Just to continue the personal theme here’s another post which has been gestating for a while.
Quite a few years ago, one of the weekend colour supplements ran an interview series under the title “I didn’t get where I am today without …”. Each week it asked the usual celebrity to specify up to six things that had got them where they were.
I was reminded of this recently when I happened across an odd copy of the column (undated and unsourced, which is unlike me) which I had obviously annotated with the view of turning it into a blog post. So here it is.
I didn’t get where I am today without …
1. Bohemian Parents. OK so there was a lot of covert pressure and controlling in my childhood from my somewhat dysfunctional father (which has screwed me up in many ways) — hence the sad little boy on the right. But my parents’ general bohemianism, and liberal attitudes to things like nudity and sexuality, mean I’m at ease with my body, with nudity and with sexuality. I was encouraged to learn; I was given an environment in which I could investigate anything I wanted; and in which I could develop my own ideas — even if they did clash with my father’s. All of which was made easier as I was a teenager in the swinging 1960s.
2. Religion . That might sound strange coming from someone who is such a confirmed atheist, especially as I was raised as an atheist — certainly agnostic — mainly because of my father’s rebellion against his stifling Baptist upbringing. However like everyone, I suspect, I dabbled in Christianity – joining the Roman Catholic church when a post-graduate, although I soon found it unfulfilling, and even to my mind immoral. I subsequently learnt something about many other religions and belief systems but eventually found none to be necessary and most actively destructive. But this led me to my current philosophies and becoming very much my own person, based on my own understanding of “life, the universe and everything”.
3. Technology. Technology, specifically computing technology, has been central to my working life. I learnt programming as a student, used it as a post-grad and that helped get me an entrée into the IT industry when my dreams of an academic career ran out. My father never forgave me for giving up on academe in favour of the world of commercialism and especially computer technology (of which he deeply disapproved); but to his credit he never tried very hard to dissuade me from it. So I spent almost the whole of my working life in IT — not all of it doing deeply techie stuff, but all there because of the technology. I cannot imagine what I would have spent my life doing without it.
4. Being a Research Student. Many people say that their student days were their formative years, but for me being an undergraduate was really only an extension of school. It is my post-grad days which were my formative years when I made some deep long-lasting friendships, discovered lots about everything and had the time and space to start developing my intellectual skills. And it is this ability to think and be a thorn in peoples’ side that has caused me trouble right throughout my working life. Somehow I managed to get a PhD along the way too; I still don’t know how!
These are the days I would wish to return to, if I had the ability — and I could do it all so much better now!
5. Being a Loser. I feel that I have been a loser all my life; and a loner (see again the sad little boy above). I was never a high-flyer at school and was a quiet, shy, scared kid with few friends, especially girl-friends. This continued into my student days when I had a number of conspicuous failures, most notably a long-term relationship which when it failed almost cost me my degree. This continued as a post-grad, culminating in the failure of my academic dreams, in large part due to my idleness.
Was the world of work any better? Not a lot; it too produced a number of conspicuous failures, several of which almost cost me my job – not because of major cock-ups but more by being the wrong sort of guy in the wrong place at the wrong time when things got tough; or because I “tell it like it is” and not how management would like it to be (aka. wrong attitude). And it’s trying to pull away from the wrong guy/wrong place/wrong time scenario that has led me to rise above the many negative influences of my childhood.
Although in all truth I’ve done reasonably well compared with many, all this means I feel I have not done as well as I think I should have, especially given my intellectual ability: in terms of recognition, money, personal fulfilment or impact on society. On the other hand without all those setbacks, and enforced changes of direction, I would not have got to where I am now!
The Wedding Photo, 1979.
L to R: Victor (Best Man), Maeve, Me, Noreen, Margaret, Jilly.
6. Noreen. Noreen and I have been married for almost 35 years. Over any time like that there will be many things which one wouldn’t have done without the support and encouragement of one’s partner. And we’ve been no exception; Noreen has consistently supported what I want to do and on many occasions happily joined in. Without that I would not have done much of what I have.
But Noreen’s effect on where I am now starts even before we married. When we were discussing getting married I was having to change job. I had two job offers: one in west London and the other in Winchester. But Noreen’s job — the job she had always wanted to do — was tied to London; and Winchester would have been a horrible commute. So I chose to take the London job offer rather than force Noreen to give up her cherished job (or have a long, expensive commute); and we’re still in London. Had Noreen and I not been in the throes of shackling ourselves together I likely would have taken the Winchester job — and who knows where that would have led?
There’s another thing for which I have to thank Noreen: she introduced me to Jilly, her best friend from school. Apart from the fact that I had an affair with Jilly (and who wouldn’t!) it was she who introduced me to Anthony Powell’s
A Dance to the Music of Time. This sustained me through recovery from glandular fever and so captivated me that, in time, my enthusiasm was translated into a major web resource and into the
Anthony Powell Society; 14 years on I remain the Society’s Hon. Secretary. The AP Soc has taken me to interesting places and introduced me to many interesting people; it really has been one of the major influences on my life.
I didn’t get where I am today by being somewhere else.
Here’s my April list of Ten Things.
1. Bohemian Parents. OK so there was a lot of covert pressure and controlling in my childhood from my somewhat dysfunctional father (which has screwed me up in many ways) — hence the sad little boy on the right. But my parents’ general bohemianism, and liberal attitudes to things like nudity and sexuality, mean I’m at ease with my body, with nudity and with sexuality. I was encouraged to learn; I was given an environment in which I could investigate anything I wanted; and in which I could develop my own ideas — even if they did clash with my father’s. All of which was made easier as I was a teenager in the swinging 1960s.
