Category Archives: personal

On Nudity and Naturism

I’ve just added two new pages to my Zen Mischief website.
On Nudity and Naturism — in which I explain my views and why I believe we need to normalise nudity (and sexuality) rather than marginalising and criminalising it.


Nudity and Naturism Quotes — from a wide variety of people; some great and/or good; some ordinary; some unknown.
I’ve been meaning to write these pages for a long while, and today was the day.

Five Questions, Series 5 #5

I’ve just realised that I never answered the last of the Five Questions in Series 5 that I posed way back at the beginning of the year. I’m not quite sure how that happened, but anyway here at last is that answer.


Question 5:Unicorns or magic carpet as your only form of transport? Why?
That just has to be a magic carpet. It should be much more comfortable a ride and there should be space for others to come along too. Moreover magic carpets probably fly lower, so you can see things along the way.
I assume that unicorns are basically horses. I don’t like horses. To me they are temperamental and untrustworthy beasts. I’ve sat on a horse only once, when I was a kid; it was very scary and bloody uncomfortable. So I can’t imagine being able to cling onto a flying unicorn.
No, the “My Little Pony Club” can have my share of unicorns. I’ll have a magic carpet, thank you!
– oo OO oo –

OK, that concludes Five Questions, Series 5. I’ll do another series in a few months.
Meantime, I would like questions to answer — ask anything and I will see if I can answer it. No promises though ‘cos you really don’t want to know about my … TMIA!

Ten Things #2

Here’s my February list of Ten Things.
10 Fruits & Vegetable I Like:

  1. Jerusalem Artichokes
  2. Avocado
  3. Pink Grapefruit
    (such a shame I can’t eat it)
  4. Fennel
  5. Garlic
  6. Butter Beans
  7. Purple Sprouting Broccoli
  8. Victoria Plums
  9. Chard
  10. Aubergine

There are lots more, but they’ll do for now!

Five Questions, Series 5 #4

We’ve got to question 4 of the Five Questions in Series 5 that I posed at the beginning of the year. (OMG, a month of the year has gone already!)


Question 4: Give me the story of your life in six words.
How about this as a fair summary:
Working class, eccentric thinker who underachieved

I didn’t get where I am today by achieving anything other than mediocrity.
OK, yes I did well academically by most people’s standards: reasonable first degree, a masters, then a doctorate (by the skin of my teeth!). But I failed dismally as the academic I wanted to be and left after a year.
I was destined to be a top consultant technician in a large IT company, but allowed myself to drift from job to job. I realised towards the end of my career that I could have achieved much more so-called success if I had put my mind to it. But I hadn’t and I realised I really didn’t want it, although I would have liked the status, the money and the pension. And that, from the outside looks like under-achievement because the early academic promise should have taken me much further than it did.
Unfortunately this just reinforced my internal mental self-portrait as a loser, an image which seems to have been instilled in me in childhood. It became an ingrained self-fulfilling prophesy. But of course it’s bollox. Intellectually I know it is.
But changing one’s internal self-image is damn hard. I’ve managed to get a long way from being a miserable, negative, “they’re all out to get me” git of a loser, as my father was, and as I was set to become. But so far I haven’t managed to shift the internal “loser” self-portrait.
No wonder I’m depressive.
Bah! Humbug!

Five Questions, Series 5 #2

So here I’ll give you an answer to the second of the Five Questions in Series 5 that I posed at the beginning of the month.


Question 2: Describe your fantasy girl.
Oh dear. Whatever I say I’m on a hiding to nothing here, being married (for half a lifetime) as I am! And also knowing that Mrs M will read this.
I suppose I could just hide behind the old response to this question: Come naked, bring beer”! For as Tiffany Madison says in Black and White:

It is assured that men of all ages imagine a woman naked when they first meet.

Which is not entirely true, though I’m sure for many not far from the truth.
But maybe I’d better be a bit more open, although to tell the truth I’m not at all sure I can conjure up an ideal girl. There are just so many variables and so much is down not to looks but to personality and even that simply unknown chemistry.
Mia SolisWhat sort of things to I find attractive physically?
Pale ginger hair and freckles is a good start. Blonde can be good although I’ve noticed over the years I seem to think more generally of brunettes.
Small perky breasts. Yes, really. Unlike most men (or at least what most men will tell you) I have never been one for big tits.
Average (or slightly above) height. I don’t go for very tall girls, or for very long legs — somehow they always seem to be out of proportion.
Slim figure but not thin. I hate the half-starved look.
But possibly more important is personality.
I like my girls intelligent and amusing; they need to share my warped sense of humour and be able to hold a meaningful conversation.
Sharing (at least some) interests makes things work well too.
Good in bed? Well yes, that’s good too.
And of course on top of that there is the indefinable chemistry that some how makes it work, or not. No, I don’t understand it and I don’t think anyone does.
How does this match up with Mrs M?
That, as they say, is for me to know and you to find out. So, no, I’m not going to tell you.
Ultimately the mental can (and, arguably for a successful relationship, should) outweigh physical looks and even practical skills. Besides, as I imply above, I think the whole thing is down to chemistry, which at rock bottom will overpower both the physical and the mental. Why else would we succumb to lust and the erotic? As Jean-Luc Godard allegedly observed:

Eroticism is consenting to live.

Five Questions, Series 5

To start off the New Year I decided we would have another round of Five Questions.
As before they are a mix of difficult and slightly silly questions, although of course you can treat them all as serious, or all as silly, should you wish. And there’s no knowing what I shall do when I get to answer each!


So the five questions for series 5 are:

  1. What is time?
  2. Describe your fantasy girl. (Yes girls, you can answer this too!)
  3. Do stairs go up or down?
  4. Give me the story of your life in six words.
  5. Unicorns or magic carpet as your only form of transport? Why?

As in previous series, if you take them seriously I think they’re going to be deceptively tricky. I certainly don’t know exactly how I’m going to answer them all, although I have a few ideas up my sleeve.
But answer them I will; one at a time over the coming weeks; the first probably in about a week from now — so you (and I!) have some think time.
And as I’ve said before, if anyone has any more good questions, then please send them to me. I’d like to continue to do this two or three times a year so good, but potentially fun, questions are needed.
Watch this space!

Childhood Reading

What follows is a slightly edited version of something I wrote for my friend Katy’s blog Making Them Readers, which encourages childhood literary, earlier in the year.
I’m not a fluent reader. Yes, I can read anything, am highly educated, have a good grasp of (basic) grammar and a huge vocabulary. But although I’m not dyslexic my spelling is, even now at 62, rather shoddy and I read slowly – it takes me about three times as long to read a page as it does most people. I don’t know why, it isn’t that I especially struggled to learn to read.
But the upshot of this is that I got turned off reading voraciously for pleasure and grammar school killed any enjoyment I might have had of the classics. Half an hour of homework (read the next chapter of Great Expectations) became a two hour marathon. So I was always behind. School absolutely killed the classics for me.
I must have read a certain amount at junior school otherwise I would not have got through the 11+ with ease. But my memory of what I read is hazy at best.
I remember we had a series of Janet and John books when I was learning to read and I remember reading Orlando the Marmalade Cat with my mother. And I must have read at least parts of Alice in Wonderland while still quite young.
I do remember, probably at about the age of 7 or 8, reading TS Eliot’s Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats. This started because it was something my father read to me at bedtime and before long I knew “Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat” off by heart.
Along the way someone obviously gave me a copy of A Puffin Book of Verse and Four Feet and Two. I know I read a lot of the former, dipping into it repeatedly over many years, but could never really get on with the latter.
Once I got to about 10 or 11 I started reading WE Johns’s Biggles books and over a period of about 5 years I devoured every one that our local library could throw at me — much to my parents’ disgust that I wasn’t reading anything “better”. Biggles became my alter ego.
Once past the age of about 14 I don’t recall reading anything much that I didn’t have to — I probably did, but it was unlikely to have been fiction and it hasn’t stuck in my memory. I remember trying War and Peace but soon found it turgid and heavy going. However I did buy John Betjeman’s High and Low when it was published, and this remained my “go to” book if ever I had a sleepless night, even into my student days. (I still have that first edition.) I must have read a chunk of Sherlock Holmes at about this time too.
And, oh dear, I think the whole school, read Peyton Place when it came out in paperback in the mid-1960s — incredibly boring. I also ploughed my way through my father’s copy of Ulysses at about 16 (why?) and about the same time decided that Lady Chatterley’s Lover was boring and gave up on it halfway through.
At 18 I ploughed my way through a large amount of my father’s copy of Havelock Ellis’s Psychology of Sex in an attempt to keep one step ahead of my girlfriend!
I didn’t really return to reading fiction, or indeed anything much outside my academic (scientific) sphere, until I was a post-graduate student when I discovered all sorts of oddities (Langland, Gower) as well as people like Evelyn Waugh, Laurie Lee and Don Camillo.
Although I’m now the Secretary of a literary society, I’m still not a great reader of fiction and to this day I cannot abide the classics.
And the moral is? Even if a child is not a fluent reader, don’t give up, don’t worry about it and don’t despair. Keep ensuring they have access to a wide range of interesting things to read (we had a lot of books at home and were always in and out of our local library), let them read whatever they choose, and there’s a good chance they’ll pick up on what they really like as they get older.

More Pussy Porn

In keeping with the tradition of the interwebs being the repository of all things pussy, here are another couple of shots of Tilly the Kitten. (Not so much kitten now, actually, as she’s approaching 7 months old.)

Click the images for larger views on Flickr
Please, I would like to catch that mouse
Please, I would like to catch that mouse.
Tilly helps Noreen with Facebook.
6 December 2013
Office Cat
Office Cat
Tilly does duty as a paperweight.
Tummy fur beginning to regrow after neutering.
5 December 2013

Thoughts on Depression

I’ve done quite a bit of thinking recently about depression. Partly my depression but also more generally. This all came about because a couple of weeks ago I had a fairly major down, which dropped me into both depression and panic and caused me to have to cancel a couple of important things I was supposed to be doing.
One of the things I came to realise is that there seem to be two types of depression. Or perhaps more accurately there are two types of depressive, which may reflect two types of depression as I think they may be able to co-exist. There are also essentially, it seems to me, to be two triggers for depression.
Let’s deal with the triggers first. I’ll call them “Despair” and “Overload”.
Despair
This is the classic “I feel useless and inadequate” scenario; “nobody loves me”, “I’m a mess”,” I’m useless”, “what’s the point of anything?”, “let’s end it all now”. We all get this sometimes and I’m not immune, but it generally isn’t the cause of my depression — more usually a result of me having royally cocked up something.
Overload
The alternative trigger, which is also fairly well accepted as a cause of depression, is excessive (for you) change and excessive load. Too many commitments; way far too much to do; bosses buggering everything around, etc. It’s the classic “I can’t cope with any more” scenario.


OK, so what are these types of depression/depressive?
I’ll call them “Do” and “Sit”.
Do
The standard self-help advice for depression seems to go along the lines of “get up, have a cold shower, put on some good brass band music and get on with life”. Which is fine if (a) you’re not too far in and (b) it works for you. It doesn’t work for me and never has. It broadly seems to fit with the Despair model.
Sit
To understand this let me give some background. Some years ago (like maybe 20 years) I read an article by a couple of medics in (I think) Glasgow who noticed that most people who were hospitalised with depression just wanted to sit in a corner and do nothing. This was contrary to the accepted treatment of giving them occupational therapy or psychotherapy (ie. a treatment of the Do type), which, guess what, for these people not only didn’t work but made them worse. The medics hypothesised that this was because the problem was that these people were reacting to an unreasonable (for them) level of change in their lives and that what they needed was stability. So forcing them to do things was just imposing more change, hence making them worse.
So they tested it by allowing a small number (six from memory) of people to sit in the corner as long as they wanted. And they found that they got better. As long as the occupational therapy was there, and the patient could see it was there, they would eventually come out and start joining in — but only after they’d sat in the corner stabilising for some while. Unfortunately I can’t now find the reference to this work and I don’t know if anyone has followed it up with a properly controlled study.
I realised quite a while ago that my depression was almost always of the Overload type and that making me do things didn’t work. The more I have to do, and the more things change under my feet, the more likely I am to drop into depression. So if I’m feeling fraught, I need less to do. I don’t need more to do. I am always loaded up as much as I can take (and more) so woe betide you if you insist I do more. Which is why people insisting I count calories, go to the gym, cut the grass, whatever, don’t get very far and don’t help me. This is why when I first started having hypnotherapy I told my hypnotherapist (a) I don’t count things, and (b) my obesity and my depression are inextricably linked. Nonetheless he had to learn both the hard way.
One of the other things I’ve noticed over the years is that sometimes, if I have a lot on and I’m feeling anxious, I’ll have a five minute panic. For instance, if I’m going out to yet another meeting I don’t want to, I’ll sit on the bed while getting dressed and panic; not cope; quietly go into meltdown. But after a few minutes I can come out (I usually have to as the clock is ticking on), put my shoes on and cope.
If I don’t come out I go into a proper panic attack and depression and then have to start bailing out of doing things, which is what happened a couple of weeks ago. It’s real “I can’t cope with this and this and this and that. What can I bin so I can recover?”.
Now I’m not pretending that Despair and Overload are black and white. Nor that Do and Sit are. Clearly there is a spectrum of greys here; a continuum. But I suspect that most depressives will be predominantly one way or the other. But it does seem to me that Do will tend to align with Despair, Sit with Overload. That looks logical.
I’m also not pretending any of this is necessarily new but it was an interesting voyage of discovery. I’d be very interested if any of this has actually ever been properly tested, in controlled studies.
And there remains too a necessity for appropriate drug treatment as this often provides some initial respite and a gateway to allow recovery to start.

Pussy Porn

I thought we’d have some more pussy porn, after all the internetz is reserved for pussy innit. So here is Tilly the Kitten — some kitten at 24 weeks! — reclining this morning on my desk. She has a promising career ahead as a paperweight — when she’s not being a demolition specialist, that is!

Click the images for larger views on Flickr
Tilly as Paperweight
I can look quite cute and asleep when I want to
Tilly Washing
Let’s just have a quick wash
Tilly Green Eyes
And now here’s my regal portrait