’m nude all the time
- How is it men never learn what to do with our breasts but my girlfriend just knows?
- And of course, why are (most) men so fixated on breasts?
Probably everyone would agree there are a small number of real stunners (though we probably wouldn’t agree which ones) and there are an even smaller number of horrors (like one spectacularly bad boob job); but the vast majority are just breasts — normal breasts — just like you’d see on any topless beach; nothing to get hung up about.
Which is all very much as one might expect so I can’t say I was struck by anything at all surprising. Sad; pathetic; moving; joyous. Yes all of those. But no moment of “OMG how did I not know/suspect that?!”. And in a way I found that disappointing. I had expected there would be something profound about women and their breasts that had passed me by, but if so it isn’t revealed here.
That having been said I did find the book both interesting and compulsive reading. Whether you are male or female, if you want an insight into how women view their breasts this is a must read. I would commend the book to everyone, but especially to teenagers — of both genders, but boys especially — as an essential part of learning, understanding, cherishing and being completely comfortable with your, and everyone else’s, body. To which end we could now do with the equivalent books of male and female genitalia.
Oh, and do not expect the book to be titillating. It isn’t.
Overall Rating: ★★★★☆
Talking Sex Ed
As a society, and as individuals, we need to be talking about sex. More specifically we need to be talking sex education with our youngsters.
Emily Nagoski, author of the best selling Come As You Are, has written a short piece (for The Big Issue) on how we are failing to get a grip of sex ed, and what should be changed.
Thanks to my “sex ed”, by the time I got into my first sexual relationship, I had no idea … I didn’t have a damn clue. Nobody I knew had a clue … It’s all very well learning to put a condom on a banana, but it’s not much use if you then don’t know what to do with the banana, or what you want to do with the banana, or even how you feel about the banana in the first place.
Learning to put a condom on a banana — or indeed anything else vaguely banana-shaped — is certainly important, but it isn’t the whole story by a long way. And we need to be addressing the whole story.
You can find Emily’s full article here. Read it. It is important. For you. And for the next generation(s).